Don't Speak
by xX-Misty
Summary: After years of torment at his hands, Alex, Gene and the team prepare to attend Keats's trial, determined to see him lose his power forever but with the key to his conviction trapped under his spell the team know that they have a terrifyingly difficult task ahead of them. Can they make sure the courts tear Keats to shreds before he does the same to their fight and their soul?
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

It wasn't as though Gene couldn't tie his own tie, it was just that she wanted to do it for him. It was a gesture. Love. Support. Unity. They were three things that Alex and Gene always shared but never more so than on a day that held such fear, yet so much promise too. Alex straightened the tie as she looked Gene in the eye.

"There. All done," she said quietly.

"You think I'll convince them on the power of me formalwear?" Gene asked, raising one eyebrow slightly.

"I'm hoping we've got more convincing evidence on our side that your suit," Alex told him as she dusted down his sleeves, removing imaginary lint. She knew that she was just looking for distraction. She couldn't help it. The nature of the day was too daunting. She needed to take her mind off it in any way necessary. Dusting the arms of Gene's suit was just one such method. She'd already polished the salt pot, ironed a handkerchief and learnt the order of the musicians appearing in the BBC '_Perfect Day'_ advert.

"We've got plenty, Bolly." Gene told her as he pulled on his tie and loosened her handiwork a little, "mark my words. That arsebox isn't going to know what hit him. Except maybe my knuckles if he gets too close."

Alex frowned.

"_Arsebox?"_

"Testing out some new insults."

Alex nodded incredulously and turned to the mirror to check her reflection. She looked pretty much as she expected – scared out of her mind. She wasn't sure she's ever been more anxious in her life. The day of the start of Keats's trial had finally arrived and it had been a long time coming. Now he was answering to so many charges that Alex wondered if he was trying to fill out the _I Spy Book of Serious Crimes; _get 2 points for committing GBH, 5 for rape, 10 for murder and a bonus point every time he slips a little something in your drink.

So much was riding on this trial. It was about more than trying to put Keats in jail – the vital part was to rid him of his title. After all, without that step he could just slip out of his cell through whatever strange and ethereal method he had used to get out of prison in the past. But if that title was taken from him then his power would be too and his hold over Fenchurch West, Kim and anyone else he came into contact with would fade to nothing.

Alex swallowed. She looked pale and scared but there was also a look of determination in her eye. _Good_. She was glad that showed through because it was strong and getting stronger all the time. She turned to Gene.

"I'm ready," she told him.

Gene nodded.

"Makes two of us," he said, and with a deep breath he prepared himself for the day ahead. "Come on, Bolly. The courts are waiting. Let's go and do our noble duty."

He held out his arm and nervously Alex took it with her slightly trembling hand. The day scared her more than anything in living memory but together they were going to come through it. They had no choice. This wasn't Keats's time to shine. They would make sure of that.

~xXx~

Simon stared anxiously at Robin as he watched him shovelling another spoon of Cheerios into his mouth and staring down into his bowl. He could smell stale alcohol in the air. He tried to ignore it at first but as time went on it worried him more and more. It wasn't the first time he'd smelt it, or seen Robin knocking back Alka Seltzer, or struggling to get up in the morning.

He stirred the last few cornflakes around in the bottom of his bowl as he asked awkwardly,

"Are you having a shower before we go?"

Robin swallowed his Cheerios.

"Why?"

Simon hesitated.

"Just thought… you know… going to court," he swallowed, "I can smell a bit of…_ you know," _he swallowed, aware that Robin was staring at him. "The smell of alcohol," he finally said, "might not make the best impression."

He cringed, expecting an angry retaliation and denial, he was as sure as hell that he'd have done so when he was drinking, but Robin just didn't have the fight left in him.

"I'm not on the stand today," he said very quietly.

Simon stared at him again, shaking his head slightly. The last month had seen the Robin he knew change beyond all recognition. Following Alex and Gene's discovery of a blank, numb Kim at Fenchurch West they had gone to the hospital to talk to him about it. His confusion and devastation at their news had sent him into such a state of devastation that he'd had to be sedated all over again. He couldn't understand what they were telling him; that after all his work to bring Kim back out of the evil shell that the station had built around her she had become something unrecognisable.

It had taken everything the hospital could throw at him to make Robin stay for at least one night, even with a small skull fracture. By the next morning he was refusing to stay put any longer and talked his way out of hospital. He'd made his intentions to stand up in court and testify against Keats for another bout of violent behaviour perfectly clear. Within hours of being discharged he was on the doorstep of Fenchurch West demanding to see Kim, to no avail. It wasn't his last visit either.

Constantly removed from the premises, he failed to gain access to any of the places he felt her likely to be and finally he'd started trying to call her instead. Both Simon and Alex had tried repeatedly to calm him down but the more they tried the angrier he got. When finally he took the desperate measure of organising a raid on Fenchurch West by the Canine division he was left devastated beyond words as Kim _finally_ saw him, only to tell him that they were over and she never wanted to see him again. Repeated, cruel denials of her feelings for him ripped his heart in two.

What he didn't see was the collapse of her façade as she returned to her office and a tiny trace of herself escaped. She wept hysterically as she begged helplessly for Robin to forgive her to an empty room, crying to the walls that she was trying to keep him safe by sending him away before her hysterics finally brought her to her knees with a violent purging of the contents of her stomach, after which Keats was quick to offer a glass of water to help her _feel better._ Even though she knew what was in the water there was a part of her that knew a medicated haze was better than the raw pain of remembering what she had done, and so she drank it down and waited for the numbness to overtake her once again. She'd already seen Keats crack his skull with minimal effort. She was terrified of Robin being hurt again.

In the weeks that followed Robin went into himself. He was rarely seen anywhere but his office or his bedroom. The smell of stale alcohol clung to him day after day. At work he kept up a wholly professional front and no one would have been any the wiser if it wasn't for the slight scent of brandy.

"Have you," Simon cleared his throat awkwardly, "_seen Jake lately?"_

The look on Robin's face answered the question before his words did.

"That ship has sunk," Robin said quietly.

Simon felt awkward.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. While he still felt saddened by the way that he and Robin had parted Simon's desperation to return to a relationship had passed and now he saw his best friend falling apart. For a short time Jake had put a smile back on Robin's face. That had all but disappeared by now.

Robin was unaware of Jake's presence in his hospital room as he had frantically cried for Kim. He didn't have a clue that Jake had heard every word of his loving description of his passionate afternoon on the desk with her. In the days that followed Jake had been conspicuous by his absence in the line of people who had visited Robin during his week of enforced sick leave and when he finally sought him out, relieved and lifted to see his face, Jake had immediately shot a second bullet through Robin's broken heart with the words;

"_I think we should keep things professional, Sir."_

Never before had the word 'sir' been a kick to the face.

Jake had never given Robin a proper, nor truthful explanation for his sudden change of heart and as Robin's fight had already been all but killed he merely accepted it and walked away to cry into a glass instead.

"Maybe it's for the best," Robin said almost in a whisper as Simon sipped his coffee, "maybe we were never really going anywhere. He's too shy."

"Uh, look who's talking," Simon pointed out.

"_Exactly,"_ Robin shrugged a little, "I'm almost as bad as he is. One of us should have some guts. Otherwise we'll never get anywhere."

Simon nodded slowly. Even though he knew that Robin was covering for his true feelings he could see sense behind his words.

"I suppose," he said. He stared nervously into his mug. There was something he needed to say and he knew Robin wasn't going to like it. The timing couldn't have been much worse, if he was honest, but he'd already been putting it off for three days. "Rob?"

Robin slightly rubbed his temples.

"Hmm?"

Simon hesitated.

"You know I got the all clear from the doctor last week?" he said, "Got my driving license back and everything?"

"Yeah?"

Simon took a deep breath.

"I was thinking," he began, "that maybe I should," he closed his eyes for a moment, "move back home." He stopped talking, waiting for Robin to reply. When he didn't, Simon opened his eyes and risked a glance in his direction. There was a slight panic about him as though Simon had thrown him with that decision. "I mean, I've been really glad of the company and you've been looking after me so well," he licked his lips involuntarily, "I'd really missed your cooking." His slightly thicker waistline could confirm that much. "But I think I need to get back on my own two feet. You know… be independent…" he shuffled awkwardly in his seat as he saw Robin looking downhearted, "I need my own bed, I think I've had as much sofa as my back can take." He paused again and swallowed. "You could… probably use some space too," he said, not really sure of he was saying the right thing or not, "after all that's happened. I'm always here, you've got no space to think." Robin still hadn't said anything. "You... you don't mind… do you?"

Robin swallowed slightly awkwardly.

"No," he said stiffly, "course not. You need your space and I need mine. Why would you want to hang around with a misery guts like me any longer than you have to?" He closed his eyes for a moment and rubbed his head as Simon cautiously asked.

"Hangover?"

Robin opened his eyes and shot him a brie glare.

"Think I've got a migraine coming on," he murmured, knowing he was covering for nothing.

Simon remained quiet as he helped Robin clear away from breakfast and get ready to head to court. The path Robin had started to walk was a familiar one to Simon, but no one had been able to help him when he started that journey so how was he supposed to know how to help Robin?

~xXx~

Kim's eyes flew open and she sat bolt upright in bed. Her face drained of all its colour as she gasped in a long, staggered breath and clutched her chest while her heart thumped and thrashed away inside of it. Her eyes were open so wide that her eyeballs started to sting from the chilly morning air and a scream stayed on the edge of her tongue, desperately trying to break forth from within. She knew she would have ten… maybe twelve seconds at the most of lucid thought before the strange haze would take over and she would be unable to truly think for herself again.

They were few and far between, those lucid moments where for a fleeting instant she knew exactly what was happening and that she needed desperately to break away but before she could do anything the fog would come down over her mind and like the subject of stage hypnotism show she would fall back under the spell that Keats, his air and his eyes had weaved over her. Once again she was controlled by his desires. And for the last month life had been that way.

She only knew because of the nightmares; the terrible memories that came forth in her slumber. If it wasn't for those then she may never have known that her life was no longer her own. He kept her a prisoner in her own mind, trapped by a veil of control that was almost invisible to her. She would remember little to nothing as she left her house and travelled to work, then came back home again when the day was done. At least, not until the nightmares began again.

Visions of _him_, his dark hair and deep eyes; the spectacles that he hid behind, the coat that encased him like a cloak, the stare he fixed upon her, the drinks that he left to pollute her mind and body, the tainted air that crept into her mind and left her unable to wrestle with her own thoughts. He whispered into her ear and spoke right to her soul.

The nightmares would show only flashes; _flesh_, her body laid on the cold floor as she saw his face above her; turning her head away as she felt him right there. She could see him, hear him grunting, hear the words he whispered to her, see his face contort in twisted ecstasy. She knew that every single time he made her believe this was what _she_ wanted just a little more than he had the last. But every day, in that moment of darkest lucidity, the terrible truth ripped open her heart and killed every part of her spirit and her soul.

Sometimes she would wake up screaming Robin's name, but she had already sent him away. Sometimes she would beg for Alex to come to her rescue but the moment would pass and she'd be numb once again. She wished that the evil energy would overtake her again so that she could stand up and be Keats's equal once more but she had broken free of its hold and that was that.

So once again as the memories drifted away and the haze masked the truth she sat there in bed, wondering why her heart was pounding, Soon she would get up and get ready like a drone, then head to work awaiting Keats's presence.

Hell was far more than fire and flame.

~xXx~

Keats tightened his tie and checked his reflection in the broken shards of the bathroom mirror. It had been almost 18 months since his forehead had met with its shiny surface and caused the damage. He'd never replaced it. It reminded him of _that night_. There was more to that night than the blood and the pain of glass through flesh. There had been something that night he would never forget; a man who'd tried desperately to bring out his humanity but failed, just as he did every time. That night had been a first for Keats. First time with a man, yes, but that wasn't the 'first' he remembered it for.

It was the first time that anyone had _wanted_ to.

No pills, no gaze, no gas and air.

Just Simon.

He felt a strange shiver running through his body which he immediately disregarded. It had come from something deeply hidden within him which he wasn't going to let hamper him on this, one of the most important days of his life. He'd tried to outrun it. He'd thought the day would never come. He thought that he could keep it at bay purely because he wanted to, and yet somehow that hadn't happened. The day had arrived.

_Fucking trial._

He drew in a deep breath as he stared at himself in the largest remaining fragment of the mirror. He pushed his spectacles further up his nose and began to pull on his smartest suit jacket.

"_Everything is normal,"_ he told himself calmly, "_everything will be fine. Nothing is going to change."_ His stare turned darker as he regarded his reflection seriously. "One week. Seven simple little days and everything will be back in its rightful place." He nodded to himself and turned around, repeating his affirmations all the way out of his flat and out to his car.

The battle of good Vs. evil had found a new battleground; a court of law.

Building a cage for Satan was no easy feat but for the first time the blueprints were in place.

Court was in session.

_**~xXx~**_

_**A/N: This fic follows Candle in the Wind; set one month later on the first day of Keats's long awaited trial. Please take your seat in court and no throwing things at the defendant – save them for the lawyer for the defence… *cough***_

_**Huge thanks to Jessie for helping me pick the title from the 5 I couldn't choose between, I think I'm running out of good music from 1997 to snaffle the titles from! But this one is very fitting, in more ways than one. The rating might rise to M towards the end of the story, but for now a more pressing concern is that I need to issue a severe beard warning for the next chapter. Please come armed with razors and, where necessary, chaperoned by Geoff. Do I need to warn about a possible return from Simon's jumper as well?**_

_**Disclaimers aplenty, of course I don't own Ashes to Ashes it wouldn't be fan fiction if I did. Kim on the other hand is all mine, hands off Keats!**_

_**The next chapter will probably be up on new year's day so unless I sneak one in tomorrow have a very happy new year and I wish everyone great things for 2013 x**_


	2. Chapter 1: Don't look at the Devil

_**A/N: ARGH! I actually did get this written yesterday with the intention of updating one last time in 2012 but then I got side tracked and didn't get it edited in time to post it! Nevertheless I wish you all a very happy new year and I hope 2013 has started well for everyone! X**_

**~xXx~**

**Chapter One**

It wasn't the first time that Gene had given evidence in court by any stretch of the imagination but it was the most personal. It was also the most important. He felt his guts churning as he paced up and down outside the courtroom, hands in pockets, expression grim. He'd been to the toilet four times already. He'd also counted the floor tiles three times. Worryingly he came out with a different result every time.

"Gene."

He didn't usually allow nerves to get the better of him but this was one time that they were going nowhere. He couldn't shake them off. Even a crafty nip of scotch hadn't helped. In fact, half a bottle probably wouldn't have helped. Nothing was going to settle his nerves this time. Not when he knew what was coming.

"_Gene."_

The part that frustrated him the most was the fact that none of his team would be there to support him because every last one was going to be called as a witness and none were allowed in the courtroom until they'd had their turn in the stand. On the flipside it meant that he was going to be there to support everybody else, Alex included, but being the first one to give evidence was going to be a lonely and nerve-wracking option.

"_Gene!"_

Finally Gene stopped pacing and looked at Alex's slightly annoyed expression.

"_What?"_ he cried.

"You've already working a hole in the floor," she told him, "why don't you try sitting down?"

"Because me legs have other ideas," Gene said as he completed his current lap. He put a hand to his stomach as he felt his insides flip-flop again. "Bugger, I wish nature would stop calling, it's gonna run up a huge bloody phone bill."

"Oh, not the toilet again," Alex sighed.

"Don't know why _you're_ complaining!" Gene told her, "I've heard about the standard of yer female lavatorial facilities, at least you don't get bloody arse-sandpaper in there!"

Alex froze as a door opened and a serious-looking gentleman began to walk toward them.

"Gene," she said quietly, "I don't think you've got time for any more sandpapering."

Gene swallowed and felt his limbs turning slightly weak. His eyes closed momentarily and he took in a deep breath as he heard his name being called. After months of waiting the moment had arrived. This was it. Now or never.

"Right," he set his jaw into a firm, straight line and looked Alex in the eye. "Time to pick out wallpaper patterns for Jimbo's cell.

"Good luck, Gene," Alex whispered, sounding slightly tearful as she wrapped her arms around his neck for a moment.

"DCI Gene Hunt?"

Gene took one last, very deep breath before he turned around and nodded.

"I suppose me arse can wait five minutes," he mumbled.

~xXx~

Gene very carefully kept his eyes away from the smug face that he knew was staring at him. Throughout the time he was being sworn in he could feel that rotten gaze falling in his direction. It burned his skin like a magnifying glass catching the sun on a hot summer day. He focused instead on knowing that this might be the most important day's work he was ever going to do in his life. The future of so much rested on this; his station, his world, his team. He thought about what the bastard in the dock had put Alex through and he wanted to kill him, right there and then. There was also someone conspicuous by her absence; someone who Gene – despite his grumbles – knew didn't belong in Fenchurch West. Whatever she might have poached of his, be it his scotch or his missus, there was a niggling feeling in the back of his mind that Kim belonged in Fenchurch East.

"DCI Hunt," The lawyer for the prosecution began, "Could you please describe for the court the events that you witnessed in Fenchurch West police station on the morning in question?"

Gene swallowed and stared across the courtroom.

"I was visiting me _esteemed colleagues_ at Fenchurch West," he said, a sarcastic note in his voice, "and making me way up from the basement when I heard the sound of screaming. A woman. Then I heard a," he let his eyes dart to Keats for a split second, "_distinctive male voice," _he continued, "making some vague threats of sex and violence." He grunted, "bit like his movie collection."

"DCI Hunt, please keep to the facts."

Gene scowled.

"If I must."

"What happened after you heard the screams and the threatening voice?"

Gene felt his blood boiling as he recalled the moments that followed.

"I ran down the corridor," he began, "followed the voice and turned the corner. That's when I saw 'im."

"Saw who?"

Gene turned fully to Keats this time, jamming his head in his direction.

"_Him,"_ he spat, "Detective Chief Inspector Jim Keats."

And what was Mister Keats doing?"

Gene flinched as he felt genuinely sick at the memory.

"He had a woman on the floor," he said flatly, "pinned her down. Parked his backside on her. Leaning over her."

"Did you recognise this woman?"

Gene nodded.

"Yes," he said, "it was his bloody _DI." _He spat the words out in Keats's direction, "Victoria Stone." He could hardly bring himself to carry on but somehow managed to tell the jury; "he asked her if she _liked it rough."_

"What do you think he meant by that?"

"I don't have to _think_, I _know_. He has a track record of introducing Little Jimbo into places he's not wanted"

"Can you be more specific?"

Gene didn't want to be, but he didn't have a choice.

"I strongly suspect," he hissed, "that DCI Keats was about to _remove her lower garments _and commit a serious sexual assault to add to the count of ABH that I'd just witnessed."

"What did you do?"

"What would _anyone_ do? Grabbed him by the Armani suit and pulled him off the poor tart. Punched him. Held him long enough for DI Stone to make a quick getaway. No wonder she felt safer with a bloody _drug_ baron than she did with her own superior."

"What happened next?"

Gene pulled a slight face.

"Might have introduced a knee to his knackers," he said, "possibly jammed a fist into his flabby guts."

"_Objection!"_ A furious Keats cried out, "My guts are not flabby!"

"DCI Keats, you are not entitled to make objections," the judge warned him.

The lawyer decided to take back control of the situation.

"Following your skirmish with DCI Keats, what happened?"

Gene sighed.

"Security were looming. I decided to leave. I had charges to file," he turned to Keats with a steely stare, "didn't I, Jimbo?"

"DCI Hunt, please refrain from threatening the defendant?" the judge warned.

"That wasn't a threat," Gene mumbled but turned away regardless.

The lawyer looked on seriously.

"You have a long history with DCI Keats," he began, "is that right?"

Gene swallowed.

"Unfortunately, yes," he said, wrinkling his nose as though someone had just broken a few rotten eggs in the corner of the room.

"Can you tell us a little about your history with the defendant?"

Gene flexed his fingers and wrists as though he was about to sit down and play a haunting refrain on the piano then gripped the sides of the stand like a politician making a speech.

"With pleasure," he said.

"When did you fist meet DCI Keats?"

"Nineteen eighty three, as a member of D and C," Gene pulled himself as tall as he could, "supposed to be investigating practices within me department," he enunciated every word as though performing in a play, "Instead he poisoned me team against me and caused a crapload of damage to the premises," he scowled at Keats who smiled back politely, "including to a top of the range typewriter." He turned back to the lawyer. "Like a bad penny he turned up again in eighty five," he flinched momentarily remembering the brief, painful parting from Alex as Simon arrived the first time around before she made her way back from the pub, "Set me up. Bribed the new DI into leaving me a little white, powdery surprise. Then he set about filling the air with noxious substances to persuade me better half," he rolled his eyes, "that's DCI Drake, into letting Little Jimbo go for an afternoon outing. Luckily it didn't work."

"You are saying that DCI Keats drugged DCI Drake with the intention of having sexual intercourse with her?"

"Exactly what I'm saying," Gene nodded forcefully, "He topped off that exemplary behaviour by attacking a young DC called Susannah Kite." He felt sick as he recalled that day, "but luckily his… injuries from being hit by a car overcame him." Gene neglected to mention the disappearing gunshot wound to Keats's head. "Ended up being carted away under a black blanket." He took a deep breath. "We assumed the _gentleman_ had passed away. Ten lovely quiet years, we had. Then he turned up again as the head of Fenchurch West CID. Began a campaign of nuisance against my officers. Little messages and tokens of his esteem. Things to try to make them leave me team."

"Was there a particular focus for this pattern of behaviour?" the lawyer asked.

"Funnily enough, there was," Gene sent a stony glare toward Keats, "DC Kimberley Stringer, as she was at the time. Bastard in the dock got himself obsessed with her. Wasn't just enough to persuade her to do his dirty work, he got her _doing_ the dirty as well. Few pills here, bit of laughing gas there, poor girl didn't know where her head was."

"What was the nature of the relationship between DCI Keats and DC Stringer?"

"Does it count as a relationship when only one of them is aware they're in one?" Gene muttered. "DCI Keats used a number of unsavoury tactics to persuade Miss Stringer into entertaining his pink, floppy compatriot in the bedroom."

"And how can you be sure that the relationship was not reciprocated on DC Stringer's side?"

Gene sighed and looked somewhat awkward.

"Because," he began tightly, "Metal Mickey prefers munching on carpet to cock."

"_DCI Hunt…"_

Gene rolled his eyes.

"DC Stringer is a person of the homosexual persuasion," he said tightly.

"How did his relationship with DC Stringer come to light?"

"I think the giveaway," Gene began angrily, "was when he tied her up and left her to die in her own home. Luckily Shoebury… DCI Shoebury, had enough brains to go looking." He swallowed as he thought about the events that followed. "DCI Keats was not content with leaving her half-starved and dehydrated. He put a boot in her belly and half an hour after there was blood all over his shiny foyer floor. DC Stringer suffered a miscarriage." His eyes were firmly on Keats as he concluded, "the defendant killed his own offspring."

For the first time Keats seemed uncomfortable. His face twitched anxiously and he looked as though some kind of weird creature was about to burst forth from one eye.

"Was this the last encounter that DC Stringer had with DCI Keats?"

"Unfortunately not," Gene said angrily, "few weeks later he shot her in the neck. Poor sod almost didn't make it. Luckily she's tougher than she looks…" he thought about her myriad piercings and tattoos and changed his mind, "no, she's _as_ tough as she looks. Which is why she survived. But DCI Keats went on to target more of my staff. Bribed them. Blackmailed them. Used anything he had over them. Lovely business practices, that one."

"Can you give us some example?"

Gene could give a shitload.

"Blackmailed DCI Shoebury into transferring to Fenchurch West," he began, "bribed the late DC Ashton into bringing unpleasant packages in the building. Others he targeted with varying degrees of success."

"And the early morning of the second of May," the lawyer continued, "can you describe for us the sequence of events that took place at Fenchurch East police station?"

Gene's blood ran cold. If there was one part he was dreading, this was it.

"I was watching the election coverage with my officers," he began stiffly, "walls started shaking. There was a bang loud enough to clear out a decade of earwax. _Someone,"_ he glared at Keats, "had left a series of exploding surprises in me station. Then the gentleman in the dock hijacked an ambulance and drove away with me missus and the head if the canine division in the back. Robin, he beat to a bloody mess. And Alex," he fell over his words, almost retching in the stand; "DCI Drake was taken to the basement," his voice shook more than he'd ever heard it before, "where she was bound up and raped."

Gene blanched in horror as he saw Keats smirk at the memory while the lawyer offered the jury the forensic evidence that proved the accusation. Gene could only hope and pray that Keats would be locked up at the end of the trial because the alternative would surely leave his knuckles raw for weeks.

"I'm sorry, DCI Hunt, I know this is difficult," the lawyer said with genuine sadness, "I just have one more question for you. In your opinion, do you believe that DCI Drake has been left with permanent damage from the assault?"

Gene felt himself shaking and gripped the stand a little harder.

"In my opinion," he spat, "I think I'm lucky that she's still here. Because a lesser person would have laid down and given up after what he put her through." He looked at the lawyer. "She will never be the same again. But that doesn't stop her fighting."

The lawyer nodded slowly.

"No further questions, your honour."

The judged nodded as the lawyer sat down.

"The defence may now proceed with questioning the witness," he announced and a figure dressed swathed in black got to his feet.

Gene stared at him.

He froze.

He swallowed.

The defence lawyer scratched his beard.

"_Oh bollocks,"_ Gene whispered.


	3. Chapter 2: Don't look at the Beard

**Chapter Two**

Gene turned an extremely pale shade and swallowed very hard indeed. Of all the people he had never expected Evan White to represent Keats. He threw Keats a glare and found the evil one looking like he'd just eaten a large slice of exquisite chocolate cake.

"DCI Hunt," Evan began, his beard on display for all to see, "let's begin with the charge that you are actually called as a witness for. The alleged assault on DI Victoria Stone. Your statement says that you found the defendant sitting on top of the alleged victim, threatening her."

"That's correct," Gene said stiffly.

"A Detective Chief Inspector sitting on a Detective Inspector in the middle of the day, in one of the busiest police stations in London," Evan continued, "and you were the only witness?"

Gene felt his anger starting to bubble.

"Not up to me how busy or quiet a stairwell is," he mumbled.

"But to be the _only witness_," Evan continued, "especially considering that you claim you heard screams from down a staircase and along corridor?" he raised an eyebrow. "And yet none of the other hundreds of detectives and officers who were in the building at the time claim to have seen or heard anything."

"Perhaps the station needs to issue compulsory hearing tests," Gene growled

angrily.

"DCI Hunt, what were you _doing_ at Fenchurch West?"

Gene felt a little sick as he thought about the real purpose behind his visit, to fetch a tape from the basement.

"I don't recall exactly," he said, "crossover of cases I expect."

"There's no record of your arrival in the visitor's log."

"I'm a DCI in the nearest station. I do not _need_ to sign in."

"Everyone needs to sign in. In fact, the defendant has explained that measures have been put into place to keep you out of the station," Evan continued, "that you were actually trespassing."

"I saved a woman from taking an _assault!"_ Gene growled, "I think a little sneaking can be excused!"

"So you admit that you gained access to the station illegally?"

"I'm a DCI –"

"- Who did _not_ have permission to enter the station," Evan raised an eyebrow, "am I correct?"

Gene breathed in and out very slowly. He flared his nostrils in anger as he finally conceded.

"Yes, _Sir_. I may have entered without permission. So sue me."

Evan gave a small smile.

"The defendant and I will discuss that possibility later," he said causing a thunderous glare from Gene. "My client has expressed the worry that you are personally victimising him and have been over a number of years."

A slight explosive laugh came from Gene, even though it wasn't really funny.

"I bloody hope you're joking."

"Is it true that you developed an instant dislike for him when you saw an immediate bond developing between himself and your partner, Alex Drake?"

"No," Gene began. "I developed an instant dislike for him when I saw immediate evidence he was a _twat."_

"DCI Hunt, if you continue to use obscene language then I will have no option but to hold you in contempt of court," the judge warned and Gene saw a little smirk light up Keats's face out of the corner of his eye.

"No, _your greatness,"_ Gene gave a mock curtsey to Evan which the judge mysteriously allowed through without comment, "there is no vendetta against Jimbo. The opposite is true."

"So it isn't true that your previously solid working relationship with DI Drake began to crumble when my client started to work closely with her?"

Gene swallowed.

"_DCI,"_ he corrected, avoiding the question, "she's a DCI now."

Evan gave a smarmy smile.

"Of course she is," he said, "but regarding your relationship…"

"DCI Drake and I are solid," Gene said gruffly, "always had been."

"And what about your son?"

Gene's brow furrowed as he tried to work out what to say.

"I… _eh?" _

"DCI Hunt, what are your feelings on homosexuality?"

Gene could feel his face starting to redden as he gripped the stand a little harder.

"Funny time for you to decide to come out, _Mister White,"_ he said crossly.

"Is it true that your vendetta against my client worsened when you discovered that he was having a sexual relationship with your son?" Evan said plainly.

Gene's stare switched to Keats who was smiling away as though he didn't have a care in the world. Gene could not believe what was happening for a moment. What the hell was Keats _playing_ at? Why would he want anyone to know about that? But as he looked upon that smug face he realised that Keats simply had no sexuality of his own beyond being _using-sex-to-get-what-he-wants-from-other-people-sexual._ In this case, turning Simon's drunken mistake against him in the worst possible way. His mouth felt very dry suddenly as he tried to work out what to say.

"Simon Shoebury," he began stiffly, "is a grown man who makes his own mistakes. Didn't even know he had any part of me DNA until _long_ after Jimbo got any part of his anatomy near him."

"But it's true that you have a history of homophobic behaviour?"

"_Objection,"_ the lawyer for the prosecution stood up, "this has no bearing on the case whatsoever."

"DCI Hunt's statement has enough inconsistencies to suggest that it's a fabrication," Evan addressed the judge, "I'm attempting to establish the reasons behind the long running animosity between these two gentlemen and the reasons he has for disliking my client."

The judge considered.

"DCI Hunt, you may answer the question," he said, leaving Gene to flinch.

"Goody," he mumbled. Silence fell for several moments until Gene volunteered, "I would if I could remember what his flaming question even _was."_

"Are you homophobic, DCI Hunt?" Evan asked severely.

"Very phobic, I jump up screaming onto me chair every time Shoebury comes into the office."

"DCI Hunt you are _very_ close to being held in contempt of court," The judge warned, "you are well aware of the etiquette in court."

Gene set his expression hard and angry. He was losing his cool and that was the last thing he needed to do but he couldn't help it. He hated Evan with a passion and the combination of Evan trying to keep Keats out of prison was getting him riled up like nothing on earth.

"I," he began, but his throat felt clogged. He had to clear it quite severely before he could carry on, "I'm of a different Generation, Mister White. Some of me values don't quite meet with the politically correct world that Ben Elton and the BBC want to show off."

"So that's a yes?" Evan asked but Gene wasn't finished.

"But that's the good thing about having a mind of me own," he continued, "not only do I get to form opinions, I get to change them too. That's one of me benefits of being a human being." He looked Evan in the eye. "I'm not going to go painting rainbows on the back of me car. But I couldn't care less where Jimbo sticks his minibeast. The only thing that makes me see red," he turned his glare to Keats, "is that he usually does it without getting bloody permission first."

Keats squirmed momentarily under Gene's stare but luckily for him Evan moved on and Gene turned away.

"Alright," Evan began, "let's go back to your first meeting with my client. Could you tell the jury what brought DCI Keats to your station in nineteen eighty three?"

"He was from D and C," Gene began stiffly, "discipline and complaints."

"DCI Keats was there to investigate the matter of you shooting your DI at the time," Evan reminded him, "DI Drake. Is that right?"

Gene swallowed, the memory hurting as much as it always had. She no longer bore the scar; instead her younger, tattooed body served as less of a reminder than the wound itself but he had never forgiven himself for the stray shot.

"Your _client_ found me clear of any wrongdoing in that incident," he said.

"So can you explain to me why DCI Keats felt the need to stay on for several weeks to investigate working practices within your department?"

Gene closed his eyes for a second.

"No idea," he said, "maybe he liked the smell of me aftershave."

"DCI Hunt…"

Gene let out his breath slowly.

"It was a very long time ago," he said through gritted teeth, "I don't recall."

"According to my client he found a number of… _inconsistencies_ in the paperwork and practices within CID going back to the date of your arrival."

Gene sucked on the inside of his cheek.

"Well then," he began, "if that's what Jimbo says it must be true."

"A number of your team left CID as DCI Keats concluded his investigation, is that right?"

Gene hung his head slightly as his chest began to feel very heavy. Memories of Ray, Chris and Shaz walking towards the Railway Arms filled his head and he couldn't fight the pangs of sadness that got to him. He knew that it was part of his job. That didn't mean that he didn't hate it sometimes though. He missed them all.

"DI Ray Carling, DC Chris Skelton and WPC Sharon Granger –"

"DC," Gene interrupted, "DC Sharon Granger."

"Really?" Evan frowned, "there was no record of her transfer according to the paperwork I acquired from your station." He watched Gene who stood there struggling for a logical explanation. The horrible fact began to dawn upon Gene that in just a few days' time an alternative Shaz would be standing right where he was, on the stand, giving evidence. What if Evan pulled this out of the bag? Shaz's situation was unique; a saved alternative version of someone who had spent time in his world? That was a one off. He remembered the fiasco with the pub when Alex saved Shaz's life the last time. He didn't want to let Nelson loose in London all over again.

"Perhaps the papers did not go through before she decided to leave," Gene said through gritted teeth.

Evan continued.

"Let's move on to some of your other claims about the behaviour of my client. You described his relationship with a member of your team in nineteen ninety five, a DC Kimberley Stringer."

Gene grunted.

"_Kim," _he said, "hated anyone using that name." he glared at Keats. "Hated _him_ using that name."

"According to you, DCI Keats used medication and nitrous oxide to persuade Miss Stringer into having sexual intercourse with him on a number of occasions."

"He's got his own line in bloody pharmaceuticals."

"There is no record of any charges being brought against my client for such terrible crimes."

Gene closed his eyes.

"The poor girl just wanted to forget everything. Can't say as I blame her."

"And according to you there's no chance that the relationship and my clients' feelings for DC Stringer could have been reciprocated as DC Stringer is gay. Is that right?"

"Yes."

"And yet," Evan continued, his confidence spilling over, "a number of people have indicated that they are aware of a long term relationship recently breaking down between Kimberley Stringer and Police Chief Inspector Robin Thomas," he gave a twitch of smile, "My client's half-brother." The smugness of the beard went up several notches.

"I tell my officers what to do in the office, not in their bedroom," Gene said, terrified to admit that he felt out of his depth, "you'll have to ask her about that."

"Oh, I would. If she was here," Evan continued. "Tell me, DCI Hunt, where is Kimberley Stringer working now?"

Gene swallowed and felt like he could throw up at any moment. He hated to admit it with every bone in his body but Evan was good.

"I wouldn't know," he hissed through gritted teeth.

"She's working at Fenchurch West CID," Evan reminded him, "under my client. Isn't she?"

Gene's anger rose.

"Apparently so."

"It seems strange that someone who, according to your statement, had been drugged, raped and manipulated by my client over a number of months should be working for him two years on." He stared Gene in the eye, "don't you agree?"

Gene shook. He could feel his watertight case beginning to spring a leak.

"Very strange," he said tightly "perhaps you need to check her water supply for unpleasant substances."

Evan turned to the judge looking as pleased as Keats finding a whole new canister of Nitrous Oxide.

"No further questions, your honour."

As Gene was dismissed from the stand and led from the courtroom a darkness fell over his senses. He knew the court case wasn't going to be a walk in the park but the complication of Evan acting on Keats's behalf had upped the stakes.

"_Why do I suddenly feel like me whole world's on trial too?"_ he mumbled.


	4. Chapter 3: Don't get Caught

**Chapter Three**

Gene made a beeline for Alex the second he stepped outside the courtroom. He was fairly sure he looked six shades paler then she'd seen him that morning.

"_Bolly,"_ he said darkly as she turned around from the conversation she was having with Robin and saw his stare looking anxious.

_"Gene,"_ she said, a little surprised, "What are you –"

"Think we need to have a word," Gene said glancing around.

"I'm fairly sure that will be frowned upon," Alex hissed, aware that she'd not yet given evidence.

"We need to have a word before me ceiling turns into the starlight ballroom," he told her pointedly and she exchanged a worried glance with Robin.

"Alright," she said quietly as she let him lead her a step or two away. She folded her arms anxiously and looked at him. "What is it, Gene?" she whispered, "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"The dead are the easy ones to cope with," Gene sighed heavily and moved a little closer. "Keats has something more than legal backing on his side."

"What do you mean?" Alex asked worriedly.

"He's employed a man with a chin warner to keep him out of jail."

"Pardon?"

Gene closed his eyes.

"You remember your old friend _Mister White?"_ he looked at her again in time to see her expression falling, "seems he's lent his services to our erstwhile friend Jimbo."

Alex's mouth fell open by an inch as the full shock of Gene's words began to filter through.

"Please tell me this is a bad joke," she whispered.

"If I was joking would me face look like this?" Gene pointed to his shaken expression, "I don't frown like this for fun you know, putting wrinkles in me flawless complexion."

Alex swallowed, her heart starting to race as she leaned heavily against the wall, trying to process the news. _"Shit,"_ she whispered. She turned to him, her eyes wide. "Gene, do you realise what this means, don't you?"

Gene nodded grimly.

"He's not become a beard model yet," he said, "got the chance to stop him in his tracks. Shave the bastard." He paused. "It's the beard equivalent of killing Hitler."

"Gene, he could _recognise_ me," Alex cried as Gene tried to shush her. She glanced around guiltily and saw Robin looking on anxiously as well as a couple of random people staring. She turned quickly back to Gene and started chewing on her fingernails. "Shit." She looked him in the eye. "Right here… now… I'm not a kid any more. There's no _way_ that he won't see the resemblance."

Gene nodded grimly.

"I know," he said.

"Plus there's the small matter of me not aging at all since he saw me in nineteen eighty one!" Alex whispered desperately, "how am I supposed to explain _that?"_

"Tell him you've got a bloody fantastic plastic surgeon," Gene suggested, "which is what we could do with to get you past yer little familiarity issue."

"This isn't a joking matter!" Alex cried.

"Believe me, Bolly, that's not what I'm doing," Gene told her seriously.

"How is he even allowed to represent Keats when we're both witnesses?" Alex hissed.

"Beats me, Bolly," he shook his head, "either a couple of run-ins sixteen years ago isn't worth much in the grand scheme of things or…"

Alex stared at him.

"Or what?" she whispered.

Gene exhaled loudly.

"Or Jimbo's got more support from this world than the four walls of his station."

Alex shuddered as she looked Gene in the eye. Had Keats's power really grown so strong that the whole world was geared towards his protection by any means necessary? Keats was unrecognisable from the man who'd arrived in 1983 to investigate Gene's accidental shooting of Alex. Back then he seemed human. Nasty, conniving, but human. Now he was something unworldly that seemed unstoppable.

"Bolly," Gene's words pulled her from her dark thoughts he laid his hand against her arm and looked her in the eye, "doesn't matter what or who Jimbo has on his side. We're going to get the better of him this time. First things first, you won't be called today. Might not even be called tomorrow. We've got time. Emergency hairdressing appointment. Pair of glasses maybe. Whatever it takes. What does Prototype-Bolly nineteen ninety-seven look like?"

Alex breathed out slowly.

"My hair was long… plain," she said quietly, "I didn't have time or money to do very much with my appearance. Molly was young and Peter was long gone. Evan…" she frowned a little, "Evan didn't take very many cases around this time. He was helping me get back on my feet. Looking after Molly. I was training… looking to start my new career, police psychologist." She hesitated. "What… what _is_ Evan even doing on this case?" she paused. "He only took cases where the money…"

She didn't even need to finish that sentence.

"Got it." Gene nodded, "Jimbo's getting flash with the cash." He shook his head. "Doesn't matter anyway, Bols. Disguise for you, sharp words for Mister White. You have the advantage here, lady B. You know the weirdy beardy better than anyone. You'll be more prepared for his questions than me."

"Gene, I don't think so," Alex said quietly, "He's good. I mean, he was _really_ good at his job." She paused. "Until he decided to let his chin seek the limelight."

"Doesn't matter. We're better. Because there's two of us. At the end of the day all it takes is a razor to part Evan from his pride and joy. Takes more than that to break us apart."

Alex knew that the situation was dark, depressing and dangerous but she felt warmed and comforted by Gene's words and felt herself gravitate towards him so he had no choice but to embrace her momentarily. If he was honest he needed the hug as much as she did. His time in the stand had shaken him so deeply and he knew that the others still had that to come. But they'd get through it. They had to. A beard wasn't going to get the better of Fenchurch East CID.

~xXx~

Robin felt his heart sink as he watched the warmth and affection between Alex and Gene; a hand on the arm, a smile, the reassuring eye contact and the awkward but comforting hug. He swallowed and turned away, shaking his head just a little. How long had it been since he'd had that? The days when he and Kim only needed to exchange a glance to know what one another were feeling were long gone. The days when her hand on his arm or the smile on her lips brought him reassurance and strength were far back in the past.

The cold sensation inside of him as he thought about her harsh words and refusal to see him made him want to run screaming from the building. He tried desperately to find a distraction, a friendly face; someone or something to take his mind away from Kim. He glanced around the crowd and caught Jake's eye. He tried to smile but Jake simply nodded back coldly and turned away.

Robin shook his head angrily. What the fuck had he even _done?_ He couldn't take much more. He felt lonely, depressed and desperate and there seemed to be no end to it. He watched as Alex and Gene moved apart with a last comforting hand on one another's arms as Alex moved along to talk to someone else leaving Gene leaning against the wall, looking as though he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Slowly Robin began to move across to him, having a funny feeling he was going to regret this.

"Gene."

A rather perturbed looking Gene turned to Robin.

"You up next, Batman?" he asked.

Robin sighed quietly.

"Yeah… maybe. They said I won't be called until tomorrow though." He closed his eyes momentarily, "Gene, have you brought…" he paused nervously.

"What?" Gene frowned."

Robin glanced down at Gene's pocket and saw a slight shape protruding through the material.

"Give me some of your scotch," he hissed, his cheeks flushing a little.

"Beg your pardon, Batman?"

Robin felt like a naughty schoolboy asking for alcohol.

_"Please?"_ he hissed, "I know you've got it."

"Bringing alcohol into a court of law? What do you think I am?"

Robin pulled a face.

"I think you're Gene Hunt," he said, "and you'll have alcohol in a court of law."

Gene sighed witheringly.

"Don't think it's a good idea for you to be drinking today," he said, "besides, I thought you only drank cat's piddle." Robin looked at him blankly. "_Brandy."_

"I do," Robin seemed extremely awkward, "I just need," his eyes flickered to Jake whose back was deliberately turned to him, "I just need… _something."_

"Yeah you and me both," Gene mumbled, "but if they call you in and you end up sozzled on the stand our case is finished."

"I'm not going to be called in and I'm not going to be sozzled," Robin said crossly, "I just want –" he rolled his eyes, "oh, never mind, forget it." He turned and started to stomp away somewhat angrily but Gene found himself relenting. He recalled the questions he'd just been asked and knew that Evan was going to do more than that to Robin. As Keats's half-brother and the lover that allegedly 'proved' Kim 'wasn't gay' he was going to be in for a rougher time than most.

"Batman," Gene called with a sigh. Robin glanced back and saw Gene beckoning him with a sweep of the head.

"What?" he sighed as he returned. Gene turned around to block the view as he surreptitiously removed his flask from his pocket and handed it to Robin.

"_Here,"_ he hissed, "but make it quick and no weaving in the stand."

With a huge sigh of relief Robin took the flask and unscrewed it.

"Oh, thanks Gene," he mumbled before taking a long swig and choking a little on the taste that he hated.

"_Oi,_ I think that's enough," Gene frowned, snatching it back.

Robin panted a little.

"Sorry," he breathed, trying to catch his breath.

"Maybe stick with cat's piddle from now on," Gene frowned as Robin coughed again.

Robin managed to wrestle his spluttering under control and looked at Gene again.

"You look as rough as I feel," he said, "was it bad in there?"

Gene didn't need to confirm that fact to Robin. They both knew it as well as one another.

"Had better days out," Gene told him.

Robin leaned against the wall, wishing that the scotch would get to work on his brain and start numbing his senses.

"Worse when it's not just professional," he mumbled, "worse when it's personal."

Gene nodded.

"Too true, Batman," he said.

Robin looked down, his breath heavy.

"Last time I was in court… for something more than a police case… it was back _over there_. The real world." He flinched, "Evan… was in the dock."

Gene felt a dreadful sense of doom encroaching on him again.

"Oh he was, was he?" he mumbled and Robin gave a nod.

"It was when Alex… when she was on the run from him. When Keats shot her here and she was stuck in two thousand and eleven," Robin explained, "All the truth came out about Evan's past… and Layton… shit, it was _horrible."_

Gene flinched as he thought about Evan's professional manner and realised that Robin was going to find this even harder than he'd thought.

"Maybe have some more of this," he mumbled handing the flask back to him but like a couple of naughty schoolboys being sprung the approach of another man had them scrambling to hide the alcohol.

"Robin Thomas?" the gentleman asked and Robin nodded, hoping that he couldn't smell the faint waft of scotch in the air.

"That's me," he said.

"You're free to leave for the day," the man informed him, "you will be first on the stand tomorrow morning."

Robin was torn between sighing in relief at being let off the hook for the day and sighing in horror at the thought of start his day by being questioned about Keats. He nodded slowly and looked at the man.

"Thanks," he said quietly. He knew that it was unlikely that he was going to be called that afternoon but at least now he knew for certain what was going on. He breathed in deeply and tried to calm his anxiety, then when the man was a safe distance away he lifted Gene's flask again, preparing to take another sip but Gene swiped it away at the last moment.

"Oi, what the hell do you think you're doing, Mister Stringer?"

Robin looked at him in horror.

"You gave it to me!" he reminded Gene.

"That was before they set you free!" Gene told him, "you're free to leave. Go and buy your own bloody scotch!"

Robin pulled a face.

"No _bloody_ thank you," he said, "I'm off to buy the best bottle of cat's piddle money can buy."

He slouched out of the building with his hands in his pockets and his head stooping low. The thought of facing the memory of his treatment at the hands of Keats shook him up inside but the thought of heading home alone without Kim hurt far more. He wasn't used to it still, even after all this time. That bottle of cat's piddle was going to be lucky to last the night.

**~xXx~**

**A/N: I've had a productive if anti-social day! I will be uploading two chapters tomorrow and catching up on emails and messages, thank you so much for the reviews and the PMs! You are awesome!**


	5. Chapter 4: Don't Drink That Much

_**A/N: This is the first of two chapters I'll be posting tonight (next one up in an hour or so) - I should have posted them both by now but I've been distracted by Evan joining the world of social networking… *gross sobbing* **_

**~xXx~**

**Chapter Four**

After his first glass of cat's piddle Robin felt a little less anxious. After his second, he found himself feeling numb all over, physically and emotionally. A third glass of cat's piddle and the tears started to come forth. He sat alone, staring at the TV set even though there was nothing on he wanted to watch. Where was _Simon_ even? He hadn't seen him since they were dismissed from court. He knew Simon had been talking about moving out but surely he hadn't gone already? No, all his bags were still there.

_Fuck_, Robin had never felt this alone, _ever_. Not when he was a child and spent endless hours in his room, afraid to go downstairs in case his father was lurking. Not after he'd been found a foster home and needed to start his life again. Not when Simon died and he had no one to turn to. The fact was that even with friends like Alex and Simon to help him, the only person who truly made Robin feel like he wasn't alone was Kim.

"_Fuck,"_ he swept a hand through his hair and began to pace, a half-empty glass in his hand. He couldn't get over her. He didn't even want to try. All he could think about was the way she'd broken down into his arms and the real Kim had come forth. In his mind he could still see the look in her eyes and hear the desperation in her voice as she begged him to take her right there and then. It was 50% love-making and 50% fucking, as loving and tender as it was wild and passionate.

"Fuck it, Kim, that can't just disappear," he cried as he stopped pacing and snatched up the phone. He knew the number by now. He'd called it enough times since Kim had arrived at Fenchurch West. He awaited the usual message. Kim never answered herself. Sure enough the machine came on and he mouthed the message along with the tape. After the beep had sounded he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Kim," he his voice shook as he spoke, "I can't stop thinking about you… I can't stop thinking about it_… that day_… the day Princess Diana died…" he gave a snort, _"again_. Me and you in the basement. Fuck, Kim, that doesn't fucking disappear into nowhere! You came _back_ to me. It was _you_ again!" he wiped at his eyes roughly just in case any tears should be threatening to fall. "You're in there somewhere, Kim, I can feel it. I can't believe that you can go from…" he closed his eyes, "from pulling me up on the desk to screw my fucking _brains_ out," he surprised himself with the power behind those words, "to telling me you never wanted me in the first place. It's _him_, it's _Keats_, it's….. it's that fucking _station_…. You're still in there, Kim… I know you are…" there was a click on the line as he ran out of time and he gave a growl of frustration, thrusting down the receiver as the front door opened and Simon looked in apprehensively.

"Rob?" he asked quietly.

Robin spun around, his face flushed.

"_What?"_ He snapped.

Simon held up his hands, "

"I'm sorry, I didn't meant to interrupt you."

Robin closed his eyes. He sank to the sofa and hung his head just a little.

"You didn't," he said quietly, "I'd just finished."

Simon nodded and walked nervously across the room where he sank into an arm chair and looked at Robin.

"Who was on the phone?" he asked and Robin sighed.

"Absolutely no one," he said, not dishonestly. He downed the rest of his drink and reached for the bottle to top it up again. "Where have you been anyway?"

"Oh, just went back to my flat for a bit," Simon said awkwardly, "it's been a while… if I'm going to be moving back I thought I should make sure everything was ready. Bought some basics. Milk, bread… ready-made pizza."

"You know you'll only end up binning it and asking me to make you one," Robin said, laying his head on the arm of the couch.

"True," Simon nodded. He looked at Robin worriedly. "You are OK with me moving out, aren't you?" he asked quietly.

"'Course," Robin sighed.

"It's just that –"

"Simon, it's _fine_," Robin said, taking a slightly awkward sideways sip of his brandy, "had to go back sometime."

"I'm getting worried about you," Simon said quietly. He looked down, reluctant to go on in case he made Robin angry, "you're not coping."

"I'm fine," Robin said flatly.

"Look at you, Rob," Simon said quietly, "how many of those have you had?"

"Spare me the lecture," Robin sighed, looking away, "not like you were a saint when you arrived here. I've heard about you and your boozing."

"Yeah," Simon began slowly, "and it was the most stupid thing I've ever done, mostly because it led on to all the _other_ most stupid things I'd ever done." He sighed as he watched Robin drinking from his glass again. "Rob, listen, when I first started drinking Kim tried to warn me. She said I was going down the exact same path she did and I was two drinks away from getting a face full of metal and sleeping with Jim Keats," he closed his eyes sadly, "she was half right."

Robin rolled his eyes and raised his glass.

"That's one thing I will definitely _not_ be doing, believe me," he slurred, the alcohol starting to take a firm hold over him.

"But you're following the exact same path, Keats or no Keats," Simon told him, "you're drinking all the time, won't let anyone else in, won't even go out any more. When was the last time you went to the club?"

"Probably the last time Jake spoke to me without adding '_Sir'_ on the end," Robin whispered, another layer of heartbreak setting in.

"And you're going to let him stop you from going out and enjoying yourself?" Simon asked.#

"Already have."

"What about your other friends? They'll think you're ignoring them," Simon was fairly sure that was a lie since the rest of the crowd that Robin usually went out with were more Jake's friends than they were Robin's but he just wanted to see Robin getting out the flat. At least when Simon was drinking he was socialising at _Bask_; Robin drank alone. That seemed infinitely more dangerous.

"Don't really feel like it," Robin said quietly.

"Well _I_ do," Simon lied and Robin gave him a sideways glance.

"_You?"_ he repeated, "You never want to go to the club."

"Maybe I want to let my hair down for once," Simon said, pulling a face, "now it's growing back at least…" finally he raised a smile from Robin. "Come on, Rob. I'll even buy you a drink." He saw a flicker of interest on Robin's face but it faded away quickly, "Are you just going to sit around moping or are you going to put yourself out there, have a fucking good night and show Kim and that bloody tosspot Dawson what they're missing?"

"Don't talk about Jake like that," Robin said with a frown.

"Well _are_ you?"

Robin closed his eyes and breathed out slowly, thinking about Simon's words. He spoke a lot of sense in one way. He couldn't gain anything from drinking at home all night except a hangover the next day. At least if he went out maybe it would be like sticking two fingers up to the people who had left him feeling lonely and unwanted.

"Fine," he said eventually, hauling himself off the couch, "give me ten minutes to get ready."

"Good on you, Rob," Simon smiled as Robin began to slouch through to his room, turning back momentarily to pick up his glass and take it with him. As soon as he was out of sight Simon's heart sank again. Taking Robin away from the flat was only moving the problem from one place to another. He just had to hope that Robin would indulge in the delights of the orange juice for once.

~xXx~

Robin weaved all over the place as he threw on his black shirt and misbuttoned it, then ran some gel through his hair and brushed his fringe aside to reveal his eyebrow ring. He splashed on a little aftershave, reached for the eyeliner and despite his sozzled condition did a fair job of applying it. Yeah, he looked pretty good. As good as he could for someone who felt as worthless as Robin did right there and then. Maybe Simon was right. Maybe that's what he needed to do. Get out there, be seen enjoying himself, having a good time. It would do Kim good to see that he wasn't a slave to his heart. Yeah, if word got back to her that he was living it up then all the better. In fact, he was fucking _determined_ that Kim needed to know about it.

He rummaged in the draw for his mobile phone and switched it on. Damn thing rarely worked. That's why he rarely used it. But he didn't want to run into Simon in the lounge so it was a fair alternative. He had an important call to make.

He dialled a familiar number and waited as the machine picked up the call.

"Hello Kim," he tried not to slur, "guess who? Just wanted to tell you that you can just fucking _stick_ it. You don't want me? _Fine_. I'll find someone who does. I don't need you, this is destroying me. Not waiting for you forever," he closed his eyes and pretended he wasn't crying, "goodbye, Kim. Hope you have a good fucking…" he couldn't finish his sentence. The eyeliner would have been all over the place if he had. He cut the call and switched off the phone right away, slamming it into his drawer. _Enough was enough_. It was time to head out and make his mark on the town.

Forget Kim. Forget Jake. Find someone to fill the gap.

_If only life was that fucking easy,"_ he whispered.

~xXx~

Gene looked up as Alex walked through the door and did a turn.

"What do you think, Gene?" she asked with a little smile.

Gene blinked a few times.

"It's short," he said and Alex frowned.

"It's _supposed_ to be."

"Not much to grip onto," Gene mumbled and Alex smirked.

"It's still long enough for that, _if_ I let you," she ran her fingers through her newly cut hair and looked in the mirror. "This won't mean anything to you now," she said, "but this time next year Posh Spice will be prancing around with this cut and _everyone_ will have it. This time I'll be ahead of the trend instead of copying it," he paused, "in a suitably ironic way, of course."

It was true that almost from the beginning Alex had made it her mission to copy the various iconic hairstyles of whatever year she was in at the time. Back in the real world she had never strayed much from _long, straight and brown_ but in Gene's world she'd had all lengths, styles and colours.

She thought about the _other_ her, the Alex in her twenties, looking after her young daughter. She hoped the short style was significantly different enough that Evan might be thrown off the scent.

"I'm going to have to try to use as much make-up as possible too," she commented, staring at her reflection in the mirror.

"Why not go the whole hog and take a custard pie, then you can _really_ look like a clown," Gene commented.

"Don't tempt me," Alex said crossly, "a pie in the face is the _least_ Evan deserves for representing that bastard."

Gene saw her expression falling as she thought about taking her place on the stand. The thought of Alex having to go through all of that; telling her story, describing what Keats had done to her – _especially_ in front of Evan – made him want to give the whole world and everything in it a damn good kicking.

"Bolly," he began.

She glanced around.

"Before you say anything, I'm _fine_," she said quietly.

Gene wasn't so sure but he knew better than to argue. Instead he put an arm around her back and turned her towards the staircase.

"I know you are," he said, "but a bit of GLC never goes amiss."

"Don't you mean TLC?" Alex asked.

"Nope," said Gene, "TLC isn't me forte. I was thinking more of Gene's Lusty –"

"_Don't_ finish that," Alex held up her hand but at least she was smiling. Gene tried not to betray his gruff exterior by smiling back. He looked at her seriously as he took in her new image.

"So," he began, "this is going to be Posh's new look is it?"

Alex nodded.

"In a year or so," she said.

"You picked the right Spice Girl, didn't you?" he commented, "always said you were a posh tart, now you can live up to it."

"Don't you think you've got enough Spice Girls in CID already with Marci?" Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Well, if the haircut fits…" Gene could see a little spark of life back on Alex's face. Good. He could bring that out again now. Bring her back to life. For that he was truly grateful. "Come on, Posh," he nodded towards the stairs and she raised an eyebrow.

"Bit early for that isn't it?" she asked.

"Never too early," Gene told her, "Come and spice up me life"

"_Cheesy fool,"_ Alex admonished but she was smiling. Gene was right, she would be alright. Not that it was going to be easy. But she had support behind her and that made a world of difference. She was going to stand strong and Keats wasn't going to know what hit him.

Except, perhaps, for a custard pie.


	6. Chapter 5: Don't Be Stupid

_**A/N: Sorry, I wanted to edit and post this last night but the chapter took ages to edit and beards were happening so here it is!**_

**Chapter Five**

Simon shook his head involuntarily as they walked past the rather scary looking bouncer who seemed to be part-walrus. It made him want to give a chorus of a certain Beatles song but he just about resisted the urge. He suspected he would be out on his arse before he even had a chance to pay otherwise.

"Is it always this busy?" he shouted against the music as Robin gave him a funny look.

"We used to go clubbing all the time," he frowned.

"Yeah," Simon nodded, "but we were much younger then."

"Oh bollocks, we still are," Robin told him, snaking through the crowd.

"And I hadn't been in a three month coma," Simon added, rubbing the sides of his head. He wasn't sure how much of the thumping bass he could take.

"You didn't have to come," Robin said, worried about Simon being in a place he wasn't happy.

"Yes I did," Simon gave a sigh as they finally reached the dance floor, "if I didn't then neither would you. You'd be sat at home drinking the rest of the bottle of brandy." He reached into how pocket. "I promised you a drink. What do you want?"

"Brandy."

Simon rolled his eyes.

"Come _on_, Rob, get real."

Robin sighed.

"Fine. I'll have a beer."

"Oh _god_, Rob, you fucking _hated_ beer," Simon reminded him, struggling to hold a conversation over the music.

"You won't get me _brandy_."

"They don't _have_ brandy!"

"They have _everything_, it's a bloody _bar_ in a _nightclub_," Robin reminded him.

Simon rolled his eyes and rubbed his forehead.

"I'm going to get you water," he said, "you've had enough already."

He began to walk toward the bar and only became aware after a few seconds that Robin wasn't following him. He stopped and turned around to see Robin still standing a few feet behind him. The expression on Robin's face was almost heart-breaking. He looked crestfallen, betrayed almost. "What's up, Rob?"

Robin stared at Simon. He shook his head slowly.

"How patronising are you, Simon?" he said crossly.

"What?" Simon tried to hear above the music.

"I don't need mothering," Robin yelled, "I know what I'm doing."

Simon only caught half of the sentence but enough to know that Robin wasn't happy.

"Rob, you've had enough alcohol for one night," he said, walking back towards him, "I just don't want you to do something stupid –" he stopped walking and Robin started to back slowly away. "Rob, _come on."_

"_Do something stupid?" _Robin cried, "like what? Enjoy myself?"

"I remember what it was like when I –"

"_No,_ Simon," Robin said despondently, "just... just _don't_, OK?"

"Don't what?" Simon wasn't even sure if he head him correctly.

"Don't compare us," Robin told him.

"What?"

"Our situations were totally different," Robin shook his head, "I'm not you, Simon, and you seem to forget that."

"I'm only worried about you because I care about you," Simon protested.

"You can't undo your own mistakes by trying to stop me from making the same ones."

"I'm not trying to!"

"You _are!_ You've been doing it since the night I _died!"_

Simon began to protest but soon stopped as he began to think about Robin's words. He was right, he really _had_ been trying to absolve his own mistakes through stopping Robin. He tilted his head a little.

"OK," he said, "Maybe I am. But you should listen to me."

Robin couldn't believe Simon's attitude.

"Oh I _should_, should I?"

"_Yes!"_

"And why is that?"

"Because I didn't listen to Kim and look where it got me!"

Robin threw his hands in the air.

"Thanks a _lot_, Simon!"

"What?"

"That's _exactly_ who I'm supposed to be trying to forget tonight!" Robin cried, "now you've brought her right back unto my mind!"

"I'm sorry!" Simon protested but Robin couldn't take any more

"That's it, this was a bad idea from the start," he shook his head, "I'm going home."

"Oh for god's sake!" cried Simon, "that's great, that is! Just give up and fuck right off why don't you?"

"Did you just tell me to fuck off?!" cried Robin.

"_No!"_

"You _did!"_

"I didn't tell you to fuck off!" Simon protested, "_You_ said you were _going_ to; I only told you that you _should!"_

"Yeah, except you didn't tell me to go home, you told me to fuck _off!"_

"Oh, what's the _point?!"_ Simon threw his hands down and spun around. He began to march away much to Robin's frustration.

"_Wait!_ Where the hell are you _going?"_ he cried.

"_Home!"_ Simon yelled back.

"_I_ was the one who was supposed to be fucking _off!"_ Robin cried and watched in shock as Simon flipped him off over his shoulder. "_Fucking –"_ Robin began but Simon was out of earshot and he wasn't even sure what he was going to call him anyway. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "_Simon_," he said quietly. They'd been doing so well at getting on recently. But every now and then they just blew up at one another. They hadn't been a volatile couple when they were together so what was different now? Robin supposed that whatever energy they put into fighting with each other used to go into Bedroom Olympics. "Not that either of us are getting any at the moment," he mumbled under his breath. Perhaps _that_ was it. He sighed and shook his head. Where was Simon even _going_ anyway? _Home?_ What his own home or Robin's? He didn't want to risk running into Simon, not yet anyway, so he decided to have a drink before he went.

"Now my _mother_ isn't here to stop me," he mumbled as he made his way to the bar. He waited for a few others to be served before he got to the front and the barman raised his eyebrows to signify it was Robin's turn. He thought about Simon's admonishing.

"_Beer,"_ he said rather forcefully and reached for his wallet as a bottle appeared in front of him. He handed over some coins and turned around to leave the bar but bumped right into a pair of breasts and took a step back in shock.

_"Shit, sorry,"_ he mumbled.

"_Sir?"_

Robin looked at the face above the bosom.

"Oh… _Shaz,"_ he said a little awkwardly, "Sorry, I wasn't..." he trailed off a little, his eyes darting around. If Shaz was here then wouldn't –

"It's OK, sir," Shaz said, a little more quietly, "Jake's not here tonight."

Robin bit his lip.

"He's not?" he asked, surprised by how much of a blow his heart took when he thought about Jake. _Fuck_, he was supposed to be forgetting Kim for the night, now he has to work on forgetting Jake too.

"No," said Shaz. She looked a little awkward, "I'm not really… I mean, I'm…" she began to look distant and Robin frowned. He still felt strange pangs of jealousy when it came to Shaz and Kim, even though Shaz had no idea that the woman Robin was so hung up over was the same one that she couldn't put behind her. But even so, there was a downhearted look on her face that Robin couldn't ignore.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked and before she could reply he said, "let me get you a drink."

Shaz hesitated, on the verge of heading home. She'd persuaded herself to go for a night out but ever since her kiss with Marci she'd been avoiding her like the plague and Jake came as part of the package so she had fewer friends to enjoy a night out with and it seemed her pals outside of that circle had decided to go elsewhere for the night. She blinked and sighed, then nodded and gave Robin a slightly nervous smile.

"Thanks, sir," she said, "brandy and coke."

"I _knew_ they'd have fucking _brandy!"_ Robin declared, leaving Shaz looking somewhat confused. He laughed and put his hand to his forehead. "Sorry… I'm sorry, I had a fight with Simon…_ DCI Shoebury… _it was stupid really but I think it began because he said they wouldn't have brandy…" as he tried to explain it, the fight sounded more and more ridiculous. As he thought about it he started to laugh, and spurred on by the sight of him cracking up Shaz started to laugh too, her nerves slipping away.

"Why are you two always fighting?" she asked pointedly, shaking her head, "you should just get a room."

"Oh, we _had_ one," Robin waved his hand, "long time ago… Got a history. That's the problem, I think." He smiled and shook his head, "look, let me get you that drink and we can sit down somewhere quieter and talk about this properly."

"OK," Shaz smiled and nodded as Robin went to the bar. She found herself raising an eyebrow and tilting her head to watch the shape of his tight backside tucked away in his dark denims. "Oh _stop_ that, Granger," she admonished herself. She wasn't used to seeing Robin out of uniform or thinking of him as anything but _the boss_. She needed to stop that line of thought right away. Her love life was in enough of a mess without getting drawn to Robin courtesy of his backside.

"_Perfect_ backside," Shaz mumbled before she caught herself and stopped abruptly. Where was Robin with that drink? Alcohol was most _definitely_ required.

~xXx~

Woah, maybe Simon had been right. _That_ wasn't something Robin expected to be thinking as he downed another brandy. He'd managed to sink the beer as well, despite the taste still making him want to run around with his tongue hanging out in horror. He thought that the earlier units had worn off sufficiently that he could down a few drinks without feeling it but quite suddenly his legs had felt rather numb and his head began to spin. His ears made it sound like he was in a tunnel as he tried to focus on the words that Shaz was saying, and it had been hard enough to hear over the music. He didn't need the alcohol adding special effects to the speech.

"…_was about to go home,"_ he just about made out from Shaz, "so I'm glad you bumped into me," she giggled a little, remembering the literal moment, _"thanks sir, you saved me from a microwaved meal for one."_

"No one deserves _that_ fate," Robin tried not to slur as he spoke. He blew his fringe out of his face and loosened his top button. The club was hot and full of sweaty people. He didn't want to be one of them. Besides, the alcohol was making him flushed. He looked around. "I'm not keeping you from your friends, am I?"

"Oh, _no_, sir," Shaz said quickly, "I thought… well, I didn't think I was going to be here on my own…"

Robin rubbed his temples.

"Can you do me a favour?"

"Hmm?"

"Please, don't call me sir," Robin begged, "Not here. Not tonight."

Shaz seemed confused.

"OK," she said, "Can…can I ask why?"

"Jake," Robin sighed, he had a sense that this was a very bad conversation to get into but the alcohol kept him waffling, "he's back to calling me sir. All the time. Took him long enough to break the habit and now…" he trailed away, shaking his head. "I need to stop. He's your friend."

"Not like I've got much chance to talk to him any more," Shaz sad quietly.

"How d you mean?"

Shaz gave a sad smile.

"Nothing," she sighed, "really." She felt Robin's stare upon her and looked up a little guiltily. "Just… you know."

Robin hesitated.

"What?"

Shaz swallowed, feeling a pang f sadness and regret as her mind wouldn't leave the subject alone.

"I can't… really talk to him… after what happened with Marci," she mumbled.

"Why, what happened with Marci?"

"You didn't hear?"

Robin shook his head.

"Should I have done?"

"I thought Jake might have… said…" she trailed away as Robin looked downward.

"No," he said sadly, "Jake has decided he'd prefer to keep the nature of our relationship purely professional. So until such times as he requires the use of our canine friends I have no contact with him any more."

Shaz bit her lip.

"You can't really blame him, sir," she said.

"What do you mean, _can't blame him?"_

"After what you said.

Robin stared at Shaz.

"I have absolutely no idea what you think… or _he_ thinks… I've said," he told her, "he just stopped talking to me and I didn't know why…" he frowned. "You _are_ going to tell me, aren't you?"

Shaz looked highly uncomfortable.

"I don't think it's my place to," she admitted.

"Shaz, please," Robin urged, "I have no idea what I've done and for the last four weeks I've been fucking miserable, wondering why he won't talk to me anymore!"

Shaz's brow furrowed, a little confused and rather embarrassed.

"Your… _girlfriend_," she began timidly as Robin's face fell

"I… I thought he understood… the situation…" Robin said.

"Yes… but don't you think… that it really hurt him?"

"What did?"

"Hearing you talk about her?"

Robin frowned. He tried hard to keep Kim out of the conversation.

"When?" he cried.

"In hospital," Shaz said quietly. She felt his pleading eyes upon her. "Sir, you don't remember?"

"Remember what?" Robin cried.

"You told him… well, you told _everyone_…about you, and her," she could feel her face heating up, "you were saying you'd, _you know_," she nodded her head, "been making love. She was back on the scene and you didn't even tell him." The expression on Robin's face almost broke Shaz's heart. "I'm sorry, Robin."

Robin didn't think Shaz had ever used his name before. He looked down into the remains of his brandy and felt his chest deflating as he thought about Kim, about Jake, about the whole big, rotten mess.

"I was concussed," he whispered, "and besides… we're broken up." He gulped down the rest of his drink, "for good."

Shaz wasn't sure she'd caught all of his words over the music but she knew enough to feel highly uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, Sir," she said quietly.

"Not sir," Robin reminded her.

"Sorry," she smiled this time, "Chief inspec-"

"_Robin,"_ Robin corrected with a smile.

"Robin," Shaz agreed.

Robin started to feel a little sick as he thought about Shaz's words.

"Shit… no wonder he's not talking to me," he mumbled.

"Maybe I heard it wrong," Shaz said awkwardly, "I've not really been talking to Jake much," she looked down. "Well _he's_ not really been talking to _me."_

"Why not?" Robin frowned.

"Doesn't matter," Shaz tried to force a smile, "shall I get this one in?" she stood up and took both their glasses.

"Shaz, what's happened with Jake and you?" Robin asked, "did you have a fight?"

"No," Shaz shook her head with another false smile, "look, it's a long story. I'll just get a drink."

"What's wrong?" Robin asked as he saw her expression crumbling. Suddenly a tear started to fall which she quickly wiped away. "Oh god, Shaz, what's happened?" he watched her hesitate, glasses in hand. "Sit down. Talk to me." Despite a less than ideal history between the two of the, and complications that Shaz didn't even know about he hated to see anyone cry. Finally she sank into her chair again and looked at Robin.

"I did something terrible, Sir," she said.

"What?" Robin couldn't imagine, "Did you prang his car or something?"

"Worse than that," Shaz said, "_Much_ worse." She sighed deeply and shook her head. "I've hurt his best friend. Really badly.

_"Marci?"_ Robin frowned as she nodded, "but you and her… you were as thick as thieves."

"We were really close, " Shaz agreed, "that was the problem," she groaned as she put her hand to her head. "I should stop and go home before I say things I'll regret, The drink's gone straight to my head."

"Shaz, _tell_ me," Robin frowned and this time Shaz couldn't think of any more excuses.

"I thought I liked her," she explained, "I mean, I did like her. Do," she closed her eyes with a sigh, "she's beautiful and funny, and," her cheeks reddened, "she was a really good kisser too."

"That was more information than was absolutely necessary," Robin shuddered but then frowned. "Wait, stop… you're telling me you and Marci…" he waited as she nodded sadly. "Shit, when did this happen?"

"It wasn't a blossoming love affair," Shaz told him, "we only kissed once."

"So…" Robin frowned, "how did you get from there to…" he shrugged, "to looking _that sad?"_

Shaz looked away.

"Don't know if you know, but I lost someone," she said quietly, "my girlfriend. Long time ago now, but I suppose I never… I mean, I didn't… not really."

Robin hesitated.

"Didn't what?"

Kim swallowed.

"Get over her," she whispered.

Robin swallowed so hard that he became thankful for the loud music, otherwise he might have sounded like a comedy gulping sound effect. He hung his head just a little, feeling so uncomfortable that he couldn't look her in the eye. She wasn't over Kim, the love of his life. He was listening to Shaz pour her heart out about the woman he loved. And he'd brought it on himself. He should have known better.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"Her name was Kim," Shaz continued sadly, "she was killed. Stabbed. It was a hostage situation and she saved a woman's life. Since _her_… there hasn't been anyone," she shook her head, "Marci… well it was the first time I'd felt… something… since Kim," she looked at Robin as he finally looked up again. "but then when we," she turned a little bashful. She wasn't used to confiding her love life in others, "I think I panicked. I felt guilty, even though it's been so long,," she hesitated and frowned. "Isn't Kim the name of your ex as well?"

Robin flinched and felt the brandy bubbling in his guts, threatening to make a return. He wanted to tell her not to call Kim his ex but he couldn't because he knew exactly how it looked to anyone else. Exactly how it _was_ to anyone else. And maybe they were right. He and Kim weren't exactly together She'd told him very definitely that they were over and as much as he wanted not to believe it her words made it really hard to deny.

"Yes," he spluttered out eventually, the words choking him up, "she is."

"Must be something about that name," Shaz tried to joke.

"About that woman," Robin said as he tried to finish his drink and realised his glass had been empty a long while. "Bugger."

Shaz started to feel down again. So much for a night out to list her spirits. She'd started to perk up when she and Robin began to talk but things were feeling decidedly maudlin again now. She needed to do something, and fast. With Dannii Minogue belting out All I Wanna Do over the almighty sound system she found herself taken by the moment and nodded toward the dance floor.

"You know what, sir?" she said, "let's just forget them."

"Them?" Robin frowned.

Shaz nodded.

"Marci, Jake, people called Kim," she reached out and grasped his wrist with more force than she looked capable of, "let's just stop talking and dance. That's what we're here for, after all. Right?

Robin wanted to disagree. He wasn't really there for the dancing, just to get pissed and forget about life for a while but the talking wasn't doing him any good and the music was stirring up memories of his teenage years, illicit nights out clubbing with false ID, the music that helped him cope with rough times and made the good times even better. Before he could really respond he found himself dragged to his feet and pulled across to the dance floor by the sparky brunette that he'd heard Kim talk about in such sentimental terms many times before.

Onto the dance floor, the drink had penetrated every inch of his body, every limb felt strange like he was dancing under water, the heady lights left trails across his vision and he felt the music in his heart rather than heard it in his head. The mist from the smoke machine laid a thin veil over Shaz's features as she started dancing in front of him, her expression brought to life by the movement and the music. Myriad bodies jumped and turned and swayed as the music played out around them and the motion of dancing stirred something inside of Robin to bring back a sense of feeling alone.

"_You were right,"_ he yelled to Shaz against the beat that hit him deep down."

"_What?"_ she yelled back

"_I needed this,"_ he told her loudly.

"_Sometimes you have to forget everything, sir,"_ she told him loudly.

"Not sir," Robin reminded her and she smiled, shaking her head.

"_Sorry,"_ she said "_Robin."_

"_That's better,"_ he yelled with a crooked smile. His head began to spin and he thought he might be about to pass out or fall down but neither happened. Instead the spinning of his head only enhanced the sensations that the drink and the music were sending though his body. He closed his eyes and absorbed the elation and the euphoria that the song sparked inside of him. If he could have stayed forever in the middle of such an intense sensation he would have been happy. "_Fuck them_," he declared forcefully, "_fuck all of them." _If Kim didn't want him, screw her. He'd given her everything he had and it wasn't enough. And if Jake wanted to give him the cold shoulder like a moody teen then fuck him too. He opened his eyes and found Shaz closer than he remembered a moment ago. "_And if Marci doesn't understand why you struggled then fuck her too."_

Shaz wasn't used to seeing Robin in an unofficial capacity; she wasn't used to hearing him talk this way or seeing him out of uniform. All the emotion; the grief, the confusion, the regret of the last few weeks and more started to flow away as she thought about his words and nodded.

"_Fuck them,"_ she agreed, not usually one for such strong language but the moment had taken her and she'd managed to knock back a few units herself.

The swell of the music and the crowd pushed them closer together and the beat pulsed through Robin's body so hard that he confused it for his heartbeat for a moment, or maybe it was because he felt it jump in sheet shock as quite suddenly Shaz's lips were pressed against his.

His eyes opened wide and he froze in the middle of the song, certain he was the only still being in the whole damn place as Shaz carried on kissing him, reaching up to hold the sides of his face. His mind flipped out, it stopped being his guide and turned into some kind of impartial observer. With the music still stirring nostalgia and emotion he felt pulled along in a direction that would never have followed and slowly began to move his lips against hers. There was an incidental thought in the back of his mind that this was the biggest mistake he was ever going to make in his life but there were several reasons he couldn't stop, the alcohol being one.

_Oh look at me now, Kim,_ the thought ran through his head against his will, _look at me, Kim, I'm kissing another woman, and look who it is –_

_It's Shaz, Kim. It's your Shaz._

_And this is all your doing. You screwed me up. You screwed us both up…_

There was another side of his mind that calmly reminded him that he was overcompensating, that he didn't mean any of those things but the booze and the anger and all the hurt was overpowering it and wouldn't let the calm voice be heard.

He found Shaz's arms around him and like an actor filling a role he used the little he knew about women from his relationship with Kim to put his hands in all the right places, blocking out the fact that this was as unnatural as anything to him and that there was no attraction at work here beyond the thought of getting back at Kim for the pain she was putting him through. The alcohol had numbed him to such a degree that he barely registered the unnatural sensation of his hands around Shaz's waist or her backside or roaming up and down the curve of her back and as the music changed and the bass deepened he knew the look in Shaz's eye was one that was only going to lead to trouble but he couldn't speak up to stop it from happening as she took his hand and led him away.

"_I only live round the corner,"_ she told him and he knew what she was really saying but followed her anyway.

And all the way there while his head turned around like a spinning top and his limbs struggled to do as his brain tried to tell them he knew what she was expecting and yet he didn't say anything; not as she pulled him by his hand, nor turned to him with a glint in his eye, nor slipped a hand inside his shirt between the buttons and felt the form of his muscles beneath her fingers.

And through her front door as she finally wrestled the key into the hole, and up against the wall as she pinned him with surprising amounts of force, and all the way through the hall to her bedroom as she pulled him at speed he overrode the thoughts that said time and again that this was more wrong than anything he had ever done in his life.

He closed his eyes and kissed her, the shock of female lips no longer being as strong as it was the first time he kissed Kim but still feeling alien and strange. He put his hands around her waist again and tried to convince them to venture deeper, inside her clothing, but they seemed happier remaining where they were. Even as she pulled back the duvet and left the bed open, even as she peeled away her outfit leaving a trail of clothes strewn around her room, even as she swiftly worked away at the buttons on his shirt and the fly on his trousers, he forced the common sense out of his head and forced himself to go through with what they'd started because he had to forget Kim, had to teach her for what she had put him through. Had to –

The reality came like a slap to the face. Quite suddenly he found himself leaning over a naked, exposed Shaz, lying in bed while between his legs nothing was stirring, not even for a second.

He froze. He blinked.

_Fuck._

He hadn't even thought about it. He just expected… he thought that if maybe… if he convinced himself he wanted it enough…

He stared at Shaz, awaiting the action that she thought she was getting that night; her anxious face as she lay there ready for him; the look of upset and disappointment on her face as she saw him as soft and floppy as a deflated balloon. He swallowed and tried to think about Kim, or Jake, or bloody Arnold Rimmer of Fox Mulder or anyone that had ever caused him to jump to attention but the fact remained that in front of him was Shaz and Shaz was….

Well, she was….

He gulped.

"_I'm sorry_," he whispered.

Shaz stared at him, her face falling as she realised that he wasn't going to react to her at all, not for a moment.

"What is it?" she whispered.

Robin felt his lip wavering.

"I can't do this," he whispered back.

Feeling exposed and vulnerable, Shaz nervously gripped the sheet and pulled it up over her chest.

"What's wrong with me?" she whispered.

Robin bit his lip and tried not to cry.

"You're," he swallowed, "you're a woman," he whispered. His head drooped as he closed his eyes. "And I'm." he finally looked her in the eye. "I'm gay."

Shaz stared back, her thought s tied in knots.

"B-but you had a girlfriend –"

"And I never worked out how that was possible," Robin whispered, his expression crumbling before her as he straightened up and pulled his shirt back around him. He swallowed and stared at the ground. "B-but I loved her," he took a deep breath. "I still do."

Shaz closed her eyes as a sense of guilt began to overtake her. Robin wasn't the only one who was going with the moment for the wrong reasons. She hated to admit, even to herself, that she was just plain lonely and thought that maybe a night with a guy wouldn't remind her so much of Kim.

"I'm sorry too," she muttered, feeling ashamed of the both of them, "I forced you –"

"No you didn't."

"But I," she flinched, "it's someone else that I –" a pained look on Robin's face halted her sentence as he put a hand to his mouth. "What? What is it?"

Robin gulped.

_"Bathroom?"_ he gasped

Shaz cringed.

"First room on the left," she said as he clutched his stomach and rushed out of the room, heaving from the abundance of alcohol.

She closed her eyes and leaned back heavily against the wall, breathing slowly in and out. It was only Robin's sexuality that has saved both of them from doing something really stupid, and she knew what had been behind it, on her side at least. She might have been struggling with her ties to the past but her feelings for Marci hadn't gone away. Had she blown it with her for good? She hoped not, god she hoped not. Her behaviour had given her a lot to think about.

~xXx~

Wiping his mouth on the back of his hand and leaning back against the wall, panting a little, Robin hiccupped and cursed his stupidity. Of all the dumb things he'd ever done in his life this rated somewhere close to the top spot.

"What the _fuck_ is wrong with me?" he cried to the empty room before feeling a burning sensation in his guts again and clutching the toilet for another turn around.

God, he missed Kim. She was all he wanted and without her he was falling apart. But she didn't want him back and he couldn't seem to get over her. His life was emptier than her cold, dead heart and as far as Robin was concerned he might as well float away down the toilet too.


	7. Chapter 7: Don't Break Hearts

**Chapter Six**

The sound of cup meeting table pulled Robin from his dreamless sleep and he opened one eye in a state of confusion. His throat felt raw and his head was banging. He wasn't sure where he was or what the hell was going on but he started to get more of an idea when he saw a sheepish Shaz standing over him.

"Morning, Sir," she said quietly.

Robin breathed out loudly and pushed himself into a sitting position. He swallowed as he felt whatever was left of his drinking binge sloshing about in his stomach and he gripped the arm of the couch as the room threatened to spin.

"What happened?" he mumbled, coughing a little.

Shaz gave a nervous laugh.

"You had a bit too much to drink," she gave the understatement of the century, "ran to the loo. When you didn't come back I went to check on you, found you passed out in the bathroom."

"_Urghhh,"_ Robin moaned, his hands reaching for his throbbing forehead, "how did you manage to get me to the couch?"

"with difficulty," Shaz admitted. She walked towards the door. "There's an alka seltzer waiting for you in the kitchen," she told him nervously.

"Thanks," Robin said, the memories of the night before bombarding him one after another. "Jesus… Shaz, I'm so sorry… about last night."

Shaz smiled awkwardly and gave him a shrug.

"We both made a mistake," she said, "and I'm sorry too." She hovered just outside of the door. "I'll see you when you're ready to tackle the fizz."

Robin gave her a tiny, guilty smile as she left, then sighed deeply and shook his head as much as he dared.

"Oh _god,"_ he groaned, "what the fucking hell was I thinking last night?"

He felt stupid and ashamed and knew he wasn't going to forgive himself in a hurry. He could only hope that Shaz was a little more lenient than his own conscience.

~xXx~

Shaz stared at her mug as she shook her head, the regrets of the night before eating away at her. She heard shuffling in the hallway and a nervous face appeared at the doorway.

"Hi," Robin said awkwardly.

Shaz gave him a tiny smile.

"Hi."

"I heard there was an alka seltzer going spare," Robin said quietly and Shaz pointed to a small box and a glass of water she'd put out on the table.

"There," she said.

"Thank you," Robin sighed. He slid into a chair and opened the box. "What's the time?"

"Half past seven," said Shaz.

Robin groaned.

"I'd better go home and shower before court, "he said. He felt his insides lurch as he thought about standing up and telling the jury what Keats had put him through. He plopped a couple of the effervescent tablets in the glass and watched them starting to fizz then glanced at Shaz awkwardly as the sound of the bubbles filled the air. "Shaz," he began quietly, "I'm _so_ sorry."

Shaz rubbed her forehead.

"Me too," she said quietly.

"It's not your fault."

"It is," Shaz sighed, "I kissed you. I brought you back here. I was trying to forget someone."

Robin stared at the fizzing liquid.

"Me too," he sighed, "doesn't work though, does it?"

Shaz shook her head.

"I'm going to talk to Marci," she said quietly, "try to explain why I got scared. I still think I've ruined things but if I don't at least ask then I'll _never_ get a second chance."

Robin nodded slowly.

"Good luck, Shaz," he said quietly.

Shaz sipped what looked like an extremely strong coffee.

"What about you?" she asked.

Robin gulped down the fizzy water as the tablets finished dissolving,. He gasped and wiped his mouth on his sleeve a little slobbishly.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"About your girlfriend?" said Shaz.

Robin closed his eyes and shook his head. That wasn't an easy question to answer.

"Not sure what I _can_ do," he said, trying to supress a belch as the bubbles repeated on him, "she says we're over. In fact," he looked back at Shaz with enormously sad eyes, "she says she never wanted to be with me in the first place."

"I'm sorry," Shaz wasn't sure what to say. "You really love her, don't you?"

Robin sighed deeply and nodded.

"Yeah," he said quietly, "I really do." He bit his lip as he looked at her and added silently,_ "and so do you." _He could never tell Shaz of the bizarre thing they had in common. He still felt awkward around her and probably always would but if there was one positive thing that had come from the drunken mistake they almost made it was that he'd managed to put some of his jealousy behind him. That could only be a good thing. "Shaz?"

"Yes, sir?"

Robin looked sheepish.

"Can you not tell Jake?" he said quietly, "about us. Last night."

Shaz smiled nervously.

"Course not, she said.

An awkward silence descended that was broken only by Shaz slurping her coffee and Robin letting a burp escape. Robin knew he had to leave, he had to get ready for the dark day ahead. There was a part of him that just wanted to ask Shaz if he could go back to sleep on her couch and just stay there all day but he had no choice. He had to see this through to the end.

Eventually he apologised one more time and made a sheepish exit. He elected to walk home since he didn't live very far away and the thought the air might do him some good. As he got back to the flat, however he wished that he'd taken the long way home. A pacing, anxious Simon greeted him, looking tired and pale.

"_Robin!"_ he cried and Robin took a nervous step back.

"What?" he asked.

"Where the hell have you been?" Simon demanded and Robin felt his cheeks beginning to heat up.

"Were you waiting up all night or something?" he asked but the bags under Simon's eyes pretty much confirmed it.

"You didn't come home," he said accusingly and Robin hung his head.

"Sorry," he said quietly "I never meant to worry you." He put down his keys and closed the door. "I spent the night on Shaz's sofa."

"Shaz?" Simon couldn't have been more surprised.

"I know, I know," Robin sighed, "I think I'm over being jealous." He bit his lip nervously. "Si, I'm sorry about last night."

Simon nodded with a nervous smile.

"Me too," he whispered

"Are we still friends?" Robin asked.

Simon nodded.

"Always," he said. He shuffled a little. "You're going to have to hurry though."

"Yeah, I know," Robin began to move toward the bathroom.

"Gene will have your hide if you're late," Simon told him.

"No he won't because it'll take _two_ minutes to shower," Robin promised him, rushing past Simon who caught the scent of stale alcohol and vomit on Robin as he went.

"Rob?" he asked as Robin disappeared into the bathroom.

His head re-emerged.

"What?"

Simon hesitated.

"Are you sure you're OK?" he asked and Robin nodded.

"I will be when I've showered," he promised and disappeared from view.

~xXx~

Robin knew he was cutting it fine as he walked sheepishly into the building. He could be called at any second and have to face both Keats and the nightmare that he'd been through. He knew one thing for certain and that was the fact that he was going to look Keats right in the eye and refuse to waiver, even for a moment.

He swallowed as his nerves started to grow. He didn't have much in the way of a hangover, thank god. The Alka-Seltzer had more or less taken away his headache, even if his stomach was feeling decidedly unsettled, but that was more to do with the nerves than the alcohol. He was so busy focusing on trying not to develop a nervous stomach that he didn't notice the figure backing into him until she'd already crashed into his side.

"_Hey!"_ he cried in shock and took a moment to work out who it was. _"Alex?"_ he frowned and took a step back, "Alex, is that you?"

Alex mumbled an apology as she tried to straighten herself up.

"Oh, Robin, I'm sorry," she said, "I can't see a thing in these glasses."

Robin frowned quizzically.

"Why are you wearing then then?" he asked.

Alex removed the black-rimmed spectacles and let her eyes adjust.

"Marci lent them to me," she said as though that explained everything,

"But why?" Robin frowned.

"Because she usually wears contact lenses so she didn't need them."

Robin wasn't sure he was getting anywhere fast with this.

"But why are you wearing glasses anyway?" he asked, "especially ones you can't see through."

Alex swallowed nervously as she looked at Robin's curious expression. She and Gene had made the decision not to tell him that Evan was representing Keats because they knew he was having a difficult enough time as it was. The thought of being questioned by Evan might be enough to push Robin over the edge and aside from Gene his was next most important testimony. They both felt guilty about keeping it from him but they couldn't risk him walking out on the trial, not that they believed he would but it was a risk they weren't prepared to take none the less.

"Just going for a new image," she said guiltily, feeling even worse as Robin went on to compliment her new haircut. She knew that Robin was going to be in for one of the hardest days of his life, but she swore that she would at least be there for him afterwards. He was going to need all the friends he could get.

X

Robin and Shaz exchanged an awkward smile as she moved past him and made a beeline for a familiar face; one she had been avoiding for so long. She found herself fidgeting nervously as she approached Marci, unsure if she was doing the right thing.

"Hi," she said, surprised that she started to tremble with nerves. The look on Marci's face made her question herself again. Was she really doing the right thing? It was a mix of sadness, resentment and worry.

"Oh," Marci said quietly.

Shaz turned to Jake.

"Jake, can you leave us alone for a moment?" she asked and Jake turned to Marci anxiously.

"Do you –" he began but Marci shook her head with a vague smile.

"It's fine," she said quietly, "go and get a coffee."

Jake glanced at Shaz and Shaz felt her spirits sinking. They all used to be such good friends, now he was staring at he as though worried that she was about to pull Marci's heart out and start jumping up and down on it.

_Again_.

"If you're sure," he said cautiously, edging away at the speed of a particularly lazy snail. Marci rolled her eyes and sighed.

"I meant it, move it!" she told him with a friendly shove. She glanced back at Shaz as Jake moved away and swallowed. "So, she said quietly, "hi."

Shaz smiled back with equal trepidation.

"Hi," she said.

Marci shuffled and chewed on her lip.

"Was there something you…?" she trailed away, waiting for Shaz to talk. The young brunette shuffled nervously, her heat fluttering.

"Oh _Marci,"_ she said quietly, "I need to say something." She paused "I'm _sorry."_

Marci looked at her.

"What for?" she whispered.

"I've behaved like an idiot," Shaz admitted quietly, "Marci, I really like you, I do, and I meant everything I said but when we kissed…" she looked down, "I panicked."

Marci felt her heart rate rising._ Goddamnit_.

"Panicked?" she repeated, "why?"

"I hadn't even kissed anyone since Kim died," Shaz admitted, "I suppose I felt like… like I was betraying her, even though it had been such a long time." She saw Marci looking sad. "But instead of telling you I ran away because I didn't know what to do and then I was so embarrassed and ashamed by what I'd done I couldn't talk to you." She swallowed. "I'm really sorry, Marci. And I've missed you so much."

She looked at Marci with big, wide eyes throwing herself upon her mercy.

"Shaz," she said quietly, "when you ran away –"

"I know, I know."

"I was only just getting over Eddie too!"

"I know you were, "Shaz hung her head, "I am so sorry, Marci. I don't know what else I can say."

Marci licked her lips slowly, trying to work out how to react. She wasn't even sure what Shaz was asking for, aside from forgiveness.

"I do understand," she said shakily, "kind of, at least…" she looked downward. "But Shaz, I don't think you understood, I liked you too…"

Shaz swallowed.

"Liked?" she hesitated, "what about now?"

"I've spent the last month thinking you hated me," Marci said quietly.

"Oh Marci, _no_, of _course_ not," Shaz found herself reaching for Marci's hand, "although if you hated me I wouldn't blame you."

Marci took a few deep breaths. There had been times in the last few weeks where she wished that she had been able to hate Shaz. It would have made the gnawing pain so much easier to deal with. But she just couldn't hate her, not for a moment, and now that she'd explained her behaviour she felt just a little of the hurt slipping away.

"I've missed you, Shaz," she whispered.

"I've missed you too," Shaz let a smile flicker onto her lips.

Marci scuffed her shoe on the floor for a moment. She wanted to throw her arms around Shaz and tell her how happy she was that she had explained things and talked to her but there had been weeks of being treated like a stranger getting the cold shoulder, feeling as though she meant nothing to her any more. Those weeks were not easy to brush over and it was going to take a while for her to get over that. She didn't know where the two of them even stood with their friendship, let alone anything more than that. But she _had_ missed her terribly and she was willing to at least try to move past this blip.

"What made you come and talk to me today?" she asked, "I mean, it's been weeks…"

"I know," Shaz hung her head again, "I'm sorry, Marci. But I couldn't talk to you until I worked out why I behaved the way that I did."

Marci rocked on her enormously high platform shoes.

"And you worked it out?"

Shaz nodded.

"I think so," she sighed, "you see, I almost made a huge mistake last night. I tried to.. well, tried to make myself believe I liked someone just so I wasn't lonely."

"I don't get how that…"

"It was a man," Shaz explained, "I thought it would be easier if I tried to be with someone who wouldn't remind me so much of Kim," she breathed out slowly. "but I can't pretend. Because there's already someone I like," she let the words escape before she could stop them, "and it's you."

Marci chewed on her lip to stop a smile escaping. She cleared her throat a little and looked away.

"So, she began, "who was it? Was it anyone I know?"

Shaz felt her cheeks flushing as a tiny giggle escaped.

"It was, actually," she said, "and god, it would have been awful."

Now she had Marci's attention.

"Who?" she demanded.

Shaz glanced around.

"Promise you won't tell Jake?"

Marci smirked and crossed her fingers behind her back.

"Of course not," she said.

Shaz's eyes darted to the anxious Robin pacing up and down.

"Well…"

~xXx~

Robin had been going round in circles for ten minutes when the voice called his name and he froze. He felt as though his stomach dropped right out his body and landed on the floor and his heart froze over and stopped beating in that moment. Immediately he found hands on his shoulder offering a touch of support and friendship.

"Good luck, Rob," Simon said sincerely.

"Go on, Robin you can do this," Alex told him.

"Give the arsebrain the pounding he deserves," Gene's tact was at work and Robin nodded., he adjusted his tie, pulled his jacket together and straightened his posture.

"Right," he said firmly and marched towards the open doorway.

This was it, the moment had arrived.

_This is for you, Kim,_ he thought to himself as he walked. That notion gave him the strength to get through whatever lay ahead.

_**~xXx~**_

_**A/N: I'm out tomorrow so the next chapter will probably be up on Tuesday but I will try to sneak one in if I can!**_


	8. Chapter 7: Don't Lose Your Breakfast

**Chapter Seven**

Robin had heard of having a nervous stomach before. The problem was that he was so scared he had nervous legs, arms, lungs, eyeballs and even nervous toes as well. Every inch of his body felt like it was trembling as he grasped the stand but as he turned and saw the face of evil staring back a strange sense of calm overcame him. _This was it._ His time to speak out.

"Chief Inspector Thomas, could you please describe to me your first meeting with the accused?"

Robin swallowed and nodded. He couldn't help but feel that a whole vital chapter had to be ignored. Nothing that Keats had done in the real world, stalking Simon, trying to kill the comatose Alex, the crimes he committed in Layton's body - they didn't count at all.

"DCI _Keats,"_ he began, spitting out the name like a fly who'd flown into his mouth in the middle of his sentence, "approached me one night in October, nineteen ninety five. He attempted to persuade me to join his never-ending campaign to remove DCI Hunt from his position at Fenchurch East."

"How did he propose this would occur?"

"He didn't tell me exactly what his plans were but they usually seemed to involve getting him set up for various crimes that he hadn't committed. I expect he would have taken a similar approach."

"How did you respond to DCI Keats?"

"I told him that I had already made up my mind about DCI Hunt," Robin told him, "and I would not be helping him in his endeavour."

"How did DCI Keats react to this?"

Robin swallowed.

"Not very well," he said, "I was the first person who had refused to help him. He didn't like that." He flinched as he thought about them all; the ones Keats had targeted time and again. He was the one who'd said no, Simon was the one who got away and Kim? Well, Kim was the one he wanted, full stop.

"You left Fenchurch East shortly after your arrival but returned in January this year, is that right?"

Robin nodded.

"I did."

"How did DCI Keats respond to your return?"

Robin took a deep breath.

"He wasn't pleased," he said, trying not to shake, "he made a few vague threats and then went berserk after his arrest for the assault against Victoria Stone."

"Define _berserk?"_

"He spent some time sectioned," Robin told the court, "he mumbled a lot about me. Said I was the one who'd turned him crazy. Then all of a sudden he was right as rain and back in his office."

"Could you please tell the court about the events of the early hours of the second of May nineteen ninety seven?"

Robin closed his eyes momentarily, sure as anything that his face was turning ever paler.

"It was the night Tony Blair won the general election," Robin explained. "Lots of us had watched it at the station. But then a dog got loose…"

The lawyer frowned.

"Who let the dogs out?"

Robin attempted to resist the urge to break into song.

"We don't know," he said, "but just as I was finishing up in the canine unit the explosions happened. My first thought was for the safety of the dogs so I took them out one by one… there was smoke, fire and rubble... just as I had taken the last dog out of the building," he froze as memories of the night forced their way into his head. They made him think he was going to be sick or pass out as the power of them overtook him but he managed to do neither. "I thought he was a paramedic," he whispered, "he was wearing the uniform. I thought he was going to help… the man standing beside me," he swallowed, "but he wasn't a paramedic. And when he spoke," his eyes turned to the man glaring in his direction, "I'd have known that voice anywhere."

"Can you please confirm for the court the identity of the person?"

"It was _him,"_ Robin spat, "_Keats._ He hit me over the head with something and everything went black. The next thing I remembered was waking up in an office. My head was throbbing and my body ached. I was all tied up." He paused, "It was his office. Keats's office. And he was _there_, standing over me. I had a blindfold on. He ripped it off and he…" he could barely breathe, "he just had this… _smile_. This smug smile on his face. I was like the best Christmas present he'd ever had." He looked down, feeling his stomach really starting to turn over as the memory of the night came back to him. "He spent a long time just… _taunting_ me. Torturing me. Kicking me. He… he has other reasons to hate me." He flinched as he admitted, "I had discovered… as had _he_… that we were related. And also," he opened his eyes and stared right at Keats, "Also, the one person he's ever loved was in love with _me_."

"This is DC Kim Stringer?"

"DCI now," Robin said quietly, "he couldn't handle that. So I knew I was in for a bad time." He felt a tear springing to his eye as he continued, "but not as bad as his other _'guest'_, as he called her." He turned back to the lawyer. "He told me he had someone in the basement. He went out for a while and I tried to get the ropes untied but it was impossible. He came back. Made it pretty obvious that it was Alex… _DCI Drake_… that he was holding in the basement. He went through the same process. Insults, spite, physical violence. He went out again and I had a terrible feeling that he was going to do something to Alex. I tried again to undo the knots and I loosened the rope around my wrists. I took a chance and hit him, once in the face, once in the stomach, but my ankles were still tied and I couldn't get away. He pinned me down and attacked me again, then just started screaming at me… all the reasons he hated me. Because of our blood connection, the fact I had Kim and," he caught his breath as he remembered something, something he'd forgotten about for the longest time, ever since that night, It made him freeze for a second as he recalled it in surprise, "And _Simon_. He…" he shook his head as he tried to process it, "he was jealous… because of the years I'd spent with _Simon."_

"This is DCI Shoebury?"

Robin bit his lip.

"Yeah," he said quietly, "he's always been sort of… obsessed with him." But for the first time he started to wonder in what way. "I don't remember anything else until," he swallowed, "Kim… she found me and led me out the building. I was taken to hospital. That's all I know."

The lawyer assured that the jury were treated to graphic evidence of Robin's wounds. At least one of them left the room for air and an old woman muttered '_Well I never'_ as she studied them. Finally the lawyer moved on.

"Recently you have encountered DCI Keats again, is that right?"

Robin nodded grimly.

"Yes," he said quietly.

"Please describe for the jury the events of the thirty-first of August."

Robin looked down with a stinging sensation inside if him, knowing this was going to be the hardest part of all to relive.

"DCI Keats was supposed to be away in France," he began, "_Paris_, apparently," he said pointedly, throwing Keats a glare which didn't affect him in the slightest. He took a deep breath and stared at his hands. "It was the day Princess Diana died. Brought out a lot of emotions, in _everyone_ I guess. Kim had…" he swallowed, "…she'd started to work at Fenchurch West. She didn't have a choice in the matter." He looked up. "DCI Keats does not allow transfers. He's been controlling her and couldn't be herself any more. I had to see her and try to help her back to being herself again, she's such a strong woman but that place overtook her." He swallowed, "not like you really get a choice." He could barely go on but somehow forced himself to. "I found her in the basement. I talked to her, begged her, _pleaded_ with her to listen to me… reminded her who she really was. She'd been sticking it out there to protect the rest of us from Keats, even a little. When I finally got through to her…" his voice hitched as his eyes closed. "I'd missed her _so_ much, and there she was, her old self again. The next thing I knew we were kissing and it was just like it had always been."

"Kim Stringer is your long-term partner, is that correct?"

"Yes," Robin nodded with a whisper, "and I love her very much."

"Following your reunion, what happened next?"

Robin looked down, his cheeks reddening as he said quietly,

"It had been a very long time."

A silence fell.

"Please go on, Chief Inspector Thomas."

Robin breathed in deeply. He could still feel her all around him.

"We made love on the desk," he whispered, "I needed her so badly. She needed me too. And just as we," he flinched as he played Keats's voice through his mind, "just as we _finished_… there he was, in the doorway," he felt very sick suddenly, "he'd been watching."

"Could you please confirm for the court the name of the man who'd been watching you?"

Robin turned an icy glare on the man in question.

"DCI Jim Keats," he breathed and the lawyer nodded.

"Please continue," he said.

"He went crazy," Robin found himself shaking. _Stop it,_ he told himself. He knew he had to keep it together. "He's been obsessed with Kim for years and he couldn't handle what he'd seen. He started making threats and reached out to touch her face but she pushed him and I punched him. I knocked him to the floor and I was trying to keep him there but he put on this… burst of strength," _Inhuman strength,_ his mind reminded him, "and he grabbed me by the shoulder. Dragged me to the floor. The next thing I knew I couldn't breathe. He'd punched me in the throat and then in the stomach. I was gasping, I thought I was going to die." He swallowed, barely able to continue. "Kim tried to pull him away from me but he was just crazed by now. He pushed her against the wall and I managed to get back on my feet to try pulling him away… he was too determined. He grabbed me by the throat and slammed my head against the wall." He flinched. "The pain was incredible but then I don't remember anything else. I was unconscious. The next thing I knew I was waking up in hospital with a cracked skull."

Robin suffered the indignation of more photographs of his injuries being passed around the jury but at least no one needed 'air' this time. Finally the lawyer addressed him one last time.

"Chief Inspector Thomas," he began, "in your mind would DCI Keats have killed you if he'd had the chance?"

Robin swallowed and fixed his eyes on Keats.

"In a heartbeat," he breathed, his expression contorted by hatred. He thought for a split-second that he saw Keats's jaw wobble but soon enough he held it firm and even sent a smirk in Robin's direction.

"No further questions, your honour," The lawyer told the judge and took a seat.

"The defence may begin questioning the witness," the judge announced to the court and Robin took a deep breath. He knew that whatever was about to happen would be far harder to cope with than anything that had come before, and yet in his worst nightmares he had never imagined the dread, the horror or the sense of darkness that fell upon his shoulders the moment that he laid eyes on the lawyer for the defence.

The beard and those beady little eyes looked back at him and in an instant Robin wished that Keats had finished the job that day. If he was dead then he would never have had to lay eyes on _that beard_ again.

All at once he flashed back to another trial, another world, another year; himself and Kim called as witnesses against the man now about to question him for things that he wouldn't even do for another fifteen years. He swallowed but it didn't push away the horror or the lump in his throat. God, his stomach was churning. It wouldn't stop. It just turned and flipped as he stared on in horror, his mouth falling open.

"_No,"_ he whispered as Evan prepared to cross-question him.

And just as poor Kim had done at that other trial, years and worlds apart, Robin lost control of his digestive system and sent a multi-coloured yawn across the stand.

As court descended into chaos with members of the jury shrieking like they'd seen a mouse and Robin protesting that he was allergic to beards, all he could think was that he'd been lied to. Gene knew Evan was the lawyer for the defence and hadn't said a fucking thing. _No warning, no chance to prepare_. Was it any wonder he'd reacted so horribly?

As he was led from court to clean up and be assessed to continue, Robin closed his eyes and felt an angry tear escaping. Was this not hard enough to go through?

It seemed his horror deserved an extra layer of hell.


	9. Chapter 8: Don't Listen To The Lies

_**A/N: I'm a few chapters ahead so I thought I would sneak in an extra update!**_

**Chapter Eight**

Robin hung his head in humiliation as he was helped from the court and sat in the corridor outside. Apart from throwing up, the sight of Evan had made him flash back so severely that he could barely see. Someone helped him into a chair while someone else fetched him some water and suddenly there were faces and voices all around him.

_"Robin? Robin, what's happened?_

"_Oh god, Rob, are you alright?"_

"_Robin! God, look at you!"_

"_Yer an interesting shade, batman, what d'you call that? Lime or mint?"_

But Robin couldn't answer them; all he could do was shake his head. _Evan_. Bloody Evan. As though Keats wasn't bad enough.

"He can't talk to any of you right now," a voice began to shoo the crowd away, "He is still under oath. He had a turn in the courtroom and needs to be assessed by the physician to see if he is up to continuing."

"I'm fine," Robin mumbled as a glass of water appeared under his nose.

"Let the doctor be the judge of that."

Robin rubbed his eyes and sipped the water.

"Really," Robin swallowed, "it was the beard. I'm… I'm allergic to beards. That's all."

He shut his eyes tightly and tried to block out the memory of Evan's court case but it was impossible. He and Kim had been taking some time apart and seeing her looking ill and drained in court had worried him terrible, even more so when she was led from the courtroom for doing the exact same thing that _he'd_ just done over the stand.

"Oh _god,"_ he groaned, "I'm pregnant again."

That was _just_ what he needed, more morning sickness and beans as well as odd looks from the legal team who considered offering him a pregnancy test to '_humour the poor guy'._

Eventually he was cleared by the doctor to return to the stand and re-entered the court to find Evan now wearing a small hammock of fabric across his beard. Despite himself Robin sniggered, knowing that all too soon things would become deadly serious. He was right.

"Chief Inspector Thomas, are you up to continuing?"

Robin nodded and closed his eyes.

"Yeah." He said quietly, I'm OK."

"Alright," the judge turned to Evan, "the defence may continue."

Evan approached the stand looking highly uncomfortable in his beard-hammock.

"Chief Inspector Thomas," he began, "you look like a pretty fit man."

Robin froze on the spot. Was Evan coming onto him?

"Uh…"

"You look like you work out? Take care of yourself?"

Robin swallowed.

"I go to the gym, yeah…?" he said, confused.

"Regularly?"

Robin had no idea where this was going.

"About four times a week," he said nervously.

"What does your workout entail?"

Robin stared on, his mouth open in confusion but luckily the lawyer for the prosecution raised an objection.

"I don't see what bearing this has on the case whatsoever?"

"If you will bear with me a little longer I am sure you will understand its relevance," Evan told the judge who decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Very well," he said, "you may continue. But please get to the point."

Evan nodded.

"Chief Inspector Thomas, could you please describe the kind of work-out that you usually undertake?"

Robin shrugged awkwardly.

"Weights," he said, "I use some of the machines. Usually some swimming. A little bit of kickboxing."

"So you'd say your stamina and strength are fairly high?"

Robin swallowed and felt like covering up his muscles as much as possible to keep them away from Evan.

"I suppose," he said.

Evan began to look smug.

"So can you explain to me how my client, a man of some ten years your senior with no fitness regime to speak of can overpower you with the apparent ease of which you claim?"

Robin swallowed and began to feel his face flushing.

"Never underestimate the power of anger," he said quietly, "Sometimes physical fitness is no match for pure rage."

"Your history with my client," Evan continued, "You told the court that DCI Keats tried to enlist your help in removing DCI Hunt from duty."

"Yes."

"Exactly how did he attempt to persuade you?"

Robin swallowed.

"He showed me a tape," he began quietly, "of DCI Hunt from many years ago to prove that he was homophobic. _But_," Robin continued quickly, "I had already spent a couple of days working with Gene and had made up my own mind about him. He'd learnt through the years. Like we all do in different ways.

"And are you yourself a homosexual man?"

Robin knew that this line of questioning wasn't going to lead anywhere good.

"Yes," he said through gritted teeth, "and Hunt's never shown he has a problem with me."

"Well perhaps that's because, despite _claiming_ to be a homosexual, you have been in a serious and steady relationship, _you_ claim, with a woman."

Robin closed his eyes momentarily.

"Believe me, no one is more surprised by that than I am," he began, "and when I met Gene I was in a relationship with Simon."

"DCI Simon Shoebury?" Even asked.

"Yes."

"Who later went on to have a relationship with my client."

Robin threw Keats a glare and saw that smirk on his face,

"It was hardly a relationship," Robin said angrily, "Keats took advantage of Simon when he was drunk one night."

"It seems to be a bit more than one night," Evan continued, "according to my client they were involved in sexual activities on at least two further occasions."

Robin felt his face burning up.

"Simon and I were apart by then," he said, and as much as it hurt him to say it he continued, "it's none of my business what he does with anyone else. No matter how inhuman they might be."

"Don't you think it's strange that, while your brother –"

"_Half-_brother," Robin spat angrily.

"…was beginning a relationship with your ex-partner, _you_ decided to begin a relationship with _his?"_

Robin felt sick again.

"What?"

"No sooner had DCI Keats and DCI Shoebury become close –"

"_Objection!"_ Robin cried.

"_You_ are not allowed to raise an objection, Mister Thomas, as you already know," the judge warned.

"But no one becomes 'close' to Keats, not without mutating into some kind of reptilian creature!" Robin cried angrily.

"One more interruption and I will have to hold you in contempt of court," the judge warned and Robin looked down, trying to contain his anger.

"As soon as they became close," Evan continued, "you decided to embark on a relationship with Kimberley Stringer."

"I didn't_ 'decide'_ anything," Robin hissed, "love isn't a decision."

"You were aware that DCI Keats was very much in love with her –"

"His version of '_love'_ involves only one half of the couple being aware that anything is happening!"

"And you were envious of his relationship with your ex-partner…"

"I didn't even _know_ about him sleeping with Simon back then!"

"So you decided tit-for-tat was in order."

"The _tits_ were half the reason you're talking bollocks!" Robin blurted before he could stop himself, "for god's sake, it's not easy to get into a relationship that goes against everything that's natural to you! That goes against every instinct in your body! I wasn't even bi-curious, I'd _never_ liked women, I fell in love with Kim unexpectedly and we both suffered and struggled to make it work, but in the end it did because it was real. Unlike the chemically-induced relationships that _he_ has."

Evan completely ignored Robin's emotional testimony.

"The night of the general election," he began, "the one you claim my client 'abducted' and assaulted you. Could you please tell the court where you were directly before you attended the dog unit?"

Robin frowned.

"We were watching the election coverage," he frowned, "it was a bit like a party…"

"No, _directly_ before."

Robin swallowed.

"What do you mean?"

Evan pulled out a piece of evidence and showed it around the court.

"According to the first aid log for your station, DS Dawson was administering first aid to a number of small gashes and bruises you acquired during a fight," he paused, "with DCI Shoebury."

Robin swallowed, his eyes bolting.

"What has that got to do with –"

"Do you have a violent streak, Mister Thomas?"

"What? _No!"_

"But there were a number of witnesses to your fight with your ex-partner."

"Just having a one-off fight doesn't give me violent tendencies!" Robin protested, "it had been a stressful day, we'd had a few drinks and we –"

"Are you a drinker, Mister Thomas"

Robin froze.

"I," he swallowed, "I drink occasionally. The same as a lot of people."

"The hospital reports from our admission after your alleged abduction show a rather high blood alcohol level,"

Robin bit his lip.

"Like I said," he whispered, "it was a bit of a party."

"And the hospital records from your admission with a skull fracture on the thirty-first of august also show a highly elevated blood alcohol level."

All the colour drained from Robin's face.

"It was a sad day," he said quietly, "the Princess Diana coverage."

"In fact, the level was so high that the hospital had some difficulty safely administering medications to help in your recovery."

Robin didn't know what to say

"I don't drink all the time," he mumbled.

"Were you drinking last night?"

Robin swallowed and grasped the stand tightly.

"I went out last night," he breathed "Yes, I had a drink like a lot of people did."

"Are you fit to answer questions in court today?"

"_Yes_ I'm fit to answer questions in court today!" Robin cried angrily, "I am stone cold sober and stand by every word that I've said."

"But you admit that you've been drinking regularly?"

Robin had no idea what to say.

"I've had a few drinks, I'm not an alcoholic."

"Do you find alcohol affects our judgement?"

For a split second an image of a naked Shaz came back into Robin's head and he blanched.

"It's not like I was drinking before court," he hissed, "I'm not drunk _now_."

"But you'd been drinking on both occasions that you claim my client assaulted you," Evan pointed out, "how certain can you be of the circumstances surrounding DCI Keats's actions?"

Robin stood firm. He looked Evan right in the eye and said,

"Your client abducted and assaulted me. He kicked and beat me. He punched me. Cracked my skull. Tried to strangle me. He could have killed me." He added silently _'if that was possible'._ "I know what happened and even if you don't believe me the hospital reports speak for themselves."

Evan shuffled a little.

"Could you describe a little more about the nature of your relationship with Kimberley Stringer?"

The shift in tone confused Robin immensely. He blinked and cleared his throat, unsure what to say.

"Uh," he began awkwardly, "We… we've been together for about a year and a half…"

"_Were_ together."

"Pardon?"

"You _were_ together. You are no longer a couple."

Robin swallowed.

"Says who?"

"Many witnesses from Fenchurch West can attest to the fact that you have harassed Kimberley –"

"_Harassed?"_ cried Robin.

"With nuisance phone calls…"

"You _what?"_

"…Emails, faxes and even visiting in person…"

"I just –"

"Even after she told you time and time again that you were over and that she did not wish to see you anymore."

"That's not _true!_ She was _trapped_ there, she didn't mean it –"

"We have tape recordings of more than twenty five calls…"

"_What?"_

"…that my client felt compelled to record when he realised that Miss Stringer was being harassed…"

"I was doing no such _thing_ to her!"

"and we have cctv footage from the car park depicting a visit you paid Kimberley which clearly shows her being distressed by your arrival…"

"Because she's terrified of _him!"_ Robin aimed a finger angrily in Keats's direction, "and she was trying to protect me… protect _all_ of us… she wanted us to stay away so he wouldn't hurt us…"

"Kimberley was afraid of you."

"No!"

"And DCI Keats attempted to keep you away to protect her."

"That's _bullshit!"_

"And so you waited until he was away to corner her…"

"_Corner_ her?"

"…In the basement, knowing there was only one exit, which you could easily block…"

"_No!"_

"…And when you had her cornered you used your strength to overpower her…"

"What the _fuck?"_

"…and forced her –"

"_No!"_

"…To have sexual intercourse –"

"_Fuck_ no!"

"…with you which my client interrupted –"

"_No!"_

"…And stopped you from continuing."

"_No!"_ Robin cried, "I would never… _he's_ the one… he's probably got the gas and air running right now! He used to drug her, over and over! For fuck's sake, get _her_ here! Ask her! Why isn't she giving evidence against him?"

"Because," Evan began, "it was deemed that she had no useful evidence to give."

Robin swallowed.

"What?"

"Beyond a consensual –"

"_NO!"_

"Romantic and physical relationship with my client –"

"That's bullshit! _Bullshit!"_

"_Mister Thomas…"_

"No further questions, " Evan smiled as Robin screamed and felt tears springing to his eyes.

Dragged from the court before he could make more of a scene, Robin felt like his entire world had been torn down around him. Beard or no beard, he was _never_ going to stop retching from the foul lies that Evan had insinuated about him and he was never going to stop crying either. The only person who could ever make it better was as far away as ever and it felt far too late.

He might as well be dead. His heart was so deeply broken he was already halfway there.


	10. Chapter 9: Don't Even THINK About It

**Chapter Nine**

"Robin… _Robin!"_ Alex tried to chase after him as he yanked his arms from the grasp of the gentleman removing him from court and began to storm towards the door. "_Robin, wait!"_ she caught up to him and laid a hand on his arm but he shrugged her away.

"I'm done. I've had it," he cried, moving closer to the door.

"Robin, what's happened, what did they say?" Simon cried. He tried to take hold of Robin by the arm but Robin pushed him away.

"I'm not talking about this," he spat, "especially not in front of people who can't tell the truth," he glared at Gene, "thanks_, mate," _he hissed, "nice surprise."

"We didn't want to scare you away, batman." Gene told him but Robin just shook his head.

"Error of judgement, Gene," he spat, "error of judgement. I needed warning." He started walking toward the door again.

"_Robin!"_ Simon cried out Robin just shook his head and carried on marching, leaving Simon to look at Gene. "What's he talking about? What have you done to him?"

"Calm yer size elevens," Gene told Simon, "We had to keep a tiny fact from him for a day, that's all."

"What fact?"

"Simon," Alex began quietly, "Evan is the lawyer for the defence."

There was a very long silence that followed the revelation in which Simon struggled to find anything remotely appropriate to say. His mouth opened several times but no words emerged. Finally, clearing his throat, he fixed an angry look upon Gene.

"And you didn't think it would be a good idea to prepare Robin for this?" he asked stiffly.

"We didn't want him jumping in the batmobile and flying away," Gene told Simon.

"He'd never have done that!" Simon cried angrily, "seeing Keats in jail is the most important thing to Robin right now! A night to prepare would have –"

"Given him an excuse to down a few more measures?" Gene suggested.

"Oh look who's _talking!"_ Simon cried. He shook his head angrily and walked to the door.

"_Oi, Shoebury!_ Where do you think you're moping off to?"

"_To find Robin!"_ cried Simon, "or at least _try_ to. And hope he's not gone on a beard-related rampage."

Alex and Gene exchanged a guilty look as Simon left and Alex felt her heart sinking.

"Maybe we _did_ make an error of judgement," she said quietly.

Gene swallowed and stared at the door.

"Couldn't risk him taking flight, Bolly," he told her, "and he'll get over it. He'll have to."

"He's in a bad enough state as it is."

"I don't have time to worry about the protector of Gotham City, I'm far more concerned with the fact that me very own Posh Spice could be on the stand any minute now."

Alex swallowed and felt her insides churning.

"I was trying not to think about that," she said quietly. She shuffled on the spot. "Anyway, it's more likely that I'll be called tomorrow."

"At least I'll be in there," Gene told her, "that bespectacled bastard looks at you funny and I'll swing from the ceiling to kick his teeth out."

"Well _that'll_ help our case," Alex rolled her eyes.

It was true enough that Gene would at least be able to support her. Now that he had given his evidence he was allowed to observe the rest of the trial if he wished, but although Alex knew he meant well there was a part of her that wished he wouldn't be there. It was going to be hard enough to relive what Keats had put her through. Telling it to a room full of strangers was going to kill her as it was. Knowing Gene would hear every word made her want to cry her eyes out.

"I hope he'll be alright," she whispered and although Gene tried to reassure her she couldn't be certain that he would. Even Robin had his breaking point.

~xXx~

He'd walked for what felt like hours until he came upon a bar that was open. He'd ordered three brandies in quick succession to immediately numb the pain. It had helped well enough the night before so it seemed like the thing to do. He actually didn't care any more about drinking or hangovers or throwing up in someone's toilet. If it numbed the pain for a while that was all that mattered.

Evan's words played through his mind and he wanted to scream. How could he accuse him of such a thing? If he had ever seen the way that Robin and Kim _were_ together he would never have suggested it, not even to support his 'client'.

He gave a mocking snort as he thought about Keats and Evan's nasty insinuation that his relationship with Kim was 'consensual' – Kim would rather have shagged the woman with the fat arse in the canteen than Keats.

He had watched the clock on the wall, willing the hands to move, but as always it was a fruitless wish. He was aware of the passing of time though as the place began to get busier and the sky started to get darker. Eventually after adding a couple of beers to his gutful of brandy he stumbled to the pay phone and dropped in some coins. He could barely see the buttons but managed somehow to hit the right ones and waited for the machine to pick up the call. Even the sound of her voice was like a stab to the heart.

"_Kim,"_ he spat out into the receiver, "_please_, Kim. Tell them the fucking truth," he felt the tears starting to fall now but couldn't stop them. "He's got you under his spell again. I don't know what he's using on you… pills, potions, gas and fucking air but they're saying stuff," he gave an involuntary hiccup as the fizz of the beer got to him, "I've had as much as I can fucking take. I just want you back. I'm so scared about you being there. What's he _doing_ to you, Kim? Is he fucking you?" his eyes closed tightly and tears streamed like rainfall. "Please come back to me," he whispered, "I fucking love you."

But the tape ran out and he had no idea whether the end of his message would ever be heard. Then again, neither had his others. Not really. She may have listened to them but the words barely registered. The future was as empty as his wallet as he paid for one last measure to try to kill the pain.

His life was over without Kim.

~xXx~

Alex bit her lip and looked nervously at Gene as he hung up the phone.

"Still no sign?" she asked quietly.

"No," said Gene, "but you keep chewing on yer own gob like that and we can use _you_ as a replacement."

"Sorry," Alex said a little guiltily. She'd picked up that habit while out in the real world, staying with Robin and Kim. It wasn't proving easy to break. She watched Gene pulling on his coat and collecting up his keys. "Where are we going?" she asked, getting up and preparing to put on her shoes.

"You stay here, Bolly," He told her, "I told Shoebury I'd try the bars and pubs round this way. Need you to stay here and start calling hospitals."

Alex's heart dropped right into the pit of her stomach.

"Oh _god_, Gene, is it that bad?" she whispered.

"Simon thinks so," Gene told her as he headed to the door, "Said he'd been turning to the cat's piddle a bit too much. Thinks he's going to be sleeping in a dumpster somewhere. That or in an operating theatre with a broken leg."

"Shit," whispered Alex, "Gene, please let me know if you find him."

"Will do, Bols," Gene said grimly as he left the house.

Alex felt panic setting in as she thought about Robin's reaction as he left court that day. They'd made a mistake by not telling him about Evan but they'd truly thought they were doing the right thing at the time. She parked herself by the telephone with the phone book and began working her way through local hospitals, unsure whether she was worried or relieved by each one that had no news until half an hour after Gene's departure there was a sudden, violent knocking at the door and Alex jumped to her feet.

"Gene?" she called, wondering if he had forgotten his keys but as she opened the door a big steaming pile of Robin fell through it and landed on top of her. "_Oof!"_ she staggered back as a pair of arms around her neck knocked her off balance and she cried, "_Robin_? What are you doing? Where the _hell_ have you been?"

"My life is _over_, Alex," he cried.

"Everyone's been worried _sick_ about you!" Alex cried, "Gene and Simon are out there looking for you right now!"

"That _bastard_ pulled me apart," he hiccupped and rested his head heavily against her shoulder, "they think I hurt her. They think _I'm_ the one who _forced_ her!"

"My _god_, Robin, how did you get in _this_ state?"

Robin belched.

"Drinking," he told her and she rolled her eyes.

"Come on, let's get you onto the couch," she said and began to lead him there. He dropped heavily onto the soft cushions with a slight moan of discontent at the liquid contents of his stomach sloshing around.

"I've had it, Alex. I can't take any more," he muttered as his head lolled.

"What happened on the stand, Robin?" Alex asked anxiously, "you just stormed off before we could find out."

"Fucking _Evan_, that's what," Robin spat as tears started falling for the fifteenth time since he'd been on the stand, "he turned everything around on me. Made it sound like _I_ was the one who forced her."

Alex's expression froze.

"What?" she whispered.

"Said I used my muscley things and forced her," Robin cried, "fucking told the jury _Keats_ was the one saving her from _me!"_

"Wh-how could he _say_ that?" Alex cried, enraged, "what did _you_ say?"

"All I could say was no. I had no proof, it was my word against his," Robin cried, "I _never_ would do that, Alex! _You_ know that!"

"I know," Alex whispered, rubbing his arm comfortingly, "I know, Rob."

Robin's head drooped a little.

"I called her… I _keep_ calling her… she doesn't care."

"She _can't_ care, Robin," Alex reminded him, "her mind's been twisted by that place. By him."

"She's not safe there," Robin wiped his eyes, "and they said... _Evan_ said…" his face started to crumble and Alex felt her fear deepening.

"What, Robin?" she asked gently, "what did he say?"

Robin gulped back tears.

"Evan said… she… Kim… and Keats… he said they were…" he choked on the words, "said they had a _consensual sexual relationship."_

Alex couldn't explain the sudden sick feeling that set in.

"Keats will say anything to get out of this," she whispered but Robin shook his head.

"He's doing it again, isn't he?" he whispered, "he's got the gas and air."

"We don't know –"

"Yes we _do,"_ cried Robin, "we _do_ know! He's forcing her and she's oblivious to it! She's _mine_, Alex! I love the fuck out of her!"

Alex's heart ached for the two of them and her fear for Kim's situation was sky-high but she had to hold it together for Robin.

"We're going to get her out of there," she said determinedly.

"She doesn't even know what he's doing!" Robin cried, "she's oblivious to it. If I try going there again they'll fucking lock me up, saying I'm _harassing_ her! And I can't do a disappearing act from my cell, I'm not Keats," his expression hardened, "as much as _Evan_ liked pointing out the family ties."

Alex shook her head slowly and looked him in the eye.

"No, Robin, you're _not_ Keats," she said firmly, "you need Kim. And Kim needs you. But what we all need to do is to hold ourselves together to get through this case. If we stand together and keep strong we can take away his title, take away his power and take away his hold over her. We'll save her from the darkness and bring her back to where she belongs."

"How can you be so sure?" Robin cried despondently.

"Because she's Kim." Alex told him firmly , "and she needs to be with us."

Robin stared into Alex's eyes and for the first time felt the tiniest spark of hope inside of him. Something about her determination renewed his strength and made him feel that things were not hopeless after all. He swallowed and nodded hesitantly.

"You really think?" he whispered.

Alex nodded.

"I know it," she told him. Robin's lips waivered and a tiny smile appeared for a split second, even though it faded away to despair again.

"Thanks, Alex," he whispered, an arm flailing drunkenly around her shoulder, "you're the best friend I could ever want."

Alex tried to stop his breath from peeling the make-up from her face.

"That's quite alright," she said, flinching a little at the strength of the smell, "just keep yourself focused and grounded, Robin. Keep holding on." She paused as his arms tightened around her. "I didn't mean to _me."_

"You're wonderful," Robin tried to focus as he slurred his compliments, "You're so much like Kim," he hiccupped, "without the metal."

Alex blinked.

"Oh. Thank you. I think"

"And you're so pretty," Robin's eyes rolled around as he tried to look at her a little more clearly.

"I think it's time for you to have a nice long lie down with a lot of black coffee," Alex told him.

"I'm going to call you _Kim the Second_," Robin told her.

"Can we stick to Alex?"

Robin looked at her and a wave of seriousness washed over his face.

"Kim really likes you, you know," he whispered and Alex froze for a second.

"She does?"

"You're so much like her," Robin murmured, "so strong." He swallowed. "I miss her so much."

Caught up between the booze, the despair and a deep sadness Robin's thoughts and emotions found themselves all mixed up. Projecting what he loved in Kim onto the close friend sitting beside him he closed his eyes and leaned forward, lips pursed. He felt so close to her, not least of all for the connection to Kim, but the drink had taken that bond in a direction that he'd never have considered before. A second passed, then another. He got away with three seconds of kissing before a shocked voice mumbled;

"_Robin, please explain what your lips are doing on mine."_

Robin opened his eyes, not altogether sure.

"I… don't know," he muttered, too drunk to think of moving away, "I just felt like maybe I should kiss you?"

"_Funny, that,"_ a third voice boomed, "Since I feel like maybe I should _punch_ you."

Robin's eyes rose to an angry Gene towering over him. He swallowed and felt a little unwell.

"Morning, Gene," he mumbled.

"It's half eight in the bloody evening," Gene growled, "and also time to inform me why you appear to have set yer kissing lips loose on me other half."

Robin blinked a few times and tried to work out what to say

"I miss Kim," he wailed eventually.

"So you, what….? Thought you'd even up the score after Stringer decided to bed me missus?"

"That's not evening up the score," Robin's head spun, "evening up the score would be more like…."

Gene froze. Robin was suddenly looking at him with a very different look in his eyes.

"If you value yer life you'll stop right there," he threatened.

"'s like looking at an old Simon," Robin told him.

"_Old?!"_ Gene yelled as Robin stood up unsteadily and opened up his arms for a big cuddle.

"I do like blondes," he informed Gene coquettishly as he threw his arms around him and unleashed his kissing lips on another target before a sharp pain in his groin brought him down to the ground as Gene's knee dealt swiftly with the situation.

"_Gene!"_ cried Alex.

"What else was I supposed to do, Bolly?!" Gene cried, "Batman had his _snogging_ face on!" He gagged, "On my lips to be precise!"

"_I know!"_ Alex cried, "I had first kneeing rights! He kissed me first!"

"You can take a turn next," Gene offered but Alex shook her head as the sound of Robin snoring filled the air.

"There's no fun in it now," she complained. She looked at Gene who was wiping his mouth enthusiastically on a handkerchief. "Are you alright?"

"Nothing another ten gallons of mouthwash and six years of therapy won't fix," Gene told her, "at least _this_ one didn't use tongues,"

Alex tried not to laugh at the sight of Gene frantically trying to wipe away any Robin cooties that had been left behind.

"Would you like me to get your toothbrush, Gene?" she asked.

"Just book me a flipping mouth replacement operation," Gene said in horror, "I've had the pair of them tangling with me tonsils now!" he shuddered, "at least this one wears eyeliner."

Alex bit her lip to stop herself from giggling.

"I think you'd better call Simon and tell him the missing Robin has been located," she said.

"Located and deactivated," Gene mumbled "shame the same can't be said for his lips."

As Gene set off to spend the night gargling away the memory of Robin's amorous advances with Plax, Alex put Robin to bed on the couch and welcomed the distraction from thinking about the next day. Her own turn in the stand awaited and if the state of Robin was anything to go by she wasn't going to have an easy ride.


	11. Chapter 10: Don't Let Your Heart Break

**Chapter Ten**

His head was a _very_ painful object.

Robin opened his eyes very slowly and took in his surroundings. He had absolutely no concept of where he was or how he got there. In fact he couldn't remember very much at all about the day before. He slowly moved into an upright position and blinked a few times.

"Alex and Gene's house?" he mumbled as he tried to recall the trail that led him there from the court. He heard footsteps and looked around to see Alex approaching him somewhat cautiously.

"Morning, Robin," she said awkwardly.

Robin reached for his forehead.

"Morning," he mumbled. He squinted at her. "I'm on your sofa."

"I know."

"I'm not sure why."

"Because it looked more comfortable place to leave you than the floor?"

"The floor?" Robin frowned and licked his dry lips, then froze. _Lipstick_. Why did they taste of lipstick? "Oh… _shit,"_ he mumbled, "Who the hell have I been kissing now?" he noticed Alex turning a little red in the cheeks and looking down awkwardly and immediately his world began to crumble. "Oh _no_… Alex, please tell me… I didn't…"

Alex cringed.

"I'm afraid you did," she said as Robin scrambled to his feet.

"Shit!" he cried, "Alex, I'm so sorry, I never… I mean, I wasn't in my right mind… I…" he gulped, "You… you do know that I don't…"

"No, no, I know," Alex gave a nervous smile, "don't worry. You were missing Kim. You didn't know what you were doing."

Robin rubbed his forehead.

"Thank god it was _you_, Alex," he sighed, "I was lucky… you're so understanding. Imagine if it had been Gene?" he started to laugh but the look on Alex's face called a halt to that.

_"Ye-e-e-e-e-eah_… you kind of kissed him a little bit too," she said.

All the colour drained from Robin's face.

"Please tell me you're joking?" he breathed.

_"Batman!"_

That one word was enough to know that his wish was fruitless.

_"Shit,"_ he panicked.

Gene appeared in the doorway, his face like thunder. The dark circles beneath his eyes showed that he hadn't exactly had a good night's sleep and the scent of mouthwash hung in the air.

"_Shit_ indeed," he boomed, "ironic really since something's happened that's really upset my guts. Wonder what that could have been."

"Gene, before you say anything," Robin held up his hands to surrender, "I was totally drunk, I didn't know what I was doing…"

"You seemed to know _exactly_ what you were doing," Alex commented cheekily.

"Has it become a new requirement of me post to kiss all me colleagues?" Gene boomed as Robin hid behind the couch, "Should I go stick me tongue down Dawson's neck?"

"Please don't," Robin whimpered.

"Or is this some special Fenchurch East kiss-chase tournament I've not been advised of?"

"I said I was sorry!" Robin pleaded, "I was pissed and upset and I didn't mean to end up as a notch on your bedpost!"

"You didn't bloody get _that_ far!" Gene cried. He opened the front door like he was shooing out a naughty cat. "I will see you in court exactly two hours from now to give Alex the moral support she deserves. And by moral support I don't mean the moral _dilemma_ of whether or not to cut off yer _knackers!"_

Robin swallowed hard.

"Yes, Gene," he whispered, "very good, Gene. Sorry, Gene."

Gene aimed a finger out of the doorway.

"_Out!"_

He stepped back to avoid getting knocked over by a speeding Robin who ran from the building like his trousers were on fire. Alex had to laugh as Gene slammed the door behind him.

"I think you've taken it quite well," she told him.

"Have I bollocks, he'll be on the latte run for the next fifteen years and that's just for starters," Gene scowled. He gave a violent shudder. "I feel like I've been inaugurated into a flipping cult. I've only got to kiss Metal Mickey and the chain will be complete."

Alex began to smile but her face soon fell.

"Gene," she whispered, "a-about Kim…"

"Bolly," Gene sighed as he turned to her, "there's nothing we can do until we knock Jimbo off his perch like the proverbial dead parrot."

"I'm worried about her," she said quietly.

"I know you are."

"I was worried _anyway_, but after last night…" she sighed and closed her eyes, "Something Robin said terrifierd me."

"The part about you being Stringer without the metal?"

"_No."_ Alex wasn't in the mood for Gene's sarcasm, "I'm serious."

Gene knew that. He also knew that the part worrying Alex so much was the part he wanted her to stop thinking about. He knew it cut too close to home. But there was no taking her mind off the subject.

"Kim can look after herself," A rare use of her first name made Alex stop for a moment.

"No she can't, Gene," Alex said quietly, "as tough as she is… and believe me, she's tough…" a tiny smile spread across her face, "she's like you, except with tattoos and breasts…" She noticed Gene glancing involuntarily to his chest to check he hadn't sprouted a pair, "you don't know what it's like when he starts his campaign. The gas and air, a little something in your drink." She swallowed, "and then there's that stare."

Gene didn't know what else to say. He hated to admit it but he knew she was right. So Kim had his car. So she'd nicked a bottle or two of scotch. She'd even introduced his missus to sapphic delights. But she had also saved Alex when Keats had her in his grasp, looked after her in the real world and taken the ultimate step to send her back home where she belonged. Gene didn't know how he was ever going to thank Kim for that. Besides, he kind of liked her attitude. Not that he was going to admit it.

"Look," he said quietly, "Stringer's done more for you than I'm gonna be able to pay back in scotch. She makes Batman happy, she kept Simon in check and she was a bloody good member of me team." He paused, "and it turns out we also share the same taste in posh tarts." He saw Alex look down with a blush and the tiniest smile. "But Jimbo's not going to let that one get away while he's wielding more power than Princess Diana's fan club. We've got to see this through. Two days down. Just a few to go. We'll get him stripped of that post quicker than Batman wanted to strip me of me underpants –"

"He did no such thing!"

"- and get her out of that law-controlling furnace."

Alex looked down. She nodded slowly, not wanting Gene to see the look in her eyes. She took a deep breath in as she knew she couldn't wait that long. Not after what Robin told her the night before.

"Of course," she whispered, "you're right." She looked up, not quite meeting his eye. "Gene, listen. I need some air before the trial. It's hard enough knowing that I'm going to be on the stand without being cooped up all day."

"I'll come with you, "Gene told her, "maybe the cold air will freeze up the rest of Robin's cooties."

"No, that's OK," Alex said quickly, "I'd rather go on my own."

Gene stared at her, not at all sure that was a good idea. He pulled a slight face and stretched himself taller.

"Bolly, I think you should have a chaperone," he said, "in case Mister Stringer and his kissing lips are lurking in the undergrowth."

"I know you mean well, but I'm fine," Alex gave him a wobbly smile, "really, Gene. I'll be fine."

Gene wasn't sure about that, not at all, but she had a no-nonsense expression that suggested she might offer him the same treatment that he'd given to Robin the night before if he tried to stop her. Reluctantly he relented.

"Take some kryptonite just in case."

"That's Superman, not Batman," Alex sighed.

She left as Gene stared after her, worried about the day ahead. His own day in court had sent him into a spiral of nerves but it was nothing compared to how he felt about what Alex was about to go through. He swore that when she made it through the other side he was going to show her how proud he was of her, no matter what it took – even if it meant sending her for dinner and dining with Metal Mickey.

"I draw the line at pierced nipples though, Bolly," he mumbled as he trailed away to get ready for court.

~xXx~

"_Kim… please, Kim. Tell them the fucking truth…"_

The words of Robin's message played over and over through Kim's darkest nightmare as she tossed and turned in bed. She'd played the message the day before, she'd heard the words and yet they'd meant nothing. Now, in her moments of lucidity, they brought to her the greatest pain she'd ever felt in her life.

"_He's got you under his spell again. I don't know what he's using on you… pills, potions, gas and fucking air but they're saying stuff…"_

She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry out his name, but she couldn't speak, let alone yell. The dream held her captive in her own mind with the hell of her everyday life making itself known to her.

"_I've had as much as I can fucking take. I just want you back. I'm so scared about you being there."_

_I want you back too…_

Thinking was all she could do. She wanted to find Robin, even just in her dreamscape, just to be able to tell him so, but she couldn't. Robin wasn't there. There was only darkness; darkness, his words and the knowledge of what she went through day after day.

"_What's he doing to you, Kim? is he fucking you?"_

She gave a gasp that filtered through to the real world, to her trembling body in bed, a cold sweat covering her from head to toe.

"_Yes,"_ she cried out, "_please, stop him! Help me… stop him!"_

"_Please come back to me,"_ the end of Robin's message played through her dream as her alarm clock sprang to life and dragged her from her sleep, _"I fucking love you."_

Her body rose as she sat bolt upright, screaming,

"_I love you too!"_ there were tears streaming down her face, "_I need you, Robin!"_ in her few lucid moments she turned to the side of her bed and snatched up the pen she'd left there the night before. On the wall she began to scrawl; "_get to safety, rememb-"_ but that was as far as she got before the moment of wakefulness faded and she slipped into her haze once again. Her eyes turned away from the desperate scrawl she'd tried to leave for herself and she simply started the day numbly; unaffected.

It was all that she could do. All she was _allowed_ to.

~xXx~

"_You kissed my father!"_

Robin cringed as the sight of an angry Simon greeted him at the front door.

"Simon, listen…"

"You _kissed_ my _father!"_

"It's nothing you haven't done yourself!" cried Robin, "Kim told me all about truth or dare!"

Simons face started to burn.

"At least that was a bloody dare!" he cried, "And I didn't go for the double! Kissing _Alex?_ What were you _thinking?"_

"I _wasn't_ thinking," Robin mumbled, "that was the problem."

Simon shook his head slowly.

"I don't care what you say, Robin, you are going down the same path that I did."

"Oh, _spare_ me," Robin mumbled, slumping towards his bedroom door but Simon ran around to block his path.

"No, you're going to listen to me his time," he said sternly, "Rob, you're not used to drinking and I don't like what it does to you. You make really dumb decisions…"

"You sound like fucking _Evan_," Robin mumbled.

"…and sooner or later it's going to really get you into trouble," Simon continued, "you're lucky it was only Gene you snogged!"

"You say that like he's not going to punish me for the next fifty five years for this," Robin mumbled.

"And I heard about Shaz."

This time Robin froze and stared at Simon in horror.

"How the hell did you –"

"I heard it from that guy in the narcotics division."

"How did _he_ know?"

"He heard it from the woman in the canteen."

"How the fuck does _she_ know?"

"I don't know, Rob, _everyone_ knows!" cried Simon.

Robin hung his head feeling decidedly unwell.

"Shaz promised not to tell," her mumbled, although if he was honest she'd only promised not to tell Jake. He should have sworn her to secrecy. Oh shit… he had a feeling he knew how it had gotten out… "Marci and her bloody big mouth…"

"Don't blame Marci!" Simon cried, "_Or_ Shaz, for that matter! If you'd kept it in your pants they wouldn't all be calling you _Floppy Thomas!"_

Robin gulped.

"They're calling me _what?"_ he whispered, "oh god… please tell me Jake doesn't know?" He watched Simon shrugging. "Oh _shit."_ He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. Simon's expression softened a little as he laid a hand on Robin's shoulder.

"Robin," he said softly, "I'm not trying to nag you. I'm not trying to police your drinking or what you do. That's not my job. But I care about you. And I know this path you're heading on. I was on it. Kim's been on it. It seems to be commonplace in these parts." He looked him in the eye and swallowed. "sooner or later you're going to take things a step to far and wake up in the wrong bed with more than a hangover to worry about." He shook his head. "Who's going to be your Keats?"

Robin stared back, unable to talk. He just couldn't think of a thing to say. As Simon sadly walked away he closed his eyes, so ashamed of the way he was behaving. He just didn't know how to stop.

~xXx~

To enter the building was the hardest thing Alex had ever done.

The last time she had been there…

She couldn't even _think_ about that. She knew she had to face it later on. For now it was one step at a time. That was the only way.

She thought it was a mirage at first. It had been so long since she'd seen her face; her blonde hair, her distinctive style. She just wanted to run to her and hold her, drag her away and take her to safety. But her face was like ice. It was going to take more than force to take Kim away from Fenchurch West.

Slowly she walked towards her, heart pounding and mouth dry. Had she seen her? Had she _heard_ her? If she had she wasn't reacting.

This was her only chance.

"This isn't you, Kim." Kim's cold stare and refusal to fully turn around infuriated Alex inside. To watch her this way was bringing her pain, more than she had ever thought possible. She swallowed as she walked slowly forward, Kim still focusing on the poster she wasn't really that interested in pinning to the board. "I know this isn't you." she swallowed as she reached Kim's side. "DCI Kimberley Stringer, Fenchurch West, does not exist."

Kim seemed to froze for a second.

"DI," she corrected coldly. Alex closed her eyes and exhaled. Now Keats had even stripped her of her title.

"DI Kimberley Stringer, Fenchurch West, _definitely_ does not exist," she whispered.

"Then," Kim's voice was steady and unfeeling, "maybe you should stop talking to people who don't exist and get back to your own station."

"_Kim."_ Kim wasn't used to hearing people call her that any more. Her blue eyes were like ice as she turned finally to Alex and looked her in the eye. It shocked her. She wasn't used to seeing them so cold and so devoid of emotion. "Kim," she whispered, "What's _happened_ to you? Whist's happened to the girl I know?"

Kim's response surprised her.

"_I don't know,"_ she whispered, before immediately her expression hardened again. "Nothing. I'm busy."

"Busy being sucked _under!"_ cried Alex. For a split second she thought she saw Kim's expression waiver but she turned away and carried on smoothing out the poster to pin at the bottom. "Or should I say busy sucking him off?" Now Kim turned to her, a glare that was colder than ice. It made Alex stop and swallow anxiously, but then her strength returned. She needed to confront her and had to shock her out of her stupor. It was the only way, even though she physically hurt from saying such a terrible thing. "What's he got you with? Hmm? Gas and air… was that how it started? Something in the water? Or those eyes? That evil bloody hypnosis."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Kim's words were stilted and her breathing seemed shallow, pained by Alex's words.

"_Yes you do!"_ Alex cried, "You came here to save us, not to lose yourself!" she could feel her heart beating hard as she stared at her. The blonde woman she'd once seen so full of passion, emotion, was now a shell. "You thought you were strong enough to take him on. To take this place on. But you weren't, because there's no one who can do it on their own. You gave it everything you had but he's to strong and too powerful, he's killing your heart!" when Kim didn't respond Alex took desperate action, She grasped her arm and spun her around, causing her eyes to bolt slightly with surprise as she thrush one hand against Kim's chest and felt her heart thumping out its rhythm of life within. She stared into Kim's shocked eyes. "You don't belong here, Kim," she whispered, "because you have one of these." He pressed her hand a little harder and Kim felt goosepimples travel through her body. "Feel it, Kim?" with her other hand she caught Kim's and took it to her chest, pressing it alongside her own Kim could feel the sensation of her beating heart. She recalled a time that this was her signal to herself, to know she was alive, to know she had made it through.

"It's too late," her lips imparted the words before she could stop them, "I'm dead inside."

"_No,"_ Alex cried angrily, "you are _not_, Kim. You've let the darkness get to you and you've let him take you over but you are _not_ dead inside and you never will be," her eye flashed with something Kim wasn't used to seeing. It was a strange mix of emotions she couldn't quite understand. "I know you. I've known you a long time now. I knew you as the scared young woman who arrived in the middle of that hot, sweaty rave, I knew you as the woman who fought us tooth and nail, I knew you as the woman who found her place in a strange world." Her tongue ran around her lips and she trembled as she stared into Kim's eyes, looking for any sign of life. "I knew you as _that_ woman… the one with the long dark hair. The one who stepped out from the back room, needle in hand, using my name… The one who'd hidden herself away for years." She saw Kim's eye twitch as she spoke. Was she getting through, even just a little? "I saw her denying who she was. I saw her finding herself again," Alex swallowed as her shouting began to die and her voice gained a tremble, "I've seen you as that passionate, feisty young thing. The one who fought the odds to take the life and the love she wanted. That she deserved." She swallowed and felt her hand shaking against Kim's chest as she whispered, "I've seen the girl who looked me in the eye as she leaned close to me then took me to bed." She could feel Kim's heart beneath her fingers. It was getting faster and beating harder. "I've seen her I the middle of a night of…" her voice was cracking now, "of _need_. Of desire. Of _passion_. Where's _that_ Kim? Hmm? Where _is_ she?"

Kim's steely exterior was at odds with her heart, beating at double time in her chest.

"She's gone," she whispered.

"Oh yeah?" Alex cried challenging her, "well _this_ –" she pressed her hand harder to Kim's chest, "- says she hasn't. _This_ –" she pressed it again " says that she's still right here." She swallowed and took a deep breath. "I can feel that heart beating, Kim. And that' why you need to get out of this place. Because you can't be trapped here and stull have one of _these_. Otherwise one day it _will_ die."

"It already –"

"It's not gone yet," Alex hissed.

"You need to leave."

"I'm not leaving this station unless you walk out by my side!" Alex cried "don't you see, Kim? Don't you get it? We're watching you here, shrivelling into something we don't recognise and it hurts! It hurts so badly, I can't stand it."

"Then stop looking."

"_Make me."_ Alex's words came out of the blue; a shocking challenge that made Kim gasp a little at the intensity behind her eyes. "_Just make me."_

Kim stared at her. Just for a moment something seemed to flicker there but it died away.

"_Please leave, Ma'am,"_ she whispered.

Hearing that word triggered something inside of Alex, something she had tried so hard to bury. Something she had tried so hard to deny was there. She felt her stomach turn to butterflies as she stared at Kim.

"I can't leave here unless you walk out with me."

"I have a job to do."

You have a _life_, Kim," she cried, "You have Robin. You have me. You have a heart. You have a soul. Don't let him take them."

"I –"

"He's fucking _taking_ them from you, Kim," Alex cried "He's…" she froze for a second, her tongue darted around her lips and she felt her face flushing, "He's fucking taking them… and he can't. Because the world _needs_ you, Kim Stringer."

Her hand rose from Kim's chest to the side of her face and tilted it up a little; the sensation of Kim's soft skin against her finger tips invoking so many memories. Kim couldn't escape Alex's stare as she fixed it upon her but despite the strange sensation of something dropping away inside her she said stonily,

"You have to leave."

Her icy tone and the gaze that had lost its fight finally wore on Alex and she started to feel the touch of defeat crawling over her shoulders. She felt anger rising inside of her; anger for what Keats had done to Kim, anger at Kim for letting him, anger at the whole damn situation that left her feeling helpless and desperate.

"Then _fuck you_, Kim!" she cried, losing herself in her anger as the emotion welled inside of her, "fuck you and –" as her cries came to a sudden end something exploded inside of Alex. Her heart was pounding so hard that her hands shook and her head started to spin. Her words dissolved onto action as she swept the girl back against the wall, poster tumbling to the ground. Kim's eyes widened as she another heart beating against her own. There was something in there, something sparking deep inside that she couldn't kill, no matter how much darkness had wrapped itself around her soul.

Alex pressed her lips instinctively to Kim's just for a moment; softly, hesitantly before she drew back again, shocked by her own actions. All at once so many memories came back to Alex; Kim's warmth and kindness, their deep friendship, truth or dare, _that_ night. She gently laid her fingers against Kim's side, shocked to find her almost skeletal and so different from the soft, beautiful curves used to bear, but as she brought her hands up to cup her face Kim lashed out quite suddenly and slapped them away.

_"No,"_ she hissed, her expression hardening again in an instant.

Alex drew back in shock, devastated by the return of the ice in her eyes.

"Kim –"

_"Out,"_ Kim hissed, her face reddening and her heart racing.

"Kim, I –"

"_Get out!"_ Kim screamed, "Out! _Get out now!"_

Alex reeled backwards at Kim's sudden burst of anger. She scrambled away, heart racing and pulse quickening but the despair on Kim's face killed her stone dead inside.

"Kim, _please –"_

_"Out!"_ Kim screamed as she lunged forward and pushed Alex towards the door. Alex gasped in shock and with some fear too. She scrambled away and rushed for the door, looking back one final time at the face of the woman she wanted to desperately to take from danger. There was ice in her eyes.

She spilled from the building, gasping back tears that had forced their way forward quite suddenly. She should never have gone, she knew that now, but she couldn't leave Kim to rot away in the heat of hell. She had to try to get her out of there. She had to do whatever she could. But now instead of bringing back Kim she had brought out more layers of ice around her heart, and she would have to live with that every time she saw her face as she dreamed at night.

~X~

Kim collapsed against the door, breathing heavily as a loud sob emerged from her lips, her devastation at her own actions overcoming her. She'd pushed her away, she'd screamed for her to get out... she hadn't wanted to. Not for a moment.

As she slid to the floor she pressed her hand against her heart. It was beating wildly. For the first time since Keats had thrown the switch in her head and stopped her from feeling, she felt something, and it was something far stronger than she could cope with.

Her heart was racing. She felt alive. Alex had awoken her heart, her soul, her fight.

But Alex was one of those she was desperate to protect, so desperate to save from Keats and his eternal darkness.

"Have to keep her away," she whispered, "It's for her own good… for her own safety…"

But no sooner had she uttered the words than her heart closed up again and Keats's hold became all too strong to fight. For a moment Kim had stepped out of her hardened shell, but once again the snow had fallen.

_**~xXx~**_

_**A/N: I've started a sideblog for posting stuff about my fics; rambling, character stuff, illustrations, portraits and so on. (I'm about to post a depressing illustration from this chapter in a few mins :P) the tumblr is called fenchurchmisty and I'll add a link on my profile soon x**_


	12. Chapter 11: Don't Waiver

**Chapter Eleven**

Alex knew she'd made a huge mistake as she stood in the dock, waiting to be questioned. She couldn't even focus on the task ahead; all she could think about was Kim. Her cold face, her lack of life, the way she had spoken. She felt guilty for the kiss too but could only deal with one negative emotion at a time for now.

She'd arrived home with lines from her tears down her face and even though she had fled straight to the bathroom Gene had seen them.

"Where have you been?" he'd demanded, "you've been to see her, haven't you?"

"_I'm not going to talk about this now!"_ was all she could bring herself to say as she cried bitterly and tried to battle her emotions under control.

Now here she was in the stand, facing all of the worst memories she had. She could see Gene and Robin in the public gallery there to support her. Not surprisingly they were sitting about fifteen seats apart from each other and Gene was making occasional cut-throat motions at a rather pale-looking Robin.

"DCI Drake, I understand this is difficult for you," The voice of the lawyer for the prosecution brought Alex's thoughts back to the real world, "but could you please tell the court in your own words what happened in the early hours of Friday the second of May this year?"

Alex swallowed as she tried to fight her nerves. She could feel Keats's evil eyes boring into her but she refused to look at him. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her expression.

"We'd spent the day trying to make sure everything ran smoothly at the local polling stations. There'd been some trouble and it had been a hard day. We'd been asked to stay at the station to make sure there was no further trouble and we started watching the coverage of the election results. Things became more relaxed and it was good to watch it together after what we'd been through that day." She paused as she gave a tiny sigh. It stung her heart to think about those last moments, the final moments before everything changed. "One minute everything was normal, the next…" she flinched. "The floors shook. The walls were crumbling. The noise of the explosion made my ears ring. We didn't know what was happening, only that we needed to get out. The building was damaged in several places, and some of our good friends had died in the explosions." She froze up for a moment. It felt too hard to go on, even though she knew that she had to. Eventually the lawyer said,

"I know this is difficult. Please, take your time."

Alex nodded, her eyes closed. She took a deep breath before she continued.

"Robin was missing. Chief Inspector Thomas, that is. He…" she drew in her breath again, "He and Simon used to go out and even though they had separated by now they still care a great deal about one another. So when no one had seen Robin Simon started to worry. He ran into the canine unit and Gene and I followed him. There was no sign of Robin and part of the ceiling collapsed on Simon and myself. Gene…" she swallowed, "he managed to get me out before I suffered far worse injuries. Simon wasn't so lucky and it's a miracle that he survived. The paramedics…"

That was it, That was as far as she got before she wanted to stop completely. She wasn't sure how she could go on. How could she force herself to continue? She clutched the stand and closed her eyes tightly but it didn't seal them hard enough to stop a tear from escaping.

"DCI Drake, are you alright to continue?"

Alex nodded but her eyes and lips were pressed tightly shut. It took a good few seconds before she could carry on.

"The paramedics," she whispered, "put me in an ambulance. I was hurt, I couldn't do anything. I thought they would take me to hospital a-and everything would be fine, but then..." she swallowed as her breath hitched, "but then, I saw his face. He was dressed like one of them but I knew who he was. I'd recognise him anywhere."

"Please tell the court the name of the man you saw," The lawyer prompted.

"It was DCI Jim Keats," Alex whispered and as she spoke his name something very odd happened. A deathly shudder travelled through her body, making her feel like hell, but in the same instant she felt as though she knew she could carry on. Knew she could do it. She had stated his name and the world hadn't ended. Neither had her life. Maybe she _could_ do this. Didn't _want_ to. Terrified like nothing on earth. But she could do it.

"He slammed the doors," she whispered, her eyes fixed on her own hands, "and suddenly we were moving. I was screaming but nobody heard. Or they didn't even notice. A person in pain in an ambulance _would_ be screaming, wouldn't they?" She tried to swallow hard enough to push away the lump in her throat but it did nothing. "I don't know how long he was driving for. We stopped eventually and there was some commotion. Banging of doors. The back of the ambulance opened and I started screaming again. I tried to fight him but I was strapped down… they thought I might have damage to my spine so they were trying to keep me still. He tied something around my mouth so I couldn't scream any more and wheeled me out of the ambulance. I knew what was coming."

"Where did DCI Keats take you?"

"He wheeled me into Fenchurch West. The place was deserted. I was in so much pain… he took me off the stretcher but I couldn't fight back. He carried me down t-to the basement," her voice waivered. That was the place that held pain for so many of them. She caught a glimpse of Robin flinching at the mention. "I felt so woozy, I think I'd been given pain relief before they put me in the ambulance… and then I knew I was only going to feel woozier. I know what he has down there."

"Could you be more specific?"

"Nitrous oxide," Alex whispered, "he's used it before." She shook her head a little. "It's… it's blurry," she said apologetically, "I remember feeling rope around my hands and then I blacked out. When I woke up again I realised I'd been tied up tightly. He was walking back into the basement with a glass of water… I _think_ it was water. I refused to drink it, even after her ripped off my gag and pressed it to my lips. I knew there would be something in it. I remember him getting pissed off but then relenting because he had a back-up plan. He turned up the gas and air and then left while it did its work on me."

"Can you please describe the effects of the nitrous oxide for members of the jury who have never experienced it?"

Alex took a deep breath.

"Usually it's used as pain relief," she explained, "especially for women in labour. It… it affects all people a little differently but for me…" she closed her eyes momentarily, "it makes your head swim and your body so numb. Tingly. You feel spaced out and floaty. Sometimes you feel good. A little… _high_, I suppose. Your mind isn't your own." She flinched as she realised exactly what she'd said Refocusing herself she looked directly at the lawyer, _"Your mind is not your own_," she repeated. "You can be… more open to suggestion, or completely unable to control yourself, depending on how much you've been breathing in. And sometimes," a tear rolled down her cheek, "you don't even care. But _I_ did." Her eyes closed as the tear fell onto the stand. "I cared when he came back with one thing on his mind."

She tried to keep calm.

"I tried not to breathe too much in. But it wasn't as potent as usual either. I was more awake than I'd usually feel by then. I guess he didn't have enough, or didn't let enough out to really do the job. When he came back I pretended to be under more deeply, I… I let my head flop and left my eyes unfocussed. I didn't fight back when he came closer and started touching me. He had to untie my legs and ankles in order to…" she flinched and felt a burning in her chest as acid rose from her stomach. It took her a second to make herself go on. "When he untied them…" it was so hard to carry on. It was the most difficult thing she'd ever done but she knew she had no choice. "When he untied my legs I kicked him as hard as I could… got him in the face or the neck, I-I'm not sure, but… I know it was hard enough to stop him for a moment., He tried to tie me up again but I was going crazy and he…" she swallowed and pulled herself as tall as she could, "He was too scared of getting hurt again so he left me half-untied and turned up the gas and air. He told me… it had been a year since he…" she trailed away. _Fuck_, she didn't want to finish that sentence.

"DCI Drake?"

She swallowed.

"_It had been a year since he'd had sex,"_ she whispered, "and he seemed to think that entitled him to," she flinched, "to _force_ me. He used my nickname. The one only my fiancé uses. And then he left in a furious state. By the time he came back the stuff… the gas and air… had started to really affect me. I stood no chance of fighting back. So I closed my eyes as tightly as I could." She breathed in deeply. "I didn't want the image of… his face… engrained on my memory forever." She swallowed. "I was gagged again. I couldn't scream. He started saying things to me, telling me _I_ was the one who couldn't stay away from _him_. I-I remember bits… He got angry about my tattoo."

"Tattoo?"

"I have a small circle with Gene's initial and he got angry about that. Claimed I was 'branded'. My gag fell down but he didn't care by now. He was ripping down my trousers and…" she found she could hardly breathe. "That's when he forced himself… _into_ me."

"I understand this is difficult but can you please be more specific?" the lawyer asked her.

Alex's heart burned with pain and she wasn't sure how she didn't die on the spot as she tried to say the words. They wouldn't come out. They were the hardest thing to say. She recalled the moment he took what she would never have willingly given him. Whose name had she screamed? Instinctively it had been Kim's. She didn't know why, she just knew that Kim would be there to save her and she _was_. Now Kim was the one with gas and air, tainted water and _that_ stare stealing from her what Keats wanted and she couldn't even ask for help. Suddenly Alex knew this was about far more than taking the title and his freedom from Keats. It was about setting Kim free too.

She opened her eyes and turned directly to him, her stare as hard as nails and as angry as a lion, and she looked him right in the eye as she said,

"He raped me in the basement. Jim Keats forced me to have sex while I was tied to the furniture and couldn't move. And he's done it before; to me, to others." She swallowed but her stare did not waiver. "But I won't let it happen again. Not to anyone."

For the first time in the whole trial a look of anxiety crossed Keats's face. He had never seen Alex with that fire in her eyes before. Suddenly it felt like his walls were not the only thing aflame. Alex's determination scared him like nothing on earth and, Evan or no Evan, Alex's testimony was going to be pretty damn impossible to counteract.


	13. Chapter 12: Don't Look Now

**Chapter Twelve**

After saying it out loud, Alex turned a corner. She gained strength and determination that she wasn't sure she had within her. Nothing else was harder to say. Now that she had vocalised it she found herself growing stringer.

She stood strong as she answered the rest of the questions from the prosecution; about her history with Keats, the first time they met, the way he had tried to turn her against Gene, the first time he turned on the gas and air – the further she went through his history the easier it became to look him in the eye and know that she was stronger than she had ever thought. But all too soon the questions from the prosecution came to an end. She swallowed and grasped the stand as she tried to calm her racing pulse. Had she ever been so nervous? She didn't think so. She hoped upon hope that her trimmed hair and glasses would be enough to mask her appearance but she just couldn't be certain.

She peered over the spectacles that masked her vision and saw that, despite the kissing incident from the night before, Robin had moved closer to Gene at some point during her questioning. _Good_, she thought. _Gene needed some support._ She knew that, as hard as those words were to say, they would have been just as hard for Gene to hear. But she could see from his expression that he was proud of her, and that gave her a boost like nothing on earth.

She swallowed and tried to focus; she knew that the next part would be the most important and she had to be on the ball but even so the sight of Evan approaching completely threw her. She felt so conflicted; the knowledge of what he'd done fighting with the knowledge that there and then he was supporting the younger her and baby Molly while they needed him. She remembered the younger Evan White she'd met in 1981 and the things she had discovered about him and her mother. She recalled her time back in the real world when he had tried to have her sectioned and the truth came out about his connection with Layton. And now he was representing Keats; the embodiment of all that was dark and evil.

She took a deep breath. This was it.

Evan had no such qualms as he prepared to start questioning Alex and took his place before her. He vaguely recalled their paths crossing some sixteen years' previously but she was more or less a name to him now. He remembered a kind of a date. Hadn't ended as favourably as he'd hoped, if he was honest. Hmm, this was going to be interesting.

"DCI Drake," he began, "on the night that you –" his eyes met her face and his entire body froze as the strangest feeling overcame him, slowly filtering through his limbs, making him shudder a little. He found himself staring at her face and where he had expected lines and wrinkles, such as had adorned his own, and maybe even a little grey hair he found Alex young and fresh-faced, barely older than the woman he'd met at a very strange time in her life.

He felt very peculiar inside as his heart seemed to stall momentarily. Over the years so many of the details of Alex's pretty face had faded from his memory, so much so that he never would have _thought_… but now that he was here before her, those features struck a chord with him. _Familiar. Very familiar_. He felt shaken as he cleared his throat and tried again.

"On the night… the night that you say…"

There were vague mutters and looks of confusion around the courtroom. Alex glanced up at Gene who looked as anxious as she felt. She licked her lips nervously and shuffled a little to distract from the silence. She saw Evan look away as he started to breathe heavily, thinking about a young lady he knew very well, one who seemed to bear a _startling_ resemblance to DCI Drake on the stand.

_Drake_… hold on –

"Mister White, is there a problem?"

Evan looked up, wide-eyed in shock as the judge spoke to him. He cleared his throat and flattened his tie a little unnecessarily.

"No, your honour," he straightened himself up and refocused both his vision and thoughts on Alex Drake. _Fuck_… that was the first time he even linked it up. All through his preparation of the case he'd simply referred to her as DCI Drake. He hadn't even _thought_ about her first name, the name he already knew she shared with his goddaughter. But now, thanks to her short-lived marriage, they shared the same surname too?

_Coincidence._ It was a weird, freaky coincidence but that was all. What else _could_ it be? He was being ridiculous and he had a job to do. He cleared his throat a second time and turned back to her.

"On the night in question, DCI Drake," he began, "you claim," he hesitated, "you claim it was the first –" he stared sat her and shuddered, her face increasingly familiar and his beard starting to stand on end. He breathed in deeply and looked down for a moment before he eventually turned to the judge and said, "I-I'd like to request a thirty-minute recess."

All around him people started to mutter and throw strange looks in his direction, not least of all Keats who just wanted Evan to get on with humiliating Alex the way he had Gene and Robin. The judge looked quite perturbed too.

"Are you ill, Mister White?" he frowned and Evan seemed to turn ever paler on the spot.

"A little lightheaded," he said quietly, "I think I need some air."

"Sit next to Jimbo too long and that does happen," Gene mumbled just loudly enough to be heard.

The judge looked extremely displeased with the situation but Evan truly looked like he could pass out at any moment so he didn't have a lot of choice.

"Very well," he said, "court will resume in half an hour."

Alex stood there, looking all around in bewilderment as people stood up and started to leave the court, Evan making the fastest exit. She had known that they were in for a difficult time with Evan but this was completely unexpected. She glanced at Gene and Robin who shrugged. Evan wasn't handling the strange situation very well.

The half an hour wait to continue did nothing to help Alex's nerves. She paced up and down, unable to talk to anyone else while she was still under oath, waiting for the hands of the clock to move sufficiently to allow court to resume. When finally she was called back in she noticed that Keats was looking somewhat pissed off with his defence council and Evan was looking pale and strained. He began to address her again but this time he lacked the same drive and bite that he'd had when he'd questioned Gene and Robin. There was a strange sense of caution about him now. After taking the half hour break as an opportunity to call his goddaughter as though for reassurance he'd come back into the room half expecting to find that the previous incident had been all in his mind and that DCI Drake shared nothing more than a name in common with the woman he'd seen grow up before his very eyes. But now not only did she resemble her every bit as much as he thought but he realised even their voices were extraordinarily similar. He cleared his throat. He could do nothing but focus on the case right now.

"DCI Drake," he began stiffly, "you claim that on the night in question my client forced you to have sexual intercourse against your will."

Alex flinched at the words. Talk about diving in head-first.

"Yes," she said firmly, not allowing his questions to shake her, "he did."

"And this was the first time that you and DCI Keats had sexual intercourse?"

Alex swallowed as her stomach began to feel decidedly unsettled.

"Yes," she said quietly, "he had once tried to make me _believe_ that we had… a long time ago… he used his usual methods on me but I was," her eyes moved to Gene, _"in love with someone else._ And he couldn't handle that so he tried to make me believe that we had gone all the way. Whispers under suggestion." She turned a steely glare to Keats, "like a stage hypnotist making some poor fool eat an onion, believing it was an apple. "

"And you have never had consensual sex with my client?"

"No."

"Are you _absolutely_ sure about that?"

Alex's brow creased into a frown and she had a strange, cold feeling in her gut.

"_Yes_ I'm sure," she whispered.

Evan referred to his notes.

"My client testifies to the fact that, in December nineteen ninety five, you shared a short, sexual relationship with him while you worked as the head of hi-tech crimes at Fenchurch West. Is this true?"

"_No!"_ Alex began to cry in outrage, "We have never –" but as she spoke a horrific sinking feeling overcame her and she started to tremble. _The other Alex_. The other 'her'. The one from two thousand and bollocks, whom she'd swapped with and been so desperate to return home to Gene. She froze on the spot, paralysed by the knowledge that the other 'her' had succumbed to Keats. She had little memory of the event, but she was fairly sure that even if her other self had been willing – which, remembering her own behaviour in 1981, she supposed she might have been - there would have been more to it than that. She knew that much.

A burning nausea rose in her chest as she remembered watching Keats using her body, inhabited by her other self, for his own rotten purpose.

"_I,"_ she whispered. _"I was… I had amnesia,"_ it was the closest explanation she could find.

"So you're admitting that you have had a previous sexual relationship with my client?"

"It was never a relationship," Alex protested angrily.

"But you had intercourse with DCI Keats on at least one previous occasion?"

"_That was the only occasion!"_

"You confirm that you had sexual intercourse with my client?"

"_Yes,"_ she whispered desperately, an inch away from repeating Robin's accident the day before.

_"Consensual_ intercourse?"

"I –" she froze. She genuinely had no idea. If only her memories were not so hazy. "Whether it was or it wasn't, it doesn't affect what he did to me in May!" she cried eventually, "he _forced_ me."

"But you lied under oath," Evan pointed out, "you claimed that you and my client had never had a sexual relationship before."

"_It wasn't a relationship!"_ Alex felt ever more desperate at the flying accusations

"You denied having sexual int-"

"_I had amnesia!"_ Alex cried, "after being shot by _him!"_ she aimed her finger angrily at Keats, "I lost my memory, I didn't know what was my files, check my medical records!"

"But you seemed to '_remember'_ after I mentioned it?"

Alex felt struck dumb. She felt terribly lost. She didn't know what to say.

"I don't remember very much about those weeks," she whispered, "only what I've been told since."

"So if your fiancé, DCI Hunt, who is _hardly_ my client's biggest fan, told you that DCI Keats forced you against your wishes then that's what you would believe?" Evan pointed out.

"No, there was more to it… there _had_ to be more to it!"

"But you have no proof? No evidence of any medication being used against you? Blood samples, other tests?"

"I… no, but I was –"

"And you already say your memory of the time wasn't the best, you've admitted that to the court."

"Yes, but –"

"So how can you be sure that there was any element of doubt that the sexual activities you took part in with DCI Keats were anything less than consensual?"

I…" Alex swallowed, trembling from head to toe and barely able to speak, "I… I can't…" there was a sudden flurry of commotion which she caught out of the corner of her eye. Gene seemed to be moving at quite a pace and for a terrible moment she thought he was going to jump down and whack Evan in the beard, which to be fair she wouldn't have minded but it probably wouldn't have helped their case. Instead he made his way to the lawyer for the prosecution and spoke with him urgently. A moment later the lawyer got to his feet and said,

"I request an hour's break in proceedings to review new evidence, your honour."

The judge was beginning to wonder exactly what was going on that day but he agreed to the break, leaving Alex confused and anxious. What thew fuck was Gene playing at?

Throughout the hour she tried to find out what was going on but, not being allowed to talk to anyone while under oath, she didn't get very far. Even the lawyer for the prosecution was hazy and quickly disappeared. Alex paced, she chewed her fingernails, she bit her lip. Nothing helped. She ended up clock-watching and the hour seemed to take at least six to pass by. When finally court resumed she felt as though all her confidence was slipping away beneath her, so shaken was she by the myriad interruptions. She watched on anxiously as the judge began;

"The prosecution has obtained new evidence which may have a strong baring on many of the accusations made in this case."

The lawyer for the prosecution got to his feet and approached a television set which had been brought into the room.

"The tape you are about to watch was made by the accused in December nineteen ninety five without the knowledge of the second party in the video. You will recognise the woman as DCI Alex Drake."

Conflicting emotions crashed together inside of her as Alex turned to the screen, her stomach churning like an angry sea. _The tape, the fucking tape._ She thought Gene had destroyed it. She couldn't remember whether they had ever made a decision about what to do with the tape but she just thought… just assumed…

She had to close her eyes, she couldn't watch it. She didn't see the expressions of the faces of the jury as they started to watch what at first glance looked to be any old sex tape until they realised that Alex was floppy and unresponsive for much of the time, head lolling, eyes rolling, clearly under the influence of substance or substances unknown. She didn't see the frozen look on Keats's face as his case began to fall apart before his very eyes, nor the uncomfortable expression on Evan's face as he struggled to stay watching the action on the screen. She didn't see the silent exchange as Robin touched Gene's shoulder and asked him with one glance if he was alright, nor the stoic nod that Gene gave in response, nor did she see Robin attempting to give Gene a comforting hug which resulted in Robin damn near getting a wedgie in retaliation. But as she heard the tape run to static and her eyes opened again she could see a very different reception from the entire courtroom to the one she'd had an hour before. A ghostly pale Keats barely turned to acknowledge Evan as he hissed urgent questions to him, and finally flapped a hand in his face. Evan looked angry, disturbed and completely unnerved, not like Alex had ever seen him before. He walked slowly, grimly forward and turned to the judge.

"The defence has no further questions for this witness, your honour," he said quietly.

Alex's mouth fell open, she couldn't help it. She'd expected to be pulled to pieces but – for one day at least – everything had fallen apart for Evan and Keats. She glanced in shock at Gene and Robin who were both looking about as proud of her and as relieved as they could be. For what it was worth, Alex was proud of herself too, not to mention of Gene. It was just one day in a week of horror but this was one victory, she felt certain.

It was time for the tide to turn.


	14. Chapter 13: Don't Down That

**Chapter Thirteen**

Gene didn't have to say a word. His silent arms around her told Alex everything she needed to know, and the fact she squeezed him back so tightly showed him exactly the same.

"Sorry for showing the court all yer squidgy bits," he said tactfully but Alex just shook her head and gave a slightly anxious smile as she held him tightly.

"You did the right thing," she whispered.

"Wasn't time to ask you first," Gene said apologetically but Alex shook her head.

"It doesn't matter," she told him, just grateful that her day in court was over. She drew back a little and looked him in the eye. "Gene… I can't… I just…"

"Don't think this is a good time for talking, Bolly," he told her, "save it for later. Just remember those words." She drew back and frowned at him. "_No further questions for this witness."_

Alex nodded with the slightest smile as the relief filtered through but quite suddenly her spirits sank again as she watched Robin making his way slowly to the doors. She patted Gene on the shoulder .

"Give me two minutes, Gene," she said as she turned and chased after him.

Robin was feeling tired, hungover and mentally stressed and all he wanted to do was to get home and run a nice hot bath to wash away the memory of kissing Gene. He was hoping to slip away quietly and when he heard Alex calling his name he feared repercussions from the night before. He stopped and glanced around nervously.

"Hey," he said quietly, "sorry for sipping away… I was just feeling a bit…" he trailed away, not even sure how to finish that. He noticed Alex looking upset and awkward. "Are you doing OK?" he asked gently, "That must have been really hard, standing up there…"

Alex's brow creased as she whispered,

"Robin, we need to talk."

For a split second he started to panic.

"Oh _god_, what _else_ did I do?" he bit his lip, "I thought it was only kissing! Oh _no,_ I wasn't asking for a threesome, was I?"

"It's about Kim."

The moment Robin heard her name his heart flipped over and started to race.

"What?" he whispered.

Alex could feel that awful sinking sensation in her gut again. She closed her eyes momentarily and braced herself for what was coming.

"Robin, I went to see her," she said quietly, the expression on his face paining her to see, "I was scared after you were in such a state last night. I tried to help, but she's," her eyes turned downward, "she's so deeply under. You were right to be scared, Robin. I am too."

Robin swallowed. His insides felt like they liquidised and filtered out through his skin. He was as weak and empty as he'd ever been.

"What did she say?" he whispered.

"Very little," Alex said quietly, "she told me over and over to go away. She was so cold, it just wasn't _her_," she shook her head, "not Kim at all."

Robin drew his breath in and tried to stop trembling.

"I've lost her," he whispered.

"I still think there's hope," Alex tried to make him look her in the eye, "there were flickers… every now and then I saw a tiny glimpse of her. Please don't give up."

"I don't know what to do, Alex," Robin said quietly.

"Just keep on at her," Alex urged him, "keep calling. Leave her messages. I'm doing the same. Don't let her forget we're out here, waiting to help her."

Robin thought about her words for a moment.

"How… how did she look?" he asked eventually.

"Pardon?"

Robin bit his lip.

"Last time I saw her," he began, "she was so pale. Really skinny. She looked ill."

Alex nodded slowly.

"About the same, then," she whispered.

Robin's heart broke a little harder.

"_Fuck_," he breathed.

Alex shuffled awkwardly.

"Robin, I have a confession to make," she whispered, "I should probably tell Gene this first…" she could already feel her face burning up. "I kissed her. Or tried to," she shook her head feeling guilty and confused, "I just… it just happened." She looked at Robin worriedly but he just shook his head with a feeble smile.

"Alex, I kissed bloody _Gene_, I'm not going to get mad at you for that, am I?"

Alex's smile was crooked and nervous and she wasn't sure what else to say. She looked at Robin's expression, still haunted by the news that Kim seemed to be further away than ever. _Perhaps he needed time_, she thought.

"Thank you for all your support today," she said quietly.

Robin nodded slowly.

"Thank you for trying to talk _Kim_ round," he whispered.

"We'll get her back, Robin," Alex told him and he wished he could believe it.

"Alex," he said quietly, "I'm… I'm sorry but I'm tired. Too much kissing last night, I guess," he noticed she smiled awkwardly, "I'm just going to go home. But thank you. And as for Kim…" he closed his eyes. "Maybe you've reached her. Just a little." He turned around slowly. "I can only hope."

Alex felt a terrible sadness as she watched him walking away. Kim's safety was looking more elusive than ever.

~xXx~

Robin sank beneath the water in the tub, letting his breath escape slowly. He wondered how long he would have to stay under to drown. Then he wondered whether it was even _possible_ to drown. He felt as though he was already, if he was honest. Was there even any point coming up for air? He was shocked to realise how dark his thoughts had grown and quickly rose to the surface of the tub to gulp in a deep lungful of air.

What was he even _thinking?_ It wasn't all that long ago he talked Simon out of plunging from a roof. Was he even _thinking_ about this? He pushed his wet hair from his face angrily. When had he hit such a low?

He stepped out of the bath and dried quickly to avoid the chilly autumn air. He needed to get out of the flat. He knew that much. Simon was out dusting his own place ready to move back and the silence was going to kill him. Quickly he started getting ready; a blast with the hairdryer to dry his hair, a bit of gel, his black shirt and dark jeans, and just a touch of eyeliner. There was a part of him that wanted to look good that night; to look good and be noticed. He wanted to block out the bad stuff and go out to party. Maybe somehow word would even get back to Kim. He didn't see how but deep down he hoped.

He just wanted her to suffer, even a little, the way that he was suffering; that perhaps it might spark something inside; that she might remember, that she might break free. He imagined all kind of daring rescues, sweeping into Fenchurch West and carrying her off over his shoulder but unless her mind was her own she'd just kick him in the knackers and walk away.

Just as he was pulling on his jacket the door opened and a slightly dusty Simon came through, sneezing.

"Do me a favour," he mumbled, "if I'm ever in a lengthy coma again at least employ a cleaner." He paused as he took off his shoes. "Where are you going?"

"Just out," Robin said a little awkwardly.

"Oh _Rob,"_ Simon sighed, "after the last two nights…"

"I wasn't going to drink. I'm not planning on pissing the night away," Robin told him.

"Tubthumping is _so_ last month," Simon tried to tease him but his heart wasn't in it. He looked at Robin nervously. "I'm sorry but I worry about you."

"Don't," Robin said quietly, "I'm fine. Don't worry, I think I've learned my lesson about sticking my tongue down people's throats."

"You have to admit that your track record this week hasn't been –"

"Simon, enough," Robin put his shoes on and moved swiftly to the door, "I'm just going out to try to get my mind off stuff. I'm not going to do anything stupid but I need a break." He stepped outside before Simon could stop him. "See you later."

Simon shook his head, unable to believe that Robin wasn't going to get into some kind of trouble that night. He knew the path only too well and Robin was heading down it at great speed.

~xXx~

Robin moved through the swaying snake of human flesh that made up the dance floor feeling strangely overwhelmed. He'd never felt like that before. Maybe it was because he was on his own. He wasn't used to that. He felt daunted by the swell of the crowd and the volume of the music. Shit, what was happening to him?

One drink would probably help settle his nerves a little, he decided. _One_ drink wasn't going to hurt.

He picked his way eventually to the bar and waited to be served, letting Will Smith pulse away in the background. The barman came to serve him.

"Bottle of lager please," he said. Beer was growing on him. He still thought it tasted like shit and it gave him the ability to let out burps that would even give Kim a run for her money but it was far more convenient and acceptable to be drinking a bottle of that on the dance floor than try clubbing with a glass of brandy in his hand. The only thing about beer was that it took longer to take effect. "_- and a brandy," _he added quickly as the barman walked away. He licked his lips and looked around as though someone was going to catch him being naughty. _One brandy would be fine_, he told himself. Surely one would be OK. Just to get him started. Let that take effect and then he could enjoy his beer at leisure as he danced.

His drinks appeared in front of him and he downed the brandy as soon as he'd handed over his cash. He realised as he felt the liquid slipping down his throat that it no longer made him flinch or gasp, no matter how fast he downed the stuff. Had he really been drinking that much of it? His eyes scanned the dance floor and it all looked far too busy. Too many people. He shuddered and flagged down the barman.

"Another one of these please," he said, sliding his empty glass back across the bar. He welcomed his second measure as he used it to chase down the first. By the time he'd caught his breath he was starting to feel just fuzzy enough to venture into the dance floor alone.

He hadn't been clubbing alone since he was a teen and he wasn't feeling all that confident. But as he started to drink his lager and let the beat of the music reach deep into his soul he started to lose himself and enjoy the moment.

He danced and he swayed, catching the eye of those who liked his edgy look but he was oblivious to them. All he could think about was Kim, but it was _her_ that Robin was trying to forget. So he worked hard at not thinking. Not thinking about _anything_. It was easy at first as the music swallowed him up but a few little cracks began to appear through which her memories emerged

Just as he was contemplating another brandy to plaster over them he spotted familiar faces out of the corner of his eye; _Shaz and Marci_. They were both looking in his direction and he froze on the spot _Oh god, now what? _Was he supposed to go over or keep his distance? He had no idea of the protocols after the other night. Eventually he began a slow walk towards them, afraid that he would appear rude if he didn't, but quickly began to regret it as he overheard Marci finishing a conversation.

"…_But in the end it was just too hard_," she said, giving Robin a stony glare. "Not that _everyone_ has that problem."

Robin's stomach turned at her words.

"_Hey,"_ he frowned as she began to walk to the bar to furnish herself and Shaz with more drinks. He glared at Shaz. "Thanks, Shaz, thanks a lot," he cried.

"Oh, lighten up, sir," Shaz said.

"You _had_ to tell Marci, didn't you?" Robin cried, "now it's all around the statin!"

"I wanted to be _honest_ with her!" Shaz protested, "I was trying to make up with her. I wanted to tell her everything. And I thought it might..." she shrugged a little guiltily, "_cheer her up."_

"At _my_ expense!"

"She doesn't mean anything by it."

"You didn't see the look she gave me!"

"Oh come on, sir, Marci's done worse.

"Cheeky cow," Marci commented as she reappeared and handed a bottle of something bright blue to Shaz. She turned to Robin. "I have, though."

"Yes, well," Robin scowled, "as _lovely_ as this chat has been I think I'd better go." He began to walk away but found himself suddenly face to face with Jake for a split second. His heart flipped and his mouth went dry as he whispered nervously, "J-Jake, hi…" but Jake sadly turned his head and moved towards Shaz and Marci with speed. Robin swallowed, feeling bitter and hurt. As though things between the two of them hadn't been bad enough, it was clear that Shaz's fun tale of Robin's inability to _get it up_ had managed to drum in the final nail in that particular coffin.

That was it. Enough was enough. He wanted to walk out, just leave and storm into the cold evening air but something stopped him. He couldn't face the thought of going home, facing Simon. The night had been bad enough. He just needed a little something more to numb the pain.

"_Another Brandy."_

His walk to the bar passed in a flash and suddenly another unit was on its way right into his bloodstream. It was extremely welcome, too.


	15. Chapter 14: Don't Stop

**Chapter Fourteen**

_Another brandy... Another... A beer... Maybe one more brandy. _

By the time he'd downed that last measure he knew he wasn't feeling right but he was too far gone to care. A hiccup rose from somewhere inside him and with it came a sudden feeling of nausea that burned in his chest. Yeah, that last brandy might have been a mistake. He swallowed and squinted around the club. He couldn't believe the nerve of them; Shaz for telling people about their almost-encounter, Marci for being so rude or Jake for blanking him. As though losing Kim hadn't been enough he'd really liked Jake and now he'd lost him as well. He started to feel angry and tearful as he saw Jake dancing. He hadn't even listened… never given Robin a chance to explain…

He half tumbled from his stool and began to lumber in Jake's direction. His head was spinning like a whirlwind and he could literally feel the booze burning in his gut but he couldn't leave it any longer. He'd tried to give Jake a wide berth; since he had already decided to turn his back on Robin then why should Robin make the effort in return? But right there and then Robin needed him so badly, needed love and affection so badly, that he couldn't let things go on the way they were.

His legs felt numb and heavy as he walked, a little like wading through a swimming pool. He wasn't sure he was ever going to make it to Jake's side but finally he found his way onto the dance floor and approached him, swaying and stumbling.

"_Jake…"_

Jake turned around, mid-dance and felt his chest tighten as he saw Robin standing there.

"Ro- _Sir?"_ he began. The state of Robin shocked him; his hair falling over his face, skin flushed and eyes half-closed.

"Jake, we have to talk," Robin told him.

"I don't think we do," Jake tried to turn away but Robin grasped him by the sleeve and held him back.

"I'm _sick_ of being treated like this!" he cried, "I don't know what I did to you, but –"

"I don't think this is the right time," Jake hissed, "do you?"

"It never _is!"_

"Any time is better than when you look like you…" Jake paused, not wanting to insult Robin but not sure how to put it. "You've had a skinfull, you should go home."

"Great, send me away," Robin cried, "I just want to talk… explain things…" he grasped Jake's hand and tried to look him in the eye. "You don't get it, Jake. I _really_ _like_ you."

"Yeah. And you like the booze a bit too much for me to take seriously right now," Jake tried to push him away.

"You're not even giving me a _chance!"_

"Jesus, sir, how much have you _had?"_ Marci asked, noticing how far gone he was.

"Not enough," Robin slurred, "_never_ enough, it never goes away."

"I think you should go home, drink water and go to bed," Jake hissed, "you're in no fit state to talk about this and people are staring."

"I don't care!"

"_I do!"_

Robin gripped Jake's hand again and squeezed it

"You do things to me," he told him.

"Which is more than_ I_ did, apparently," Shaz commented cheekily but Robin was not in the mood.

"I thought we had something, Jake," he cried. "I really _liked_ you! There was a spark there. We were…" He stopped talking abruptly as his guts contracted and he swallowed hard.

"Sir, go home," Jake hissed to him urgently.

Robin gulped and breathed in deeply then letit out slowly. He turned back to him and began,

"I thought we were gonna be –" but he stopped talking again as his stomach made a second attempt at getting rid of all the alcohol, _"…gonna be sick,"_ he gasped and before he could do anything else he threw up violently on the dance floor, right in front of everyone. As Jake, Marci and Shaz stepped back in disgust Robin felt worse than he ever had in his life. The humiliation, the embarrassment, the pain, the heartbreak – it all came together to pin him to his very lowest point. He dropped to his knees, clutching his stomach as he felt it threatening to get rid of the rest of his binge and he felt tears starting to roll down his face. This was it, he'd hit his lowest point.

"_Out, mate,"_ a large burly bouncer's feet came into view and Robin followed them up with his pained stare.

_"I don't want to,"_ he cried but Jake crossly hauled him to his feet.

"It's alright," he said sharply, "We know him. We'll take him out."

"_Want to stay,"_ Robin mumbled as Jake took his arm firmly and pulled him away.

"You _can't_ stay, you've just thrown _up_ everywhere," Jake hissed in shame.

"Don't leave me!" Robin cried as Jake marched him to the door, Shaz and Marci following behind.

"I'm not _going_ to leave you," Jake rolled his eyes, "I just have to get you out of this place."

"Wait…" Robin began, clutching his stomach again and Jake started to panic.

"Oh dear _god_, not again, not until we get outside," he cried, frogmarching Robin out into the cold, night air.

Robin pushed past queuing customers and hunched over a flowerpot before the rest of his night of drinking made its escape, much to the horror of the waiting crowd. He closed his eyes and sobbed bitterly, a worse state he'd never been in before on his life. Well, maybe there was _one_ time, his mind painfully recalled, the night after Kim had fled from his bed when things were just too much to handle.

"_Kim,"_ he whimpered as Jake pulled him off the ground and dragged him around the side if the building, away from watching eyes.

"What are we going to do with him"? Marci panicked, "we can't leave him here!"

"I'm not _going_ to leave him here," Jake told them. He pulled his phone from his pocket, "I'll call DCI Shoebury. Tell him to collect him."

"Why? "frowned Shaz.

"He's staying with him," Jake said, flicking through his saved numbers.

"The poor sod," Shaz considered, "being called out at this time to pick up a pissed friend."

"Maybe _you_ should go home with him, Jake?" Marci asked quietly but Jake turned his head away while he made the call.

"I don't think that's a good idea," he said stiffly, the cold night air starting to chill his arms.

"But you know how you feel –" Marci began but found Jake's palm over her mouth as his call was answered, "_hmmmmfffouuuufff hmmmmmf_," she finished.

"Hello, sir? This is DS Dawson. …No, nothing to do with work, I'm sorry. It's just, it's…" Jake glanced at the head of sobbing Robin on the ground, "it's Rob-_Chief inspector Thomas_," he said, swallowing nervously, "he… could you come and pick him up? He was at the club and he's had a bit much…" he didn't need to finish his sentence. Simon already knew what was coming. "Alright. Thanks, sir. He's round the side." He nodded as Simon confirmed that he'd be there shortly. "Thanks. Yeah, I'll wait until you get here," he sighed. Bye."

Marci and Shaz looked at him curiously as he hung up.

"What did he say?" asked Marci.

"He'll be here in five minutes," Jake said quietly. He looked down at Robin who was sat with his head in his hands. "I think I'd better stay here until DCI Shoebury arrives."

Marci and Shaz exchanged a glance.

"Do you want us to stay too?" Marci asked but Jake shook his head.

"Get back in there, you two," he said, "it's cold out here.

They looked at one another again unsure whether to leave or stay. Eventually they took Jake's advice and left him alone with Robin. He looked down at the broken man, shivering and rocking back and forth. He could hear him hiccupping every so often, either from the beer or the crying, he couldn't be certain. Slowly he slipped off his jacket and placed it around Robin's shoulders, then sat beside him. Despite everything he felt the need to protect Robin while he was looking strangely vulnerable and he slipped an arm around him, gently rubbing his back.

"You've had an interesting week, haven't you?" he said quietly, "First you go all floppy on Shaz. Now you've made carrot soup on the dance floor." He knew Robin wasn't going to answer him and that was fine. He'd been pretty damn cold. No wonder Robin didn't want to talk. He looked at him sadly as he heard a mumble from beneath Robin's folded arms.

"_I'm really sorry, Jake,"_ he said and Jake closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry too," he whispered.

~xXx~

"I knew it. I fucking knew it."

As Simon pulled up around the side of the nightclub and saw the state of Robin his heart sank. He'd had a bad feeling about Robin's night out but he hadn't stopped him. He should have tried harder. Maybe gone with him. Maybe found an alternative. What the fuck happened to send him into _this_ state?

Jake looked up at Simon as he stepped out of the car and began to walk towards them. He got to his feet and shuffled uncomfortably.

"Sorry," he mumbled "I didn't know who else to call."

"You did the right thing," Simon assured him and his focus turned to Robin. He gave a sigh as he held out his hand. "Come on then, Rob. Let's get you home."

Robin very slowly let his head rise and he tried to focus on Simon. There were streaks of black eyeliner down his cheeks and he looked a real state. Nervously he took Simon's hand and allowed him to help him to his feet.

"I'm sorry, Simon," he whimpered.

"Let's just get you home," sighed Simon, "put you to bed." He peeled Jake's jacket from Robin's shoulders and handed it back to its owner. "Thanks for looking after him."

Jae shrugged a little uncomfortably.

"I hope he'll be alright," he said with one last worried look at Robin. He'd never wanted this to happen. He gave a nervous wave and made his way back into the club with a sad glance back over his shoulder.

"Come on," Simon said quietly with one arm around Robin's torso to help him along.

"I'm so sorry," Robin hiccupped "I just… I don't feel well…"

"You need some water and a lot of sleep," Simon told him, "you'll be fine."

"I'm such a fucking _idiot,"_ Robin closed his eyes and swallowed as the world started spinning. Simon stooped down to help Robin into the back of the car.

"Better lay down," he advised, "that way the world won't spin as fast."

Robin wrinkled up his nose.

"Have you been drinking?" he demanded.

"You're not in a good place for lectures you know!"

"What about driving?"

Simon gave a deep sigh.

"I just had a couple of drinks," he said patiently, "I wasn't expecting to have to go driving you home. It's only five minutes away and Gene's done worse." He paused., "_You_ have, _too_."

That was true. Robin knew it.

"Don't crash," he mumbled as he closed his eyes and Simon closed the door.

"I'll do my best," he mumbled. He got back in the driver's seat and started the engine, glancing behind him as Robin began to snore. "Fuck, Rob," he sighed, "how the hell did you end up this way?"

The drive went quickly and silently and Simon was glad that he made it back in one piece. Robin might have been right to worry, he was a little woozier than he'd thought.

"We're back, Rob, he said as he looked over the back seat. Robin's eyes were closed but he murmured something leaving Simon unsure if he was awake or asleep. "Rob?" He sighed and knew there was only one thing for it. "Ugh, I'm not up to this," he groaned, reluctantly leaving the front seat and heading to the back. He opened the door and slipped his hands under Robin's arms. "Come on, Rob, help me out here."

"_I want Kim,"_ Robin said pitifully and Simon's heart broke just a little

"Kim's not here," he said quietly, "just me. So move it."

He pulled Robin gently out of the car and half-dragged him up the stairs to the front door. He had to put him down to get the key in the lock and by the time he turned around Robin was fully horizontal and silent. With a deep sigh he bent down and did his best to scoop Robin up. He somehow managed to lumber up the stairs and into the flat where he laid Robin down heavily on his bed. His eyes were closed but he was still awake. Simon had never seen him totally paralytic before and, _fuck_, it scared him to see Robin that low.

He swept Robin's dark hair away from his face with the palm of his hand and thought just for a moment he saw a flicker of a smile cross his face. It made him repeat the motion; the feel of his hair against Simon's palm bringing them both nostalgia and a yearning for the times they once shared together. Slowly Simon stood up but Robin's eyes opened.

_"Don't stop,"_ he said quietly.

"What?" Simon asked, frowning slightly.

"I liked it," Robin told him.

"_You've_ had too much to drink," Simon warned him.

"So have you," Robin pointed out.

Simon hesitated for a moment, feeling his head spinning a little. Robin wasn't far off the mark.

"Not as much as you," he pointed out. He saw Robin turn his head away a little, in embarrassment and disappointment. Simon felt a very strange sensation inside of him; butterflies that rose from his stomach to his chest, making it hard to breathe. _Fuck,_ he thought to himself,_ I thought I'd gotten over this. I thought I'd gotten over him. _But as he found his hand reaching back to travel through Robin's dark locks again he knew he was only lying to himself.

He caught himself and flinched. What the _hell_ was he doing? They'd made so much progress lately. This wasn't a step back, this was a full-blown 100-meter dash in the opposite direction. But that soft hair beneath his fingers was making his tummy jump and twitch, just the way it used to when their lives were so very different.

As Robin turned back to him and caught him in eyes as rich and dark as melted chocolate Simon swallowed and knew he was in trouble. His willpower was fading as his heartbeat grew stronger.

"You're making it very hard for me to stop," he breathed.

Robin swallowed.

"_So don't,"_ he whispered.


	16. Chapter 15: Don't Just Don't

**A/N: Warning: The rating has risen to M from this chapter for **_**'sweaty, muscular male sex'**_** as Alex once said :D**

**~xXx~**

**Chapter Fifteen**

It had been _so_ long since Simon had felt Robin's hair slipping through his fingers. He stared down at his face, his expression torn between different emotions. The look in his eyes sent Simon's limbs to jelly. Robin hadn't looked at him that way since the day he went home.

"This is a very, _very_ bad idea," he whispered, "you know that, right?" But he didn't stop.

"It doesn't _have_ to be a bad idea," Robin said quietly.

"I've never seen you this drunk," Simon told him but Robin's expression seemed to waiver.

"I think I'm sobering up," he whispered.

"_Fuck_," Simon froze as his heart ached. He pulled back as he recalled moments from the last nine months; Robin arriving, his strange coldness towards him, his admission about Kim, their fights, the struggles to reach a level of friendship that worked for them. Looking at Robin he felt incredibly nostalgic and yearned for those old times again but nervously he drew his hand away, shaking his head. "We can't do this, Rob, it's not right."

Robin's wanton stare slowly darkened and his expression started to crumble. Very slowly he moved his head to one side and said,

"So _you_ don't want me either."

"_Rob_," Simon's tone was withering but sad, "if you actually believe that then…" he shook his head, "you know me better than that, Robin. You know how much…" he chewed on his lip to stop himself saying something he was going to regret. "You have to admit that it doesn't look god from my side. I'm _fifth choice_! After…" he thought about the statistics, "after _two_ women, my _father_ and a twat who looks like a reject from the Boyzone tribute act auditions."

Robin turned to look at him once again and as soon as their eyes met Simon felt his resolve slipping away.

"You're not fifth choice Simon," he said quietly, "Just because I fell in love with someone else… doesn't mean I don't love you."

"But you're not _in_ love with me," the admission was hard for Simon to say but he knew it was the truth, "you're not, are you?" They both knew he was right. He saw Robin looking uncomfortable. "Get some sleep, Rob," he said gently, stroking his hair away from his forehead one more time, "I'll get you some water and we'll talk in the morning," but before he could make a move Robin stretched out his hand and reached into Simon's lap, squeezing him gently. A tiny smile crossed Robin's face as he found Simon already stiffening and getting even harder with the motion of his hand. He looked at the expression on Simon's face as his eyes closed in a cross between embarrassment and disbelief. He smiled nervously; it wasn't funny but he gave a strange laugh to cover up for the way he was feeling. "That doesn't mean anything," he said, rolling his eyes a little "it's been eighteen months without any action, Rob, you'd be jumping to attention too."

"I already am," Robin said quietly and Simon's gaze moved involuntarily to Robin's groin. He swallowed as he watched a growing bulge form beneath the restriction of his jeans.

"_Oh,"_ he said quietly, unsure what else there as to add.

Robin slowly pulled himself upright, his stare fixed on Simon's and his hand still in place between his legs.

"_Simon,"_ he whispered, "I know you're lonely too."

"Lonely isn't a reason to…" he flinched as he felt the pressure of his trousers restraining him far too much, "_to jump into bed,"_ he finished, "I've been there and I'd change it if I could." But he did little to remove Robin's hand and his eyes closed with a pleasure he hadn't felt in so long.

"We never said goodbye properly," Robin said hopefully.

"I don't think this is the way," Simon said quietly.

"One last time?" Robin bit his lip and stared Simon in the eye. He noticed Simon swallowing hard, so close to giving in, but then he took Robin's hand and moved it finally from his twitching groin. He linked his fingers with Robin's and a sadness overtook him as he looked him in the eye.

"Rob," he whispered, "you say we never said goodbye, but we did." He noticed the blank stare on Robin's face. "Don't you remember? You and me, the toilets of _Bask_," his voice trembled as he recalled the moment, "a really strange… _powerful_ day. You whispered to me on the dance floor. We snuck away and," he froze for a moment, the memory overwhelming him with emotions, probably not the ones he should be focusing on right then, "it was _amazing_. Like it never had been before. We found something new between us that day, Rob, and," he closed his eyes. "The number of times I've remembered that night since then. It was perfect. _So_ perfect." He opened his eyes and looked at Robin's face. His expression looked empty. Didn't he remember? Or didn't he care. Either way, Simon didn't want Robin's reaction to taint his own memories of their last time so he gave a slight nod and got to his feet, laying Robin's hand across his chest. "Well," he whispered, "I'll never forget." He turned around. "Goodnight, Robin."

Slowly he trailed to the doorway, his emotions in a tattered mess, but as he reached out to turn off the light he heard the voice from behind him,

"Of course I bloody remember."

Simon froze momentarily. He turned around and the look on Robin's face was hauntingly painful

"Sorry?"

"I remember every moment of it," Robin whispered as his lip trembled, "the smell of your aftershave. The strange feeling of a ring on my finger. The bolt jammed into my back as you pushed me against the door and took down my pants." He closed his eyes and his tongue travelled across his lips as Simon began to very slowly walk back towards him. "The heat of your mouth. The mess on the wall. How hard –" he swallowed and stopped talking as his heart started to ache for times gone by. "The nights I've spent crying over it. The last time. The hours and days I spent longing to see you again. Desperate. Depressed. All the while remembering that last time," he finally looked back at Simon as he reached the side of the bed, "until our last time became forever linked in my mind with that terrible dark time." He closed his eyes. "So that's how we said goodbye from my side, Simon. _That_ was our last time."

Simon's face creased a little as he took on board how differently Robin thought of it and he sank slowly down beside him. He looked him in the eye.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He found his eyes drawn to Robin's lips where they focused and fixed. They seemed to draw him in; he wasn't sure what it was. His fingers moved to Robin's hair again and slowly began to move through his dark, silky locks. He knew he shouldn't be doing it but the softness of that hair felt so good on his skin. He hadn't had intimate contact with someone, _anyone_, for such a very long time. "_Rob_," he whispered, not even sure what he was going to say from there.

Robin shuffled forward just slightly and looked him in the eye, then with his lips parting slowly he leaned toward Simon, his intentions more than clear. After all that had been said he awaited Simon's rejection, expecting him to pull away or push him back but as their stare fixed for a moment a wave of feeling washed up inside of Simon and caught by overwhelming nostalgia and need he grasped Robin forcefully around the back of his head and pulled him forward, pressing his lips hard against Robin's and delivering a hot, desperate kiss born of all the pent-up passion and desire that had been growing inside of him.

Instantly Robin grabbed for Simon's shirt and pulled him closer; desperate for love or lust or just plain human contact. Their mouths moved together and they shared hungry kisses, tongues dipping to one another's mouths, an unexpected nip from Robin against Simon's lip and the slight roughness of Simon's 6 o'clock shadow a now unfamiliar sensation to Robin.

Simon could feel Robin's hands move down, hunting for his belt, but he was desirous and wanted more than a quick fumble.

"_No_," he murmured into Robin's kiss, "if we're going to do this…"

He pulled back, almost taking Robin's lips with him, and reached for the buttons of Robin's black shirt. Oh, he knew he was just being greedy now but he wanted the full package. Since Robin had returned to Gene's world Simon had caught glimpses of his body; the new toned, muscle-bound form that it took, but he wanted to take a proper look. He thought he deserved that much at least. The buttons slipped undone one at a time and with his heart racing so hard that his body was almost quivering, Simon pushed the shirt down from Robin's shoulders. Gripped with a sudden panic Robin whispered;

"_My scars –"_

But in the half-light Simon couldn't even see them. All he could see were the designs that Kim had etched into Robin's skin, covering the scars not only on his body but also in his mind. For a moment Simon almost stopped. Looking at the ink reminded him of Kim and despite his bitterness he felt a pang of guilt. He looked at Robin and swallowed.

"What about Kim?" he whispered, and Robin's eyes misted over.

"She doesn't want me," he whispered.

Simon hesitated. He knew that this was not a black and white situation; Kim was under the control of someone else and her thoughts were not her own, but at the same time Robin was lonely and desperate, as much in need of this, of something, as Simon was himself. He let his fingers slowly trace one of the lines on Robin's torso, the curves of the ink as the patterns unfolded reminding him that life itself took many twists and turns, some of them unexpected.

He licked his lips as he moved his hand across Robin's chest and up to his shoulder. The hours Robin had put in at the gym had completely changed his body. From a somewhat scrawny guy with maybe one or two pounds extra around the belly he'd turned into something resembling a model from a seductive advert for jeans, sitting with his shirt off and his rippling muscles on display. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, _Simon's trousers were becoming very uncomfortable suddenly and he reached down to his belt to finish the job Robin had started but with a hand over his Robin stopped him.

"_Fair's fair,"_ he whispered, a little smile playing on his lips as he pulled Simon's shirt from his trousers. Simon's expression was pained and he moved back a little way.

"Don't, Rob," he whispered. He saw hurt cross Robin's expression and flinched. "I'm sorry," he whispered, "I don't want you to see. I'm not… not the way you remember me…"

Robin's eyebrows rose in the middle as his expression softened.

"Am _I?"_ he challenged.

"I don't mean in a good way," Simon said, embarrassed but Robin's hands moved to his top button and he began to unfasten the shirt slowly.

"_Shhh,"_ Robin tried to put his mind at ease.

"No," Simon protested but his shirt was already open and sliding away from his body. He hunched forward and folded his arms across himself to try to hide the parts that made him feel ashamed and low; the scars upon his chest from his rooftop tussle with Keats and the extra weight he carried round his middle from the booze and junk food. _Fuck_, it was a bit like being their first time all over again. He'd never felt so insecure about his own body before. A nasty sinking feeling made him freeze up as Robin's hands moved across his torso. It was true that he'd been hung up on Robin all that time but he'd always had the option of opening himself up to looking; to starting another relationship, to meeting someone new. He hadn't tried. He hadn't _wanted_ to, and while a lot of that was due to his feelings for Robin there was the fact that he hated the thought of anyone seeing the state is body was in.

Fuck, _that_ was a revelation. He didn't have time to dwell upon it though because Robin's hands were getting perilously close to his spare tyre and he panicked, grabbing them and pulling them away.

"Si, it doesn't matter," Robin whispered as he moved forward and kissed him forcefully, silencing any protests before they began. He pulled Simon further onto the bed and pushed him down so he could take control, moving his lips from Simon's mouth, down his neck and across his scarred skin. It became clear to Simon that this was a very different Robin.

"_Shit,"_ he mumbled, helpless to stop him from moving down his body. So Simon had a bit of extra padding, so what? He'd always been a bit of a beanpole, he probably needed it. To prove he didn't care Robin kissed Simon's soft belly before giving a final tug to the half-undone belt and unfastening his trousers, pulling them down as fast as he dared. He finally ridded Simon of his underpants too, releasing the pressure his erection had been under to stay under wraps and he gave a sigh of relief. He could hardly breathe as Robin's hot lips moved swiftly over his cock and he grasped the duvet in both hands . _"Fuck –"_

Simon had almost forgotten what it felt like to be given pleasure by somebody else. It had been a very, _very_ long time. His fumbles with Keats didn't count either, since _he_ was the one doing most of the pleasuring. He groaned and writhed, his body squirming around on the bed as Robin moved at a steady pace, teasing him with his tongue, peering up every now and then to see the look on Simon's face until he knew he was on the verge of spilling the goods. Fuck, that was quick. He didn't want things to finish this way so he gasped,

"Stop!" but Robin ignored him. "No, Rob, _stop_ – I don't want to… not yet… Please, Rob! _Stop!"_

This time his urgent cry made Robin cease his relentless motion and look up, a little awkwardly.

"I'm… _sorry?"_ he said, not sure what he was apologising for.

"_I'm_ sorry," Simon countered, "It's been so long, I was going to…" he swallowed, feeling stupid. _Move on_, his mind told him, _must move on._ Sitting upright, he pushed Robin backward to get access to his belt which he unfastened quickly. "You any steadier on your feet now?" he whispered before planting a kiss against Robin's neck that made him shudder and groan. He wasn't entirely sure but he was willing to try so he carefully moved off the bed for Simon to take down his trousers and his pants. "Oh _god_, I've waited a long time to be with you again," he moaned as he pushed Robin back against the wall to return the favour, grasping him by his thighs, feeling the firm muscles beneath his hands.

Robin closed his eyes and leaned back, just concentrating on the sensation. All he needed was release, all he needed was someone to make him feel wanted and loved, it didn't matter who, and _fuck_, that made him feel so bad suddenly.

_What the fuck am I doing? Am I using Simon?_ He opened his eyes and watched Simon's expression as he started to take care of himself while he sucked on Robin's rigid length. _Fuck… does it even matter?_ He shook his head as though to answer his own question. They were using each other and they both knew it.

"_Wait,"_ he gasped after a minute and gently pushed Simon's head away.

"What?" Simon whispered a little anxiously. In reply Robin opened the drawer of his bedside cabinet and pulled something from within which he handed to Simon. Simon stared at the lube in his hand and blinked. "Are you sure?" he whispered.

His expression suddenly darker and downbeat, Robin nodded slowly and turned around, bending forward over the bed with a new nervousness. The strong, desperate Robin seemed to be fading away before Simon's eyes. He stared at the tube in his hand and then back at Robin. Something wasn't right but before he could ask Robin began,

"Please? Simon, just… Just…" he took a deep breath, _"I need you."_

Even though he felt anxious that something was wrong, Simon's demanding privates spoke more loudly than his conscience. They ached and throbbed, desperate for release and, drowning out the little voice in his head, he began to lube himself up before turning his attention to Robin. One more squeeze on the tube; one finger, two fingers, three just inside, the sound of Robin gasping and moaning Simon he prepared him for entry. When Robin was nice and lubricated Simon firmly pushed him forward to reposition him and took a deep breath. He had waited so fucking long for this, so now the moment was here why did he feel so unsure?

_Don't think, just do,_ he told himself and gripped Robin by the hip as he lined himself up and pushed inside of him, eliciting a low moan from Robin.

"_That's it,"_ Simon whispered as he began to slide his length in and out, picking up the pace as his reservations were pushed out of his head by the endorphins flowing through his bloodstream. He grasped both hips and started to move a little harder. _Fuck_, it had been so long, not far from two years since that night in _Bask_. The thought of it made Simon's pace increase while he reached around with one hand and begin to pleasure Robin, his hand still a little slick from preparing himself, gliding with ease along Robin's shaft.

"_Fuck, Si,"_ he breathed.

"_Rob,"_ Simon gasped as he closed his eyes for a moment, "God, I bet you've missed this, hmm? Haven't you?" As he continued to thrust deeper inside of Robin he found his mind travelling involuntarily to another night, another drunken moment, another person. _"Shit!"_ what the _fuck_ was he doing in Simon's thoughts? He chastised himself for it and tried to concentrate on Robin, drawing moans and gasps with the motion of his hand and his cock. He shifted slightly and pulled Robin a little closer as he tried to block out the memory of another dark haired man; the one who'd pushed Simon over the bed and taken him so roughly. He wasn't going to think about that. He wasn't going to think about Keats, or that night, or the things he said. No, he wasn't.

His fight to keep Keats out of his thoughts gave his motion an aggressive edge that he'd never had before. It certainly wasn't what Robin was expecting as he gasped at the force and pace Simon was using.

"You needed this, didn't you," he breathed, coming closer to going over the edge, "yeah, Kim can't do _this_ for you, _can_ she?" he heard Robin gave a whimper, not realising for a moment that he was thinking of what Kim kept under the bed, "No, you needed this," Simon hissed as his hand enticed ever stronger sensations from Robin, "I'll give you what you need, Robin, you don't need anyone else."

But as he felt the hot, sticky indication that Robin had hit his peak, coupled with a buckling of his legs, Simon realised that he wasn't joining him. He was right on the edge, why wasn't he coming? He grasped Robin to keep him upright and fucked him, fucked him good and hard, making him groan and cry out with his motion but it just wasn't happening.

_Fuck, what's wrong with me?_

_Fucking hell, this is Robin, this is what I wanted. This –_

Simon opened his eyes and as he focused on the back of that dark-haired head he could almost imagine it was somebody else. If he blocked out the tattoos and the muscles, he could almost picture, almost imagine…

The cry Simon gave as he came was almost inhuman. It hurt his throat and echoed around the room. As his climax faded and the two men collapsed together in a messy, sticky, shivering pile on the bed Simon swallowed hard as he realised who had been the one to set him over the edge.

_God fucking damn it, Keats._

He heard crying. _Shit_. He closed his eyes as the reality of what they had done started to sink on. The worst part for Simon was knowing they were both going to regret this come morning. He'd known full well it was the alcohol talking. He'd known full well that Robin was desperate and depressed, and his efforts at talking him out of it had been minimal. He'd known full well it was going to end in tears. Literally, as it turned out.

Staring at Robin's naked, defined torso in the darkened room his eyes scanned the hint of ink across his shoulder blade. He didn't know Robin any more. Not really. It was almost like making love to a stranger.

_Making love._ That was a lie for a start. There was no love there, only pity. Pity on both sides. Aside from his own despair Robin was still cut up with guilt about Kim and felt sorry for solitary loner Simon while Simon had watched Robin work himself into a terrible state over Kim's perceived rejection and wanted desperately to make everything better. One minute they'd been ripping at each other's clothes and grasping at each other's bodies, now Robin was crying himself to sleep and Simon was vanishing into a pit of self-loathing and guilt as for the first time he realised something.

_I'm not in love with Robin any more._

His thoughts were of another man; the worst possible candidate. And, as he curled into a ball and begged for sleep to arrive, he'd never felt more alone either despite the man in bed beside him.


	17. Chapter 16: Don't Rush In

**Chapter Sixteen**

The shard of light that reached through the open curtains and struck Robin in the face pulled him rudely from his sleep. With one arm over his face, aimlessly attempting to block out the light, he gave a deep and throaty groan that encapsulated the way he felt from head to toe. He coughed and spluttered a little as his throat stung from a mix of the night's drinking, being horribly sick and letting out a variety of inhuman noises during the activity he and Simon had partaken in a few hours earlier. He couldn't quite remember any of those events though. Not yet. Not until he felt an arm sprawled heavily over his chest and his eyes opened wide I horror to find who it belonged to.

"Oh _fuck,"_ he breathed, jumping a little at the sight of Simon sleeping by his side. A pulsing pain on the side of his head called a halt to his attempt to sit up. So did the sloshing of his aching stomach. He moaned deeply and clutched his guts, afraid that he was going to have to make a fast exit. Like shards of glass falling from a broken window he was covered with fragments of memories, each and every one more painful than the last.

He bit his lip frantically and pushed his hair out of his face as he stared at Simon, asleep by his side. How the fuck had _that_ even happened? He recalled the feeling of Simon's fingers running through his hair and groaned. He always was a sucker for that.

Loneliness, pain, sadness and nostalgia had taken hold. He remembered asking… _begging_… he'd almost _demanded_ it of Simon. But then Simon hadn't done a very good job of refusing. One or two attempts… he knew how drunk Robin was, he could see for himself and he'd still…

Robin closed his eyes and swallowed, fighting off the nausea. They'd been as bad as one another. They'd both made a horrible mistake and now they were going to have to clear up their mess.

His bladder was bursting and even though his head felt like it was going to crack in half he managed to slip out of bed and pad to the bathroom, leaving Simon stirring in his wake. The moment he opened one eye and realised where he was he developed a terrible sinking feeling in his chest. He closed his eye again and the previous night began to wash up in his memory like driftwood in a beach, piece by piece brought to shore by waves of horror.

"_Oh no,"_ he groaned as he rubbed his forehead and tried to work out how it had even happened. He remembered picking up Robin and taking him to bed but after that everything seemed to happen so fast. "_The hair,"_ he mumbled, "why the _hell_ did I stroke his fucking _hair?"_

He rolled over and buried his face in the pillow just as Robin returned slowly. He waited cautiously by the door, listening to Simon's distressed mutterings before he said quietly,

"Hi."

Simon slowly rose from the pillow and looked at Robin with an anxious expression.

"Rob," he whispered.

Robin swallowed. He shuffled closer and slipped awkwardly into bed beside Simon as Simon hauled himself upright and sat with his head in his hands.

"Simon, he whispered, "I'm so _sorry_."

Simon stopped rubbing his eyes and looked at Robin.

"_You're_ sorry?" he asked. Robin nodded shamefully. "You were pissed, Rob, I took advantage."

"_I_ took advantage," Robin admitted guiltily, "I knew how you still felt about me… I asked for something I had no right to." He looked down. "I'm sorry."

He didn't see Simon turn away or his cheeks burning. It hadn't been Robin on his mind the night before, had it? That was something he wasn't sure how to deal with.

"_Fuck,"_ he groaned as he covered up his face again. He had no idea how to process what they'd done. Eventually he glanced at Robin through his fingers and whispered, "I've never seen you like that before. You were paralytic." He saw Robin hang his head. "I'm sorry Rob, you _were_."

"I know," Robin swallowed, "I've never _been_ like that before." He glanced at Simon. "How did I even get home?"

"Jake called me," Simon said a little crossly.

"Jake?" Robin frowned.

"I think you had been _unwell_ in the club."

"Oh _fuck,"_ the memory came back to Robin with the force of a falling elephant on the head, "oh fuck, I _remember_…" he clutched his stomach which still ached and shook his head. "How the hell am I going to show my face again?"

"Maybe by turning up with a mop and bucket?" Simon suggested and a slightly outraged Robin stared at him, wondering if he was serious. Simon's face cracked into a tiny smile and Robin gave a sigh as he shook his head.

"I might _have_ to," he groaned.

Simon stared at his hands. He wasn't Jake's biggest fan… there was something about him that brushed Simon the wrong way – it wasn't even the connection he had with Robin, there was just something he couldn't place about him. But he had to admit that he'd done a good job of looking after Robin.

"You need to thank Jake," he said.

Robin frowned.

"How do you mean?"

"Called me," Simon explained, "kept you warm, lent you his jacket. Poor twat looked half frozen."

"Shit," Robin groaned and put his head in his hands. That didn't sound like the Jake who'd been blanking him and turning away. "I can't think about this now, my brain is rolling around."

Simon closed his eyes and breathed in deeply.

"I think we need to talk," he said quietly. He looked at Robin who looked nervous but slowly nodded none the less.

"Yeah," he whispered.

Simon fell silent, breathing deeply in and out, concentrating on his breath to fill the gap for a few moments. Eventually he turned to Robin.

"I think we need something to stop our heads rolling," he said.

"And stomachs," Robin mumbled.

"I'll raid your post-booze stash," Simon said quietly as he turned to leave the bed, struck by a sudden wave of unexpected modesty. "C-can you turn around?"

As a crestfallen Robin did as he was asked he realised what the previous night had meant. Where once they were both as familiar and comfortable with one another as two people could ever be their bond had morphed from love to friendship and things would never be the same. Their night might have been a mistake but it placed the boundaries a little clearer. Robin just hoped their talk would organise the rest.

~xXx~

Alex rolled over and laid her head against Gene's chest.

"Mmmmm, no court today," she sighed.

"Never been happier to see a bloody weekend in me life," Gene agreed.

Alex looked up at him as he shuffled up the bed a little.

"How do you think things are going?" she asked quietly and Gene let out a non-committal grunt.

"Yesterday was a knee to the groin for our erstwhile friend Mister Keats," he said.

"But what about the other witnesses?" Alex asked.

Gene shook his head. He wasn't as sure about how he'd done in the stand, nor how Robin's statement had been taken.

"Bolly, I'm not a mind reader," he told her, "if I was I'd have taken over on the lottery from Mystic Meg. But the jury can't ignore yer words. And they can't ignore that smarmy smug look he has on his face. They'll see for themselves he's a class-A cockface."

Alex closed her eyes as she lay against Gene. She'd had a full night of sleep but still felt exhausted. The court case was proving exceptionally draining for all of them. Her mind went over the last few days, the stress of Evan being on the case, reliving her darkest day, everything they had gone through and suddenly an instance of guilt pricked away at her. She opened her eyes again and bit her lip.

"Gene," she whispered.

The word hung in the air without a follow-up and he turned to her warily.

"Uh oh," he said, "I know that tone, missus"

Alex coughed.

"What tone?"

"Usually means you want to borrow something," he began, "or already have done. What is it? Not thinking you're up to the challenge of steering me pride and joy?"

Alex closed her eyes.

"No," she sighed.

"Have you half-inched me scotch?"

"No."

"You can't be after me cowboy boots, yer feet would swim in them."

Alex opened her eyes and looked at him guiltily, biting on her lip

"Gene," she said quietly, "it's not about what I want to borrow from you…" she swallowed, "more like what I… _let_ someone borrow…" she cringed a little, "without asking your permission."

Gene started to look worried.

"Shoebury is _never_ getting behind the wheel of my Aston Martin!" he said on high alert.

"No," Alex said quietly, "Yesterday I went to see Kim…" she swallowed, "and I sort of… gave her my lips… for a moment." She watched Gene's expression carefully as he stared at her. "I kissed her." She embellished in case he was confused. She watched him stare back and swallow, his jaw quivering a little. She was expecting a storm to blow up. She awaited the yelling and the ranting but nothing came. Eventually when enough time had passed to leave her highly uncomfortable she whispered, "did you hear what I said?" Still there was no response except that Gene looked downward and started to make a strange face. "Gene? Say something? Please?"

Gene continued to pull faces as he chewed on his lip. Finally. Keeping his eyes on the bed he asked her,

"So this is you filling out yer application form then, is it?"

Alex hesitated.

"What application form?" she asked

"As a fully paid-up member of the Rainbow Brigade," he finally turned to her, "you exiting your closet here or what?"

Alex looked down as she felt her insides churning.

"I don't know, she said quietly, "It's…. it's Kim… there's something…" she paused and swallowed. "It's not as though Agent Scully is going to proposition me, is it?" she tried to joke but Gene's stare was stony. She had expected him to blow up in an angry eruption. His silence was unnerving her. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, "Robin was scared about her. I went to talk to her and she was so cold."

"So you tried warming up her lips?" Gene asked flatly.

"I," Alex wasn't sure how to explain herself, "It's… I felt so…" she swallowed as she hesitated. She had no idea how to explain herself. "Gene, I'm sorry?"

Gene breathed in deeply.

"For what?" he asked, " joining Shoebury's elite club or lending out yer lips in the new Fenchurch East _Rent-An-Alex_ scheme?"

Alex shook her head a little.

"You don't have anything to worry about anyway," she said quietly, "she turned me down. Pushed me away."

That did it.

"_What?"_

Alex frowned and jumped a little as Gene shot up, looking angrier than she had ever seen him.

"Gene?"

"Metal Mickey refused piece of lip action with the poshest piece of skirt in Fenchurch?"

Alex developed a scowl.

"There's no need to put it that way?" she told him but Gene was too busy tumbling out of bed to notice.

"What kind of bloody idiot says no to _you_?" he cried, hopping around with his underpants half-on.

"Gene, what are you doing?" Alex cried, sitting up and holding the duvet to her chest.

"Stringer's out of her mind," Gene mumbled, yanking on his trousers and throwing on a shirt.

"You _knew_ that already!" cried Alex, "Keats has –"

"I'm not talking about a bit of bloody gas and air," Gene told her crossly, "Metal Mickey has Alex Bolingerknickers Drake throwing herself at her –"

"I did no such _thing!"_

"And she has the nerve to say _no?"_ Gene's face was like thunder, "what kind of bloody lesbian _is_ she anyway?"

"A _brainwashed_ one!" Alex tried to protest but Gene was already halfway down the corridor. "Gene!" she scrambled out of bed and began to chase him, "_Gene!"_ she cried as she followed him down the stairs.

In the hallway he pulled his coat on and shoved his feet into his boots.

"It's time me and Stringer had a talk," he said crossly, "man to man."

Alex closed her eyes and groaned.

"Please don't do this," she begged, "Kim's not in her right mind and you're going to humiliate yourself…" she cringed, "and me,"

Gene turned to look at Alex seriously. There was more to it than that. Kim's behaviour had turned Robin to drink and led to both Alex and himself experiencing the unwanted delights of his kissing lips. Now her coldness under the control of Keats was leading Alex to misery too and the world was starting to feel dark and precarious. Gene remembered the night Kim arrived back in his world and the sacrifice she'd made. Despite their differences – not to mention the fact that over the years she'd stolen numerous bottles of scotch, his car and now his fiancée's kissing lips - there was something unique about Kim and he couldn't help the feeling she had a more important part to play in his world than any of them even knew.

"Keep the bed warm for me, Bolly," he told her and he was gone before you could say '_this is a very bad idea'._

~xXx~

Marci looked so peaceful when she slept. That was something Shaz had noticed before. After Robin's moment of glory the two ladies had resumed their night of dancing and drinking. Jake rejoined them momentarily after Simon had collected the paralytic one but his heart wasn't in it and he had decided to slink away leaving Marci and Shaz to groove through the night.

When the club was closing and it was time to leave Shaz's place was closest so they'd both headed back there to avoid needing a taxi. A coffee and a nightcap later and Shaz was sending Marci to bed with an oversized t-shirt and a clean blanket.

"_I'll just be out here on the sofa, babe," _Shaz had told her.

Marci's response had been a coy, nervous smile,

"_You don't have to,"_ she'd whispered, peeling back the sheets.

But Shaz had deliberately misunderstood and made a big song and dance about how comfortable her couch was. _Damnit_, what the _hell_ was her problem? It wasn't that she didn't _want_ to. And Marci was making it pretty damn clear that _she_ wanted to as well. But there was still that niggling feeling inside of Shaz, the guilt and the sadness she still clung onto from losing the love of her life.

"Why won't she get out of my _head?" _she whispered.

She saw Marci beginning to stir and quickly left the room. She needed to do some very hard thinking.


	18. Chapter 17: Don't Let Go

**Chapter Seventeen**

Robin looked nervously at Simon as he returned to the bedroom with a tray.

"Here," he said, placing it in the bed, "Coffee. _Strong_." He handed Robin a mug and slipped back into bed beside him, taking his own drink in his hands. There was a small glass of water on the tray with a packet of ibuprofen. "You look like you need these," he said and Robin nodded gratefully.

"Oh _yes,"_ he sighed, "I do." He took two of the pills from the packet and handed the box to Simon.

"I already took some," he said.

"When were you even drinking?" Robin asked.

"Last night, before Jake called," Simon gave a groan and rubbed his head, "I was worried about you and was just going to have a glass or two. Might have had a bit more than that."

"You shouldn't have been driving," Robin admonished.

"Who else was going to pick you up?" Simon asked. He lifted his mug, warming his hands upon it. "Besides, I was fine. Seemingly I've inherited the drinking and driving gene from my apparent father."

Robin raised an awkward smile as he knocked back the ibuprofen and put down the empty glass.

"Thanks," he whispered, both for the pills and for driving him home. He gave an awkward belch and rubbed his gut again. "My stomach's rolling," he moaned.

"Sorry Rob, if you had anything for that I couldn't find it, just the painkillers," Simon apologised.

"Must have run out," Robin mumbled awkwardly, not wanting to admit even to himself how frequently he'd been turning to booze to get through the night lately.

"You've got bacon and eggs in the fridge," Simon pointed out, "Gene always says a dirty great fry-up is the cure for all post-booze symptoms."

Robin blanched.

"I don't think I'll bow to Doctor Gene on this one," he said, the slightest hint of a laugh in his voice.

"Funnily enough he didn't seem to appreciate it when I cooked one for him after his welcome back party," Simon remembered.

"No," Robin smiled, "I don't suppose he did."

"I've never gotten over him forcing me and Kim to eat a bunch of greasy bacon," Simon commented, "Just because I _might_ have given him _one little kiss,"_ he shook his head scathingly at Robin. "You've gotten off lightly, believe me."

"You haven't seen the massive latte order I'm supposed to deliver next week," Robin groaned.

"Well you kissed him of your own volition!" Simon cried, "I was playing truth or dare and Kim got me all riled up and he just… walked in at the wrong moment. Hardly my fault."

Robin gave a slightly sad smile as he looked at Simon.

"You know something?" he asked quietly, "that's twice you've mentioned Kim without flinching," he lifted his mug, "or without looking like you wanted to punch a random object." He noticed that Simon developed a very strange, distant expression on his face, just confirming what he already knew; what he'd already gathered from the night before. He bit his lip and swallowed. "You don't love me any more," he whispered, "do you, Si?" he saw Simon's expression contorting and clarified, "I mean, you're not _in_ love with me. Are you?" Simon didn't reply. He didn't have to. Robin felt conflicted; on the one hand he'd wanted Simon's feelings to change so that they could really find a level of friendship without all of the jealousy and bitterness getting in the way, but at the same time it's never easy to know that someone has fallen out of love with you, whatever the circumstances. He nodded slowly. "I knew it last night," he whispered, "things were," his voice hitched, _"different."_

Simon nodded.

"Yeah," he whispered, "you're right, Rob. I… I don't think I knew it until we were…" he swallowed.

"You don't have to say any more, Si," Robin whispered, "it's OK. I understand." He hesitated. "It… it was nice to hear you talk about Kim," he whispered.

"It was?"

Robin nodded.

"Sometimes I forget that she was your best friend here," he said quietly and Simon looked away.

"I was lost without her when she went home," he whispered, "I took her for granted. I regret that. I started to believe she'd always be here, but she had another job to do."

Robin nodded.

"Yeah," he said quietly, "she did. More than one."

"It's strange," Simon took a sip of his coffee before he continued, "You, me and Kim… we all know each other so well… and yet not once have the three of us ever been together or talked together. Do you realised that?"

Robin froze. He hadn't realised that.

"Shit," he whispered, "You're right."

It was true; during Robin's brief spell in 1995 he had never even spoken to Kim. Yet Kim had become Simon's best friend after he had returned home.

"I wonder if we'll even get the chance," Simon whispered. He ran a hand through his hair as he thought about it. "I know how painful this all is for you, Rob. You must be heartbroken to see Kim the way she is right now but…" he flinched, "it's hard for me too, to see her that way. I remember what she went through with him before, the way he got inside her head, left her so screwed up. It's amazing she coped as well as she did." He shook his head. "I haven't even spoken to her since she came back."

Robin bit his lip, feeling guilty all over again.

"Simon, I never meant for anything to happen with Kim –"

"I know. I know."

"She felt as bad as I did," Robin told him, "you meant the world to her. You did so much for her."

Simon looked down and thought back to those months where Kim had slept on his couch, accompanied him to _Bask_, bantered with him in the office, even taught him how to _drink,_ for god's sake. They'd been the best of friends. Now, he realised, his feelings for Robin were slowly morphing into a similar thing. And even though there would still be some moments of sadness and bitterness he was happy that the two people who meant most to him had found one another.

"Go on then," he said quietly, "tell me. How did it happen?"

"How did what happen?"

"How did you fall in love?"

"I've already said a hundred times, I don't know…"

"I don't mean how it happened between a gay man and a lesbian," Simon shook his head, "I mean how the two of you fell in love. Sexuality aside." He paused. "You never told me." He gave a sigh. "I wasn't ready to know."

Robin hesitated, still unsure that Simon was ready to hear yet.

"I…," he cleared his throat, "Simon –"

"Really, Rob," Simon gulped his coffee, the heat of the liquid stinging his throat, "tell me. I want to know how she made you happy." He paused, "and how you made her happy."

Robin gave a weak smile. He missed her so much that it was painful to think of the good times.

"It wasn't love at first sight, put it that way. I don't even remember much about her bringing the letter. I was in a severe state of shock." He sighed. "She looked very different too. Long, dark hair. Tons of heavy make-up. It was all a mask, Simon. She hid herself away, had done ever since she went home." He lifted his mug and took an experimental gulp of coffee. There was a nasty gurgling noise from somewhere inside but the coffee seemed to stay put so he braved another. "Then a month later Alex turned up at my doorstep. She needed my help, she had to get home. We realised that Kim was the one person from both sides… she was in ninety five when it happened, too. So we had to track her down. The days that followed were crazy, we were sort of," he shrugged, "_on the run._ I've never really gotten over that. We bonded, really closely. Me, Kim, Alex –"

"Is that why you're all snogging each other?" Simon commented but Robin could see he was winding him up.

"_No,"_ Robin rolled his eyes and sighed. "After Alex went home we… we kind of felt lost when we weren't with each other. We'd become so close, we saw each other as much as we could. _As friends,"_ he added quickly, "that's all we were. God, I never imagined we'd be anything more than that."

"So what changed?" Simon asked quietly. As his feelings had started to heal he found himself genuinely interested and wanted to know.

"_Keats,"_ Robin whispered, "took a holiday in two thousand and eleven in Arthur Layton's body and we were both abducted. We went through some horrible shit on that barge, Si," he shook his head grimly, "b-but we were together and that made us strong," his voice grew breathy and he licked his lips involuntarily. "We were talking… our conversation was… _deep_. And then we… I mean, she kissed me… out of the blue. I didn't react because… I was shocked. And afterwards she asked me to forget it, and I tried but I couldn't stop thinking about her," he could feel himself starting to stiffen, "in _that_ way." He pulled the duvet around him uncomfortably. What an extremely inappropriate thing to happen. "I didn't know she was feeling the same way about me. But then we… we had these moments…" he paused, the memories so hard to recall while they were far away from one another, "_passion_. They came out the blue and swept us away, but it was really hard. We were… _incompatible_… in one particular way. But we made it through the hard times. She left her wife for me. Her wife, her family, her tattooing job… all for me." He swallowed and his voice dropped to a whisper. "And then Alex woke up, _again_, and the next thing I knew…" he looked Simon in the eye, "I was stepping out of a jewellery shop in nineteen ninety seven and I'd lost the love of my life."

Simon swallowed as a lump formed in his throat and he felt his eyes starting to mist over.

"Shit," he whispered.

"And now she's actually here," he whispered, "and yet I've never felt further away from her."

Simon stretched out for Robin's hand. It was all he could do to offer comfort and support as he told him;

"Don't give up. Robin."

Robin wasn't expecting that.

"What?"

"Keep on at her. Don't let her fade away," Simon's expression was deadly serious. "She needs you." He looked at the state of Robin, "and you clearly need her. And while I never thought I'd be saying this…" he let his breath out slowly. "Rob, I just want you to be happy. Kim too. You were right when you reminded me I once told her never to settle and to find someone who really made her happy. She did, and it was you." He saw Robin's expression hang between smiling and crying. "And I did mean what I said in your letter," Simon still felt a pang of pain in his heart to say so but carried on anyway, "I wanted you to be happy too, and you found that with Kim. You need each other, and after what you've both been through you deserve each other." He looked at Robin sincerely. "Be with her."

Robin didn't know what to say, no matter how hard he tried to think of the right words they never came, so eventually he gave up and reached out to Simon, wrapping his arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. He closed his eyes, feeling for the first time since he arrived back in Gene's world that their bond was still there, just in another way. Eventually he drew back and wiped a rogue tear away with a wobbly smile.

"That means the world to me," he whispered

"You and Kim, you're both so important to me, Rob," Simon told him, "I want you to both be happy. I want her back on the right side, where she belongs."

Robin nodded and swallowed.

"That makes two of us," he whispered.

"And when she is," Simon began, "we'll just," he gave a vague shrug, "we'll do that three-way."

Robin looked on in horror.

"_I beg your pardon?!"_ he cried.

_"Not like that!"_ Simon protested, "we'll all go out. The three of us. Not three sets of two, the three of us Night on the town. Looks like Kim did a good job of teaching us _both_ to drink."

Robin gave an embarrassed laugh and looked away.

"Yeah, well," he began, "it's going to be a while before I do that again, I can tell you." He tried not to think about the previous night's humiliation and instead looked at Simon. "Si…" he paused, not sure how to say what was in his head, "It works both ways you know. I just want you to be happy,"

"Yeah," Simon said quietly, "I know."

"I really wish you could find someone too," Robin told him.

"I don't think I'm supposed to," Simon said quietly.

"Don't be silly."

"I'm not, Rob. Look." He indicated the bed. "Look at this."

Robin frowned.

"What do you mean?"

Simon smiled weakly.

"It's a double bed, Robin. You're supposed to be here with someone. The world has been waiting for Kim to join you." Robin shivered as he took Simon's words on board. "My bed's a single. Always has been. I'm supposed to be here alone."

Robin felt his heart sinking.

"I don't want you to be alone, Si," he said quietly.

Simon's mouth twitched as he tried and failed to smile.

"Neither do I," he said eventually.

"Don't close yourself off to it," Robin urged him, "just go out there and see if you meet someone you hit it off with." He saw Simon looking unsure. "_Don't roll your eyes!"_ Robin sighed with a smile, "there's got to be someone for you. Someone who gets your heart racing and your blood pumping." Memories of his thoughts the night before came back to Simon and his face twisted with shame. His cheeks started to heat up before he could stop them and Robin noticed. "What?" he bit his lip. "Is there someone already?" he asked. Simon didn't respond, he didn't know how to. "Who is it?" Robin's curiosity was piqued as Simon's silence continued. "Come on, Si, you can tell me."

"I can't," Simon said quietly.

"So there _is_ someone?"

Simon looked uncomfortable

"Doesn't matter if there is," he said quietly, "it's not going to work out, so..."

"Why not?" frowned Robin. Simon seemed reluctant to talk. "Because of me?"

Simon shrugged.

"In a way," he said uncomfortably.

"Why?" Robin frowned, "who is it?" he swallowed. "Oh god, it's Jake, isn't it?"

"What?" Simon stared, aghast, "no it bloody isn't!"

"You're always picking on him –"

"Yeah, because I don't like him, not because I do!" Simon cried, "I'm not twelve! It's not the school playground!" he shuddered and shook his head. He couldn't explain why he didn't like Jake; there was just something that rubbed him up the wrong way. "No, it's not Jake.

Robin frowned

"Then who?" he couldn't think of anyone else. Unless it was Kim which would be ridiculous. He didn't know who else would be specifically connected to him. "someone in the canine unit?"

"No."

"Someone I go clubbing with?"

Simon shook his head and gave a strangled laugh at the image of Keats going clubbing.

"No, _definitely_ not," he said.

"Then who?"

Simon looked at Robin darkly.

"You need to drop it," he said and a shudder went down Robin's spine from Simon's reaction.

"Si," he whispered, "who on earth would make you so…" he paused and swallowed, the expression on Simon's face somehow giving it away, "No…" he whispered, "Oh _no_, please, you can't mean…" he watched Simon growing ever more anxious, "Not him," Robin shook his head, "not Keats. Please tell me…" He still held out hope that he was wrong until he watched Simon look down, his cheeks turning a deeper shade of red. Suddenly the coffee wasn't sitting well with Robin any longer. "Please tell me I'm wrong," he whispered but Simon shook his head.

"Rob," he whispered, "I… I can't explain…"

"Keats?" Robin cried, "fucking _Keats?"_

"Rob –"

"You have to be joking!" Robin cried, "that man is _sick!_ In fact, he isn't even a man, he's a monster!" he scrambled upright, "we're all testifying on the stand to that! What the fuck are you saying, Simon?" he watched Simon as a tear rolled from his eye, "he attacked me, more than once! He's battered me twice here, slashed me to pieces once out there. He raped Alex, and he's fucking doing the same to Kim, over and over! He's drugging her every damn day, got her trapped under his spell! Have you forgotten what he did to you?"

"No I _haven't!"_ Simon cried "that's not the Keats I'm falling for!"

Robin froze.

_"F-falling_ for?" he whispered. He swallowed as Simon looked stricken. "T-that serious?"

Simon swallowed and felt himself shaking. He started to feel sick. He hadn't even admitted it to himself before.

"I don't know," he whispered, "it's not that easy to answer because the Keats I've seen…" he swallowed, "he doesn't come to the surface very often." He looked at Robin seriously. "I know what you're thinking, Rob. You're thinking of the Keats who attacked you and battered you, you're thinking of the Keats who followed me back to two thousand and ten. You're thinking of the Keats who drugs Kim without a second thought." He blinked. "I'm thinking of the Keats who pulled me back from the brink of death when I was falling over the edge of the roof, the Keats who looked me in the eye and," his voice waivered, "called me _perfect_. The Keats who begged me to help him be human and who wanted me to," he had to look away as he continued, "to touch and kiss him, even though he was scared."

Robin bit his lip and stared at Simon.

"That doesn't sound like the Keats I know," he whispered.

"It isn't," Simon said quietly, "and somehow I'm the only person he usually lets see him." He looked down. That's why I just keep trying to make him human."

Robin didn't know what to make of the information. He couldn't separate out the monster who had put them all through hell from the man that Simon claimed to have seen. He didn't think there was any part of Keats that could lay claim to being a member of the human race. But he looked at Simons expression and could see that, however unlikely, there was something there.

"Si," he said quietly, "I want you to be happy, but I can't picture him being anything but a monster. I'm sorry."

"I know," Simon closed his eyes "I can't blame you for that. You've never seen him that way." He shook his head. "Rob, this is hard enough for me to admit to. Please tell me it won't go any further.?"

"Of course not," Robin said quietly. He looked worriedly at Simon. "Just…" he hesitated, "just try to be safe, Simon. I'm terrified that he could hurt you."

"I will," Simon whispered, "I promise." Silence fell between them for the first time that morning, broken only by occasional protests from Robin's digestive system as he sank the rest of his strong coffee. Eventually Simon looked at him and said quietly, "I guess you were right, Rob."

"What?"

"We did need a goodbye."

Robin gave a sad smile. It was true. Things hadn't ended between them, they'd just frayed. They needed to cut the rope properly.

"_You_ were wrong though," he said.

"What? When?"

"Last night," he blushed, "when you said Kim couldn't do that for me?" he coughed a little, "_you_ don't know what she keeps under her bed."

Simon turned very pale.

"Can we stop this conversation right there, please?" he asked and Robin had to laugh a little. He looked at Simon with a fondness and nostalgia.

"So," he said quietly, "that it then. Our goodbye."

"Yup," Simon nodded. It felt very strange but he was finally starting to let go.

Robin looked at him softly.

"But cuddling's OK though," he asked, "isn't it?"

A little smile flickered across Simon's face. He pushed Robin gently over and said,

"Cuddling will always be perfectly acceptable."

Robin smiled as Simon laid down beside him. He was grateful for the warm arms that hugged him with a new closeness, a different kind of bond. The term 'best of friends' had never been so accurate. Both hungover, drained and in need of warmth, they found it in an unexpected fashion that day, and that was where they stayed for much of Saturday. Their fighting was over. Now they could find a new start for their friendship, and this time they knew it was going to be unbreakable.

_**~xXx~**_

_**A/N: Going to post a sneaky extra chapter tonight!**_


	19. Chapter 18: Don't Give Up On Me

**Chapter Eighteen**

Gene saw the familiar face and the familiar car as he pulled up in the car park of Fenchurch West and his blood started to boil for _so_ many reasons. He slammed on his brakes and stepped out of his car, pacing across to her. She didn't notice him. Or at least she _wouldn't_ notice him.

"_Stringer_," he barked. But Kim wasn't stopping, not for him, not for anyone. "_Oi, Metal Mickey. _What happened? They sealed up yer ears with rivets?" Still she carried on walking, oblivious, until he reached her side and placed a hand on her shoulder. "_Oi."_

Finally she stopped and turned around very slowly. The look in her blue eyes was as icy as a snowstorm and for a second Gene actually wavered. He took a step back slightly disturbed.

"Can I help you?" her voice was low and devoid of emotion.

Gene swallowed. He cleared his throat and looked at her crossly.

"Yeah," he began, "you can tell me where I can find Kim Stringer for a start. Looks a bit like you except she's not packing a small _arctic_ between 'er legs."

Kim began to turn away from him.

"If you want to speak to a member of staff you'll have to make an appointment," she said blankly as though she didn't even realise he was talking about her. In anger he reached out and grasped her by the wrist and when her stare turned back to him this time it flashed with anger.

"Consider this me booking," he barked, "because I need a word with you."

"_I'm busy."_ It was Kim's get-out clause, like a computer programmed with a set of stock phrases.

"Well unbusy yerself because I've got a few choice words for you," Gene told her he glanced at the Fiat. "I hope you're treating _that_ a damn sight better than yer treating the _other_ love of me life."

"I'm busy," Kim repeated but there was a wobble in her voice.

"What bloody idiot rejects the chance of a game of tonsil tennis with Alex Drake?" Gene demanded. At the mention of Alex's name a brief second of emotion washed over Kim's face but it passed as soon as it had arrived. "You get Bolly's lips aimed in your direction, the _last_ thing you do it hold up a stop sign!"

"I don't have time for this," Kim whispered as she turned away but Gene gave a surprisingly fast jog and got around the front of her to block her way.

"Not until you've heard a few more of me observations," he said angrily, "thing is, Stringer, you're leaving a trail of devastation in yer path so severe it feels like a BBC weatherman just denied the possibility of _Hurricane Kim. _I've got Batman blubbering all over me doorstep, Shoebury in a flap about his ex-best friend skipping sides and now me other half is pissed off that you don't want to be her…" he struggled to think of an appropriate term, "_her other third!_ And all the time that the idiots who – for some strange reason - think you're worth spending their time drivelling about are standing up in court and spilling their guts, _you're_ letting Jimbo spill something else inside of you!"

That was a step too far and Gene knew it but it shocked a reaction out of Kim and one that had been unexpected. A look of terror crossed her face and she cried out;

"_I can't stop him!"_ But once again it faded and, as Gene drew back in shock, the cool, steely glare returned.

"Yes you damn well can," he addressed her severely, "because you're Kim bloody Stringer and for some reason me world's got a boner for you. Don't know what it is bit you're special. And I don't mean yer status as a half-robot hybrid." He was losing her, he could see it in her eyes as they glassed over and became ever colder. "I don't care what _you_ say or what _they_ say, and I _really_ don't care what _he_ says," he nodded toward the building, signifying that he meant Keats, "you can take yer blinkers off and get back into the real world. You've got people going through seven shades of hell to get you out of here, Stringer. But _you're_ the one that's got the key to getting Jimbo out this place for good."

As Kim stared at him and swallowed, Gene felt like she could go either way; the slightest sign of life in her eyes so close to the surface but even his stern words wouldn't let it out. Eventually her eyes lost their focus and she simply turned away.

"I'm late for work," she said flatly and continued walking towards the station as a furious Gene watched her.

"That's it, walk away," he cried, "_again_. At least _I_ don't want to _bang_ you," His anger levels were rising. "If you love that dog-faced fiancé of yours, you'll get your arse into court and tell them the truth. Because while he's remembering the beating Jimbo put him through Weirdy Beardy is busy telling the jury all about your '_consensual'_ sexual relationship with the evil one." He noticed Kim's walking slowed down and stopped momentarily. "There. Thought that might do it." To his surprise Kim spun around with a look of anguish on her face and in a very human voice she whispered,

"Please tell me they know tha –" but her humanity faded before she could finish her thought. Gene took a punt, he suspected he knew the end of that sentence.

"That he's slipping you something before he slips you one?" he raised an eyebrow as Kim turned away again. "Yeah, I think they've got that message, Stringer. The Jury, on the other hand, are not as clear on that as some of us. And unfortunately they're the ones who matter this time around. So get yet bony backside out of this place and into court before we lose our chance of ejecting him from his self-made throne." Kim began walking towards the station again and this time Gene lost his temper. "Not finished with you yet, Stringer!" He yelled, "Neither has me world! See, I've got a funny feeling about you. I've got a big pair of boots to fill and I don't see anyone else rushing to put 'em on. Yer feet might not be big enough but yer balls are." His frustration grew as she continued to walk at a steady pace. "My name's not always going to be on that door," he yelled, for the first time admitting that fact, "whose name's going to be on it next? Not going to be Shoebury, I know that much. Someone said they saw _yours_ on it once." But she just caried on walking. "I'll tell them they were talking bollocks then, shall I?" he yelled, "must have been some _other_ Stringer! One with guts!" his face was bright red with fury. "Go on, go back to warming Jimbo's cock then! That's all yer bloody good for now!" he finally snapped completely. "_You broke her bloody heart!"_

That was the last thing Gene could say before his anger reached such a pitch that he needed to use violence rather than voice to let it out and he kicked the nearest car that didn't belong to hi with such force that he left a dent in the side and set off the rowdy alarm.

Well _fuck her_ then! Fuck Stringer and fuck her role in his world, whatever it might have been. If she was going to let the darkness swallow her up then so be it. He wasn't going to waste his breath – or his scotch – on her any more. At least that was what he told himself. Gene Hunt did not like to fail.

~xXx~

In to the building, along the corridor, down the stairs, step after step, faster and faster until she reached her office. Kim slammed the door behind her and let the angry tears begin to fall freely.

"_I'm trying,"_ she screamed, "I'm _trying_ to break out!" she threw herself against the door, feeling her head hit the wood with a thump. "_Help me!"_ she screamed as she threw herself against the wall, the pain of the impact shaking up her bones. She threw her body into the door again and screamed, a guttural, almost subhuman cry as she felt the numbness creeping in again and all too soon she felt herself slumping in a heap on the ground, once again under the control of the man who was made of evil.

Every time she tried it was just too strong to fight, but she kept on trying. They couldn't see how hard she fought or how much it hurt but she wasn't going to give up. Even as the fuzz took over her brain with her final lucid thought she told herself to keep on going.

She knew that they need her, but she needed them in return. She needed them to keep on reminding her what it was she was fighting for.

If they gave up on her then she would give up on herself.

The day that happened, Keats would have claimed his prize.


	20. Chapter 19: Don't Think So Much

**Chapter Nineteen**

The weekend passed far too quickly.

It took Robin until Monday for his head to stop throbbing and to stomach proper food again. It also took that long for Gene to stop slamming doors and getting in a strop about Kim's apparently ignorant attitude.

As Monday morning began Alex and Robin sat in attendance in court ready for the next witness to give evidence. All three of the witnesses who had brought charges against Keats had already had their turn on the stand. The prosecution were hoping to pass Jake, Marci and Shaz's testimonies through the court that morning with Simon scheduled for the afternoon, along with medical evidence from the defence of Keats's diminished mental capacity during his spell of complete insanity after Robin's arrival threw too much energy his way.

Jake was up first and Robin was keen to be there to support him, not least of all because he wanted the chance to thank him in some way for taking care of him when he was so very drunk. Alex sat beside him but Gene was notable by his absence.

"Where is he?" Robin asked and Alex gave a slightly awkward shrug.

"He's been acting a little strangely," she admitted, "ever since Saturday."

"Why? What happened Saturday?" Robin whispered, hoping they weren't going to get in trouble for talking in court.

Alex glanced at him nervously.

"I made a confession to Gene," she whispered, "about Kim."

Robin looked a little uncomfortable.

"He didn't take it well?" he asked worriedly.

"Well… yes and no," Alex told him, "I think it could have gone worse," she looked a little annoyed, "although he _did_ spend all of Saturday night trying to get me to let him rent out _Love On the Island Of Lesbos."_

"Tactful," Robin pulled a face. He frowned a little. "It sounds like there's more to it than that?"

Alex found herself biting her lip in a very Robin-esque way. She worried about what Gene had found when he'd set off to track down Kim. His return had been reminiscent of her own; Gene had refused to talk about what happened and looked extremely distressed. If she was honest, Alex was too scared to ask what state he had found her in. She didn't think Robin needed to hear that though. He was worried enough.

"I think Gene's just had as much of this court case as he can handle, Alex said instead. She knew that wasn't the reason for Gene's absence in court but it was as good an excuse as any.

Robin seemed to accept it too and they turned their attention to Jake's testimony.

"…and in your opinion as the first aider in CID at Fenchurch East police station," the lawyer for the prosecution delivered his last question, "were the injuries presented in photographs to the jury caused by Chief Inspector Thomas's scrap with his colleague or were they caused after the event, by another person."

"Doubtlessly after the event," Jake said seriously, "Robin had only a few superficial scrapes and bruises when I attended his wounds."

"Is that what they're calling it now?" Alex whispered to Robin and he looked at her aghast.

"_Alex!"_

"Thank you, DS Dawson. No further questions, your honour."

Alex and Robin held their breath as Evan got to his feet and approached Jake on the stand. He smiled.

"DS Dawson," he began, "In your opinion does Chief Inspector Thomas have a problem with alcohol?"

Robin turned a deathly shade of white and sank very low in his seat.

"Oh bugger," he whispered.

~xXx~

Simon frowned in confusion as he spotted a shifty-looking Gene outside the courtroom.

"Gene?" he made his way through the various people wandering around to talk to him, "what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in there giving your team some moral support?"

Gene wouldn't look Simon quite in the eye. He shuffled around uncomfortably as he mumbled,

"Got me reasons not to want to get pally with Batman."

"Oh _god_, is this still about his kissing lips?" Simon asked.

"Not this time, no," Gene said with a shudder, "but thank you for reminding me, now I need a bloody shower to wash away the geek cooties again." He sighed and slumped against the wall. "No, been waiting out here for you."

"Oh _god,_ what have I done?" Simon panicked.

"Why do you always make out you're going to be in trouble?"

"Because I usually _am!"_

"Then what does that tell you?"

"That my life is incredibly unfair!" Simon pouted and Gene gave an exasperated growl.

"_No_, Shoebury. I need to pick yer brains about something."

Simon hesitated and looked at him curiously but at least it didn't look as though Gene was about to kill him.

"Go on."

"It's about Alex."

Simon waited for Gene to go on but he went strangely quiet. Eventually Simon had to prompt him.

"What about her?"

"I need some advice," Gene tried not to look at Simon as he spoke. His face was burning up and he was already wishing he could fall through a crack in the ground. "I think she's got…" he paused, "_leanings."_

Simon frowned.

"Posture problems?" he asked.

Gene's face adopted an instant scowl.

"No," he hissed, "I'm talking about yer secret society."

Simon began to look slightly horrified and he took a step back.

"Look, Gene, I know I'm the obvious candidate but I _swear_ I am not behind the CID X-Files Appreciation Club," he protested, "I did _not_ get Terry and Bammo into the show and I don't even attend the weekly speculation meetings!" he threw his hands up in the air, "what would be the _point?_ I already _know_ what happens!"

Gene pulled a face.

"You might be trying to make yerself look psychic?" he suggested, "and anyway, Shoebury, that's not the society I was talking about!" he felt his face turn even redder as he sank into his collar. "She's developing," he choked out the words, "_rainbow tendencies." _He chanced a glance as Simon who was still looking strangely confused. "_She's been shoving her tongue down Stringer's throat!"_ he growled."

Simon's mouth fell open.

"What _again?"_

"_Yes again!"_ Gene exhaled and tried to calm himself down. He looked at Simon awkwardly. "She went round there, behind enemy lines, tried to talk her round. Let her tongue do the talking for her, apparently."

"Oh," Simon wasn't sure what to say. He scuffed his shoe along the ground and asked, "so what do you want me to say?"

"Well _I_ don't know!" Gene cried, "say something wise! You're supposed to be the bloody expert!"

"How am I the expert?"

"_You_ were the pioneering member of the Fenchurch East BLT society!"

Simon closed his eyes and muttered under his breath.

"No, that's a sandwich."

"_I don't want to know that much!"_

"I mean a BLT!" Simon cried, "you're thinking of LGBT!" he shook his head and folded his arms, "god give me strength!" he looked at Gene. "And anyway, don't you think you should be talking with _Alex_ about this instead of me?"

"You're supposed to be here to teach me tolerance and all that mushy bullshit!"

"I am?"

"If not then yer not exactly the most attractive ornament in me station, you've got to have a purpose!"

"Oh _great_! Thanks a _lot!"_ Simon began to get offended but seeing the uncomfortable expression on Gene's face he tried to cool his temper. It couldn't have been easy for someone like Gene to bring up the subject in the first place. He looked at him awkwardly and asked, "so… how do you feel about it?"

"Me?" Gene grunted, "epitome of tolerance, I am."

"Gene…"

Gene closed his eyes and gave a deep sigh. He was the one who'd brought up the subject but now he was finding it hard to continue. He looked at Simon seriously.

"Simon," he began, "I've had me moments, you know that. Jimbo's got one of them in his video collection." He saw Simon squirm as he recalled the tape in question. "Think I might have done a bit of evolving over the years. Thanks to people like you," he mumbled reluctantly. "And it's not like the idea of a couple of hot blooded women enjoying some good old fashion earthly delights doesn't have a certain appeal."

"No," Simon mumbled, "your video collection would be half the size otherwise."

"But," Gene continued gruffly, "why the bloody hell does it have to be _Stringer?"_ he looked at Simon. "She could have had her pick of the station!" he complained, "Wouldn't object to her spicing up her life with DC Fell for a start…"

Simon stared at him in horror.

"Gene!" he cried, feeling his face flushing at a conversation he did not wish to witness.

"But of all the people in the world who wear their top cobblers with pride..."

"Their wha– _Gene!"_ Simon seriously considered putting his hands over his ears.

"It has to be bloody Meta Mickey, doesn't it?!"

"What's different about Kim?" Simon cried.

"Not exactly brimming over with feminine charm, is she?"

"That's such a bloody double standard!" Simon cried, "in fact, no, it's worse than that, it's a _double_ double standard!"

Gene stared on.

"I think me brain's folded in on itself," he complained.

"It is!" Simon cried, "people like me get the _Gene Hunt Big Book of Gay Euphemisms_ slung in our faces because being a gay man isn't acceptable but a couple of women getting together and that's fine because they've got two pairs of…" he shuddered, "top cobblers knocking together! And then there's a second double standard going on because Kim's hardly what you would call a –" he shook his head trying to think of a term Gene would understand that wouldn't be insulting to half the people he knew, "'lipstick lesbian'."

"No, she's more of a lip _stud_ one," Gene mumbled.

"So, what," Simon tried to wrap his brain around it, "you would have no problem with Alex being –"

"A bit _hotel/motel_," Gene filled in for him which elicited a glare from Simon.

"Perhaps being bisexual," he corrected through narrowed eyes, "if she had her eye on Marci but because it's Kim things are different?" he shook his head. "Gene, cheating is cheatng!"

Gene groaned.

"Sod it, I forgot I was talking to the infidelity police," he mumbled as he turned to walk away and for a moment Simon panicked. He realised that it had taken a hell of a lot for Gene to even talk about it and Simon had sent him away on a totally different note. He sighed and jogged a couple of steps to catch up with him.

"_Gene."_ He grabbed his arm, "Gene, sorry," Simon shook his head, "I'm sorry, it's a reflex reaction. You know why I've got issues." He scowled, "actually, you know better than most…"

"Alright, Shoebury, let's steer clear of our bloody DNA," Gene mumbled.

Simon hesitated and tried to work out what to say. Gene's brow looked heavy with worry.

"So," he said quietly, "what does Alex say?" he paused. "You _have_ asked her, haven't you?"

Gene gave a half-shrug.

"I don't think she knows," he said awkwardly, "maybe Stringer's bloody turned her. Seems to be a habit she has."

"And forgetting Kim for a minute," Simon said quietly, "if Alex was –"

"A bit AC/DC," Gene interrupted.

"_Bisexual,"_ Simon said crossly, "then how would you feel?"

Gene's expression contorted in ways Simon had never seen before. He looked all around the corridor. He stared at the floor, the walls and the ceiling. Eventually he ran out of places to look and had no choice but to look back at Simon.

"I don't know, son," he admitted, "me head, me heart and me joy department are all disagreeing on this one."

Simon nodded slowly.

"Would you love her any less?" he asked quietly. This time Gene's answer was fast and clear.

"No."

"Well there you go then," Simon said quietly. He watched as Gene took that in. It suddenly seemed so much simpler; she was still the same Bolly. Except that now he got to picture her frolicking through fields with Agent Scully. But that was only one small part of it. His face darkened.

"Alright, pal," he began, "Explain this one to me. Why Stringer?"

"I'm not Alex! Ask _her!"_

"Not sure I want to hear the answer."

Simon gave a heavy sigh.

"She could do much worse than Kim," he said.

"You've changed yer tune on the Metallic One!" Gene commented.

"Yeah, well," Simon said quietly, "Robin and I managed to sort a few things out." He scratched his head. "So what have you got against her?"

Gene pouted and crossed his arms.

"She's got a mouth on her like a bloody sailor," he began, "her burps cause earth tremors. She's as crude as a flipping oil slick. And she doesn't just drink like a fish; she drinks like the entire piscine population of ruddy SeaWorld."

Simon stared, mouth open, as Gene reached for his flask.

"You _see?"_ he cried, "you've just described yourself to a T!"

"Have I bollocks."

"Kim is… is _you_ with…" he fumbled for the words, _"top cobblers!"_ he cried, "That's what Alex sees in her. She sees _you!"_ he shook his head, "But those aren't the qualities she's looking at, It's the other side. The other things you share."

"The only thing I share with Stringer is apparently my fiancée" Gene mumbled.

"You're both strong," Simon started counting things off on his fingers, "you're both determined. You both make her feel safe. You're both total and utter wind-up merchants..." he sighed. "You have good hearts."

"Speak for yerself."

"You _do_. You _know_ you do. That's how all this... _Keats_ stuff started," he watched Gene look away, trying to comprehend what Simon had told him. "Gene… this… this is clearly going to take some adjustment. For _both_ of you." He gave an awkward shrug. "So give it time. Stop asking questions. Let Alex answer them for you when she's ready to. It takes a while." He looked down, thoughts of his own sexuality at the forefront of his mind, "it's not easy to work this stuff through. But she'll come to you when she's ready." Simon looked away and mumbled, "for what it's worth, I'm proud of you."

Gene scowled.

"You what?"

"Of the way you're handling this," Simon mumbled, "you're being very open-minded."

"You say that to anyone else and I'll make you the filling in a filing cabinet sandwich," Gene threatened.

Simon gave the tiniest smile.

"_Yeah yeah,"_ he said.

Gene fell silent as he lost himself in his own thoughts. Simon was right about one thing. He hated to admit it but there were strong elements of his own personality reflected in Kim. Maybe that's why they'd clashed so much in the past.

It only added fuel to his theory. And that was something that caused him deeper thought even than Alex's apparent fondness for a good pair of top-cobblers.


	21. Chapter 20: Don't Let Him Win

**Chapter Twenty**

Robin swallowed, feeling hollow and distraught as he finished listening to Shaz being questioned about his drinking habits, just as both Jake and Marci had been by the Bearded one moments before. He glanced at Alex.

"Have I really been that bad?" he whispered as Shaz was forced under oath to confirm that Robin had been sinking a little more booze recently. Alex gave his arm a gentle squeeze but didn't say anything. Her silence was a gentle, tactful confirmation of it. "_Shit,"_ he whispered.

Robin had been feeling angrier and more bitter with every question since Evan seemed to be relying on proving that he was an unreliable witness to help him prove Keats's 'innocence'. His blood was boiling. As though the questions about his drinking had not been bad enough Evan had brought his relationship with Kim into play, asking every witness whether they had ever seen Robin with his 'alleged partner' but each of them said no. That coupled with a written statement from Kim that her relationship with Keats was consensual and genuine made him want to rip his heart out.

By the time recess for lunch was called he couldn't take much more and stormed out of the room. There was something burning away inside of him that he couldn't explain but it was taking him in a particular direction.

"_Oi, Batman,"_ Gene scowled as Robin barrelled into him to push his way past.

"I'm sorry, Gene," he mumbled but he didn't stop walking.

"Robin! _Rob!"_ Simon called, stopping him momentarily, "Rob, I'm up after lunch, just after the doctor gives Keats's psychological evaluation. You said you'd be there!"

"And I will," Robin told him, his limbs trembling, "I'll be back. I just have to go out."

"Where?" Simon cried.

"_Out!"_

Gene glanced at Alex as she joined him.

"What's eating his cape?" he asked and Alex looked down.

"The questions," she said quietly, "they weren't very easy for him."

"Not supposed to be."

"Yes I know that but," she paused, "they focused a lot on _her_." She swallowed, "on Kim."

Gene froze he stared at Alex, thinking for a moment.

"They did, did they?"

Alex nodded.

"I think he's had enough, Gene," she said quietly.

Gene stared toward the door.

"Let's hope _she_ has, too," he mumbled.

"What?"

Gene blinked.

"Think I know where he's heading," he said, "Recognise that look by now. That's the look of someone who feels the need to have an urgent word with the metal one."

Alex had been thinking that too but hadn't wanted to say. She hoped upon hope that he would have better luck than they had to date but with their track record it didn't seem likely.

Kim Stringer was sinking forever from view.

~xXx~

He knew where to find her.

Getting in the station was the easy part. Without Keats there security was a non-event. Facing the reality of her hollow shell was the hard part, down where the flames danced. Every step that took him closer made him die a little more. The moment he confronted the state of her he certainly didn't want to live.

"_Oh my god_… Kim… I hardly recognise you. That… that's really hard to say, I'm standing here and looking at you and you look…" he swallowed, "what's happened to you? It's only been a few weeks since I last saw you. Since you told in in no uncertain terms to… to get out, leave you alone… that you didn't want me, Never had, never would." Her expression was frozen and didn't flicker as he stepped a little closer, "but at least back then you still had something. _Fire_. Even though you were bitter and angry…" he stopped talking and stared at her for a moment, "which wasn't you _either_. I mean, the fire in you… you've _always_ had that. But the thoughts… they weren't yours. I feel certain of that now. I doubted it for a while… I went back and forth on it." He closed his eyes. "I suppose, in a way, I almost wanted to believe – as strange as it sounds – that those were your thoughts, because I'd rather _you_ decide that we were over than let _Keats_ decide for you." He breathed out slowly and stepped a little closer. The sight of her was making his heart ache. "You don't even look like yourself, Kim. When did you last eat? Look at your skin… it's so pale. Does he even let you out of the fucking basement?"

"This is my office," Kim's first words were flat and lifeless but Robin had expected that. He moved a little closer as she stepped toward her desk.

"Of course it is," his voice was quiet now, "this is your desk and you have work to do. You'll get behind, or you're late or whatever the other things are that you say, the excuses you use because Keats has taken away all your feelings and your identity and all you have left…" he swallowed, "is work… is _DCI Kimberley Stringer."_

For a moment he thought he saw something flicker in her eyes.

"DI," she whispered.

Robin felt himself starting to shake.

"So he's demoted you as well," he whispered, "it doesn't surprise me. Anything to stop you from being a threat." He bit hard on his lip. It was all he could do to stop himself from running to her; grasping her in his arms, holding her tightly and doing everything he could to make it better. Because he knew that, _this_ time around, it wasn't going to make it better. Keats had burrowed deeply inside her mind and _deactivated_ her. He coughed slightly. Something wasn't sitting right in the air and he realised to his horror that there was probably nitrous oxide in the atmosphere. "I want _my_ Kim back." He whispered.

Kim swallowed.

"I'm busy," she whispered.

"No," Robin shook his head, "I want _my_ Kim back. Not this _drone_ that he's turned you into."

Kim stared at him coolly.

"I'll call security," she warned him.

"I've just come from the court, Kim," he whispered, "where I've had to listen to lies about you and Keats. About your _relationship_. Fuck, you need to be up there, Kim. He's taken more from you than anyone and you need to get up there and tell the world what he's done to you. Me, Alex, Gene… we've all done our bit. But any time we talk about you and what he's done they bring out the '_consent'_ card. Because that's what he made you say when they took a statement, wasn't it?" his heart was pounding inside of his chest as he moved closer still, "he made you say you were in a relationship with him and that you weren't doing anything that you didn't want to do. But I know differently. Fuck, we _all_ do, Kim. We all know the truth but it's the _jury_ we need to convince and the only way we're going to do that is if you _fight_ this!"

Kim's brow creased as an instance of pain flashed across her expression but the coldness crept back in and quickly she found herself unable to do anything but reach for the phone.

"I'm calling security," she told him flatly.

"I don't _care,_ Kim!" Robin cried, "_Call_ them! Have me fucking arrested! At least then I'd be closer to you. If they left me rotting away in one of the cells I would be closer to you than I am right now. And maybe with me here it would be a constant reminder that you're…" he saw her lifting the receiver and pressing a button, "that you don't belong to him."

"Hello, security," Kim began flatly, "I need y-"

Before she could finish her sentence Robin lashed out and knocked the phone out of her hand and Kim actually gasped, drawing back in shock. There was anger and frustration on Robin's face, a look she rarely saw and it caused her to snap out of her stupor for a moment as he cried,

"I _told_ you Kim, I don't fucking care – I don't have a life out there without you anyway. I need you, Kim. We _all_ do. I don't just mean for the fucking court case, I mean forever. You don't belong in this _furnace_," he cried as he realised just how hot and heady the atmosphere was down in the basement, "Fenchurch East needs you. We _all_ need you back. You don't belong to this station and you don't belong to Keats, you belong to a world that wants you to be _happy."_

He grasped her arms, taking advantage of the flickers of emotion creasing up her face. "

You belong to _me_," he whispered, "and I belong to you." He gripped her hand and pulled it up in front of her, shocked that she didn't try to fight him away, "_Look_, Kim. Proof right there. You've still got your ring." Shocked but silent, Kim's stare moved down to her hand where the engagement ring she'd never taken notice of under the spell of the darkness stared back at her. He felt her beginning to tremble and her skin turned very cold beneath his grasp. His heart gave a leap. This was the best chance he had. "Look at it, Kim. See? That says you're mine. Somehow it came here _with_ you and somehow it stayed, even with the darkness… even with Keats and his pills and his gas and air… even with all of _that_ the ring stayed on your finger." He tried to look her in the eye but her stare was fixed on her ring, "And _you_ didn't take it off, either," he whispered, "no matter what you've been through here you kept your ring on, right here, because somewhere deep down, you know it too. You know where you belong." He pushed his own hand in front of her face, "Look, Kim. Here's mine," he wiggled a finger under her nose, "the ring you gave me. It's still on there. It's going nowhere because I belong to you too. We need one another. We're supposed to be together. We always were."

Her lip trembled and he thought he heard her whisper but he couldn't make out her words.

"My flat," he whispered, "it's meant for two. I never even realised until Simon pointed it out, but he's right. It was meant for two because you were always supposed to be here too, but not on _this_ side." He looked around the room, "not in hell." her face looked stricken and there were tears forming in her eyes. Robin felt himself go weak as he pulled the ring from his finger and held it out before her. "_Your_ ring, Kim. You gave me this because you wanted to be with me forever. Please don't let me down now. Please, Kim, _remember_," his voice rose as his tone became more desperate. "Come _on_, Kim, _remember! Fucking remember!"_ he could hear racing footsteps as security traced the disturbed call and knew he only had moments. "We need you, Kim. We want to help you but you have to help yourself too. Step away from here, walk with me now, come away from this place and we'll keep you safe." He swallowed and she finally looked him in the eye, "_I'll_ keep you safe." As two men raced into the basement he thrust his ring onto the same finger as hers and pushed them together. "See, Kim," he hissed, "we're supposed to be _together."_

With her mouth open and her eyes wide and tearful Kim looked from Robin to the rings on her finger. They seemed to pulse and burn with warmth and energy; something strange, something wonderful. She tried to speak, desperately trying to set forth the words in her head but her body wouldn't respond.

A split second before the guards pulled him away Robin pressed his hand to Kim's chest and felt the beating of her heart.

"You're still in there, Kim," he cried as they dragged him away, "I can feel your heart beating. All the time _that's_ going I know you're still in there!" he was almost out of sight by now but his voice continued to reach her, "I believe in you, Kim - you can do this… _fight_ him, Kim! _Please_! We need you! _I love you!"_

His words faded as he was dragged, quite literally kicking and screaming, from the building and Kim was left alone; trembling, staring at the two rings on her finger, one fitting her and the other sliding around loosely. She swallowed and felt a burning sensation in her chest. As she stared at her hand the burning became more literal; flames began to dance around the air as the nature of the room tried drilling in its message to her.

Her eyes were fixed, her body shook and as she opened her mouth she let out a terrible scream; an anguished cry that felt as though it would never end. _Robin's pain, his words, the pleading of Alex, the yelling of Gene… _they all played through her mind again and again and she ran, she flailed, she fell, she scrambled, she desperately tried to control her actions but her mind and her body were at odds.

"_No!"_ she screamed, "_Enough! This is –"_ she threw herself at the wall, _"enough!"_

Like a banshee in the night she let out a scream that shattered the atmosphere, tore down the flames, ripped them apart. There was a tear in the world. There was a slit in the world that Kim had caused, that her anguish and her pain and her determination were pulling apart, ripping away at, little by little.

Something broke as her body tumbled to the ground.

This was it; now or never, override it or be lost forever.


	22. Chapter 21: Don't Underestimate Her

**Chapter Twenty One**

Like a little fire-breathing dragon Robin burst into the building, snorting angrily on his way. Alex looked at him worriedly.

"Robin!" she cried, "where the hell have you been?"

"Nowhere," Robin carried on pacing.

"Simon's flipping out, he's been called to the stand and you weren't here!" Alex cried.

"I'm here now," Robin said a little more quietly.

"Where _were_ you?" Alex asked again, "you looked so upset when you left –"

"Look," Robin stopped and turned to her at last, "I'm sorry, OK? There was somewhere I had to go. I'm sorry I took so long. But now I'm here, let's just get in there for Simon, OK?"

Alex nodded but her nerves were not settled.

"OK," she said quietly but before they could go anywhere her sinking spirits prompted her to say in a whisper, _"you've been to see her, haven't you?" _She watched his expression crumble and worried for a moment that she was going to make him cry. "Rob –"

"Alex," he whispered, "let's just go in, we'll talk later."

Alex felt her guts churning with anxiety but knew Robin was right; this was not the time. She nodded slowly.

"Alright," she said quietly, "Gene's already in there."

Robin glanced around.

"What about Jake? He asked quietly.

"Gene asked him and the others to return to Fenchurch East," Alex told him, "get some work done. We have enough to worry about without them asking questions about Keats after hearing Simon's evidence."

Robin nodded. That made sense.

"OK then," he said, "let's just get in there. Make sure Simon does Ok."

Alex laid a comforting hand against Robin's shoulder but it didn't stop his mind turning over and over Kim's cold reaction and his forceful ejection from the station. He knew he shouldn't think about that any longer though, he'd done everything that he could to get Kim to break free, now it was up to her. _Simon_ needed him now.

Simon caught sight of Robin entering the courtroom and breathed a sigh of relief as his questioning continued. He was doing aright as long as the prosecution were questioning him but the thought of Evan was making him want to run screaming from the building. Knowing Robin was there to support him made it just a little more bearable.

"…and when you went to DC Stringer's house, what did you find?"

Simon swallowed, the memory still vivid of that fateful day.

"Kim was tied to the bed," he said quietly, "she was bound and gagged, and very weak. She'd been there for more than a day. Much longer and the dehydration would have _really_ started to kick in."

"And how did DC Stringer find herself in such a terrible situation?"

Simon swallowed, feeling Keats's eyes upon him.

"DCI Keats had become angry when she refused to help him any longer," he began, "and when she fought off his advances he flipped. He tied her up and left her there, knowing no one would think anything of it when the rebellious member of the team didn't turn up for work the next day."

"Do you think, DCI Shoebury, that DCI Keats had left her there to die?"

Simon closed his eyes and nodded slowly.

"Yes," he whispered, "She's exhausted her usefulness. He had no use for her any longer."

The lawyer nodded.

"No further questions," he said and returned to his seat.

Simon grasped the stand for security as he watched a beard standing up, with Evan attached to it. This was it. The moment he was dreading. He had a horrible feeling he knew exactly what avenue Evan was going to take with his questioning.

"DCI Shoebury," he began, "You have told the court under oath how you apparently worried for the safety of DC Kimberley Stringer after your transfer to Fenchurch East."

"That's right."

"And that you found her bound and abandoned in her own home which you _claim_ my client was responsible for.

"Yes."

"You have also testified to the fact that DC Stringer claimed months of drugging and abuse at the hands of my client."

"Yes…?"

"And that DC Stringer spent some time as your houseguest and friend."

Simon swallowed.

"She was my _best_ friend," he said firmly.

Evan gave a little smile of smugness.

"If all of that is true," he said, "and your friendship with DC Stringer was as close as you maintain, then why would you enter a sexual relationship with the man you claim abused her?"

Simon closed his eyes momentarily. He'd been right. He could feel all eyes upon him; Keats's from the dock, Gene's from out there in the court. Fuck, he could just imagine the look on Gene's face.

"It wasn't a relationship," Simon said tightly, "I was drunk and Keats took advantage, just like he always does. He knows when you're at your most vulnerable and he strikes."

"You were drunk?"

"It was one night."

"One night, the next day and later that week, my client assures me."

Simon swallowed, trying to keep his jaw firm.

"I was still vulnerable," he said, a slight waver in his voice, "Kim had – _transferred,"_ he flinched at the lie as he remembered the traumatic day she had gone home, "I missed my best friend. I didn't have anyone else I was that close to and I felt lost."

"Kimberley Stringer was your best friend?"

"Yes."

"And you claim to have been heavily affected by her transfer."

"Of course."

"But my client was in _love_ with DC Stringer," Evan continued.

"That's a matter for debate," Simon said bitterly, his face contorted in anger for what Kim had gone through.

"And was _also_ very deeply affected by her transfer."

Simon shuddered at the memory of the way he found Keats that night.

"He was angry at losing sex on tap," He said crossly.

"Could you tell the court how come you and my client were in a position to engage in sexual intercourse that night?"

Simon scowled, not sure what he was asking.

"I hope you don't want a full description," he cried in horror.

Evan rolled his eyes as though finding Simon incredibly stupid.

"I am referring to the circumstances under which you were at my client's flat on the night DC Stringer transferred," he explained, "since you claim to have been DC Stringer's best friend, why would you visit a man you claim had drugged and raped her repeatedly over a number of months?"

"Because –" Simon froze. He knew full well why he went to Keats's flat. He was so bitter and angry about all that Kim had been through he'd purposely gone looking for trouble – he didn't find quite the type he was expecting though, "because I wanted to have it out with him," he said, not a million miles away from the truth, "and with Kim no longer around I could address him without fear of her receiving the repercussions."

"By _having it out_ with him –"

"I didn't mean have his tackle out, no," Simon said angrily and unexpectedly which brought admonishment from the judge, giggles from the jury and a mutter from Gene that Simon might have inherited a few of his qualities after all.

"I was more concerned about the suggestion that you may have been visiting my client to aggrieve or injure him."

"Two of his own favourite pastimes," Simon said stiffly, "but no. He needed someone to tell him to back away. Kim was gone and he needed telling."

"What condition did you find my client in when you arrived?"

"He," Simon flinched at the memory, the images making him swallow with nausea, "he was losing the plot. He'd head-butted a mirror. It must have been really hard because it shattered. He had bits of glass in his forehead," he stopped talking, closed his eyes and swallowed, "I… I felt…" he shook his head slowly. The question hadn't been about how _he_ felt. "It was shocking to see."

"And what course of action did you take when you found my client in such a state?" Evan asked.

"I," Simon breathed deeply, "I cleaned him up. Got the glass out. Treated his forehead with TCP so that it didn't get infected."

"So you treated him with care," Evan asked and Simon shrugged awkwardly.

"Yeah," he said quietly.

"Compassion?"

"I guess so."

"And all this for a man who, I'll remind you again, you claim had been assaulting your best friend over a prolonged period of time."

Simon swallowed, stricken. How could he explain in a way that the court would understand? How could he explain that he'd found the _human_ Keats there that night, covered with blood?

"He was a broken man," he whispered, "and unlike him I have a heart. Couldn't just leave him."

"So you tended to his wounds?"

"Cleaned then up, yes."

"and looked after him?"

"_Bloody hell, saint Shoebury,"_ Gene mumbled.

Simon shrugged.

"Tried to. Yeah."

"With no ulterior motive?"

"Of _course_ I bloody didn't!"

"Even though he'd treated your best friend in such a terrible way?"

"It just _happened!"_ Simon cried, "I didn't expect him to be smothered in blood! I was _shocked!_ And besides, who'd leave someone in that state? _Whoever_ they were?"

"After you dressed his wounds you had sexual intercourse?"

"Yes," Simon's face was turning a deeper shade of red by the second.

"So DCI Keats was disturbed, injured and in pain?" Evan asked, "and very upset about the departure of the woman he loved her much."

"That is open to debate," Simon hissed.

"And with my client in such a terrible state you decided to indulge in sexual intercourse?"

Simon felt his heart racing.

"Yes?"

"When my client was at his most vulnerable?"

Simon could barely breathe.

"_What?"_

Evan looked at him darkly.

"And yet you claim my client is the one who targets people at their most vulnerable," he said, one eyebrow twitching, "Wouldn't you say that _he_ was the one feeling vulnerable that night?"

Simon scrambled for words.

"I…" he swallowed, "I… don't know… he… I was missing Kim –"

"As was my client."

"_No!"_ Simon said angrily, "he was just missing having someone to manipulate and abuse! Whatever he thought passed for love was very twisted indeed! He never loved her! He _raped_ her!"

"So you and your colleagues have told us," Evan began, "but if this was the case then why was it deemed that she had no relevant evidence for this trial?"

"Because it's probably bloody fixed!" cried Simon.

"Your statements have all called upon the fact that my Client had allegedly been conducting a sexual relationship with DC, now DI, Stringer against her consent," Evan continued, "but if that were the case then where _is_ this Kimberley Stringer?"

"_Right here."_

The voice was weak and anguished, not strong and determined but it was _there_ and everybody heard it. Heads turned to the doorway and saw a face that told the story of so much pain, such a struggle. Her bleached hair was drooping just as her body was through exhaustion. Her face was streaked with tears that had been falling for an hour and she could barely keep on her two feet, but she was _there._

"_Kim –"_

Robin's voice was shocked and distorted as he jumped to his feet. For a moment he didn't dare hope it was real. He'd never seen her face look so lost before.

"Could someone tell me what is going on?" Evan looked around for some kind of answer and the judge began to look perturbed.

"Could the bailiffs please remove this person from –"

"_No,"_ Robin cried out.

"My name is Kim Stringer," Kim's voice trembled but she spoke a little more loudly now, "I've been drugged, abused and kept against my will," her eyes turned to Keats, "by _him."_

Mutters went up around the court as Alex tried to pull Robin back down in his seat, the jury murmured "_So this is Kim?",_ Gene protected his scotch and Keats felt the bottom falling out of his world.

"They've got to her," he cried, a hint of desperation in his voice, "they've made her say this. She's got no evidence."

With more strain than her fragile, thin body could really cope with, Kim reached just out of sight and dragged a large canister into view.

"I've got _this,"_ she whispered shakily as the court began to dissolve into uproar, "he's been drugging me for weeks. You need to listen. You need to put me in that stand."

"_Order!"_ The judge cried as the lawyer for the prosecution got to his feet.

"Requesting a recess to talk with the new witness," he demanded as Evan frantically started questioning Keats about her. The judge looked at Kim's distressed face and nodded.

"Court is suspended for one hour," he said.

As Kim was hurried away to be prepared for court no one knew what was about to occur, only that for once the scales were tipping in the right direction. Kim's stature may have been slight but hers was the testimony that just might hold the weight they needed.


	23. Chapter 22: Don't Let Him Win

_**A/N: Surprise extra chapter this morning!**_

**Chapter Twenty Two**

"What's going on? Where is she?" Robin cried frantically as Alex grasped his shoulders and tried to calm him down, "I need to see her."

"You can't see her," Alex said patiently, "she's being prepared to give evidence."

"She _needs_ me!"

"You'll be right there after she's given evidence," Gene told him sternly, "but for now they need to talk to her or her evidence won't mean a thing."

Robin stomped angrily and wasn't impressed when Gene waved his flask under his nose.

"Can't face booze right now," he mumbled, shoving it back at Gene.

"Rob," Simon looked more confused and distressed than Gene had ever seen him, "did you know she was coming? What's going on?"

"I don't know anything," Robin cried, throwing his hands in the air and walking in circles, "I don't know what's going on. I want… I mean, she…"

"_Robin_," Alex grasped him again, "calm down. _Please_, calm down." She looked him in the eye. "Take a deep breath." Robin felt like an absolute idiot but when he saw her concern he did as she asked him. "And another." Robin closed his eyes for a moment, breathing in deeply, letting the air fill his lungs. When he opened his eyes again Alex was looking at him directly. "Alright," she said quietly, "Listen to me, Robin. _Kim's here_. She's actually _here_, and what this means…" she paused, trying to keep herself calm too, "it means, I think, that whatever you said to her was what she needed to hear. Now you need to keep calm and stay strong because that girl is in the biggest mess she's ever been in in her life. She needs you to be strong. She's going to look out into the court when she's on the stand and she's going to look for your face. She'll need you to be calm, to give her strength. Can you do that?"

Robin nodded.

"Yes, yes," he whispered.

"Good."

"What the fuck's happened to her?" Simon's voice grew higher and more urgent, "she's so fucking thin, she looks ill –"

"Not helping, Shoebury," Gene hissed crossly as Robin's new-found calmness began to waver but luckily before Simon could put his foot in it any more the doors opened and court was called again. With Alex gripping one hand and Simon gripping the other, Robin barely remembered being led inside. He could hardly remember anything except hearing Kim's voice and seeing her face.

This was it. The moment of truth.

~xXx~

Kim couldn't stop shaking as she stood there, knowing that Keats was only feet away from her, knowing that his stare was fixed upon her. It weakened her a little but as she caught a glimpse of the faces looking upon her to offer support she regained the strength she needed.

"DC… DCI… _DI_ Stringer," the lawyer for the prosecution tried to get the right name, "could you please tell the court where you have been working for the past five months?"

Kim swallowed and grasped the stand.

"I've been working at Fenchurch West CID," she said quietly.

"What made you take a job in a station where you would be working with a man who had caused you so much suffering in the past?"

Kim took a deep breath.

"I was trying to protect my friends," she whispered, "the people I loved. He'd been targeting them for a very long time and he'd hurt some of them very badly. I-I was the one who found them, that night," she looked down, "I found Rob-_Police Chief Inspector Thomas_ in DCI Keats's office. He'd been terribly beaten and could barely walk. DCI Drake," she had to stop talking to fight back the tears. In the end she used Robin's lip-biting to fend them off. "DCI Drake was in the basement. Sh-she was naked from the waist down and tied up. " she couldn't look at Alex as she spoke. "Fucking idiots left him in place in his job. Someone had to try to keep him under control."

"Could the witness please restrain her use of the F word?" The judge scowled.

"Sorry," Kim whispered.

"At what point did the accused begin to use substances like the one you brought to court against you?"

Kim closed her eyes and her voice started trembling as she spoke.

"DCI Keats was extremely unhappy when he caught myself and," she paused_, "Chief inspector Thomas,_ having a –" she reddened, _"reunion."_

"What sort of a reunion?"

Kim cringed a little.

"An adult orientated one," she said amid sniggers in the courtroom from jurors who would probably laugh if the letters P-O-O came out on Countdown. "Yes we were having sex," she snapped crossly.

"What caused DCI Keats to be angered by this?" The Lawyer asked, "was it his respect for common decency?"

Kim snorted. A little more of her was coming back with every moment that passed.

"He doesn't have any," she said, "No, that isn't why." She dropped her voice. "He was obsessed with me. And he couldn't handle the fact that I was in love with someone else," her legs wobbled as she whispered, "With Robin."

"Chief inspector Thomas?"

"Yes."

"DCI- DI Stringer… could you please explain to the court how your relationship is at odds with your sexuality?"

Kim gave a little sigh. That was never easy.

"I'm gay," she said, "I always have been and always will be. How it happened I don't know, all I do know is that…" she glanced up and caught Alex's eye. "Sometimes you can't help which way you fall," she whispered, remembering the moment Alex had used those words , words which had such a history to her, to comment on Kim's relationship. The tiny smile she received back from Alex warmed Kim deely.

"DCI Keats was angered by finding you and Chief Inspector Thomas in the throes of intimacy in his station?"

"Keats couldn't handle the fact that," she gave a little shrug, "he was never going to be the exception to the rule. It made it even worse that…" she closed her eyes, the truth making her feel a little sick inside, "that they had found out they're related. He was so angry that he attacked Robin and left him half-dead. He started drugging me immediately so that I couldn't get away. He had me convinced that I wanted to be there. I was in a daze. Like there was fog in my head."

"DI Stringer," the lawyer looked a little awkward, "I understand that the next few questions are going to be difficult for you but I have to ask them." Kim bowed her head.

"OK."

"Have you had sexual intercourse with DCI Keats within the past month?"

Kim could barely breathe; her chest tightened and she felt increasingly nauseous.

"Yes," she whispered.

"On how many occasions have you had sexual intercourse with DCI Keats?"

Kim's eyes were glazed and unfocused as she faced the truth.

"Numerous," she whispered.

"And was this sex consensual?"

Kim didn't even blink.

"Never," she breathed.

There was a look of horror on Keats's face that at first look was the expression of a man who knew the game was up but at a second glance was tinged with pain as though, like Kim herself, there was a flicker of another part of him deep down, trapped, unable to fight its way out; a part that could not comprehend the horror it had caused.

"If the intercourse was not consensual," the lawyer continued, "then can you explain the circumstances under which it happened?"

Kim trembled visibly.

"The air was always laden in the basement," she whispered, "and there was always something extra in the water." She turned her stare to Keats for the first time as she whispered, "He drugged me. He drugged me so that I couldn't fight back or say no or even really know what was happening. But I know now." She turned back to the lawyer. "I remember everything."

She felt a hint of satisfaction as Keats's expression contorted and he squirmed on his seat.

"DI Stringer, could you please tell the court how you first met DCI Keats?"

"I met him in nineteen ninety five," she said quietly, "I'd been at Fenchurch East for about two months. I wasn't very happy," she closed her eyes momentarily. "There was a personality clash between me and my DCI. Maybe we were a bit too different," she chanced a glance in his direction and caught his eye, "or a little too alike." The look on his face was the closest thing he had ever given Kim to a smile. She nodded to herself. "He had a very brash way of dealing with his team and I had a bad attitude, and we clashed all the time. One day I stormed off and ended up sitting outside the station slowly getting rat-arsed," she coughed, "I mean, drunk… and there he was, like a vulture. He could smell my weakness. He knew I was at my most vulnerable." she drew in breath. "And so, he swooped."

"What did DCI Keats say when he found you?"

"He said he wanted to get rid of DCI Hunt," Kim said, her voice gaining confidence, "he wanted my help. He could see we were," she hesitated, "_at odds_. He asked me to meet him that night to discuss it."

"And you agreed?"

"I wanted to get out of that place," Kim said quietly, "I was far away from home and I felt very alone. I agreed to meet him for dinner and he told me what he wanted; someone on the inside, to take a few files, plant a few bugs, that sort of thing. I agreed, I thought this was like an official operation. He had all the credentials."

"How did this proposal lead to a more personal relationship?" the lawyer asked, knowing that Kim was going to find it a hard subject to talk about.

"He," she flinched, "he started making a move on me. Thought we could make a night of it. I told him I was gay and he laughed it off, said _fair play_. I thought that was that. But then I started feeling," her voice wobbled, "_woozy_. I'd left my drink when I went to the toilet and when I came back he must have…" she flinched again, "must have…"

The lawyer looked a little worried.

"Take your time, DI Stringer," he said quietly.

Kim nodded and took a deep breath, holding the stand tightly her eyes scanned up and met Robin's. His face was pale, his expression harrowed. But as he gave her a firm nod she found the strength and the reason she needed to continue.

"He must have slipped something in my drink," she whispered, "I'm not proud of this but I was drinking heavily at the tine and there's no way a couple of glasses of wine would make me feel that bad. Everything was spinning and I could barely stand." She stood strong and tall, "He 'helped' me home," she spat, "helped me right into bed. He stared me right in the eye and put ideas in my head against my will." Her voice whispered through her lips almost as though they were disconnected from the rest of her. "That was the first time he forced me. But it wasn't the last and it went on for months."

Keats blinked as a bead of sweat dripped from his forehead into his eye. He twitched nervously and shuffled in his seat. Evan tried urgently to get his attention but he blanked him; he blocked everything out but Kim and her words which were bringing him down like explosives in a condemned building.

"I finally fought back," she whispered, "he didn't like that. He went crazy and left me tied up in my room with no food and no water. I was going to die; he _left_ me there to _die_. I was no use to him any more. If Simon hadn't found me," she closed her eyes. "I wouldn't be here now."

"After DCI Shoebury released you, what happened? The lawyer asked.

"We went to Fenchurch West to find the bastard," Kim hissed, this time the judge didn't seem to intervene, "he cornered a bunch of us in the basement. Me, Simon, a couple of other members of CID… one of which he'd had trapped down there all night. He attacked me. Kicked me –" her voice hitched, "- in the stomach, and the pain…" she closed her eyes as a tear dropped forcefully onto the stand. Her head lowered and she rocked on her heels, trying to find the strength to carry on. "The pain was unbearable," she whispered, "and when we finally were able to get out of there… after DCI Hunt had slapped a pair of cuffs on him… I-I started to bleed."

There was a moment of silence. Finally the lawyer asked,

"What was causing you to bleed, DI Stringer?"

Kim swallowed.

"I was starting to miscarry," she whispered. She drew in her breath and tried to ground herself, "I-I was about three months pregnant, and I had no idea. He'd got me pregnant and then," she finally looked up, "He ended it with his fucking foot."

Like a finger squeezing a trigger, those words had a very powerful effect on the accused as he sat, staring at Kim, listening to her words. The tiny flicker of something hidden beneath the surface no longer stayed an undercurrent, a ripple unseen by the rest of the world. It burst forth, ripping through the layers of evil and darkness that boxed it in as he jumped to his feet, heart racing and palms sweating, and without a second thought that voice cried out;

"_I did it."_

The entire court turned to him; jury, witnesses, everyone besides. With all eyes upon his frantic, desperate face, Keats breathed hard, trying urgently to get the air he needed into his lungs as more words burst forth.

"I need to change my plea," he cried, his face confused and full of anguish, "I'm guilty… I'm guilty of everything… I did it and I couldn't stop… couldn't stop him –"

A mutter of confusion rippled around the room with the judge demanding order, Evan shaking him angrily and the jury gasping at his sudden change around.

"DCI Keats, if you wish to –" The judge began but Keats hadn't finished,

"You have to _stop_ this," he cried, "Help me," he turned and looked directly at Simon behind him, sending his soul to jelly, "_Help me,"_ he pleaded with him directly and Simon swallowed nervously as his friends turned to stare at him.

"I don't know why he's saying that to me!" Simon protested but by now whatever was bursting forth from Keats was starting to recede. Not before he broke down in tears for the little life he had brought to an end.

"_My baby,"_ Keats's voice was weak and painful, "_I killed my baby –"_

He sank to his knees and wrapped his arms around his head as though preparing for an emergency landing and choked out loud, angry sobs while the rest of the court got to their feet as the judge declared a recess for Keats to be assessed and to decide how to proceed.

Shaken, tearful and weak, Kim stared at the mess he had become, just as whatever had come from within disappeared and an angry, confused Keats rose from the floor, mortified by the events of the last few moments.

"_I've changed my mind,"_ he spat angrily at Evan_, "I didn't mean that… I made a mistake… Not guilty… Not guilty, White! Back me up here!"_

But the shaking of Evan's head said it was far too late for that.

The court slowly emptied but something deeply disturbing had occurred for everyone – for Keats more than most.

Fate was in the making.


	24. Chapter 23: Don't Cry

**Chapter Twenty Three**

As Robin pushed his way out of the courtroom his eyes scanned the corridor desperately. She _had_ to be there. She wouldn't have gone, not again. His heart was thumping, he could hear it echoing in his ears. There were so many people milling around in bewilderment and shock that it took a while for him to see her, and the moment that he did he lost the feeling in his limbs.

There she stood in the middle of the crowd, looking as lost and alone as though she was in the middle of an abandoned town. Her clothes hung loosely around her body, her cheeks drawn and her face gaunt. She looked, as though it were possible, even more unwell than she had when he'd confronted her earlier that day but Robin looked past all of that because now she had one thing that he hadn't seen since the moment Keats had found them together in the basement.

She had life in her eyes.

The moment they rose from their melancholy stare at the ground and struck Robin's gaze it felt as though all time stopped and the rest of the world ceased to exist. Robin could barely cope with the speed of his heartbeat. He swallowed, butterflies filling his tummy, and he lunged forward unsteadily. He couldn't keep himself upright and stumbled towards her, his legs tangling in one another as he ran in her direction.

_"Kim."_ He breathed the only word in his head and threw two strong, warm arms around her shoulders, clutched her close, held her body against him, barely able to consider ever letting go again.

"_I'm sorry,"_ her whisper came to his ear like the sun rising after an impossibly cold winter.

"Kim, _no,"_ Robin shook his head a little as he pressed her face against his own, "no, you can't be sorry, you're not _allowed_ to be sorry, there's nothing you could have done…"

"I've been trying to hard to fight," Kim whispered.

"And you _did."_

"But for so long –"

"He's too powerful," Robin whispered, "too fucking powerful. Only someone like you could override that."

"But for weeks –"

"Kim, _shush,"_ Robin risked her wrath by telling her to be quiet. He could feel her whole body trembling as he held her tightly and ran his fingers through her short blonde locks, "_I'm_ sorry."

"Rob –"

"I _am_. For weeks, I –"

"I told you we were over, what else could you do?"

"I should have known you didn't mean it."

"I threatened to have you _arrested_," Kim reminded him, "you had no choice. But in the end you didn't give up on me."

"Never," Robin shook his head. His eyes were tightly closed as though if he opened them he'd find that she was nothing but an illusion. He turned his face slowly to press his lips against her cheek and he heard her give one lone, desperate sob which just made him hold her even harder. "_Fuck_, Kim, you _made_ it. You made it through."

As he held her and she felt herself melting gently into his embrace she turned to whisper to him the words that had been on her mind frim the moment security pulled him out of sight.

"_I love you too, Rob."_

~x~

Alex felt a tear slide from her eye all the way down her face to her lip where she licked it away. She stared at the two of them as Robin slowly guided Kim to a bench and sat her down carefully upon it. She folded her arms and bit down on her lip, trying not to let herself cry but the strength of her emotion was proving hard to hide. Taking off the glasses she'd been wearing, she popped them in her pocket and brutally wiped away the remaining tears as she felt Gene's strong presence looming behind her.

"Sorry," she whispered.

"You've gone all soft," Gene accused.

Alex swallowed, trying to think of an excuse but she didn't have one.

"I know," she whispered. She watched as Robin sat by Kim's side, one arm around her back, rubbing it gently as her head bowed, trying to take in what she had been through.

"Don't know which is tougher," Gene began, "Stringer or her bloody boots."

Alex sniffed.

"The same could be said of you," she whispered.

Simon's earlier words came back to Gene, the parallels between himself and Kim; he was starting to understand them now. He looked from Kim to Alex's wavering lip, torn between smiling with pure delight and relief that Kim was back with them, and crying desperately for what she had been through. Gene knew one thing for certain, and that was the fact she was doing no good standing where she was.

"Don't you think you need to get your backside over there?" he nodded towards Kim.

"What?" Alex whispered, wiping her eye again.

"Stringer's got two shoulders, you know. Could probably do with someone on the other side."

Alex looked at Gene, her wavering smile going into overdrive, changing rapidly from beaming to crying.

"Gene," she whispered, wanting to just burst with emotion in that moment. She didn't know what to say or how to express it so eventually she grasped his chin in her fingers, kissed him expectantly and turned around to move quickly toward the bench.

Kim hadn't seen her at first. Her eyes were still focused on the ground as the second figure sat beside her, the opposite side to Robin, and a slender hand slipped over her own to hold it comfortingly. Kim's eyes rose and the moment they met Alex's gaze she felt her pulse rise.

_"Ma'am,"_ she barely whispered aloud.

"I'm so proud of you," Alex breathed as she wrapped her other arm around Kim and hugged her tightly.

"I'm sorry," Kim began but Alex wasn't listening to apologies either.

"Shhh, don't be silly," she said and Kim frowned just a little.

"Will people _please_ stop telling me to _shoosh?"_ she said with a sharp tone that made both Robin and Alex give a genuine laugh.

"She's back," Alex gave a slightly tearful giggle.

"I _mean_ it," Kim warned through tears, "no one tells me to shoosh, so stop it."

"Or what?" Robin challenged with a half-smile.

"Or I'll," Kim hesitated, "I'll pierce your arse."

This time Robin's smile grew.

"Yeah, she's back," he whispered.

~x~

Simon's chest felt tight as he tried to keep his breathing calm and relaxed. It had been eighteen long months since he said goodbye to his best friend and he wasn't sure he'd ever see her again. Any niggling bitterness about Kim and Robin disappeared as he stood watching her sat with Alex and Robin at either side. She was so different. Her appearance had changed so much. But through all of that he saw Kim, his dear friend Kim.

"Don't stand on ceremony," Gene shoved him in her direction and after stumbling a few paces and glaring back at him Simon walked towards her slowly. He started to struggle to see where he was going. His vision had been masked by tears that were threatening to spill over and he wasn't exactly sure where he was going

Kim's head hung low as she tried to come to terms with what had happened that day. Her light was suddenly blocked as a tall figure stepped in front of her and gradually slipped to the floor. Her face slowly rose and met a set of blue eyes that were glistening with tears and a wobbly, nervous smile.

"_Hello, stranger,"_ Simon's voice was high and breathy, more emotional than he would ever have admitted to. His mouthed flickered, his smile brimming over with fondness, nostalgia and affection. Kim's eyes widened at the sight of him; the man whose advice had kept her safe from Keats from years, who had been her colleague, her roommate and then her best friend, who she'd shared cases, secrets and nights on the town with. It had been almost ten years from her point of view since she had last seen him. Her chest almost burst with fondness and delight as she threw her arms around him, lunging forward to throw her arms around his neck.

"_Simon,"_ she breathed, clinging to him for dear life. It was the first time that Robin had ever seen the bond that Simon and Kim once shared and it was a strange thing to behold. He wiped his eyes to clear away the tears that formed as he realised how close they'd once been. There were ties running through the three of them that were, it seemed, impossible to break.

"Kim, I can't believe it's _you_," he whispered, his eyes tightly closed as he hugged her close, "things were never the same without you, Kim. I missed you so much."

"I've missed you too," she whispered. Simon could feel something damp on the side of his neck.

"Are you crying?" he asked.

"No."

"Is Kim Stringer crying?"

"Not if you want to keep both your ears," Kim warned and Simon gave a tearful laugh. She may have aged by a decade but Kim was still Kim. He drew back a little and studied her face.

"You look so different," he said quietly, "so much older."

"Thanks a lot, _arsehole!"_ Kim cried, outraged, narrowing her eyes at him, "At least you're not wearing the jumper."

"_Not cold enough yet,"_ Simon mumbled as he reddened in the face.

Gene stared on at Kim, surrounded by friends and lovers, those who gave her strength. He couldn't offer her the same kind of affection that she found from the gathered crowd but there was one valuable thing he had to offer.

He slouched slowly in her direction and reached into his pocket. A moment later Kim found a flask dangling in front of her face .

"You've been shivering worse than Shoebury on a stakeout," he told her, "thought this might warm you up a bit more than the puddles of mud you get out the coffee machine in this place."

Kim glanced up at Gene a little nervously. Somehow she still went back in her mind to being that angry young DC waking up in the middle of an illegal rave and despite the differences they'd had at the time she felt a grudging respect for Gene. Nervously she took it, her fingers so cold she could barely unscrew the cap, then finally took a deep gulp of scotch which stung the back of her throat and burned all the way down. It had been several months since she'd last had any alcohol and she was shocked to find that she wasn't really used to it any more. She gasped a little and shakily handed it back to him.

"_Thanks,"_ she whispered.

Gene stared at the flask in his hand. It felt as though someone else needed it more. With a sigh he handed it back to Kim.

"You might as well keep this," he said, "You've already got me car," he eyed Alex, "And me missus, _apparently_. Might as well go for the hat trick."

Kim looked slightly nervous as she took the flask. She had a feeling she was never going to hear the end of it, but she was grateful for the gesture none the less.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

For the rest of the hour that was where she stayed, surrounded by the people who'd tried for so long to bring Kim back to the right side. It had taken time but she had made it, there were too many people on her side for her to be lost in the darkness forever. As court was called back to session there could not have been more love and support for Kim as they faced the moment of truth together. It was the moment they'd all be waiting for, and there was no escaping it.

_The verdict was in._


	25. Chapter 24: Don't Count Your Chickens

**Chapter Twenty Four**

No one really knew what to expect when they made their way back into the courtroom. After Keats's outburst and attempted retraction it could have led to almost anything. They found the man frantic and furious with a stiff and awkward Evan sitting beside him, barely looking in his direction. Keats was juddering around angrily, attempting to get the Bearded one to turn around and answer his questions but even Evan couldn't take any more.

As they took their places in the court, five shaken but determined souls knew that whatever unfolded would change their lives, one way or the other. Keats's dark influence had almost destroyed them many times over but still they stood strong.

"_All rise."_

This was it, the moment of truth, and the moment that Keats looked more frightened than he ever had in his life.

The judge took his position and the gathering retook their seats, awaiting an outcome that felt as unpredictable as Robin's kissing lips after a night on the booze. Slowly, impulsively, almost as one they linked hands across the row; Gene to Alex to Kim to Robin to Simon, all drawing strength from one another. It was how they had survived.

"This case closes under unusual circumstances," the judge began, "following Mister Keats changing his plea –"

"_I told you to retract –"_ Keats began but Evan shushed him for once.

"It's too late for that," he hissed, "make the best of it."

"- the court finds DCI James Keats –"

_Breath held. Hands held. Hope held. _

" – Guilty –"

_Eyes closed, air exhaled, hearts racing._

" – of the abduction and assault of Chief Inspector Robin Thomas, a further count of GBH and the attempted manslaughter of Chief Inspector Thomas; the abduction and rape of Detective Chief Inspector Alexandra Drake and the assault of Detective Inspector Victoria Stone."

"_No!"_

Keats's voice was the only one who cried out in horror as the rest were cries of relief, delight, amazement, justice. It seemed unbelievable that after all those months – years, in fact – of horror he had final been brought to task for some of the things he had done. It saddened Robin as he clutched Kim tightly in his arms that no charges had been brought against Keats for the things he had done to her. Nevertheless her evidence had brought out the part of Keats that was still somewhere inside of him, beaten down by the darkness that had led him to confess, even for a moment.

The court was awash with frantic reactions; Alex's fast embrace of Gene, Robin's mirrored reaction to Kim, Keats hissing furiously like a rabid dog and Simon, standing alone; eyes focused on Keats, conflicted between bile and fury for all he had put them through, and a lingering sadness from his desperate plea for help.

As the cacophony died down the judge continued.

"However, taking into consideration DCI Keats's admission of guilt –"

"Oh what?" Robin whined.

"Can't be bloody serious," Gene added.

"And time already spent in prison after his arrest –"

"_What_ time spent in prison?" cried Alex, "he disappeared through the _wall!"_

"Along with the testimony from medical experts and psychologists that he was acting under reduced mental capacity at the time he committed these crimes…"

"Yeah, try _all_ the time," Robin muttered.

"And the fact that he has agreed to actively seek help for his anger and violent tendencies –"

"Oh, no, _no, no,"_ Kim began to shake as she realised what was coming.

"I recommend a suspended sentence –"

"What the _fuck?"_ cried Robin, his guts lurching at the news.

_"No,_ no way," Alex shook her head.

"Dependent on the immediate commencement of counselling and rehabilitation…"

The smile that grew across Keats's face like ivy on a wall made Kim shake uncontrollably as he turned to eye her up.

"_No, fuck no_," she whispered.

"No, Gene, this can't be happening," Alex cried, "that's not right, that wouldn't happen, no one would give him a suspended sentence!"

"Bolly," Gene began.

"It's not _right_!" she cried, "this damn world is still protecting him!"

"Not if me and my knuckles have got anything to do with it," Gene threatened

"…And adherence to bail and curfew instructions."

"A fucking _curfew,"_ Kim could barely contain her anger and tears and she turned away, beginning to run toward the exit.

"_Kim!"_ Robin cried, reaching out to grasp her but Gene stopped him.

"Let her go, Batman," he said, "Think she needs some space." He felt anger growing inside him, "I don't blame her.

"She shouldn't be on her own!" Robin cried as Kim disappeared out of the doors.

"She'll be back when she needs yer manly arms," Gene told him, " but for now she needs to put her head in Stringer-space. Alright?"

"However –"

The four remaining faces froze as the judge spoke again.

"What?" Keats's smile fixed and began to droop at the use of that word.

"…In light of the extremely serious nature of the charges brought against you…"

"Now what is he –" Gene began but Alex shushed him.

"…Your superiors have submitted instructions to the court that you are removed from your position with immediate effect –"

Alex's eyes bolted.

"This is_ it," _she gasped.

"…Upon the circumstance that you receive a verdict of guilty…"

"_This is it,"_ Alex gasped again, staggering backwards, "this is what we wanted…"

"What?" Robin frowned, confused.

"…you will hand in your warrant and your identification to this court…"

"I don't get what –" Simon began but Gene interrupted.

"No title, no power, Shoebury," he said quickly, "Bolly's right, this _is_ what we wanted."

"He needs to go to _jail!"_ Robin cried but Alex shook her head.

"Put him in jail and he'll vanish into thin air but take away his title and he'll lose everything he cherishes."

"_No…"_ Keats's tone showed that he understood this all too well.

"…before you leave." The judge concluded.

_"That's it,"_ Gene hissed, "the devil's had his tail clipped."

"_Fucking hell,"_ Simon swept a hand through his hair as Keats began to disintegrate in the dock.

"_No, no way,"_ he shook his head so hard that his glasses almost flew across the room, "you tell them they've got this wrong," he turned to Evan, "tell them to change this."

"Mister Keats, that's not my job," Evan hissed looking both annoyed and nervous.

"You fix this, White!" Keats barked angrily as a strangely warm breeze floated through the air.

"Perhaps if you had kept to one plea instead of trying to change your mind twice in a row this would have had a different outcome," Evan told him through gritted teeth.

"Mister Keats, I suggest you calm down before I have to add contempt of court to your list of offences," the judge warned him but Keats didn't even register his voice.

"You are _not_ doing this," he warned the court as a couple of official-looking gentlemen began to approach him and the tiniest scent of smouldering embers passed through the air, "no _way_ are you doing this. You're not taking my job away from me," he started backing away, "You're not taking me away from my _station!"_

With the last word of his sentence there was a strange sound and a strip of flame appeared across the wall, tearing apart reality, replacing justice with hell.

"Oh my fucking fuck; _fire!"_ Even screamed, jumping on his chair like a very hot mouse was running around him.

"_You are not doing this to me,"_ Keats screamed at the top of his lungs, his words ripping away another piece of the room and replacing it with the fires that made up his world.

"Gene, what's happening?" Alex gasped, clinging to his arm as Gene instinctively grasped for her other hand, "what the hell is he doing?"

"He's having one last hoorah, that's what he's doing," he growled as panic began to spread through the room.

"_Fire!"_

"_Everybody out!"_

"_Evacuate the room!"_

"Oh for…" Robin rolled his eyes, "_It's not real fire!"_ he cried but those who were unfamiliar with the perils of an enraged Keats did not agree and one of them broke the glass to set off the fire alarms and the sprinkler system decided to give them an impromptu shower.

"Oh _shit,"_ Simon tried to cover his head.

"What do we do now?" Robin cried against the din of flames, water and screaming.

"I don't know, I thought I'd stick around and have a nice _swim_," Gene said angrily, "I don't know about you, Batman, but I've left me rubber dinghy at home so if I were you I'd start moving towards the door before yer cape gets waterlogged!"

X

Out of the doused inferno, into the swirling throng of people sweeping by outside.

The team found themselves pushed towards the doors and out into the car park where confusion reigned supreme and a lot of wet, angry people coughed and spluttered, not from the smoke but from the sprinkler system.

"_It's gone up my nose!"_ Simon wailed as Robin began to look all around.

"Kim?" he called a little pointlessly, "Kim? Are you out here?"

"She's probably left the grounds for some air, Robin," Alex told him but Robin didn't seem convinced.

"I'd feel better if I knew where she was," he said worriedly.

"I'm more worried about where our fire starter's gone," Gene said. There was a hint of something in his voice that put the others on high alert.

"He'd be with Evan, wouldn't he?" Simon asked. But as they looked around them they found Evan by himself with a strange contraption over his face. Headed by Robin, the gathering ran in his direction.

"Evan," Robin began breathlessly, "Where is he?"

Evan rang out his beard and replaced his facial hair raincoat.

"Excuse me?" he frowned.

"_Keats!"_ Cried Robin.

"I have no idea, and quite frankly I don't wish to know either," Evan said with genuine hint of remorse in his tone.

"Didn't he leave the courtroom with you?"

"My job here's over," Evan told Robin, "I represented Mister Keats and did this to the best of my ability based on the facts he presented to me."

"I don't give a fuck," Robin cried, throwing his hands in the air, "I want to know where he is _now!"_

Evan pouted.

"Well not _here,"_ he said, "and if any of you happen to see him please inform him that I'll be looking to recover a higher fee after the trouble he put me through in court today. Plus I may well be suing for damages. My career will be heading down the drain after this and nobody warned me my beard may be subject to fire, flood and impact damage!"

"Well I can supply the impact damage," Gene offered but Robin pushed past him almost sending him flying. "_Oi!_ Just because you've got yer underpants on outside of yer tights doesn't give you the right to treat me like a skittle!"

Alex, who'd stayed a little way back to keep her distance from Evan, re-joined them.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"I've got a very bad feeling," Robin muttered as he marched around, looking in all directions.

"Robin, Kim could be anywhere," Simon began, "she'll be at home or something, probably getting something pierced or sinking a large scotch, if I remember correctly."

"Keats has disappeared," Robin frantically told them, "I'm sure you can see my problem here."

"He can't have gone far," Simon tried to reassure him but Robin wasn't listening.

"There's no sign of him," he flapped, "come off it, you know _exactly_ who he's going to be looking for. He's obsessed with her, he's been drugging her and now she's just secured him losing his title."

"But Robin, they've taken his power away," Alex began, "He might have spread the flames one last time but by now he could be as human as you or me."

"Then that scares me more," Robin whispered and Alex felt a shiver travel down her spine.

"Why?" she whispered.

Robin swallowed,

"Because if he's lost his power but still has the darkness," he shuddered, "there's nothing stronger than human rage."

Alex felt her heart speeding up as she took in his words. She started to turn her head, looking left and right.

"Alright," she whispered, "alright, Robin, we'll split up, we'll look for them both."

"She can't be far, me bloody pride and joy is still parked up there," Gene aimed his finger up to the first storey of the car park. The tiniest hint of yellow could be seen.

"Gene, how can you even _tell?"_ cried Simon, "that could be anything!"

"Me cars have a certain aura…" Gene began but the apparent aura of the Fiat was forgotten by the movement beside it that caused a few loose pieces of paint to flake from the outer wall and a slight cry to come from above.

Robin didn't need to wait to see any more. His heart knew already.

"_Oh god,"_ he gasped as his legs began to take him towards the stairwell.

"Robin, what –" Alex began but as she looked upward the blonde hair of the shaking head pressed against the barrier filled in the blanks. "No_, god no –"_

"_Kim,"_ Simon swallowed, "what the fuck do we do?"

Gene wasn't sure what was happening, what Kim was doing there or how Keats had even found her but he knew one thing for sure – they had to move fast.

"It's time to do our best Robson and Jerome impression" he said to a sea of blank faces. Rolling his eyes, he sighed. "Up on the roof!"

One moment everything had been as near to perfect as Damnit, the next everything hung in the balance once again. Justice had not yet been done.

_**~xXx~**_

_**A/N: The next chapter will probably be up on Saturday :P**_


	26. Chapter 25: Don't Lose Your Grip

_**A/N: So I'm updating today after all!**_

**Chapter Twenty Five**

"You and high places," Keats's lips hovered between a smile and a sneer, "it's getting to be a habit, isn't it?"

Kim could barely swallow as her mouth filled with nervous saliva. Her fast departure at the news of Keats's suspended sentence had taken her up to the car park where she planned to get in her car, down the rest of Gene's scotch and then cry her god damned eyes out. She'd made it as far as the car when she heard yelling along with the sound of the alarm and had peered over the side to find out what was happening, but the moment she turned back again there was a face in front of her own and it wasn't someone she wanted to see.

Her first thought was to beg him to leave her alone or just to collapse in a heap and give up hope, but she didn't. There was a little of her fight returning now, burning inside of her. She wasn't going to let that comment pass.

"_Rich coming from you,"_ she hissed as his fingertips began to hurt where he held her arm securely, "_you_ make a habit of it. Roofs usually though, if I remember. The hospital one. That's where you tried to dispose of Simon, right?" she started shaking but fought to get her fear under control. Keats had taken enough from her already. He wasn't going to take her cool. "And dragging Alex onto the station roof."

The sneer spread across his face like water spilling freely across the floor.

"Well," he began, "not until after I'd dragged her to bed. What do you know, Kimberley, finally something we have in common."

The rage fired up inside of her and she lashed out without thinking, catching him hard across the nose which caused him to let out a shriek of shock and pain before he gripped her by the throat and pressed her harder to the barrier.

"_I was going to call you a fucking bastard but I don't want to taint two perfectly good swear words,"_ she hissed the best that she could as his grip made her choke.

"Is this _really_ a good time for you to fling insults around, Kimberley?" he demanded as he pressed against her throat a little harder, "hmm? Right on the edge, in danger of going over the side. No one would even know, would they? Could be suicide. Could _so easily_ be suicide, Kimberly. You've hardly the most stable history, hmm?"

"_You wouldn't,"_ Kim whispered. It was a statement, not a plea.

"What makes you think that?"

"Because then you'd never see me again," Kim whispered, "and for some reason you can't seem to let me go."

"On the contrary, DI Stringer," Keats hissed as the cold wind howled around them, "if we go over together we could _always_ be together.

"What?" Kim's eyes bolted.

"What do you say, Kimberley?" Keats glowered, "how about making it a tandem drop this time? You and me, falling through the air together. We could be sharing a table in heaven by midnight."

"Fucking _heaven?"_ Kim cried as she struggled in his grip, "The only way you're going to get in there is if the place is under new management!"

"_Let her go, Jimbo."_

Kim was introduced to a whole new experience – being relieved to hear Gene's voice instead of fearing he was about to accuse her of stealing his scotch. She felt Keats freeze momentarily and his grip loosened just a smidgen as he turned around. Across the car park her friends stood, staring anxiously at the sight that faced them. Robin's face was pale, painted by a terror he'd never felt before. He twitched and juddered before starting to move closer until Alex grasped his arm.

"Robin, _don't,"_ she hissed.

"He's going to _kill_ her!" Robin cried.

"If you go any closer you could push him into it!" Alex cried.

"I can't leave her –" Robin began to move again but Alex gripped him harder.

"You're too close, Robin, you have to cool yourself down!" she hissed. He tried to move again but Alex found a kind of strength she didn't even know she had and held him firm. "I swear to _God_, Robin, if you try again to go over there I _will_ sit on you," she threatened. Surprised by her sharp tone, coupled with the unusual threat, he glared at her momentarily but he could understand her fears and knew that she was probably right to stop him. His anger was rising and while one part of him wanted to storm in and sink his knuckles into Keats's ugly mush the other half of him could picture Kim falling over the barrier as a consequence. He stood, panting slightly, staring at Gene and Simon, mentally begging them for help.

"Oh, cavalry's arrived," Keats rolled his eyes.

"Just give it up, Keats," Simon said urgently, "let Kim go."

"Oh, _OK_," Keats began, grasping Kim under the arms and lifting her up towards the top of the barrier as screams of '_no!'_ came from the terrified onlookers.

"For fuck's sake!" Simon screamed, gripping his hair in desperation.

"Don't want me to let her go all of a sudden?" he asked as Kim whimpered, torn between wanting to struggle away and being too scared to in case she went over the edge. She tried to grasp Keats's sleeve so that if he tried to throw her over he wouldn't be able to without plunging over too but that wasn't stalling him because he had other ideas. "It's alright, there are two seats available on this flight."

"Are you _crazy?"_ screamed Robin.

"He won't hurt her," Alex whispered, sounding more certain than she actually was.

"Come on, Keats, it's over," Simon tried to keep as calm as he could, "this is stupid. You don't want to kill her. You _can't_ kill her, anyway."

"On the contrary," Keats returned Kim to the ground but kept her pressed against the barrier, "she's not quite DCI material. Has to knock her down a peg or two." He peered over his shoulder, "or a _floor_ or two." He looked back at Simon. "And thanks to _her_ I'm not exactly a picture of immortality myself. I've lost my infinite health power-up. In fact," for the first time the crazed, maniacal look in Keats's eye faded just a little and a look of distress crossed his features_. "In fact"_ his voice dropped a little, "I've lost more or less everything. So tell me, what do I actually have to lose?"

"Kim for a start," Simon cried but Keats shook his head.

"Ohh, I know she's already got her bar stool booked. I'm just going to tag along."

"No way _you're_ getting in, Jimbo," Gene scowled, "Nelson's got you barred, permanently."

"Can't do much if I'm someone's _plus one,"_ he smirked, glancing at Kim.

"There's more chance of Stringer taking one of Batman's bloody _dogs_ than there is of you," said Gene. He stared at Keats, trying to equate the crazy man before them with the official D&C representative who'd first come to the station. It still twisted a knife in Gene's chest to know that he was responsible for changing him, no matter how accidentally. "Listen to me," he began seriously, "you've been given a _get out of bloody jail free_ card today. You've lost yer job, so what? Better than losing yer life. Piss off somewhere else, park yer arse down and start again."

"Oh look, a motivational speech from the man who tried to make whoopee with the plant pots," Keats sneered.

"You'd be an idiot not to take the chance," Gene growled, "The power's not yours any more, Jimbo. Go and find some other way to get yer kicks. Like flower arranging."

"Oh _fuck,"_ Simon slapped his forehead, "you were doing _so well_ until then."

"How about _limb_ re-arranging?" Keats pressed Kim against the barrier again and she let out a string of obscenities.

"Stop being a fucking _arsehole_, Keats!" Simon screamed as Robin made another dash towards them, held back by a surprisingly strong Alex who kicked his shin hard to weaken him before knocking him over and making good on her promise.

"_I warned you,"_ she hissed as she parked her backside on his back and he gave a shocked cry.

"_Get off me!"_

"_Not until you calm down!"_

"_Kim needs me!"_

"_You can't go storming over there, you could endanger her further!"_

Simon didn't know where to look; the squashed Robin on the floor or the terrifying situation beside the barrier. In the end he turned to Kim and Keats, swallowing fearfully at the look of anguish on Kim's face. She had barely started to take back her life and now Keats was threatening to take it away.

"You won't hurt her," he said.

"Trying to be the angel on my shoulder?" Keats asked sarcasticallly.

"You won't though," Simon said a little more loudly, "because for all the twisted things you've done you've got feelings for her and you wouldn't risk losing her forever."

"I just love it when all the mind readers step forward," Keats said sarcastically, "anyone else want to have a go? See if you can read _this_ thought, Simon."

Simon ignored him.

"The human part won't let you," he said and a splash of worry crossed Keats's face.

"What?" the word slipped out before he could stop it.

"The human part that made you confess," Simon told him, "the part that came out when you watched your video. The part that jumps out every time you think about what you did to your own baby."

"I'm not up for the hostage negotiation crap today, Simon," Keats said, fighting back the voice inside his head that started screaming the second Simon mentioned the child who never had a chance.

"I know he's there," Simon said more forcefully.

"_Pffft,"_ Keats rolled his eyes and gave a noise of boredom as he started to turn back to Kim but Simon raised his voice and the stakes.

"You want it to come back, Keats," he cried, stepping closer, "you asked for help, You _begged_ me."

"I've never begged for a thing in my life," Keas spat.

"You've begged me twice," Simon told him, "the night we –" he hesitated, "the night I treated your head..."

"I seem to remember _you_ begging for something that night –" Keats began but Simon ignored him.

"You begged me to show you how to be human," Simon repeated, "and I did but then the fucking darkness overcame you again." He swallowed, trying to stay strong, "now that darkness is nothing to you. You can fight it if you try."

But that was not the news Keats wanted to hear.

"_No,"_ he yelled angrily, stamping his foot at the thought but as he began his childish strop Kim saw the opportunity she'd been waiting for and pulled together all the strength she had left to kick him as hard in the leg as possible, then pulled her arm away from him and thrust her whole body around to punch him but his instinct to avoid the blow was strong enough to take desperate action and in her malnourished state she had neither the strengthen or the body weight to stop him from lifting her clean off her feet and bundling her over the barrier. Three fingers caught the top as she let out a scream for dear life.

"_Kim!"_ Robin screamed her name desperately, knocking Alex from his back as he scrambled up but Gene and Simon were already lunging forward.

"I swear to _god _you're _dead!"_ Simon yelled but he and Gene were less than co-ordinated in their method and as Simon reached to grab hold of Keats by the throat Gene attempted a punch but caught Simon instead. Simon's body slammed back against the barrier shaking Kim's weak grasp from the top and she fell, silently, to the staff car park below.

_Time almost froze._

Seconds seemed to last forever.

Robin couldn't remember making the journey from one side of the car park to the other; all he remembered was seeing Kim lying on the tarmac below as the evacuated people screamed in shock, gathering around her like she was a piece of modern art.

There was crying. Robin didn't even realise he was the one doing it. And there was screaming. Alex couldn't stop the sound from leaving her lips as she ran to the side of the car park, blocked by Gene who turned her head away.

"_Let me see her!"_ she cried but she'd used up all her strength pinning Robin on the ground and Gene held her back.

"Just call an ambulance," he cried, "stay away from that barrier, I'm not having you going over the top in shock."

"I want to see –"

"_Call a flaming ambulance!"_ Gene cried.

"_Kim –"_ Simon's whole face dropped as he stared down at her, his heart ripping into shreds as their previous hello quickly seemed to turn into goodbye. He just barely caught Keats's horrified eye as the horror of the situation finally sank in and he realised the implications of the whole catastrophe, then as swift as December nightfall he fled. No one tried to stop him because nobody cared what happened to _Jim Keats, no longer of Fenchurch West CID._

It was the blonde hair streaked with the red of blood below that had all their prayers.


	27. Chapter 26: Don't Doubt

**Chapter Twenty Six**

Robin's stomach was in knots as he sat in the hard plastic chair in the corridor, staring into a pathetic plastic cup full of stone-cold coffee. He hadn't even taken a sip of it; all he'd done was stare at it and wish it could give him some hope and comfort. He could hear Alex's shoes against the hard floor and looked up to see her walking towards him.

"Did you find anything out?" he asked quickly, scrambling to his feet.

"Yes," she said, "the doctor spoke to me at length about her."

"Wh- Why the fuck wouldn't he talk to _me?"_ Robin protested.

"Calling him a _'fuckass'_ for not letting you in the cubical in A and E was probably at least one part of the problem," Alex informed him, raising her eyebrow and Robin looked as little ashamed. He stood his cold coffee down in the floor.

"Well?" he asked frantically and Alex rested her hand against his shoulder.

"It could be much, much worse," she told him, "she was lucky to only fall one storey. If she'd parked her car on the next level up things could have been very serious."

"She's _unconscious!"_ Robin cried, "isn't that serious enough?"

"Robin, you're not _listening_ to me," Alex looked at him seriously, "It could have been a _lot_ worse." She looked him in the eye but he still didn't seem to get it. "Even from where she fell. She could have broken half the bones in that fragile body. She didn't." she swallowed as she dropped her voice. "The world is lending her a helping hand, Robin."

Robin stared back, not entirely sure what she meant.

"I don't know if I understand," he said quietly.

Alex felt herself give a tiny smile, even though her eyes were flickering with tears at the same time.

"_She's special,"_ she said quietly, "and she's too damn stubborn to take a demotion from someone like Jim Keats."

Robin's heart beat at a very unpredictable pace.

"She's indestructible?" he whispered and Alex gave a tiny nod.

"She has a job to do," she said quietly, "and Keats isn't the one she's supposed to be doing it for."

Robin could hardly breathe. After all those terrible months when they were apart and he didn't think he would ever get her back, now the world had finally reassigned her.

"But she jumped," he whispered, "I mean… not _today_… but to get here…"

"Keats had first pick of suicides," Alex said quietly, "but Keats has _nothing_ any more."

"What happens to Fenchurch West?" Robin asked and Alex gave a tiny shrug. "Does it disappear, or does someone else take over or what?"

"Robin, I don't know," Alex said quietly, "Keats turned Fenchurch West into something very different from what it used to be. I don't know if it can ever go back to being what it was before or whether it will just fade away."

"All the people…"

Alex shook her head.

"I don't know what will happen to them either," she said, "Perhaps they'll get a new head of CID, someone who can just run it like a normal division –"

"Or maybe there will be a new Keats?" Robin said worriedly.

"There can _never_ be another Keats," Alex said quietly, "he was a one-off."

Robin exhaled and sank into his chair, running his fingers through his hair. He took a very deep breath and closed his eyes.

"So, _Kim –?"_ he continued. He noticed that Alex went very quiet and looked back at her again. She had a slightly darker look on her face, "I… I thought you said she was going to be alright," he said worriedly.

"She's been lucky that she had only bruises and scrapes," Alex told him, "No broken bones, _nor_ a broken neck." She gave a troubled sigh. "But the doctors are more worried about her dangerously low weight."

Robin closed his eyes, remembering how clearly he could feel all her bones as they embraced.

_"Shit."_

"She hasn't been eating properly for some time," Alex said quietly, "she was like a stick insect when she arrived, and her time in Fenchurch West just seemed to drag her down more and more." She swallowed. "Perhaps Keats withheld food or –"

Robin shook his head.

"No, he won't have done that," he said, "in fact that's probably why she stopped eating." He saw Alex looking confused. "Keats liked her…" he paused trying to be tactful, "_curvier_. I've seen pictures of her from when she was here before, _that's_ how he wanted her to be. She probably stopped eating because she was trying to turn him off somehow." He shook his head, "or to _piss_ him off."

"Or because that was the only thing left she could control," Alex said quietly. She felt her anxiety grow as Robin nodded slowly. "The doctors are worried that she will struggle to recover. She's very weak, we _all_ saw that."

"I know," Robin said quietly.

"And beyond that they're worried she might have an eating disorder."

"She had a _Keats_ disorder," Robin said quietly.

"We just have to hope she regains consciousness soon," Alex told him, "there's no obvious reason for her to still be out. There doesn't even seem to have been a great deal of trauma to her head. We need her to wake up, then _feed_ her up."

"I can take care of that part," Robin said with the tiniest smile. He could see Alex's brow growing increasingly worried. He had rarely seen her under such strain. He wondered where her usual rock was. "Where's Gene?"

"Not sure exactly," Alex said quietly, "he went to the station. He hasn't been there for days. He said something about checking that Jake and Marci hadn't turned the office into a nightclub. " She bit her lip a little and looked away. "I think he wanted to give me some space, to be honest."

Robin looked at her with a slight frown.

"Why?" Her expression was unusually fraught, even considering Kim's condition. There was more to it than that. "Come on, sit down." When Alex hesitated Robin stood up and put an arm around her, gently guiding her onto a char before sitting down beside her again. He looked at her seriously, seeing tears threatening to spill over. "Alex, it's OK," he said quietly. He paused. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Alex sniffed a little.

"About what?" she whispered.

Robin looked at her sympathetically.

"Your realignment on the Kinsey scale?" he guessed gently. Alex wasn't sure whether to smile or cry, and managed to do a cross between the two.

"That would be a little weird, wouldn't it?" she asked, "considering."

"It doesn't have to be," Robin said quietly. He breathed out as his mind went back to a conversation a very long time ago. "You never told me exactly where along it you were. Except that Gillian Anderson threw a spanner in the works."

Alex smiled dryly as she looked away.

"Can you blame me?" she asked before her smile faded and a more serious look took over. She shook her head very slowly. "I don't know, Robin. I suppose I went through the same confusion anyone does when they're younger. I was curious. I expect a lot of people are, no matter what their sexuality." She sighed and closed her eyes. "But I was different then. Quieter. _Nervous_. I had chances that I didn't take up to explore that curiosity so I never found out. And then I met Peter and had Molly… when I started dating again… such as my love life _was_… I only dated men. It didn't even register there was another option. And then I was shot, I came here, and," the smile returned to her face, "I met Gene."

"Is this the part where you say '_and the rest is history'_?" Robin smiled back and Alex gave the softest laugh.

"Pretty much," she nodded. Finally she looked Robin in the eye. "And that was that; we were just together, simple as that. But this world… it changed me as much as it has Gene. Gene's had his… _issues_," she said a little awkwardly, "about the sexuality of certain members of his team. Having people around him like Simon and Kim… I wouldn't say that it changed his mind but he stopped be afraid of something he didn't really know much about. I've never had the same prejudices that Gene has admitted to but I also didn't have the courage to look at myself in a different way."

"Being around Kim made you open up that possibility?" Robin asked quietly and Alex looked away again.

"I don't want to be '_that friend'_," she said quietly. She glanced back at him. "The straight friend who thinks she has feelings for her best friend just because she happens to be gay."

"You're not," Robin shook his head, "you wouldn't do that." He paused and bit his lip awkwardly. "So, _feelings_…?"

Alex looked away and cringed slightly. Her lips were a little too loose that day.

"I think maybe I should talk about this with her first," she whispered, "and Gene."

"Of course."

"Mister Thomas?"

Robin had been oblivious to the approach of the doctor but scrambled to his feet as his name was said.

"Yes?" he gasped anxious.

"Kimberley is –"

"_Kim,"_ Robin corrected.

"Kim is stable, and as far as we can tell she seems to have been extremely lucky," the doctor told him, "but at the moment she is under the effects of sedation. When the medication wears off we'll see if she comes round. Hopefully she'll regain consciousness by herself. Otherwise we will need to do some more invasive testing."

Robin swallowed.

"How long will, it be until we know?" he whispered.

"The medication should wear off fairly swiftly but we're dropping the dosage gradually," the doctor told him, "we should know in an hour or so if she's going to wake up by herself."

Robin's guts churned nastily as he worried about the possibility that she wouldn't.

"Right," he whispered.

"In the meanwhile it would be a good idea for you to collect up some things for Miss Stringer," the doctor informed him, "toiletries, a change of clothes – think positively."

He patted Robin patronisingly on the shoulder as he walked away and Alex had to intervene to stop him from calling the man some unpleasant names.

"Let's leave one doctor un-insulted, shall we?" she suggested.

Robin started to flap a little anxiously.

"How can I pick up clothes for her when I don't even know where she's been living?" he cried.

"Robin, calm down, it's not that important," Alex said quietly, "the doctor was trying to give you something to do to keep you busy. To stop you worrying about Kim too much."

"Ha, that's easier said than done," Robin laughed crossly.

"I can lend you some things to bring for her," Alex told him, "some trousers, pyjamas. The only thing I don't have are some clunky boots."

"No, _I've_ got those," Robin said jokingly as he recalled the pair that were mysteriously lurking in the back of his wardrobe as far back as his arrival, but suddenly the joke wasn't all that funny. What were they _doing_ there? He shuddered as he thought about the other strange tell-tale signs of Kim's alleged presence that had always been there; the tattoo magazines in the wardrobe, the art on the wall. "Shit…"

"What's the matter?" Alex asked and Robin bit his lip.

"I'm not sure," he whispered. There was a shiver running down his spine. He fell silent and must have stayed that way for some time because eventually Alex had to speak up.

"Robin? Is everything OK?"

Robin glanced at her.

"I think so, he whispered, "I _hope_ so." He started to shuffle. "Alex… I have to go,"

"Go?" Alex frowned.

"I need to pick something up," He started to head towards the exit, "before she wakes up."

"I don't mean to be negative but we are still looking an _'if',"_ Alex tried to be realistic but Robin shook his head.

"_When,"_ he said. Alex felt a little boosted by his confidence as she watched him disappear out of sight. When they'd watched Kim plunge from the car park it had seemed that the very worst was about to happen but it seemed just this once Gene's world was willing to lend a helping hand.

"_Thank you,"_ she whispered, not even sure who she was thanking. She just knew that she was grateful the news had been as positive as it was. Now she only had to pray that Kim was strong enough to do the rest.


	28. Chapter 27: Don't Step There

**Chapter Twenty Seven**

Robin unlocked the door to his flat and stepped inside. His head was throbbing and his body ached. He didn't feel as though he was ever getting enough air into his lungs, however deeply he was breathing. The day had been long, traumatic and full of unexpected twists and turns, and it felt just a little comforting to be back on home territory.

Then he looked at the room.

"What the fucking _hell…"_ he staggered across the lounge, trying to work out what was going on when he tripped over a large, heavy box and sprawled across the floor. _"Shit!"_

He rubbed his knees as he sat up, swallowing as new artwork stared back at him from the walls and an extra chair took up space previous occupied only by a stack of files. Robin's stomach fluttered as he noticed something that looked familiar through the half-see-through lid of the box and clicked it open_. Inks, needles, dressings –_ they all stared back at him as he tried to catch his breath.

"_Kim,"_ he whispered, "this is _Kim's…"_

For a moment he froze, unable to move, then as though someone had flipped a switch he scrambled to his feet and ran through to the bedroom where extra pillows at the top of the bed and a clean pair of pyjamas spread across the duvet caught his eye. His heart was thumping so hard that he wasn't sure his ribcage could stand much more. He put his hand to his chest to feel it pulsing as he walked unsteadily to the wardrobe and threw open the doors. There were unfamiliar clothes; several pairs of jeans, some shirts, and an extra pair of clunky boots alongside the one he'd had since he arrived.

"Fuck…" he whispered, "_fuck_, yes…." A smile started to spread across his face, "oh fucking hell_, yes!"_

He closed his eyes and fell back heavily against the wall, a smile spreading across his features that he couldn't hide. His hopes and wishes seemed to be on their way to becoming reality. It seemed too good to be true, but he couldn't deny the evidence. It was there all around him.

"_You've come back to me, Kim_," he whispered. She was going to be OK. He knew that now.

With a burst of energy he grasped a few pieces of clothing and ran back out of the flat to head down to his car. He had to get back before she woke up.

Which she would. He knew it.

"_She's coming home,"_ he whispered.

For the first time he felt that he could say this was _his_ home too.

~xXx~

Gene gave a hefty sigh as he stomped through CID. The image of Kim lying on the ground was permanently imprinted in his brain and he was finding it difficult to shake. He was just grateful that he'd stopped Alex from seeing it. He didn't dare think what was going on at that bloody hospital. How was Kim doing? How many bones were broken? Was she ever going to wake up? It felt like she was the girl with 9 lives and had suddenly spent them all in one go.

"_What the buggering hell almighty…?!"_

Gene came to a halt as he approached CID. Where the rebuilding work had carried on since the explosions, a new part of the block seemed to have finally been finished. Gone were the emergency interview rooms that had previously taken up the space and a bright new suite was standing in their place; a small open office at its entrance, a comfortable private room with sofas and a safe atmosphere, and a tiny, pokey kitchen with a kettle that was already on. A detective Gene had never seen before in his life walked past with a nod.

"Hello, Guv," she said cheerfully as she set off with a large stack of papers.

"_Bloody hell,"_ he scratched his head as he looked beyond the open room to the small office that she was heading to. After seeing her leave the papers on a desk and leave the suite he took a small step closer. This felt strange. Alien. _Different_. He approached the door with caution but before he even got too close it closed to block him from getting any nearer. He scowled at it and gave it the finger. "Even the bloody doors are getting ideas above their station in this place!" he barked.

There was lettering on the glass of the door. As Gene read it he nodded slowly. It didn't really come as much of a surprise.

"Let's just see you open yer flipping eyes first," he murmured as he turned and left the suite to check on his own department. Behind him the door opened a little way again, the lettering on the window showing that someone was about to take up a new place alongside him.

_DCI Kim Stringer, Fenchurch East,_ had a new calling.

~**xXx**~

Robin wasn't entirely surprised to see Alex sitting beside Kim's bed as he returned shakily to the hospital. She looked up a little awkwardly, wondering if she should even be there.

"There's no change yet," she said quietly.

Robin felt his eyes starting to fill with unexpected tears.

"Yes there is," he said, attracting a confused frown. He slipped into the second seat and gave Alex a wobbly smile, at my flat. There's a change at my flat." He breathed in deeply, "it isn't just mine any more."

Alex followed his glance to Kim lying still in the bed, then she looked back at him with a twinge of hope.

"The world –" she began and Robin nodded.

"She belongs with me," he whispered and Alex felt a smile growing on her face. For the first time she started to really believe that Kim was going to be alright.

"Well," she whispered, getting to her feet, "in that case I should leave you alone. You'll have a lot to tell her when she comes round."

Robin actually beamed.

"You said '_when'_," he pointed out and Alex smiled back.

"You can't beat the way of the world," she said, gaining a nod from Robin.

"When she wakes," he began, "I'll tell her you were here. She'll want to see you."

"I don't know about that," Alex looked down.

"Are you blushing?"

"No," Alex lied.

Robin smiled.

"I'll let you off for now," he told her.

Alex smiled and bowed out of the room, leaving Robin to stare at Kim's face as she lay there. She looked like she was asleep. Robin knew it was more than that but as he watched her he felt more than ever that she would wake up soon.

"I get the feeling I'm supposed to sit here, begging you to wake up," he whispered to her as he took her hand. By some miracle his ring was still on her finger, even though it was far too loose. He lifted her hand and slipped it from her finger to replace it onto his own. He felt a sense of relief as it slid back over his knuckle and settled in its usual spot. He hadn't felt the same without it. He smiled distantly as he stared at his hand. "But I don't think I need to do that, because I know you're coming back. I can feel it." he gently kissed the tips of her fingers. "So I'm going to save all my words for when I _know_ you can hear me."

He leaned back, holding her hand and watching her as she breathed in and out. So beautiful. So unique. He took in every feature, every inch of her. He had feared he would never see her again. Now that she was back, he didn't want to waste a moment.

That was where he stayed until, some ten minutes or so later, there was a flicker of eyelid. In that moment Robin knew what it was like to have his greatest dream come true.

~**xXx**~

Alex arrived at Fenchurch East just as Gene was preparing to leave.

"Oh, I'm glad I caught you," she sighed as she stopped him before he had a chance to get into the car, "we could have crossed paths all night." She pulled her chunky, unreliable mobile phone from her pocket. "I can't wait for these things to get to the next generation." She noticed that Gene looked a little distant, but after the day they'd had she wasn't surprised. "Is there any sign of Keats?" she asked quietly and Gene exhaled crossly.

"Not so far," he said, "Shoebury's been on a magical mystery tour of Fenchurch but so far hasn't turned up anything with horns and a tail."

Alex felt angry as she thought about the terrible thing Keats had done. She had been immensely surprised that he had even gone through with it. She knew that his feelings for Kim, however twisted, should have stopped him. She couldn't even think about Keats right then. She was only going to get angrier. She shook her head.

"He'll turn up," she said, "Bad Penny is his middle name." She sighed deeply and wrapped her arms around Gene's neck, planting a kiss squarely on his lips. He looked a little surprised.

"If that's what thinking about Jimbo does for you I'll read you 'is file in me sexy voice tonight," he said and received a shove for his troubles.

"I was going to say thank you," she said a little haughtily, "for giving me some time." She stepped back and looked at him seriously. "Kim's not out of the woods yet but," she gave him a nervous smile, "I think something cushioned her fall."

"Wasn't her bony arse, that's for certain," Gene commented.

"I think you know what I mean," Alex sad pointedly and Gene nodded.

"I have a strange suspicion that we're going to have to disable the metal detectors soon."

"What?"

Gene rubbed his eyes.

"Long story," he said. He turned and indicated the Aston Martin. "Perhaps the young lady would care to listen on the journey home?"

Alex looked at Gene suspiciously.

"Perhaps the young lady suspects you've been drinking," she said.

"_Someone's_ got to celebrate."

"There doesn't seem like much to celebrate."

"I beg to disagree, Bolly," Gene looked her in the eye. "We are a world with no Jimbo. Wherever he is, whatever he's doing, the only energy he's taking now is straight from the national grid. We stood firm, Bols. All of us. We came through and things are going to change. One day soon we'll have a proper drink. Do it right. Mark the day." He sighed and added a little reluctantly, "but I don't think we should do that until we're _all_ there to raise a glass. So when Stringer gets out of bed and feels like sinking some of the bubbly stuff we'll raise a glass to good old Jimbo, may his bollocks make friends with a guillotine."

Alex gave a tiny laugh as she looked down. Gene was right, they _did_ deserve to celebrate. But not until everyone had a chance to enjoy it.

"Alright," she said quietly, "alright. We'll celebrate soon." She linked her arm through his and they stepped towards the car. "For now I think you need to explain this metal detector thing before I start picturing you walking up and down the beach, digging up bottle tops."


	29. Chapter 28: Don't Bring That

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

_Falling, falling, falling._

Down to the ground

The rush of air.

"_Alright, stand back please."_

Falling, falling, falling.

One second seemed to last an eternity.

"_Now clear –"_

Falling, falling, falling.

_Almost there. Wait for the impact._

Crash –

_Jolt_

The moment her body hit the ground she felt the sensation of her heart being shocked back into beating and an almighty pulse ran through her body, causing her chest to rise and her limbs to follow.

"_Kim! Kim!"_ she heard someone calling her name but she couldn't place the voice. It was all too hard, too difficult to open her eyes, too difficult to wake up.

"_Kim!"_

"_Is she awake?"_

"…_.No. No, I'm sorry."_

She wanted to protest, she wanted to say that she _was_ awake, of _course_ she was, but her body didn't want to move and she felt too tired to force it so she let sleep wash over her and sweep her away. She wasn't sure how long she was sleeping for but she was aware of the passing of time none the less until finally her eyes felt lighter and she let them flutter open.

The first thing she saw when her eyes had adjusted to the harsh hospital lighting was a shock of dark hair and just the sight of it brought a smile, strained though it was, to her face. She could feel Robin's fingers entwined with hers and slowly squeezed his hand to show him that she was awake. His head rose sharply and he looked her in the eye.

"_Kim?"_ he whispered.

Just hearing his voice was all Kim needed to know that she was back, alive and safe. She closed her eyes and slowly licked her dry lips.

"_Rob,"_ she whispered.

Hearing her say his name brought a shiver to his spine and he dived forward to grasp her as closely as he dared.

"Oh thank _god_, Kim, thank god you're back," he cried, one arm around her neck, doing his best not to interfere with the drip in her arm, "Oh my _god_, you scared me. You scared me so much."

"Sorry," Kim whispered. Her throat was so dry. She tried to clear it and swallowed, "Keats…" she whispered, "where…?"

Robin drew back a little and saw the worried look on her face. He wished he had better news for her.

"We don't know where he went," he told her gently, "I'm so sorry." He saw her flinch a little. "He won't hurt you again though, I promise. He won't be back."

"How can you be sure?" Kim whispered fearfully.

"He wouldn't dare," Robin told her fiercely, "not now. Now without his power. Not with all of us to protect you."

Kim's face began to crease up a little.

"I don't want to go back there," she whispered.

"Go where?"

"The station," Kim whispered.

"You won't," Robin shook his head, "no way. Besides, even if you had to things would be different there with no Keats. But we don't even know if the place will carry on existing without him."

"It was terrible," Kim's voice stayed low and she seemed to tremble at the terrible memory, "so lonely, Rob. I felt… so cold."

"You're out of there now," Robin ran his fingers gently through her hair and stared at her pale, drawn face. "I tried so many times to get through to you, Kim."

"That place kept my heart from me, "Kim told him.

"I know," Robin hung his head, "Maybe if I could have seen you outside of Fenchurch West… I did try, I sometimes waited to see you leave, tried to follow you home, but I never managed to catch you."

"I was sneaky," Kim said sheepishly and Robin gave a distant smile.

"I know," he whispered, "that's one of the thing I love about you." He looked at her seriously. "Where have you been living?" and Kim looked down somewhat awkwardly.

"The same place I lived my first time around," she said quietly, "I mean, before I moved in with Simon. Crappy little two up, two down. " she shook her head. "The poetry of this place. It was Eddie's house. He was given it after I'd stayed with Simon for too long." She looked back at Robin. "Eddie died the night I arrived."

"Shit," Robin looked down at their entwined fingers, feeling their rings rubbing together. "I don't even know where that is," he said quietly, "I should have asked Simon. We should have tried –"

"You weren't to know that," Kim told him, "really, Rob, _I_ was as surprised as anything. I thought Fenchurch West would have its own houses and flats."

"It does," Robin told her, "I did find out a couple and checked them, but you weren't there."

Kim concentrated on the feeling of Robin's hand against her own and smiled to herself as she saw his ring was back on his own finger. She let out her breath in a slight sigh as her mind went back over the things she could remember about the fall.

"I tried to hold on," she whispered.

"I know," Robin said gently, "it wasn't your fault. Wasn't anyone's. Bloody Gene and Simon blundering in like a pair of goons, I've never seen them so unco-ordinated."

"They were worried about me," Kim said quietly, "well, Simon was. Gene could just see a crushed flask before his eyes."

Robin laughed gently and pulled Kim's hand towards his lips.

"Ohhh, I have missed your sense of humour," he whispered, kissing her knuckles softly. Kim felt a warm energy spreading through her body, starting at the kiss and travelling up through her arm and her torso. As she relished the sensation another memory came back to her.

"My heart," she said quietly. Robin looked at her curiously. "They had to revive me."

Robin frowned a little.

"No they didn't," he said.

"They did, I remember."

Robin shook his head.

"No, Kim," he said quietly, "you've been unconscious for three hours but you've not had any problems with your heart."

"They were shocking me," Kim insisted, "someone was calling my name."

"You must be remembering your heart attack," Robin told her gently, "back in two thousand and eleven. The barge?"

Kim hesitated, thinking about it. As she closed her eyes and replayed the voice she realised it had been Molly's.

"Ohhh, that must be it," she said. She closed her eyes and sighed. "I feel really stupid now."

"Don't feel stupid," Robin said softly, "you've been through a lot. I'd be as confused as you are." He shuffled a little closer and gently brushed her hair away from her face. "But there's one thing I'm not confused about, Kim, and that's the fact that I'm going to look after you from now on."

"I don't need looking after," Kim protested but Robin silenced her with a kiss on her lips that took her by surprise and sent her heart fluttering in a way she hadn't felt in so long. It felt like their first kiss all over again. He drew back a little way, a smile threatening to take over his lips.

"I know that," he told her, "but I've waited months to do that." He looked he in the eye. "So let me."

Something happened to Kim in that moment, something that she had never experienced before. She'd spent her whole life looking after herself, never really been cared for, never doted on, never pampered or spoilt. And after the life she'd had she didn't believe that she deserved it from anyone either. She'd never really given herself over to being cared for, never let anyone look after her. She was always tough enough to take care of that side of her life but she'd never opened up to a love and care that Robin wanted to provide even when they had been together before she'd struggled to give in and to let him look after her when she needed him to. But suddenly she didn't feel all that strong any more. And nothing made her feel better than the thought of letting Robin do what he did best

"OK," she whispered.

Robin thought he'd misheard. He didn't think that she would ever give in and let him take care of her but even Kim knew when she needed a little help. With a flickering smile that threatened to turn into tears he moved forward and let his lips seal the deal. When they let her leave hospital there were myriad ways in which he could care for her. But for now that was all they needed.

~xXx~

"I feel like I should have organised a bloody minibus," Gene mumbled, "fieldtrip to Stringer's hospital bed."

"Oh for goodness sake," Alex rolled her eyes, "giving Simon a lift is not that much of a hassle.

"It is when he spends the time singing ten green bottles," Gene mumbled.

"I was trying to fill the silence after you told that joke about the Vicar, the hot tub and the live chicken!" Simon protested as they came to a halt outside of Kim's room. Robin was standing there, arms folded, like some kind of body guard. They all looked at him in silence for a few moments before Gene barked,

"What seems to be the problem, officer?"

"I'm under strict instructions to vet your get well soon gifts," he told them and the others exchanged a glance.

"In what way 'vet' them?" Alex asked.

"They don't need worming you know!" Gene cried.

"What the fuck are you on about?" Simon frowned,

"I don't trust _him_," Robin narrowed his eyes at Gene, "he'll bring her welding magazines and make comments about rivets."

"Batman, you're paranoid," Gene mumbled, trying to surreptitiously hide a magazine in a nearby plant pot.

Alex looked at Robin anxiously.

"How is she doing?" she whispered, a sense of nervousness building inside if her. When she'd received the call from Robin the night before she'd hardly dared to believe it at first. The words he'd cried tearfully down the phone would stay with her forever – "She's awake."

"Well, she's conscious and that's the first step," Robin said, but there was a slight edge to his voice, "she's been really lucky. Stupidly lucky, really. Nothing's broken, she's just bruised and tender, and really weak." A scream came from her hospital room and the others looked slightly panicked.

"What the fuck is going on?" Simon demanded and Robin sighed.

"They're trying to give her a bed bath," he said and shook his head. "She warned them what she was going to do with that drip stand but they never listened."

"Well at least it sounds like she's getting her bite back," Alex gave a relieved smile but Robin seemed hesitant.

"Ugh. Yeah, in a way."

Worry began to filter through.

"That… doesn't sound good," she whispered.

"No, no, she's doing well, she's doing OK, "Robin said quickly, "it's just..." he dropped his voice a little and sighed deeply. "Last night. She refused to eat the soup they gave her."

"To be fair I've heard Kim's thoughts on _hospital food and I agree with her I'm_ _not eating that thing or I'll end up six feet under_ stance," Alex told him.

"Yeah, I know that," Robin sighed again, "but later I went to the gift shop. I got her all the crisps and chocolate biscuits money could buy and she didn't touch any of them."

Despite a wave of worry Alex tried to reassure him.

"She went through so much yesterday, and she's been through hell here. She's going to take some time to get her appetite back."

"I know. I know that but," Robin shook his head. "her weight is so low. They're really worried about this."

"She needs to get home with you," Alex told him quietly, "she'll feel so much better when she's out of this place and back where she belongs, with you and your cooking."

"They're not going to let her unless she eats," Robin shook his head, "They're talking about feeding her through a tube if she doesn't start eating something soon."

"We'll see about that," Gene abandoned the other inappropriate magazines and began stomping away in the direction of the nearest doctor.

"Oh _no_, Gene, now what?" Alex groaned, "where are you going?"

"To ask if they want to be fed through a straw," Gene mumbled before he was out of earshot and Alex looked at Robin a little awkwardly.

"Can I just apologise in advance for whatever Gene may or may not be about to do to Kim's doctors?" she asked

"God, Alex, if it gets her out of this place faster then I'm all for it, whatever it is," Robin sighed. He glanced over their gifts. "So, what do we have here? Flowers, very nice. And –"

"A bag of fruit," Simon explained.

"I hope there's no grapes in that," Robin said suspiciously.

"Who do you think I am? Keats?"

Robin rolled his eyes.

"Alright, gifts approved, " he said as a rather angry and slightly bruised nurse left the room. "Looks like the bed bath is over"

"_It never started_," Kim's voice came from in the room and Robin glanced down with the fondest, softest smile. He smiled every time he heard her voice. Eventually he looked at Simon and Alex.

"Alright," he said, "you can see her now –" he had to stop them as they began to walk to the door. "I'm so sorry but they're only letting her have one visitor at a time."

Simon stepped back for Alex to pass but she shook her head.

"No," she said quietly, "you go first."

Simon looked a little surprised.

"Are you sure?"

Alex gave a slightly wobbly smile as the emotion started to get to them all.

"You've waited longer than I have to see her again," she told him gently, "go on. Go and see your best friend."

Simon felt himself tearing up and cursed Alex for using those words.

"Thanks a lot," he sniffed, "she's going to crucify me for crying!"

"No she won't," Alex said gently.

Simon nodded and walked nervously to the door. He had waited 18 months to see Kim again, to _really_ see her, to be able to talk to her and get his best friend back. He wished he'd brought tissues because his eyes were going to need them.


	30. Chapter 29: Don't Jump the Queue

**Chapter Twenty Nine**

Kim looked up nervously as she saw Simon slip through the doorway and catch her eye. All at once myriad emotions exploded inside of her. A smile grew across her face while at the same time she could feel the pricking of fresh tears in her eyes. He stepped a little closer, unsure what to say. She didn't seem to know how to begin either. Finally as he reached the bed and his smile and tears reached breaking point he wiped his eyes on his sleeve and commented,

"God's sake, Kim – wasn't this a bit of a drastic method to get away from the idea of my jumper?"

Kim burst out with a sudden laugh that carried tears within it. She closed her eyes, relishing the moment, the fact that for the first time in a decade they had been reunited. All the times she'd missed him, missed their chat and their banter, their antagonistic relationship, their connection… now she had her best friend back and it felt so very, _very_ good.

"I knew you were dreading the insults but you didn't have to knock me off the edge," she sniffed and Simon gave a slightly outraged laugh.

"Oh _that's_ how it's going to be, is it?" he cried but there was a smile on his face that grew as he watched Kim giggle gently.

"You wouldn't have it any other way," she told him.

Simon shook his head.

"No," he whispered, "I wouldn't." he slowly sank into the chair beside her bed and held out the bag. "I brought you some fruit. No grapes," he added quickly, "I promise."

Kim gave an awkward smile.

"Thanks," she said quietly.

Simon stood the bag on her bedside cabinet and turned back to her. He looked her in the eye and felt a strange stirring of emotions deep down. Just a year and a half ago he'd said goodbye to a fiery young DS in her mid-twenties. Now he looked upon her; a woman whose age matched his own. The years told on her but already being reunited with Robin was making her expression lighter… freer... almost younger, even. He looked at the piercings in her face and her ears and whispered,

"You look even weirder than when you were here before."

"Oh thanks a bloody _lot!" _Kim cried.

"No, all the _piercings!"_ Simon protested.

"Well _you_ look…" she shrugged, "more _annoyed_ than when I was here before," which made him smile distantly. He reached out and touched her arm.

"I've really missed you, Kim," he whispered, "And I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Kim repeated, frowning "what are you sorry for?

"I let you down,."

"No you didn't."

"I _did!"_

"When?"

Simon hung his head.

"The day you went home," he whispered, "I was supposed to be there." He looked at her grimly. "I was supposed to be the one to send you. I didn't know… and I was too late. I was…"

Kim started to shake her head.

"Simon," she whispered, barely able to comprehend the fact that she was talking to him again, "it doesn't matter. And you didn't let me down. Alex was there. She sent me home, and…" she hesitated as she tried not to cry "in the end, I think that was perfect. We kind of," her voice hitched, "_did an exchange." _Her heart seemed to stop momentarily as she thought about the day she'd sent Alex back to Gene's world. It still churned her up to remember it and she had nightmares about it often. She tried to shake her head to dispel the memory and focused on Simon. "You didn't let me down. You _saved_ me, from Keats. All those years, your advice kept me safe."

Simon felt relief and pride which surprised him. Even though he'd heard it second-hand from Alex and Robin hearing Kim say that she'd been safe from Keats gave him such a rush of happiness.

"Oh Kim, I am _so_ glad to hear that," he breathed, bowing his head just a little.

"I did everything you said," she told him quietly, "when I woke up I left the force, I changed my name, moved home… changed everything. I started training as a tattoo artist. It was hard work but I really did love it."

"I'm really glad, Kim," Simon told her, a vague smile on his face.

Kim looked at him sadly.

"I really missed you, you know," she said quietly, "there were times when I could have sworn it was all a dream. But then, I was sure I couldn't have imagined a friendship that great ."

"No," Simon said quietly, "me neither."

Kim felt a little melancholy.

"I did my best to live my life," she whispered, "I… got married. Settled down. Had children. Got a little house. Went through all the motions of being a normal, functioning person."

Simon began to feel sad.

"But you weren't," he whispered, "were you?" he watched her hang her head a little, "this place changes you, doesn't it."

Kim nodded silently.

"I was never the same," she whispered, "I didn't feel like I…" she trailed away, backed up and started her sentence again. "I didn't _feel_. Not at all." She looked down. "I was cold. I couldn't love. Not really. I didn't know how to be happy. Like I said, I was going through the motions."

Simon exhaled.

"I'm so sorry," he said quietly, "You _should_ have been happy. You _deserved_ to be happy."

Kim looked down. She began to pick at the rough sheets on the bed.

"I spent years questioning what I went through," she said quietly, "every Christmas I used to raise a glass to you all. To absent friends."

Simon felt tears appear very urgently in his eyes and he gave the saddest smile.

"I know," he whispered, "I heard… I _saw_… this one time," he swallowed and looked her in the eye. "Doesn't matter," he whispered, wiping his eyes.

"But I was never certain," she whispered, "I never knew for sure if you were real. And then," she closed her eyes as her voice wavered, "I saw it. The headline." Her voice grew distant. "_Young PC hailed hero after being mauled to death by savage dog."_

Simon felt his lip tremble.

"_Malcolm_," he whispered as Kim nodded.

"I went into shock in a way," she whispered, "I had always felt there was a chance it was real and a chance it was a load of bollocks. But reading that headline took away the ambiguity."

"Schrodinger's newspaper," Simon sighed and Kim rolled her eyes.

"Still as much of a geek as always," she admonished and Simon gave a tearful laugh.

"Still as _mean_ as always," he poked her.

"Do you want to hear my emotional struggles or not?" Kim pulled a face and Simon truly laughed this time.

"You're really back," he said quietly and the mood became sombre very quickly once again. Kim ran her fingers around the seam of the sheet as she told him quietly,

"It happened just like you said it would. I want to his funeral and there you were, sitting at the back, standing out like a sore thumb." She watched his eyes glisten with tears. "I sat next to you." She frowned, "you backed away a bit. Bloody cheek of it."

"I didn't know who you were!" Simon protested, "I thought you were some weirdo intent on invading my personal space!"

"It was so hard not to talk to you," Kim whispered, "not to tell you…" she breathed in very deeply and let her breath out slowly, "and then a few days later it was all over the news. You saving Alex in her hospital room. And Keats." She swallowed. "_Dead_." She snorted rudely. "That's one grave I've left nasty surprises at more than once," she commented.

"Good," Simon said quietly.

Kim bit her lip.

"And then," she whispered, "October came and you were in the news again. The –" her voice hitched "the crash. You died… you died as they were working to get you out the car, according to the reports" She watched Simon's face crumple. "I-I went to your funeral," she whispered, her eyes finally releasing the tears they'd tried so hard to hold back, " thought you'd want me to…"

Simon couldn't hold back any longer and choked out a sob.

"_You were right,"_ he cried. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her neck, hugging the friend he hadn't seen in so very long. She could feel his tears falling onto her neck but she didn't push him away or make any comments. She just held him and tried not to cry too.

"And then I knew it was getting closer," she whispered, "delivering the letter."

"_Oh god,"_ Simon whispered, not sure he was ready to hear that part.

"I was so scared," she whispered, "Going to Malcolm's funeral… and yours… no one knew who I was. Or _had_ to." She paused as she pushed Simon away gently so she could look at him. "But I had to talk to Robin. And it was the first time…" she bit her lip again. "It was the first time that I had ever spoken about it. That world." She flinched, "_This_ world." That was going to take some getting used to. "I did my duty, just as you asked me to," she whispered, "I delivered the letter. I answered his questions. I gave him the CD and I said goodbye. That was supposed to be it. At least in my mind," she swallowed. "_Job done_. I could put it all behind me and get on with my life." Her face cracked into a smile. "And then," she whispered, "there I was in the middle of work when this pair of idiots turned up at the door, asking about tattooing police dogs, and my whole life changed." She finally gave a genuinely happy smile_, "for the better,"_ she whispered. There was still a hint of sadness on her face though. "And then I started fucking up," she whispered, "I got lax, I re-joined the force, Keats –"

"Hey, Kim_, no,"_ Simon told her, "_no_ one would have known he was about to make an appearance under the guise of Arthur Layton. Kim, you'd seen his grave, he was _dead_. You should have been safe. You did everything right." He looked her in the eye. "You did _everything_ right." He watched her smiling just a little. "And now," he said quietly, "you're back here. And I have my best friend back."

Kim bit her lip as something concerned her,

"About me and Rob –"

"I don't want to get into that," Simon told her honestly, "I've…" he sighed and shook his head, "I've done my moping. And believe me, I did. Mope, that is. Ask Robin. In fact, _don't_. I don't want you to know what a bastard I've been."

"I don't believe that."

"Oh, I _have_," Simon sighed with shame, "I've been awful. And I've said some… _horrible_ things." He hung his head. "But I'm going to make it up to you."

"You can buy me a new tattoo if you want," she said cheekily.

"I was thinking more of buying you a_ round!" _Simon protested, "You were the one who taught me how to drink, after all." He saw her cringing at the memory. "When you're out of here we're all going to go out. I've already told Robin this. Me, you and him, for a night on the town." Kim groaned a little. "No, it'll be fun! Really, I promise."

"I'm not really up for that any more," Kim told him, "I've changed…I've _matured_."

"You're Kim Stringer, you could still drink anyone under the table."

"But these days I'd rather sit down with a nice glass of scotch," she sighed "in the comfort of my own home…" she blushed, "…watching vintage kids programmes…"

Simon frowned.

"Are you sure you're _not_ Robin?" he asked and Kim gave a soft laugh.

"Seriously, Simon, I'm older now. _As you pointed out,_" she couldn't help digging and

Simon rolled his eyes.

"You're not getting out of this," he said, "Me. You. Rob. Alcohol." He slowly got to this feet. "But _you_," he said quietly, "need to get better first." He gave her hair a patronising rub.

"Oh _piss off,"_ she said as she tried not to laugh. Simon stepped back and took a look at her. It was hard not to see her as a little sister any more. This was going to take some getting used to.

"I'd better go," he said, "you have a queue out here."

"Oh _god_, I'm a bloody bus stop," Kim sighed but she was smiling too. She waved to Simon and bit her lip as he left. It had been so long, so many bloody years. She couldn't believe that she was back in that world and back with her best friend again. But there was another reunion about to begin and as she watched Alex cautiously enter the room her heart started to speed up. "_Ma'am,"_ she whispered.

Alex stopped by the doorway for a few seconds, trying to calm herself down a little. After the rollercoaster of the past few days she had wondered if she would ever have the chance to talk to Kim properly, or whether she would even be OK. She was looking pale, he cheek was grazed and her awkward position told of bruises hidden by the covers but her eyes were no longer cold and dead. They were alive. They were _Kim_.

"I don't think you need to call me that any more," her lip wobbled a little, torn between a smile and a sob. She walked forward slowly, taking in Kim's tired face.

"I can't break the habit," Kim said only slightly apologetically, "Still… I'm sure that's OK, right? For old time's sake?"

She looked at Alex, waiting for her to say something but her mind went blank. There were no words that described the way that she felt. Overwhelmed by relief, nostalgia and affection she decided to ditch words and go straight for action as she let the flowers in her hand fall to the bed and swooped forward to embrace Kim in the longest, tightest, warmest hug she could ever deliver.

A world apart from the tough, feisty character that Alex knew so well the Kim in her arms felt so fragile, as though she just might crumble if she squeezed too hard. She closed her eyes as she hugged her and just tried to accept that it was all over; that Kim was finally safe and back where she belonged, but after seeing her stuck in Fenchurch West for so long it was hard to take it in. Every time Kim thought Alex was going to let go of her she squeezed her a little bit tighter until finally Kim had to struggle free.

"I can't _breathe,"_ she complained and Alex sniffed apologetically.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, smiling through tears. The ordeal finally seemed to be over, not just for Kim but all of them. It was overwhelming. She sat down beside the bed and looked at her seriously. "Next time you decide to go skydiving at least take a parachute."

"I'm going to head a million of these, aren't I?" Kim groaned but she didn't seem to mind too much.

"Oh yes," Alex wiped her eye, "I know as a fact Gene's got at least five skydiving jokes lined up."

"_Great_," Kim rolled her eyes but she smiled despite herself as she took in Alex's appearance. She felt the same flutter she'd had ever since she was that rude, obnoxious little detective back in 1995. "You look _gorgeous_," she whispered. She didn't usually pay compliments and wasn't sure how to follow that up so she blushed and cleared her throat. "Your hair –"

Alex smiled a little awkwardly and ran a hand through her hair, shorter than she'd ever worn it.

"Do you like it?" she asked shyly, "I was going for the posh spice look before _she_ even goes for it."

"It looks great," Kim smirked just a little. She thought back to the previous day. "Ma'am, in court… you had glasses…"

"They weren't mine," Alex told her, "I borrowed them from someone at work. I was trying to disguise myself. From Evan."

"Oh _god_, bloody _Evan_," Kim's scowl was immediate, "he can go and sit on a piercing needle as far as I'm concerned."

Alex ran her finger nervously back and forth along the sheet. She chewed on her lip as she looked at Kim.

"Robin was very worried about you," she said quietly, "he said you're having trouble eating."

Kim's expression dropped. She hadn't been expecting that and it wasn't something she wanted to talk about either. She looked away and swallowed.

"I'm not feeling very hungry," she whispered.

"You haven't been very hungry for months by the look of you," Alex told her and saw Kim become increasingly uncomfortable. "_Kim_," she said gently, "I can't even begin to imagine what you've been going through since Robin died and especially since you," she flinched, "_arrived here_. I can understand why you've neglected yourself and why you've put food on hold. But you are dangerously thin right now. You need to eat."

"I need to get out of here" Kim told her.

"They're not going to let you do that until you begin to accept what they put on your tray," Alex told her gently. She saw Kim becoming more distant and closing herself off. Desperate to keep her attention she reached out and laid had palm over Kim's hand. "I can understand, you know," She said quietly.

"What?"

"Why you did it," Alex told her, "stopped eating."

"I just wasn't –"

"Hungry, I know," Alex sighed and shook her head. "You haven't been in control of your life for months, Kim. You lost Robin. You had nothing to keep you going. You were never very good at taking care of yourself, were you?"

Kim looked down and mumbled to herself;

"Wasn't the one with the cookery skill in our relationship."

"And then you came here to protect us," Alex whispered, "you belonged to Fenchurch West. Keats was trying to control you and the darkness was succeeding in doing the same thing. You couldn't control… where you worked, who you worked with, even the _clothes_ you were wearing were already there in your wardrobe. But eating was the one thing you could control." The way that Kim's gaze became unfocused as she stared at the wall made Alex see that her theory was hitting a nerve. "When you fell under his control that became even more important to you." She reached out and touched her face to bring back her focus. "But _you're_ back in control now, Kim. Your life is your own again, to do with whatever you wish. Share with who you want, do what you want," she paused, "_eat_ what you want. But you do _have_ to eat. The most important thing for you to take control of is your own wellbeing."

Kim swallowed and couldn't quite meet Alex's eye because deep down she knew exactly what Alex was talking about. She knew that she was right as much as it pained her to admit it to herself. But while she was stuck in the hospital she still felt as though she had no control over her life. _Prodded, poked, examined every moment of the day_. It wasn't helping

"I'll try," she whispered but Alex shook her head.

"You need to succeed, not just try," she said, "you need to get stronger because we didn't stop needing you the moment they took Keats's title away, you know. We still need you. You were always supposed to end up here. That's very plan to see." She looked down at Kim's hand as she touched it gently. A lump appeared in her throat very suddenly and it wouldn't go away. She closed her eyes as she whispered, "Kim… I'm so sorry."

"For… what?" Kim frowned, "I don't understand."

Alex felt a tear rolling along her cheek and flicked it away crossly.

"For what I made you do," she whispered.

"What? _When?"_ Kim's confusion rose.

"On the barge" Alex whispered, "to help me home."

Kim flinched, the memory raw. She licked her lips carefully and looked at Alex.

"I had to help you back," she whispered, "this was your home."

"And it's yours now too," Alex reminded her. She looked troubled. "Were there any consequences from what you did for me?"

"No, oh _no_, Ma'am," Kim shook her head, "Layton was blamed for your death. Which… _fits_," she said quietly.

Alex nodded.

"Did they ever catch him?" she whispered, "for what he did to Robin?"

Kim's head was shaking.

"Not when I came here," she whispered, "I don't know what's happened since then."

Alex nodded again, biting her lip and thinking about everything that happened back in the real world. Her mind entered a different area and her cheeks felt like they were burning up.

"Kim," she whispered, "_that night."_ She paused, leaving the thought hanging just long enough to judge Kim's reaction. She seemed to smirk a little and look away with a kind of shyness that Kim rarely showed. "I…" Alex swallowed. Then she laughed. "I wish I knew where I was going with this sentence," she admitted and Kim looked up with a nervous laugh.

"If you're full of regret you're hiding it pretty well," Kim said nervously and Alex smiled.

No, I'm not," she said dryly, "although I have been subjected to Gene's full range of lesbian jokes for the past nine and a half months."

"Oh god, I'm _sorry,"_ Kim sighed, a hand to her forehead.

"And," Alex said nervously, "I'm sorry I surprised you the other day. At your station."

Kim blushed.

"I wish I had been in full control of my faculties," she mumbled.

Alex felt awkward and nervous, still not sure quite what to say.

"Kim," she said quietly, "I'd really like to talk. When you're out of here. Would that be alright?"

Kim swallowed nervously.

"Of course," she whispered.

"Good," Alex's eyes seemed to brighten, answering Kim's unspoken question of whether it was going to be a good 'talk' or a bad one. "Maybe we can go for coffee one day. _Not_ Latte Land," she said quickly, "somewhere that Gene won't be throwing euphemisms in our faces."

Kim gave a nervous giggle.

"Right," she said quietly.

"Good," Alex said with a determined nod. She stood up and smiled. "So it's a date then." Her expression took on a stricken look and she put her hand to her mouth. "I mean, it's not a _date_-date…."

Kim's face fell.

"It's not?"

"It… could be?" Alex cringed a little, "it's…"

"_Ahem. Bolly."_

Alex glanced around to find Gene tapping his foot in the doorway.

"_Oh fuck, it's the police,"_ Alex hissed and Kim laughed.

"Ma'am?" she said, "thank you for coming. And for the flowers."

Alex had forgotten all about them. They were still sitting on Kim's bed.

"You're welcome," she smiled as she turned and began to walk toward the door. She passed Gene and tapped him on the shoulder . _"Be nice_," she hissed.

Gene rolled his eyes.

"Thought I might declare war while yer back was turned," he commented and waited for her to leave before shutting the door slowly behind her. He turned back to Kim, stared at her and pursed his lips as though deep in thought. He thrust his hands in his pockets and kept his eyes fixed upon her. Kim stared right back. If she could survive over five months in Fenchurch West then she wasn't going to let Gene psyche her out.

"_Stringer,"_ Gene nodded at her eventually. She raised an eyebrow.

"_Guv,"_ she said.

Gene looked down and stretched his arms out, pulling the pockets of his coat wider. He looked a little like he was attempting to take off. Eventually he waked towards the bed and stood beside it.

"Next time you feel like taking flying lessons try using a plane," he said eventually and Kim rolled her eyes.

"I was warned this might happen," she said.

Gene shuffled around on the ground for a moment, stretching out the silence to make the moment as uncomfortable as possible, trying to crack Kim's resolve but she was a different woman to the one who'd arrived in the middle of an illegal rave two and a half years earlier. Many of her qualities were still there but this was a far tougher Kim. Gene took in his breath and looked at her seriously.

"Suppose you'll be down the dole queue Monday morning?" he said and for the first time Kim's stare weakened.

"I'm not even thinking that far ahead," she said quietly, "_Guv."_

Gene nodded slowly. Then he ran his tongue along the inside of his teeth as though it enhanced his thought process and began,

"See, here's the thing, Stringer. We had a bit of trouble. You might be familiar with it, _Flambéed Fenchurch East._ Had the builders in. Looking nice."

Kim frowned just a little.

"I'm… very happy for you," she said, wondering whether he wanted her to paint some walls or something.

"Nice new office appeared," he continued, "whole suite, actually. Staff too. Even a bloody Kettle. It's better than mine."

Kim gave a very nervous smile.

"You don't use yours anyway, you just send people on the latte run," she said and Gene nodded.

"True, true." He walked around in a little circle before coming back beside her and staring at Kim's confused expression.

"When are you getting out of here?" he demanded and Kim choked a little.

"Not sure exactly," she said somewhat sadly.

Gene left a pause.

"Doc says if you get a few square meals inside you then he can see you home by the weekend."

Kim swallowed nervously. The idea of being in hospital that long killed her but the idea of leaving its safe confines and opening herself up to a new life scared her so much more.

"Oh?" she whispered.

"So you'd better get started on those plastic lasagnes and poo puddings because you need to be out of this place faster than Simon in a toaster factory." He turned and began to walk away before hesitating and glancing back at her. "And when you do get out," he said, making her sound like a jailbird, "come and grace me office with yer presence. Got a proposition for you."

Kim watched in silent confusion as Gene got to the door, turned the handle, pushed it, swore, pulled it instead, managed to open it and made a fast exit. Whatever he was talking about had sounded fairly intriguing, if confusing. But Kim didn't have the energy for riddles right there and then.

As Robin finally returned, all smiles, and took his seat beside her Kim closed her eyes and drifted into a quick, comfortable sleep. Even though the prospect of the life she had ahead was still daunting she was starting to feel just a little safer with every moment that passed. She had friends around her and a world that was keeping her safe.

Tomorrow she would worry about the rest because for now, that was all that truly mattered.


	31. Chapter 30: Don't Worry

**Chapter Thirty**

"I never thought this day would come," Robin beamed as he opened the passenger door and waited for Kim to step inside. Kim hung back, clutching her jacket around her, looking around the hospital car park. She was shaking but at least she could blame that on the cold. "Kim?" Her head turned quickly to look at him.

"What?" she whispered.

"Are you going to get in?" Robin asked worriedly. "Kim?"

Kim tried to smile but she couldn't. She blinked and looked down, shuffling towards the car and slipped awkwardly into the seat. She was still feeling a little bruised and extremely weak but at least the doctors had been true to their word and let her out. For the past 3 and a half days Kim had been playing the _'I'm fine' card_, forcing herself to eat small amounts of the disgusting food and convincing everyone that she really needed to go home ASAP. But now that the day had arrived she felt terrified to leave the hospital and nothing was making her feel any better.

"My car," she panicked suddenly as Robin got into the driver's seat.

"What?" He asked as he pulled on his seatbelt.

"Where's my car?" Kim whispered.

"Gene's looking after it for you," he told her, "it's in the car park at Fenchurch East. I think he's taking this as an opportunity to say goodbye. He has some unfinished business with his previous pride and joy."

"He'd better clean it when he's finished," Kim mumbled.

Robin looked at her with concern.

"Kim, what's the matter?" he asked her quietly.

"Nothing, Robin," she shook her head.

"Something must be," Robin said softly, "you've barely said a word all day."

"I'm just tired, that's all," she told him but her gaze wasn't focused on anything and her voice was quiet and lacked conviction.

"Kim," his hand on her arm made her glance towards him but even though she gave a nervous smile there was still a distance that worried him. "Everything is going to be alright now," he told her, "you're out of hospital, Keats is long gone and you're where you belong," he looked her in the eye, _"with me."_ She still seemed anxious despite his words so Robin decided the best thing to do was to get out of there and hope that she felt better when she was far from the hospital walls.

Kim's silence was unnatural. Ever since they'd met conversation had flowed freely. Even when they were in difficult or dangerous situations, like they were on the barge, they had never had uncomfortable silences between them. But suddenly Kim seemed to disappear within herself and Robin didn't know what to say to bring her out again so he stayed quiet. He thought about putting the radio on but there was always the fear that an unwanted song might play so he decided against it.

He'd been driving for five minutes when Kim said quietly,

"This isn't the way."

"What?"

"My house isn't in this direction."

Robin glanced at her, his chest aching.

"Kim," he said quietly, "you're not going to that crappy house. You're coming home with me. To my flat."

Kim swallowed. She felt awkward and out of place suddenly. She realised that she had no idea where Robin's flat even was. She'd been in the world for five months and yet she had no idea what had been happening on the other side of the line. She knew nothing about what Robin had done since his death or how Alex had coped being back in Gene's world in her younger body or how Simon had changed since she shared his flat. She didn't even know what kind of car Gene was driving. She felt lost and very much out of place.

Her stomach felt unsettled, more so as they drove along. She tried to ignore it at first. It could have just been the mushy Weetabix they'd forced her to eat before she was allowed to go home. But she suspected it was more to do with and anxiety that wouldn't go away. She was starting to struggle with the motion of the car and almost asked Robin to stop so she could have some air when she suddenly found him pulling up outside of a building that she remembered well.

"This is Alex's flat," she said quietly, as though it was simply a fact and that Robin had made a mistake.

"Yeah," he said quietly, "It was given to me when I arrived and Alex was still in the real world. Gene hadn't been living here for a while… it had been empty."

"Then where will Alex and Gene live?" Kim asked weakly as though they were sleeping on park benches.

"Um," Robin was feeling increasingly concerned by her, "they bought a house ages ago. Did it up pretty nicely."

"Oh," Kim said quietly. She waited as Robin unfastened his seatbelt, stepped out of the car and walked around to the other side. Kim genuinely dreaded the moment that he opened the door. She didn't want to step out. She didn't want to be integrated with the world again. It was too scary. Too daunting.

_Click._

"Come on," Robin held out his hand and smiled. She tried to smile back, she really did but her lips wobbled and her spirits were low. She allowed him to help her out of the car and close the door behind her but as he walked towards the stairs he realised that she wasn't beside him and he turned around to see her looking lost and, for some reason, extremely small. Her eyes moved around the car park, taking in the sky and the trees and everything around her.

"What if this isn't real?" she whispered.

Robin didn't know what to say to that. He hesitated, then frowned. Finally he shuffled back towards her and gently rubbed her arm.

"What do you mean?" he whispered.

Kim shivered.

"Maybe this isn't real," she whispered, "maybe I just want to believe it. Maybe this is all in my head."

"You're starting to scare me," Robin whispered and Kim looked at him darkly.

"I fell from a fucking car park," she whispered, "I shouldn't be able to just walk away from that."

"You didn't," Robin reminded her, "you've spent the last few days resting, recuperating, swearing every time you rolled over in bed because your bruises were so tender. You were lucky, _really_ lucky, but you still suffered from it."

"I could be in a coma."

"What?"

"Like I was before," Kim whispered, "When I was shot, years ago, when I was here before. It was so real I thought I had gone home." She looked at him anxiously, "what is none of this is real? Rob, I fell from the _car park!_ I could be in a _coma!"_

"You-you're not," Robin said with the tiniest nervous laugh."

"Maybe it just hurt so much that my head's made this up so I think everything is OK."

"Everything _is _OK," Robin looked her right in the eye, "Kim, I know it's hard to believe but you're safe now. You're _home_. You're with me."

Kim swallowed.

"I feel wrong. I feel weird." She blinked. "I-I couldn't taste the food they gave me this morning. Not properly. Like my senses are just making it up…"

"Kim, _stop_," Robin looked directly at her, "I'm going to take you inside now and then you'll see. You'll see how you were always supposed to be there with me. OK?"

Kim's nerves didn't fade. She felt terrible for doubting Robin and the world around them but she had been through so much that her head wouldn't let her believe everything was going to be alright. She felt Robin take her arm and slowly guide her up the steps, through the front door and up the staircase before he let her into the flat.

As the door swung open and she stepped through it felt incredibly surreal to be back in a place she'd visited just a few times but recalled so vividly. She remembered gate-crashing Christmas, standing outside of the building with Simon, singing raucously to attract attention. She remembered Gene plying them with booze to try to knock them out do he could get rid of them. She remembered the dare that had led to her sharing an all too brief kiss with Alex that she'd thought about years afterwards.

The inside of the building looked very different now, a thoroughly more modern décor with a fair amount of science fiction merchandise scattered around.

"_Robin_," she began urgently, a slightly angry note in her voice, "there appears to be a poster of Dave Lister."

"Uh, yeah," Robin blushed a little, "that came with the flat."

"It's _grinning_ at me."

"I'll… have a word with it," Robin said apologetically, not daring to mention that she still had Cat, Rimmer and Kryten to find.

Kim walked slowly through the lounge, swallowing as she tried to accept that this was supposed to be her home.

"I feel weird," she whispered.

Robin gave a little trot across to the wall and indicated a frame.

"Look, Kim," he said quietly, "your art. It appeared there a few days ago," he jogged across the room, "and look at this. This chair wasn't here before. It just arrived We can sit like we used to, one of us in the chair, the other on the arm, watching crap on the telly and eating pizza." He paused. "Is that what you'd like for dinner, Kim?" he asked her, worried that she seemed to look away as he mentioned it, "that was your favourite, wasn't it?"

Her face was paler than he'd ever seen it.

"I'm not hungry," she whispered and Robin's heart sank.

"Come on, Kim," he said quietly, "you were doing so well with your meals, you were starting to eat again and I've been really proud of you. You can't just regress now."

"It's been a big day," Kim said half through gritted teeth, "I'm just not hungry."

Robin wanted to say more but she started to walk away and all he could do was to follow. She walked through to the bedroom where she found a familiar box sitting on the floor. It made her gasp and she sank to her knees.

"What the _fuck…?"_

"Your tattooing stuff," Robin whispered, his voice trembling, "It arrived on Monday too. There's more, look," he stepped closer, knelt down and popped over the box, "you're still qualified here. You've got cards." He picked up a business card and placed it into her trembling hand as she read the details on the back.

"I work in a studio once a month," she whispered.

"And you tattoo independently too," Robin reminded her, "look,"

Kim nodded slowly as she stared. It had been months since she had last tattooed a person and she wasn't even sure she still had the skills to manage it. She closed the lid, too nervous to even think about that as Robin stood up again and walked to the wardrobe. He opened the door and showed her the contents.

"Look, Kim. All your clothes. Shirts, jeans, trousers, even your boots. And there's a big pile of tattoo magazines in here. Thought it was a sick joke when I first arrived. Drilling it in that I'd lost you." He let his breath out slowly as he looked at Kim. "Instead they were meant to show me that you'd be here some day." He watched as she got to her feet, almost as though she was in a world of her own, and walked silently to the wall where she stood staring in shock at a piece of art. "I can't believe it's here either, he whispered as he walked over to join her, "the picture you drew for me last Christmas. I was shocked when that arrived, too. It was the closest thing I had here to being with you."

Kim nodded silently and turned to walk shakily from the bedroom, unhappy to encounter a large, scary poster of Kryten along the way. She walked back out into the lounge, shivering. Was it the cold October air or the shock? She wasn't sure.

"Hey," Robin said softly as he put his arms around her, "you should sit down. You need to warm up." He gently but firmly pushed her into the new armchair and picked up a blanket from the back of the couch. "Have this," he told her.

"I don't do blankets," Kim mumbled but the warmth of the fabric felt good and despite herself she pulled it up around her. She felt disturbed as she looked around and recalled how different the room used to be. It didn't feel right. It

all felt strange and surreal. She felt disconnected from the world and couldn't quite let herself believe that everything would be OK.

She zoned out so completely in her worries that she didn't even notice Robin had disappeared so when he returned some time later and pressed a hot mug of coffee into her hands it took her quite by surprise.

"Oh," she said, "thanks."

Robin rubbed his forehead and glanced out the window where the October sky had already started to grow dusk.

"It's been a long day," he sighed, "for both of us. I'll start making dinner and then by the time we've finished we'll just get in bed. I know it will be early, but," he paused, gently touching her hair with the tips of his fingers, "I've waited so long to lie beside you, Kim. I just want to feel you there beside me." He kissed her forehead softly and then stepped away. "What do you want to eat?"

Kim flinched. She'd been dreading that question.

"I'm fine," she whispered.

"I'll make pizza if you like," Robin said encouraging, "your favourite. Our trademark meal. What do you think?"

"I said I wasn't hungry," Kim hissed and Robin took a step back. Her angry expression and refusal to eat were both worrying him.

"Come on," he said quietly, "you know that you need to build your strength up."

"It's only for one night," Kim whispered.

"yeah, it's _one night_ right now, tomorrow it'll only be _one morning_, by the end of the day it'll just be _one day_ and by the end of the week," he paused, "you could be dead and buried."

"Don't bloody exaggerate!"

"I'm _serious_, Kim! You were doing so _well!_"

"I don't want anything, alright?!" Kim cried. She was so anxious she could barely breathe. It was bad enough forcing herself to eat the food in the hospital just to make sure she could get home but she couldn't eat Robins fantastic home-cooked food. She couldn't face the thought of it in case this was all in her head.

Robin stared at her. He wanted so much to help her but couldn't do anything if she didn't want to be helped. If there was one person that he knew was as stubborn as the stain on the back seat of the Fiat, it was Kim and words were not going to change her mind. But he knew something that might.

"So you're not hungry, huh?" he asked, folding his arms.

"Nope."

Robin nodded slowly.

"Alright," he said, "I'll just make one for myself." He started to walk to the kitchen, "It's your loss."

Kim frowned.

"Well _fine."_

"_Fine."_

Kim pouted and folded her arms as Robin disappeared into the kitchen. She knew she was being unfair but if she wasn't eating then she didn't think it was very fair of Robin to go and make a pizza just for himself. Couldn't he have had something else?

She moped for several minutes before she got a little curious. Draping the blanket over the back of the chair she got to her feet and tiptoed to the kitchen door where Robin was happily spreading tomato sauce out over two pizza bases.

"I said I didn't want one!" Kim cried crossly.

"Who says one's for you?" Robin shrugged.

"Well _you're_ not going to eat _two_," Kim accused.

"I might."

"Don't be stupid."

"Wouldn't be the first time," Robin commented. He started sprinkling cheese as he continued, "remember the first time I ever cooked pizza for you and Alex? While we were trying to help Alex home the first time? Neither you nor Alex felt like eating. I ate two pizzas that night."

"_One and three quarters,_ as you've spent hours protesting," Kim raised an eyebrow.

Robin shrugged.

"Well, I'm hungry," he said, I'm having two." He paused and glanced at her. "One and three quarters."

He carried on making the pizzas like the most normal thing in the world, completely ignoring the doubtful faces that Kim made behind him. When he seemed to have been ignoring her for the best part of five minutes she growled in frustration and threw her hands in the air.

"_Fine_," she snapped, "make your bloody pizzas."

Robin smirked a little as he watched her leave. Months of living together had allowed him a little insight into what made Kim tick and every now and then he knew how to call her bluff. He hoped this was one of those times.

~xXx~

Kim eyed Robin as he left the kitchen, whistling happily. He took a seat on the couch and smiled broadly.

"Pizzas are in the oven!" he beamed.

Kim pulled a slight face as the aroma started to waft out form the kitchen.

"_I know,"_ she mumbled.

"You could still have one of them, you know," Robin raised an eyebrow, "if you wanted."

"I don't want," Kim said crossly.

"Still not hungry, hmm?" Robin asked with a little smile.

"No," Kim folded her arms.

"Well that's OK then," Robin smiled, "I'll still get both."

"Greedy arse," Kim mumbled.

"You had your chance," Robin raised an eyebrow. He gave a deep sniff and inhaled the aroma with delight. "Mmmmm," he breathed, "I bet that cheese is going all soft and melty."

Kim pulled a face

"That's what usually happens to cheese in the oven," she said sarcastically.

"And the little bits of ham are going to be all lovely and crisp around the edges," Robin continued dreamily, "curling up just a little, while the tomato bubbles beneath the melted cheese."

Kim stared at Robin and blinked.

"I hate you," she mumbled.

Robin gave her a winning smile.

"Well, at least I have my pizza," he told her, "pizza won't reject me." He tried not to laugh at the sight of Kim crossly shaking her head and turning away in an attempt to ignore Robin and his pizza-making. The smell of the food was growing stronger now. She hadn't smelt that scent in such a very long time. In fact, she'd barely smelt food cooking at all in months. Shed avoided it at all costs. She cursed herself as she realised her mouth was literally watering at the smell and wiped her lip a little.

"It won't be long now," Robin smiled happily as Kim gave him the finger from over in the arm chair. In the silence there was nothing to mask the slow, steady growl that her empty stomach gave as the smells set off her hunger pangs and she shuffled uncomfortably in her seat.

"Still not hungry?" Robin teased as a red-faced Kim grabbed a magazine from the table, opened it forcefully and held it up in front of her face to block out Robin's smirk and the smell of the pizza. It worked too for a few moments until the oven timer went and the smell grew stronger as Robin collected his food and brought it into the lounge. "You don't mind me eating this here, do you?" he asked and Kim straightened out the magazine.

"Go right ahead," she mumbled, flicking pages.

Robin used his pizza cutter to slice it up and then took a big, stringy slice. The cheese stretched out so far it could have been mistaken for a ski lift and the sound of Robin biting through the crunchy base and moaning in delicious ecstasy made Kim increasingly aware of the gnawing hunger inside her. Her stomach rumbled again as Robin's over exaggerated munching noises pushed her annoyance to fever pitch and angrily she tossed the magazine aside.

"What the actual hell are you doing?" she demanded.

"Mmmmtnnng mmmmnnnnrrrr," Robin told her.

"What?"

Robin swallowed.

"Eating dinner," Robin smiled innocently and Kim shook her head.

"You are the meanest fucking…" she began, trailing off as her eyes focused on the sliced making its way towards Robin's mouth, he took another bite, chewed it quickly and gulped it down.

"Well, it's not like you're hungry or anything," he said, one eyebrow rising. He stared at her and she stared back at him, determined not to give in but the smell of that food was driving her slowly insane and she couldn't justify depriving herself any longer

"_Alright then,"_ she snapped, grabbing a slice from Robin's plate much to his annoyance.

_"Hey!"_ he cried, "that was the best slice! It had more ham than the others!"

But Kim wasn't listening. She held the slice up before her face, staring at the cheese and the ham and the lovely hot tomato sauce, and she felt like she was facing the enemy. Food had been her only method of control, from the moment Robin died. Now she was letting her desire to taste it control _her_. That scared her. She swallowed as her mouth opened just a little. Fuck, what if this didn't taste right? What if Robin's pizza wasn't the kind of pizza she remembered? What if this really wasn't real and tasting the pizza sealed it for her; the fact that this was just another layer and she wasn't really with Robin at all.

"_Go on, Kim."_

She looked up and met his eye all trace of sarcasm gone from his manner. She swallowed hard and looked back at the pizza as it shook in her trembling hand. Very slowly she pulled it towards her. At first she could hardly persuade her lips to open wide enough to allow it through, but then, there it was; just skimming her tongue as she took a tiny bite Cautiously she chewed it, then a little more, then she let it spread across her tongue, tasting the flavours. Her eyes closed and she gave a deep moan that Robin had usually only heard reserved for bedroom shenanigans. He waited nervously, watching for her next step as she opened both her eyes and her mouth and took a far larger bite. This time she couldn't seem to chew the damn thing fast enough. She chomped it quickly and gulped it down before taking another bite, then another until the whole slice had gone. That was _it; _that was the taste she remembered. That was the pizza she recalled so well. That was the cooking of the man she knew inside out.

And _that_ was the moment that she started to believe it, _really_ believe it; that her ordeal was over. That her lonely days and desperate nights were at an end. That all she had to worry about now was getting to know one another again and spending the rest of their lives together

Or, in this case, their deaths.

As she swallowed down the last bite of pizza she glanced at Robin, bit her lip and asked,

"Any chance of another slice of that?" before letting out a small gaseous explosion that made Robin rock back on his chair in laughter.

"Kim," he whispered, "I don't think I have _ever_ been so happy to hear you burp."

Kim's mouth fell open in mortification.

"Hey!" she cried, "I'm sorry, it just slipped out!"

"Better slip this _in_ then," he smirked as he managed to shove a wedge of pizza in her open mouth which made her groan and laugh at the same time. Taking a bite she removed it and used it to point at him angrily.

"After dinner I'm checking that box of stuff to see if I've got any needles because someone's arse is getting pierced," she mumbled through a cheesy mouthful and Robin wrapped his arms around her. Finally he could see his Kim coming back, little by little. The pizza was only the first step but she was going to make it.

"Never mind that," he smiled, "let's just take the rest of this to bed." He drew back and lifted the plate. "Might as well start as we mean to go on, right?"

Kim looked at him; those same dark eyes that had won her heart so long ago. She felt a flurry of butterflies building as he thought about it; the fact that they were back together. Nothing could keep them apart now. Not life or death, not good or evil, not east or west.

With a very happy sigh she nodded.

"_Bed,"_ she whispered.

**The End**

**~xXx~**

_**A/N: Thank you so much for following this story! Look, a happy ending for once! The epilogue will be up this evening and the next fic will begin tomorrow :)**_


	32. Epilogue: Don't Tell

**Epilogue**

Kim glanced and Robin and shrugged as they listened to the message for a second time.

"I have no idea what that's about," she told him.

"Did he say anything to you in hospital?" frowned Robin.

"He…" she frowned, "I'm not sure. He was busy trying to psyche me out and said something about a proposal."

"I hope he's not getting down on one knee," Robin frowned.

Kim pressed the button to rewind the tape and listen to it one more time. They hadn't even heard the phone ring that morning, they were both still asleep after talking until the early hours.

Once Robin's pizza had helped Kim to believe that she was really not going anywhere they'd retired to bed with the rest of the food where they'd finished off the lot, getting tomato sauce on the duvet along the way. After they had finished they'd laid in one another's arms for hours, just talking; sharing everything they had missed out on in one another's' lives.

Being closer than they had in months, despite Kim's fragile state they'd indulged in a few mild bedroom pursuits before Robin raided the fridge to back up the previous pizza success with a few leftovers he'd been saving for Kim. It was almost three a.m. before they finally drifted to sleep and when they awoke at midday the flashing light on the answerphone had caused a riddle for them both.

"_A little bird tells me you're out for good behaviour. Out of the bloody bed of nails they make you sleep in at least. You stuck to your end of the bargain, now I'll stick to mine. Need a word with you about a certain position. And I'm not talking about what you and Batman get up to with the objects I have been reliably informed reside under yer bed. Be here at five o clock this evening. My office."_

"I don't even know what he's _asking!"_ Kim wailed in confusion, "I thought at first he wanted me to bring the… _objects_ along with me."

Robin shifted a little from foot to foot.

"It sounds very much to me like there's a job in the offing," he said and Kim looked a little nervous.

"I'm not sure I'm ready for that," she whispered.

Robin smiled at her fondly.

"Yes you are," he said quietly.

~xXx~

A shiver ran down Kim's spine as she walked through the unfamiliar territory of Fenchurch East. There had been myriad changes to the building in her absence thanks to the explosions and the rebuilding but although some of the building was aesthetically different the feeling she garnered as she walked along was extremely familiar. It felt like home.

She came to CID, barely even noticing the closed door to the new suite beside it. The office was mostly empty except for Bammo at one desk filling in his chart of the best condoms to use as water balloons and some young DC she didn't know who was pulling her coat on and had a suspiciously spice girl-esque manner about her.

"_Bye Guv_," she called as she hauled her bag over her shoulder and passed by Kim, hardly noticing her there. Kim swallowed and walked through the room, aware that Bammo was giving her a funny look.

"Hello," she said awkwardly. It had been a while.

"_Stringer."_

There it was; the stern voice that let Kim know it meant business and as her eyes moved around she saw Gene in the entrance of his office. His name was still on the door and the décor hadn't changed. It was like stepping back into her past. She bit her lip as he beckoned her closer and turned to move across to his desk. This was it; whatever Gene wanted to say there was no getting away from it.

Anxiously she walked into the office, peering around, all too aware of the fact that the door had closed behind her. It made her shudder.

"You wanted to see me," she said, surprised by the weakness in her voice, "Guv?"

Gene nodded slowly. He stepped around the side of the desk and reached for something. He was going to drag this put as long as he possibly could. Eventually he pulled out an expensive bottle of scotch and placed it on the desk in front of her.

"I watched a video," he began, "long time ago. Must have been part of the new year schedule." He looked her in the eye. "_Feature film, two women, set on a boat_. Bit of a snuff movie." Immediately Kim felt her stomach flip over and she swallowed hard.

"Yes?" she whispered.

Gene could barely breathe as he contemplated the fact that Alex may never have found her way home if Kim hadn't done what she did that day.

"I told your fella," he continued, "that I owed you a bloody big bottle of scotch for what you did." He pushed it towards her and just a tiny flicker or a relieved smile came over her face.

"Oh," she said, looking at him in surprise. "Thank you," she said as she reached towards it but Gene blocked her hand.

"But then you shagged me missus so I decided to keep it," he told her, snatching it back, and Kim's face fell.

"Oh," she said flatly.

Gene decided to compromise. Fetching a couple of glasses he broke into the prized bottle and poured a glass for each of them.

"You still got that flask, Stringer?" he asked her and Kim nodded.

"Of course," she said.

"Good," said Gene. He indicated the chair and they both sat down as he continued, "you might be needing it soon.

"Not sure I like the sound of that," Kim said worriedly as Gene lifted his glass and swilled the drink around inside of it.

"Had the builders round," he told her, "not done a bad job. Could have done with a few extra filing cabinets for," he coughed, "_staffing purposes_ but they didn't do a Llewellyn-Bowen on it and that's good enough for me." He watched Kim nervously take a sip of her scotch. "Thing is, me world just keeps getting bigger. Always room for someone else. Or a few someone's." he drank some of his own drink before he continued. "Thing is, we have an opening." He scowled a little, "and before you ask, I'm not talking about Bolly's legs."

Kim scowled back.

"Harsh," she told him.

Gene ignored her.

"It appears that Fenchurch East has a brand spanking new unit for dealing with crimes of a serious sexual nature," he said, "rape. Assault. Having it off with Evan White." He noticed Kim cracked a tiny smile. "Couldn't think of anyone better to head up the unit."

Kim hesitated, not absolutely sure that she had understood him correctly.

"You're talking about me?" she whispered and he nodded. "After everything with Keats –"

"No one round here is better qualified," he told her, "than a tough bird in clunky boots that stood up on court and looked Jimbo in the eye." He sipped his scotch again, slurping it a little as he watched her expression. "Got your name on it, Stringer. Literally. Letters on the door and everything." He sighed, "Even Bolly never got that."

Kim swallowed nervously.

"Keats demoted me…" she began but Gene shrugged.

"Do you really think the world's going to listen to the likes of him?" he asked, "besides, he's long gone. The only decision of his I can't overturn is what he had for breakfast." Kim swallowed down another mouthful of scotch as Gene watched her carefully. "So," he began, "what's it gonna be: setting up down the hall and dealing with the hundred and one Jimbos of this area, or Monday morning in the job centre, looking to fill the post of Head Elf when the local grotto opens for Christmas?"

Kim looked Gene in the eye and saw how deadly serious he was. She breathed in slowly, closed her eyes and finally nodded.

"I would be very pleased to accept your offer," she said quietly.

Gene nodded and grunted his acceptance.

"Good," he said, you've made a wise choice, Stringer. Yer kettle's worth it by itself."

Kim frowned.

"What kettle?"

Gene finished his scotch.

"You'll see," he told her. He rocked back on his chair. So when are the docs approving you for work?" he asked.

"I don't know," Kim shrugged.

"Well yer not coming back 'til you've got at _least_ half an arse on you," Gene told her, "yer ribs stick out so much you'll scratch the new paintwork.

"Not a problem _you_ have," Kim commented before she could stop herself. She hesitated and bit her lip. The old antagonism between them was starting to come back. She did worry she had overstepped the mark but there was a flicker of something on Gene's face. It was the promise of a challenge. She suspected that this was the start of a beautiful rivalry.

"November," he told her, "first Monday of the month I'll expect you in here with meat on yer bones and yer head in the right place. And," he continued, "a decent pair of walking shoes."

Kim frowned.

"May I ask why?"

Gene smirked.

"Yer initiation," he said, "Lattes haven't developed the power to walk since you were last here, you know."

Kim rolled her eyes.

"I should have known," she mumbled.

Gene got to his feet and held out his hand which surprised her. She followed suit and accepted his gesture, shaking his hand with a nod.

"Looking forward to working with you again, Stringer," he told her, "now piss off before you turn me missus and nick another of me bloody cars."

Kim raised her eyebrows and pulled a face.

"At least I've got a month to work on my retorts," she told him and turned around to leave. As she walked to the door it opened in her presence and she froze. She glanced back over her shoulder, shaking just a little. "Guv… the door… just…"

Gene swallowed and gave a nod.

"Must be a new bloody technological masterpiece," he said dryly. He watched her give a nervous smile before she left the office and walked through CID, running into a familiar face on the way. It took her a moment to place his face though.

"Oh," she said, "good evening, sir."

Superintendent Fletcher nodded.

"DCI Stringer," he said, "I see you're joining us."

Kim nodded.

"Apparently I am," she said, still in a state of shock.

Fletcher nodded again.

"Good to have you on board," he said.

Kim felt a little overwhelmed.

"Thanks," she said nervously. She took a deep breath. "I suppose I'd better go." She glanced back to Gene. "Goodnight," she said before she hurried from CID to re-join Robin in the car park.

Flecther stepped back to let her pass then continued through to Gene's office, papers in hand. He held them out towards Gene who took them questioningly.

"What's this?" he demanded, "new menu for the canteen?"

"DCI Stringer's paperwork," The Super explained and Gene sighed heavily as he tossed them onto the desk.

"Great, a detailed description of all her rivets and what bits of her anatomy will fall off if she takes them out," he said but Fletcher picked up the papers and handed them to him again.

"No," he said, "I think you should read them."

Gene hesitated. Suddenly the papers felt like fire in his hand.

"Any particular reason why?" he asked thinly. There was a hint of something on Fletcher's face, something Gene couldn't quite put his finger on. He watched the Super shuffle uncomfortably and head toward the door

"Just make sure you're fully familiar with the personal circumstances of your top personnel, Gene," he said. He gave a sombre nod, turned around and exited the office, leaving Gene standing with the file in his hand, burning his skin with its hidden possibility. He held it out in front of him and ran his tongue along the inside of his teeth. He took a deep breath. He didn't like Fletcher's words. He wasn't sure he wanted to know want they meant, either, but eventually he felt he had little other choice.

Staring at the file, he flipped it open and began to run his eyes down the facts. There was nothing that he didn't already know. Not until he found himself near the end when the words on the page suddenly became a time bomb with the power to emotionally destroy half his team. He swallowed and closed his eyes.

"Bugger," he mumbled.

"Gene?" he turned his head quickly, his heart thumping as Alex caught him unexpectedly. "What did she say?"

Gene took a moment to realise what she meant.

"Oh, yes," he cleared his throat "looks like we're getting a metal member of CID."

"_Yes_," Alex smiled broadly, rushing across to hug Gene excitedly, "At last, everyone is together." She kissed his cheek and leaned back contentedly, "Me, you, Kim, Robin, Simon – it feels right, doesn't it?"

Gene stared at Alex's face, her happiness, her certainty that everything was as it should be. There was a horrid sinking feeling inside of him. He turned his head to the papers in his hand and momentarily thought about destroying them so that no one else would have to know but he couldn't do that. Like she'd adopted a lost dog, Alex was getting far too attached not to be affected by the truth. He steeled himself, drew in breath and held the file out.

"Think you should lay yer eyes on something, Alex," said quietly.

Alex only had to look him in the eye to know that something wasn't right.

"What is it?" she whispered.

"Papers for yer _other third,"_ Gene grunted, "It turns out," he flinched, "her story isn't quite a fairy-tale after all." She took the file from him, "not got that happy ever after yet." He watched her expression carefully and caught the moment that she read it; the moment that her hopes and her happiness began to slide away from her.

"Oh… oh my god… _no_…" she swallowed then stared at Gene, her mouth open. "That has to be a mistake… I mean, she _can't_… there no _way_ she could be –"

"Bolly, it's there in black and white."

Alex stared at the page, then back at Gene.

"_No_…"

Gene flinched.

"Sorry," he whispered.

"No Gene, this isn't fair," Alex started to shake her head fretfully, "this doesn't make any sense, she jumped from a building to get here…"

"I know.

"And she went through hell…"

"_I know, I know."_

"She can't lose it all again, Gene, it can't –" Alex started to tremble and couldn't stop. "It's not fair," she whispered, "It isn't bloody fair!"

Gene wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, trying to soothe away the anger and the tears that the papers had brought to Alex.

"Sorry," he mumbled, "I'm sorry, Bols."

"Do you think she knows?" Alex whispered and Gene shook his head as he pressed her cheek to his neck.

"Not a chance," he mumbled, "and it's not our place to say."

"But –"

"Let her be happy," Gene told her firmly, "let her be happy for the time she's got. You know how this works. Could be a lifetime."

"Could be days or weeks," Alex whispered.

Gene tried to think of an answer to that; something to take away that possibility but he couldn't. He knew it was true. Instead he just held her as she let tears escape and fall from her eyes.

Over Gene's shoulder she could see Kim in the car park through the window, embraced by Robin in excitement at her news. _So happy, so full of life._ It hurt even more to see that.

"_It isn't fair,"_ she whispered one last time.

And it really wasn't. But there was nothing she could do to change things. All she could do was to hope that things would work out as they were meant to for everyone's sakes but she couldn't count on that.

Kim's feet were not as firmly planted in the world as they should have been.

That was one thing even the clunky boots couldn't change.

**The End**

**~xXx~**

_**A/N: Pffffffttt still counting this as a happy ending – ish! Ahhh I can't believe another fic is over. Thank you for following this world as the series continues, I hope you enjoyed reading Keats's downfall as much as I enjoyed writing it. So much thanks to everyone who's been kind enough to leave a review, with enormous thanks to Jessie for the epic reviews that really kept me going, Charlotte for giving me so much support since we first met and Steph – well, red bras and Lurpak is all I have to say to you, missus! Also thanks to 80s Babe, Sillivan, Turkish Fan, ashleighcheryl and everyone I've talked to on Tumblr too. Your continued support is just amazing, I can't believe I'm over halfway through the total lifespan of this universe!**_

_**So, sequel then? Shall we say, tomorrow? The next fic will be called Remember Me – thanks to Jessie for helping me pick titles again! – and will be a bit of light-hearted relief after the dark times everyone has been through lately.**_

_**Anyone for pizza?**_


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